Good Intentions
by JinnyJenny
Summary: Like all of you,I loved Twilight. But one morning, I went to check the Twi-forums & MY TWILIGHT WORLD HAD DISAPPEARED! NO BOOKS, NO LOVE STORY, NO EDWARD & BELLA, NOTHING. WHAT HAPPENED? A Twi-fan's journey in the Twilight World. AU/AR, Edward x ?, RR plz
1. Chapter 1

**The Characters belong to Stephanie Meyers I am just having fun with them.**

Like the rest of you, I loved _Twilight_ and was very happy with my forum friends, my books and movies. But one morning, I went to check the _Twilight_ forums and MY TWILIGHT WORLD HAD DISAPPEARED! It was as if THEIR LOVE STORY HAD NOT BEEN WRITTEN: NO EDWARD and BELLA, no _Twilight_ people. WHAT HAPPENED?

I had to find out where it all went. And how come I still knew about the _Twilight Saga_, but no one else did? Along the way I find the real Edward and Bella, and everything is a mess. To make a long story short: he never returned to Forks after he ran away from Bella in Mrs. Cope's office. The Cullen's moved to Hawaii? I tried to set things right again, but my meddling had disastrous consequences for all our favorite main characters, and I also learned a valuable lesson: _be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. _

**Chapter 1**

**THE BEGINNING**

I HAD TO find out what happened, so I started with the Internet and found nothing. It was as though it had never existed. So then I went in search of Stephanie Meyer. Now that she was no longer famous, she was easy to find on Facebook. I found out she never had the dream. No dream, no book. None of this made any sense, I remembered reading the books, but I didn't know how I read them when they didn't seem to exist. I remember going to the forums on the Internet and talking with _Twilight_ fans from all over the world about Edward, Bella and Jacob; and I wondered if it was all some crazy, vivid dream that I had had. I didn't want to forget the books, so I decided to start writing the series myself; I had read it so many times I knew it by heart. I was hoping that writing the books would help me understand, or remember how I knew the books in the first place. Besides, it seemed like a waste for the world not to have its _Twilight Saga_.

While writing the books, I began dreaming about Forks a lot. The dreams were always the same; they were very vivid, clear and beautiful. I also began dreaming about the Cullen house, but it was always empty of its inhabitants. There were packed boxes by the door and in the garage, and the furniture was all covered. I kept having the same dream and the house was always empty. In most of the dreams I felt like I was floating or flying, and they were always so vivid.

One time however, there were people in the house, but no one seemed to notice me, I tried to talk to them and it was as though they couldn't hear or see me. I gave up and just watched, and I had that floating feeling again. They were picking up the boxes I had seen and labeling them with a Hawaii address. I wanted to laugh; either that was a joke or my imagination had gone off the deep end. The last place the Cullen's would be was sunny Hawaii.

I was still looking at the address and laughing, when I suddenly had a flying sensation and everything blurred around me. Now I was in another house, not quite as large as the previous one. This one was also bright and airy, with lots of windows and muted colors, but the feel was different.

I heard singing, or was it voices? It was hard to tell, so I followed the sound. It was beautiful, mesmerizing, and I came upon two of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. They were talking so fast I could barely understand what they were saying, but it sounded lovely, melodic.

The first woman was saying, "I've always liked it here, it's good to be back."

The second woman replied, "Yes, the shopping here has always been good, much better than Seattle."

Then a statuesque blonde flew into the room. She was even more beautiful than the other two women combined, and bitterly stated, "Maybe this is great for the two of you, but getting car parts on this island is like pulling teeth. I don't appreciate having to move because Edward can't control himself."

I froze, or at least I thought I froze. I looked at the three women who didn't seem to notice me at all, and almost instantly realized I was looking at Esme, Alice and Rosalie. They were different and far more beautiful then I had ever imagined them before. Truly their beauty was indescribable. This was the strangest dream ever!

Then, what I assumed to be Alice, due to her short spiky hair, spoke, "Only you could find something negative about Hawaii, Rosalie."

That sure sounded like an Alice thing to say. Again, I was struck at how beautiful Rosalie was, _unbelievably_ beautiful! Words were not enough. I suddenly felt really sorry for Bella; it would always be difficult knowing that Rosalie was meant for Edward. No matter who you were, you would be insecure standing next to Rosalie. Esme and Alice, who were also magnificently beautiful, still paled in comparison to Rosalie. That was saying a lot.

Rosalie sarcastically responded, "It's almost worth the move to see Mr. Perfect knocked off his high horse."

Now, what had to be Esme, spoke, "Rosalie, you'll be happier when the renovations are complete and we move to the Hilo house."

Although she didn't say a word, Rosalie gave Esme a look that blatantly shouted "_I don't think so_."

Esme responded, "Your brother did the right thing. If we would have stayed in Forks, that girl and her family would have suffered for it. And Carlisle has always been partial to Chief Swan."

Alice chimed in, "I don't know. In my visions, the ones where he didn't kill her, they looked happy together. Almost like a couple."

Rosalie scoffed, "Alice, I don't usually question your visions, but Edward and that girl… honestly, she wasn't even pretty. Besides, Edward has never seemed interested in anyone."

Esme frowned when Rosalie made that comment, and Alice rolled her eyes and said, "Never mind. The guys are almost here."

At that, all three women smiled. I smiled too. I couldn't wait to see what my new and improved imagination conjured up for the guys. My mind started racing with excitement; I was going to see Edward. I felt like I could barely contain myself, but surprisingly, my heart wasn't racing. I couldn't feel the blood pumping through my veins. As I was pondering this, I suddenly felt myself being pulled. I was flying again, and then I landed with a thud in bed, _awake_.

_NO! NO! NO!_ I was so angry I could have smashed something. Why did I always wake up before the best part? _UGH!_

If I had thought dreaming about the empty Cullen house had been vivid and weird, this dream was even more bizarre. All these dreams had several common denominators: no one seem to see me or acknowledge me, I could think clearly, I knew I was dreaming, and I could feel emotions, but I could never feel anything physically, like my heart racing or catching my breath. Oh well, a lot things weren't making sense these days. Like my whole _Twilight_ experience, which had apparently all come from my subconscious. No, that wasn't true. Stephanie Meyer was a real person; my subconscious didn't make her up.

It was another typical day for me in suburbia. My husband was already off to work, I got my six-year-old daughter off to school, and then I went on to the office. I have wonderful daughter, a nice house, nice cars, an exciting career. It all sounded great on my Facebook profile, but everything looks good on paper, doesn't it? Lately, it felt like I was just going through the motions. I used to love my job, but now it seemed mundane, just like everything else. Lately, I had been thinking, _Is this it_? _Is this all there is for Jenny Latham_?

I think that's why I enjoyed the Twilight Saga so much. It was a roller coaster ride of fabulous characters, fantasy, first love, romance, love triangles, danger and adventure. Work could not go by fast enough. I couldn't wait to get home, take care of my family, put them to sleep, and finish writing the Twilight Saga, before I forgot anything.

Again that night, I dreamt I was at the Hawaii house, and this time I saw Edward! He was unimaginably beautiful. It began with Esme talking to Carlisle. _WOW_! Carlisle definitely put Brad Pitt to shame. I couldn't even concentrate on what Esme was saying, because Carlisle was so distractingly handsome. This meant the boys were home; I was getting my wish...

"_Edward! Edward_!" my mind shouted. If he was here then I could finally see him, but where to look? I followed Esme's worried gaze straight to him. He was at the piano, but he wasn't playing, he was just sitting there looking magnificent. If I could have gasped, I would have gasped at his breathtaking beauty. So many times I had pictured him: angelic, pale, and beautiful. He was beyond my wildest expectations, with golden eyes and bronze hair. He was flawless, from head to toe. _Wow!_ My imagination had conjured an Edward that was beyond words.

I have no idea how long I was there just gazing at him, drinking in the vision of him. He didn't move except for his breathing. You would have thought he was a statue, a statue that even Adonis would have been jealous of. I could have stayed that way forever just staring at the beautiful, angelic being sitting at the piano. Again, no one seemed aware of me at all. But all to soon, I felt that familiar flying sensation these dreams always had. It wasn't like other dreams where you slowly drift awake, like rising out of the water. This felt more like a being pulled out of the air and yanked back awake.

Another day passed, and although I was awake, I felt like I was in a daze. All day long visions of my version of Edward danced in my head, and I could barely focus on anything. That night again, I dreamed of Edward. This time he was lying down on a couch listening to music. But as I watched the emotions play upon his incredible face, it looked more like he was trying to drown something out than really listening to music. It didn't take long for me to figure out what was going on.

He turned his head to the doorway expectantly, and then Esme came gracefully drifting by his door. She smiled in at him and he smiled back. Even I could see how weak his smile was. She nodded, he nodded, and she was on her way. I forgot Edward had wordless conversations. I could see the worry on Esme's face as she turned away, and the frown on Edward's as he saw it too. She was worried about him and she was right.

Abruptly, he stood and bounded out the window in a blur. I wanted desperately to follow him, but I didn't know how. Seemingly stuck there, I decided to go find Esme. She was with Carlisle again, discussing Edward. "He's withdrawn, he seems lost and I don't know how to help him," she said in a voice filled with concern.

Carlisle calmly replied, "Give him time, because we had to leave sooner than we'd planned. He feels as though he has let us all down, and let himself down as well."

Esme replied compassionately, "That's ridiculous. He could never let us down, and he did the right thing."

Carlisle went to comfort her, and it quickly turned into something more. Even if Carlisle did look better than Brad Pitt, I didn't want to be a voyeur, so I left them to their moment and wandered downstairs. Everyone was in their rooms, having _moments_.

These were the strangest dreams, and I really did feel like a voyeur and not a participant in the dream. I thought of Edward and wondered where he took off to, and almost instantly, I felt the flying sensation. Then I was right in front of him! He was sitting on the edge of a cliff, staring out into the night. There was a full moon shining its light upon the dark ocean, and upon Edward. It was a beautiful scene, made even more beautiful by his perfect presence.

Except for his breathing, everything was still, too still. Where were all the creatures of the night: bugs, insects, birds? _Aaah!_ They left when Edward arrived, some natural instinct telling them to stay away from him. I thought to myself that I could never be repelled by Edward. I was the exact opposite; I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I laughed at my own perfect analogy, seeing how being attracted to Edward was as deadly as playing with fire.

But my laughter died in my throat when I heard the words he spoke into the night. "Isabella Swan, you are the bane of my existence!" Then he picked up a rock as though to throw it, and instead, pulverized it in his hands.

He thought Bella was the bane of his existence? Boy, did he have it wrong! She was his savior! Then, I wondered about Bella. Where was she? And what was she doing?

Almost immediately, I felt the flying sensation and now I was in a yellow kitchen where a young woman was cooking grilled cheese sandwiches. There was a man at the table, or more like a too-tall, gangly teenager. He looked too big for the table, too big for the kitchen really. He was smiling at their conversation. I liked his smile. It was the kind of smile that lit up his whole face, even his eyes.

They were laughing about his voracious appetite, which was apparently a source of great amusement. She was wondering aloud how many grilled cheese sandwiches a person could eat before they exploded. As she turned toward him with the plate in hand, she tripped over her own foot. The sandwich and the plate went flying through the air as she tumbled to the ground. The young man botched his attempt to catch her; instead landing on top of her, knocking her even harder to the floor.

"Jake!" she yelled, "Get off of me!"

Jake quickly explained, "I was trying to help."

She replied exasperated, "Well stop helping or I'll end up in the hospital again. You're clumsier than me."

Jake laughingly answered, "Not possible, Bells," as they tried to disentangle themselves.

"Seriously, Jake, you're growing so fast your balance is worse than mine."

This time he didn't respond, but blushed profusely as she dusted herself off. I looked at her brown eyes and thick brown hair. She wasn't plain; she was pretty; not super gorgeous, but definitely pretty.

So, _this_ was Bella. This was the love of Edward's existence. Correction: the love of Edward _and_ Jacob's existence.

Bella was one of those girls who, at first, you thought was plain but the more you were around; the prettier you noticed they actually were. My eyes traveled to the gangly teenager watching Bella with adoring eyes. Jacob. He looked like a man-child. He was already almost six feet tall: tall, dark and handsome with a boyish face. You could see the man he was going to become, and he was going to be gorgeous. Of course, Bella was blind to it. He watched her every move and she was oblivious. They _both_ seemed oblivious to my presence; as usual, it was like I was a ghost in the room.

Bella went to the mirror. I followed her and watched her make faces at herself, before saying, "That's going to leave a mark. But at least I don't have to go to hospital. Charlie is not going to let us hangout if I keep ending up in the hospital!" As she moved away from the mirror, I realized that I should be able to see myself. I was right behind her, but there was nothing there. I looked behind me and saw the wall, looked back to the mirror and saw only the wall. I started to feel sick, uneasy and scared. "I want to wakeup now please," I silently pleaded, but I didn't.

A noise distracted me from my terror: it was Jacob. He was spreading books on the table and asking Bella questions regarding biology. As I watched him he looked up in my direction like he was looking right at me, as though he sensed me, but just shook his head.

Bella gave Jake a puzzled look and asked, "What? What is it?"

Jacob answered, "I have this bizarre feeling, like we're being watched, like we are not alone. Look, I have goose bumps. You don't feel it?"

Bella shook her head and replied, "Anything to get out of biology homework, huh?"

"No, seriously, you don't feel it?"

Bella looked exasperated, "No, I don't."

Jacob kept looking at where I was standing and I was rooted to the spot, afraid that if I moved, somehow he would see me, or that I might actually materialize in front of them. He finally shook his head and put his nose in his biology book.

"Okay, that was weird," I thought to myself. He was definitely looking in my direction, like he knew I was there. I stayed in my spot trying to think. Until now, I had not been noticed by anyone, not even Edward. So why Jacob? It looked like he hadn't even changed yet, so it wasn't like he had any supernatural abilities yet. And speaking of that, how come the entire Cullen family didn't seem to notice or sense me. They definitely had supernatural abilities.

"I'm making too much of all of this," I thought to myself. "I'm just writing these books, and my subconscious is just working overtime." Still, I didn't understand why I would want Jacob to notice me. "Wait," I thought, "why _wouldn't_ I want this Jacob to notice me?" I mean, Taylor Lautner is hot, but _this_ Jacob, he was like the song said: "_caramel complected, 5'5 with brown eyes, smile like the sunrise." _

Actually, he was more like russet-colored, six feet, with a brilliantly warm smile. His smile really _was_ like the sunrise. I shook my head, none of this made any sense. I was writing books I apparently never read, about characters that were supposed to fall in madly in love, and now I was dreaming about them. Except, in my dreams, it was backwards, _our hero_ never came back for the girl.

While pondering all these thoughts, I had somehow moved or floated from where I was over to the window, and now Bella was hitting Jacob because he was staring in my direction again.

"Jake, if you're just gonna stare off out the window, maybe we should quit studying for today."

"Sorry, Bells. I just can't shake this feeling. But now it's coming from over by the window and it's creeping me out."

I was stunned; this wasn't a fluke. Jake could definitely sense me. Again, I wondered why Edward couldn't sense me. As I focused on him, I felt the flying sensation, and was right back at the Cullen house in Hawaii. Edward was back at the piano again, just staring at the keys. He looked worse than before. Not worse looking mind you, he was still simply magnificent, perfection incarnate. He just looked more upset.

I don't know how long I watched him before I decided to try to approach him. I slowly walked over towards him, but he didn't move. I continued until I was right beside him, still nothing.

Jacob could sense me from across the room and Edward couldn't, even though I was right next to him. Now that I was so close to him, I just drank in his beauty. He was dazzling, brilliant like a thousand suns. But I could also see the weariness in his eyes, the sadness, and the suffering. He looked so lost. I would do anything to take away the anguish I saw in his eyes; but I didn't know how to help him.

Everything was backwards, I thought again. He never should have left Forks. He needed to go back to Bella and fall in love with her. He needed her. He was bereft without her. The worst part was that he didn't even seem to know _why_ he felt that way. If only I could tell him.

My heart was breaking for him and without thinking; I reached out to touch him. But my hand passed right through his face. I was so astonished I jumped back, or flew back, I wasn't really sure. I stood there, stunned at my discovery; I really was like a ghost here. But, _why_? I'd put my hand right through him, and Edward didn't notice a thing. I wondered what would happen if I tried the same thing with Jacob?

But then I felt the pulling, flying sensation, the one that meant I was waking up.

The next day I couldn't shake the sadness and pain I saw in Edward's eyes. "Well, at least it would all work out in the books I was writing," I thought. But I still wondered why I was having these crazy dreams. Why was I a ghost or a watcher in them? Why did I know these characters? _Why? Why? Why_?

My dreams continued that way for a week. I was too spooked to try to touch Jacob, and I really didn't like feeling like a ghost. I spent most of my dream time with Edward. He seemed to only be getting worse by the minute and Esme and I were getting more and more worried.

Bella and Jake seemed happy enough together, and it was only a matter of time before she noticed him as more than a friend. It looked like life in Forks was moving on as though the Cullens had never existed.

I was also learning how to navigate better in my dreams. All I had to do was think of a particular character or place, and I would feel the flying sensation and soon I'd be there. Also, when I returned to the dreams, if I wanted, I could return to the exact moment I left.

Time seemed to pass quickly in my _Twilight_ dream world. A week of events would pass, and I would have only been asleep for an hour. Also, strangely enough, I was also still having regular crazy nonsense dreams. To try to make sense of everything, I wrote all my dreams down. There was huge difference between my _Twilight_ dreams and regular dreams. First of all, the _Twilight_ dreams were easy to remember. They were more like memories. My regular dreams, if I didn't write them down immediately, then I would forget them completely.

My days were spent with my family, working, and then squeezing out every spare moment I had to write the Twilight Saga, so I wouldn't forget any of it. Just for kicks one night, I Googled 'Edward Anthony Masen' and got nothing. Then I Googled 'Spanish influenza victims in Chicago' and an archive came up with a list of names. Sure enough, Edward Anthony Masen was on that list. So were his parents. I felt goose bumps all over me and I suddenly empathized with how I made Jacob feel.

Then I Googled 'Isabella Swan', 'Charlie Swan' and 'Jacob Black' and got nothing. 'The Quileute tribe', 'Edward Anthony Masen' and 'Stephanie Meyer' existed, but not the other characters. Okay, that didn't make sense, but then, none of this really did.

Next I Googled 'vivid dreams where no one can see you.' I read several different interesting theories, but I came across one theory that really struck a chord with me. There was a study done on people who seemed to have dreams that were not like dreams; they were more like memories of experiences they had never had. That sounded like what was happening to me. The theory was: these people had actually had out of body experiences (astral projecting), and had actually visited other places or parallel universes where they had these experiences. This is why these dreams were more like memories.

Memories have a flow and continuity that dreams do not. Dreams are sporadic and rarely flow. The theory also went on to say that when we experience déjà vu, it's because it really did happen, just in some other parallel universe. Some of the people described themselves as having no physical body, like they were a ghost, and that no one seemed to see them. When moving, they felt as though they were floating or flying. That sounded _very_ familiar. Still others had completely physical experiences where they could feel, touch, taste, and smell. Now that sounded just like my whole reading the Twilight series, joining all the forums and seeing the movie experience, that didn't seem to exist.

But all of the experiences I read about had the same theme; that these dreams felt like memories or experiences they had had, as opposed to dreams. This theory hit the nail on the head. It _did_ feel more like experiences than dreams. It felt like I was there, watching everything, but definitely there. If I was astral projecting in my current dreams, it had to be into another parallel world, because vampires and werewolves did not exist in my world. But that still didn't explain the memories of reading the Twilight Saga, or going to the movies, or chatting in the forums.

Okay: parallel universes, the Twilight Saga, crazy ghost dreams, astral projecting, vampires and werewolves, it all sounded more fantasy/sci-fi than real. And why were the Cullen's in sunny Hawaii? _Ridiculous_!

I wished I had someone I could talk to about all of this, but I was afraid they would they would think I was crazy; worrying about an imaginary depressed vampire and his lost forbidden love. Writing books that I didn't want to forget, that apparently had never been written. And even worse, now I was actually beginning to believe that I wasn't dreaming at all, but that I was astral projecting myself to wherever these people or characters were. That I was travelling to some parallel world where vampires, werewolves, ghosts, myths and legends roamed the _earth_, instead of the pages of books.

The more I let my mind dwell on that theory, the more convinced I was that somehow, Edward made a wrong choice. He did not go back to Forks, did not fall in love with Bella, which set off a whole new chain of events. Maybe, because there was no meadow scene in this parallel universe, Stephenie Meyer never had the chance to witness it in her dreams. So she had no inspiration for the Twilight Saga!

But how did I know about them? Why did I remember them? Oh yeah, that's right, I was expecting crazy theories to make sense. Maybe I was going crazy? Maybe I had dreamt the whole Twilight Saga thing and trying to write these books was making me crazy. I know these dreams were making me frustrated and what was the point of astral projecting to another world? It's not like I could change anything, or help anyone. No one could even see me.

And now, it was happening more and more, and not just at night! In the daytime I would zone out for what was only a minute or two, but in the daydream I was there for hours. And I was getting desperate. I wanted to help Edward so badly, but no matter what I tried, he simply wasn't aware of me. It was so frustrating! I would have given anything to just have fifteen minutes to convince him to go back to Forks; to make him understand that Bella was his destiny. I was convinced I was astral projecting into a parallel universe where the Cullen's existed, and somehow I had to get through to Edward. I vowed to find a way to do this, otherwise, if I couldn't, I was pretty sure that it was just additional evidence that I was completely losing it.

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! If your busy you can just say, Good, Bad or Okay Chapter. If you have time please let me know; What is your theory about what's going on? Why do think Jacob can sense Jenny and none of the Cullens can? What did you think of Edward, the Cullens, Bella and or Jacob? Thanks for all your support!**

**Below is a preview of Chapter 2 and in the Next Chapter we get to meet Edward & the rest of the Cullens live and in person. Please review I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.**

**Chapter 2**

**BORROWED BODY/MEET THE CULLENS**

As we finally pulled into their driveway I recognized the house. "This was it," I thought, "the house in my dreams." It was mostly windows and glass. This was definitely it. I paid the cab driver and got out, waved him off, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Esme answered the door. She was even more breathtaking live and in person.

I gathered my courage, "Hello is Edward Cullen here?"

Esme gave me a warm smile and answered "Yes, is Edward expecting you?"

I quickly responded, "No, I'm on an unexpected trip to Hawaii." _(That was an understatement to say the least!)_ "But it's important that I talk to Edward."

Esme continued to smile and replied, "Then please come in. Who should I say is calling?"

Good, she invited me in, the Cullens were nothing if not well mannered, "My name is Jenny Latham, please tell Edward I am friend of Bella Swan."

I thought my heart was going to pound out of this chest. I saw the barest hint of her expression change when I mentioned Bella's name, but she just asked me to take a seat and she quietly moved out of the room.

Edward came in with his heels dragging on the floor; I take it that was for my benefit to announce his entrance. Most of the time that I had been here before as a ghost/astral projection, I hadn't even noticed how quiet everyone was. I took one look at him and almost died. He was breathtaking, perfection. I thought that seeing him so many times before had prepared me for this, but I had not counted on this body's physical reaction to him. I felt my heart begin to pound faster, my mouth dropped open and I forgot to breathe for a moment.

I quickly recovered, closed my mouth and managed to speak, "Hello, Edward. I am Jenny Latham. How are you doing today?"

Edward took note of my reaction to him, his face was friendly and open, but his eyes were careful. His was voice polite and casual, subdued even. Still it was beautiful and musical when he spoke "I am fine, thank you for asking. So you are a friend of Isabella Swan?"

Okay straight to business, "You could say that. But I am here to see you, Edward."

I was waiting for him to read my mind and see everything I knew, and why I was here. "Thank God he could read minds," I thought. His ability was going to come in real handy at this point.

Edward answered with a puzzled expression on his face, "To see me? May I ask why?"

I hadn't thought of an answer, I just assumed he would read my mind and this part would all be easy. I said the first thing that came to mind and replied, "I came to see why you left Forks."

I saw him stiffen and for a split second something else registered on his beautiful features. But it was almost immediately gone. Then he casually asked, "Did Isabella Swan send you to talk to me?"

It was difficult to think coherently and breathe while looking directly at him. I closed my eyes just so I could get the words out, "No, Bella has never even met me. I am here to tell you that you must go back to Forks and back to Bella."

As I mentioned Bella's name I opened my eyes and for just a moment, Edward's mask had fallen, and he looked flabbergasted. Edward's mask was quickly back in place. His eyes were guarded, his voice tight and controlled, and yet still unimaginably beautiful. "Why would I go back to Forks, and what do you mean, _'back to Isabella?_'"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**BORROWED BODY/MEET THE CULLENS**

Again I dreamed of Edward, or astral projected, I wasn't sure anymore, but there he was in front of me. Edward was at his Piano, and as always, I was struck by how unbelievably breathtaking he was. Stephanie had not done him any justice, and sorry, but neither did Rob. Don't get me wrong I adore Robert Pattinson and I think he's absolutely gorgeous, but Edward was indescribably beautiful.

Suddenly, I felt a strange strong pulling sensation. It was different from my usual flying pulling sensation. This was stronger and I felt like a vacuum was sucking me in. Instead of my bed, I crash landed on the floor.

My back hurt, my head hurt, I felt dizzy and queasy. I got up and dusted myself off and looked around. I was no longer in the Cullen house, but I wasn't in my bedroom either. I didn't feel right, sort of out of place. I was in a hotel room, a really nice hotel room, a penthouse suite maybe, and I felt like I was going to be physically sick. That was strange, because I normally didn't have physical feelings in these dreams. I went to look for a bathroom and realized I was on legs. Wait – legs! How did I have legs? I had never had legs before when I had these dreams!

Wait, this wasn't an astral projection! I have a body! Was I dreaming or was I awake? First things first: I need to sit down and breathe. Second, since I wasn't home, where the hell was I? I looked around the room and saw the hotel phone. There should be an address on it. I took another deep breath and walked over to the phone. The address was the Marriot Beach Club in Ko Olina, Hawaii. Hawaii! If I was in Hawaii, then I was I still dreaming or astral projecting. But, no, I had a body, so I had to be awake.

I decided to call home just to see what would happen, and a stranger answered my phone number. I asked for my husband and she said I had the wrong number. I repeated the number to her and she said, "Sorry, right number, wrong person."

This scene repeated several times as I called my husband's mobile, work number, my mom, my sister and several other siblings. I was occasionally interrupted by the, "you have reached a number that is not in service," automated message.

I was in Hawaii and I wasn't in my world. I was flabbergasted. I was also in a body, but who's body? I'd never had a body here before, but this body belonged to someone, _Ugh!_ _So not cool_! How did this happen?

Okay, who was I? I needed a mirror. I looked around and saw one by door, but I also needed these legs not to buckle under me. When I got to the mirror I was not ready for the next surprise. _I_ was looking back at me! Those were my hazel eyes in the mirror! I did a double take and realized that my hair seemed longer or was it straighter? _I_ had dark brown mid-length wavy hair. I spun around to see better, this hair was straight and all the way down my back. Spinning had been a bad idea, I felt dizzy again and although I was paler than normal it was definitely my heart shaped face. How was I seeing me? That just didn't make sense.

When I read about astral projecting, no one said anything about body jumping. I vaguely remember something about not breaking the cord attached to your body, and if you did anyone could jump in. This person must have vacated the premises and somehow I got sucked in.

_Oh no_! What if someone was in my body! No, I couldn't think about all that now, I had to figure out what was happening here. Well, at least I didn't feel physically ill anymore. As matter of fact, this body felt great. It felt energetic and vibrant. She must have been an athlete. But why did I see my own face and not this person's?

I remember reading something about body jumping, but that was in _New Moon_ when the bad guy, Utlapa, took over the good Chief Taha Aki's body. They didn't say if he saw his own face though, it didn't get that specific. Maybe you always saw yourself, no matter what body you were in. I wondered if I was even female. I looked around the suite and found a purse and some female clothing. I knew anything was possible, but I was going to assume I was in a female body. I definitely wasn't dreaming, but probably astral projecting, and maybe I had been all this time. And now I was in someone's body in Oahu, Hawaii, but why now?

Wait- hadn't I'd been praying for a chance to talk to Edward, and to explain to him the error of his ways. Maybe this was that chance. Who knew how long I had? And if someone was answering prayers, I'd stupidly only asked for fifteen minutes! Well, at least I was in Hawaii and I had the address so it was now or never.

I quickly realized that I was going to have to borrow some money from my overly gracious hostess. I knew that Edward was so proper and honest that he would give it back once I explained everything. I picked up the wallet and almost looked for a driver's license before I changed my mind. She had two thousand dollars in cash in her wallet! Well, whoever she was, she sure knew how to live. I borrowed three hundred dollars for transportation and any more surprises that I might encounter.

"But if I'm here, where is she?" I thought. No, I didn't have time to think about that, fifteen minutes might be all I had, so I had to get going. I went to the closet, she was a size 4 and I was a size 6 and 5'4. I wondered how tall she was, then I remembered it really didn't matter it was her body, her clothes should fit. I found a pretty off the shoulder light blue blouse, (I remembered Edward liked blue,) and pair of light blue jeans and sandals. I called the front desk and asked if the Cullen's address was on this island. When the receptionist she said yes, I silently thanked whatever stars that had aligned for this to happen. I asked for a cab, grabbed my host's room key and went to the lobby to wait.

The cab was already waiting for me when I got downstairs. As I got in, I was practically shaking with excitement at the prospect of meeting Edward and the Cullens. The cab driver said the ride would be about twenty-five minutes long. As we wound higher and higher into the mountains of Oahu it was awe-inspiring. Everything was beautiful and breathtaking. We were on the East side of the island; apparently the weather here was more overcast. Still, even in the rain, it was paradise everywhere I looked.

I was missing my previous mode of instant transportation. I was anxious and afraid that any minute, my fifteen minutes were going to be up. But this is what I was here for, Edward would read my mind see everything I knew about him and Bella, and then it would all turn out the way it was supposed to.

As we finally pulled into their driveway I recognized the house. "This was it," I thought, "the house in my dreams." It was mostly windows and glass. This was definitely it. I paid the cab driver and got out, waved him off, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Esme answered the door. She was even more breathtaking live and in person.

I beat back my nerves, "Hello is Edward Cullen here?"

Esme gave me a warm smile and answered, "Yes. Is Edward expecting you?"

I quickly responded, "No, I'm on an unexpected trip to Hawaii." _(That was an understatement to say the least!)_ "But it's important that I talk to Edward."

Esme continued to smile and replied, "Then please come in. Who should I say is calling?"

Good she invited me in, the Cullens were nothing if not well mannered, "My name is Jenny Latham; please tell Edward I am friend of Bella Swan."

I thought my heart was going to pound out of this chest. I saw the barest hint of her expression change when I mentioned Bella's name, but she just asked me to take a seat and she quietly moved out of the room.

Edward came in with his heels dragging on the floor; I take it that was for my benefit to announce his entrance. Most of the time that I had been here before as a ghost/astral projection, I hadn't even noticed how quiet everyone was. I took one look at Edward and almost died. He was breathtaking, sheer perfection. I thought that seeing him so many times before had prepared me for this, but I had not counted on this body's physical reaction to him. I felt my heart begin to pound faster, my mouth dropped open and I forgot to breathe for a moment.

I quickly recovered, closed my mouth and managed to speak, "Hello, Edward. I am Jenny Latham. How are you doing today?"

Edward took note of my reaction to him, his face was friendly and open, but his eyes were careful. His was voice polite and casual, subdued even. Still it was beautiful and musical when he spoke "I am fine, thank you for asking. So you are a friend of Isabella Swan?"

Okay straight to business, "You could say that, but I am here to see you, Edward."

I was waiting for him to read my mind, see everything I knew, and why I was here. "_Thank God he could read minds,"_ I thought. His ability was going to come in real handy at this point.

Edward answered with a puzzled expression on his face, "To see me? May I ask why?"

I hadn't thought of an answer, I just assumed he would read my mind and this part would all be easy. I said the first thing that came to mind and replied, "I came to see why you left Forks."

I saw him stiffen and for a split second something else registered on his beautiful features. But it was almost immediately gone. Then he casually asked, "Did Isabella Swan send you to talk to me?"

It was difficult to think coherently and breathe while looking directly at him. I closed my eyes just so I could get the words out, "No, Bella has never even met me. I am here to tell you that you must go back to Forks, back to Bella."

As I mentioned Bella's name I opened my eyes and for just a moment, Edward's mask had fallen, and he looked flabbergasted. But just as quickly Edward's mask was back in place. His eyes were guarded, his voice tight and controlled, and yet still unimaginably beautiful. "Why would I go back to Forks, and what do you mean, _back_ to Isabella?"

It was strange to hear him refer to Bella as Isabella. I shook my head; not understanding why was he playing twenty questions when he knew the answers. It was better to just put all the cards on the table, so I replied, "Edward, I have come a long way to find you. You have no idea how long. We are losing precious time, so please just read my mind so we can move on!"

Edward did not show any emotion when I spoke this time. His face was frozen, and he was staring at me intently. I took his silence to mean he was reading my mind. Instead he looked exasperated and responded, 'I don't understand what you are saying. Are you well?"

Now it was my turn to look exasperated. "Really, Edward, I don't know what to tell you. I didn't think past you reading my mind. I don't even know where to begin! You seriously can't read my mind?"

Edward's only response was to give me an incredulous look. However, his eyes were guarded and I made a mental note that although his face was well practiced in the art of deception, his eyes weren't. So, I continued, "Okay, I am here because you somehow got off track. Your destiny lies with Bella Swan, and you were never supposed to leave Forks. Instead, you're supposed to stay, resist your desire to drink her incredibly tempting blood, and the two of you will fall madly in love." I paused to catch my breath, "Seriously, you can't read my mind?"

Edward didn't move a muscle. He seemed frozen to the spot. Great! He really can't read my mind, I sighed deeply and continued, "Well, there must be a reason for that. Maybe you're not supposed to know everything. Maybe that would somehow mess up the future or throw everything off balance. Maybe I am only supposed to get you back to Forks, and the rest will happen naturally."

Although Edward had still not moved, I suddenly felt six pairs of eyes on me. I didn't see them, but I felt them. I also immediately realized I was an unknown human in a house full of vampires, and that this body was borrowed. What would happen to the person if I managed to get their body killed, or worse yet, what would happen to me if I died in it?

_Stupid, stupid, stupid girl_! What was I thinking when I came here? That they would just take my word and that they would all pack up and go back to Forks? Even if Edward could have read my mind, a part of me wondered if I was crazy. _"Well it was too late now,"_ I thought. Now I had to convince _all _of them, while not saying too much about the future, and still managing to get out of here in one piece. I was praying Carlisle was here to keep the vampires in check.

I shook off those thoughts the Cullens were vegetarians and as long as I steered clear of paper cuts I was safe. I squared my shoulders and sat up straighter. _Focus, Jenny. Focus._ I was usually good at quick thinking so I decided to just wing it. "Look, Edward, I know you are a vampire who can read minds. I know that your whole family are vampires as well. I also know you are all vegetarians as you call it, and that you left Forks so you would not hurt Bella Swan. But the truth is that the moment you spared her, her number was up. Destiny is going to take her down unless you step back in and fulfill your destiny. If you don't believe me, just ask Alice to see Bella's future."

I knew Bella was hanging out with Jacob and the other werewolves so her destiny would be muddled, or maybe even look like a blind spot that Alice might interpret as death. Edward still did not move a muscle or respond, so I continued, "I know you were born Edward Anthony Masen in Chicago, Illinois in 1901, and that you almost died of the Spanish Influenza until Carlisle spared you and made you immortal. I know about all of you: Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper, and all of your beginnings."

With my last words, a beautiful pixie-like young woman immediately appeared and asked, "You know where I came from?" It was Alice and the look on her face was full of hope, for a moment I didn't know what to say, "Yes, Alice, but I cannot tell you right now. All I can say is that you will find out this year. Alice, can you see my future?"

Alice looked perplexed, then looked to Edward and said, "No."

Wonderful, this wasn't going to be easy! "Can you see Bella's future?" I asked.

Alice looked to Edward again and he nodded almost imperceptibly. Then she said, "I will try – I see her running. She is being chased by someone and then she disappears."

Okay, I didn't expect all that, but it would do. "Okay, Edward, do me a favor. Make the decision to go back to Forks and be with Bella."

Edward looked at me then at Alice, and then Edward's eyes went wide and he said, "No."

I quickly questioned Alice, "What did you see?"

Edward shook his head no, but Alice spoke anyway. "I saw Edward and Isabella lying together in a meadow and…"

Edward interrupted Alice. "Enough!"

But I continued anyway, "And they were very cozy right, maybe even declaring their love for one another?"

Alice's eyes were wide as she answered, "It sure looked cozy."

Suddenly, the room was full of vampires. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie were all talking at once, and very fast, too fast for me to understand. It did sound musical and pretty though. I was busy marveling at how beautiful they all were, and I was also a little relieved they had forgotten me, at least temporarily.

Then my eyes came to rest on Edward, and I was mesmerized. Now that I could really look at him without having watch my reaction, he was breathtaking, unimaginably beautiful, even though he was angry, he was magnificent, and he was standing right there in front of me. I don't know how long I was staring at him, but I was so absorbed in just admiring Edward, that I barely heard Carlisle address me.

Carlisle spoke in a very warm, soft, musical, polite voice. I could tell he was well practiced at talking to humans and making them feel at ease. "May I ask who sent you to us?"

I warmed to him immediately and I answered him honestly. "I sent myself. I saw Edward had made the wrong choice. Bella was his destiny, and so I came here to rectify the situation."

Carlisle continued his questioning. "May I ask how you know so much about my family?"

I paused before answering that question: "All I can say is that where I am from, a lot of us having been watching all of you for a quite some time. We mean you no harm, but I could not stand by and see Edward miss out on the love of his existence."

"May I ask another question?

"Of course."

Carlisle seemed to hesitate. "You don't seem to be one hundred percent human. Are you human?"

Okay, I could answer this one. "I can tell you that this body is human, and I am temporarily utilizing it while I am here assisting Edward."

Wow, that even sounded other-worldly to me. Now they were all looking at me warily. I quickly continued, "Oh, don't worry. I intend to give it back."

There was dead silence and then Emmett started laughing. Now it was my turn to ask questions. "Will you all be returning to Forks, or just Edward?"

Edward stepped forward and answered, "No one is going anywhere."

But Esme countered, "Edward, you can't ignore this. What if Bella _is_ your destiny?"

"We need answers first, and no one has to go anywhere tonight." Edward turned his intense gaze on me and asked accusingly, "Why is it that I can't read your mind, and Alice can't see your future?"

"I don't really know why. I was hoping you could. It would have made all of these introductions a lot simpler," I answered, waving my hand at all of them.

"Where are you from?" Edward asked me.

"If I tried to explain that to you, you probably wouldn't understand."

This time it was Jasper who interrupted me, "Oh, I think we could keep up."

I smiled because that was his line in the Twilight movie, then I replied, "I think what you really want to know is if I am from your world. The answer is no."

There was silence again from the room and this time Emmett didn't laugh. After an awkward amount of silence, I asked if anyone else had any more questions. More silence. I realized I was making them all uncomfortable. "How ironic," I thought. A room full of vampires was nervous because of a human. I spoke into the uncomfortable silence, "I apologize for just barging in here and dropping all this information in your laps like this, but I didn't see any other way. Thank you for your hospitality, I think I'll leave and allow you all to absorb everything I have said, so you can discuss it as a family. I am staying at the Marriot Ko Olina if you have any other questions or need me for anything."

I turned to Esme, "I am sorry, I don't have a car, would you be so kind as to call me a cab?"

Edward was the one that responded, "That won't be necessary. I will drive you back to your hotel." Esme looked at Edward and I could tell by her expression she was wordlessly asking him not to take me. She was worried about Edward taking me to my hotel. It was almost too funny; they were all worried about Edward being alone with _me_, like I was dangerous or something.

I stood up and Edward walked me to the door. Esme looked pleadingly at him again but he followed me outside into the light rain.

"This way," was all he said as he led the way to the garage. I was pretty happy with myself, mission accomplished I thought. Well almost accomplished at least he knew he had to return to Bella and why. Edward's car was in front of the garage and he opened the passenger door for me. As I got in the silver Volvo, all I could think was, "Stupid, shiny Volvo owner." I could not suppress my smile.

I put on my seat-belt and, true to form, Edward immediately started driving too fast. Staring at the road going by so quickly was turning my stomach, so I turned my head in Edwards's direction and just enjoyed that view. For a moment I was happy that he couldn't read my mind as I drank him in, from head to toe.

_Edward, Edward,_ I was alone with Edward in his car! This was better than I expected. I knew he would be devastatingly handsome, but _WOW_! Then the unfortunate happened, the body I inhabited began responding to what I was looking at. My pulse started racing and I felt my heart pounding. Edward mistook this for nerves at his driving, and slowed down the car. I sighed in relief that he misinterpreted my physical reaction to him.

After a moment, I asked him, "Edward, do you have any more questions for me?"

Edward answered in a tight, controlled voice, "Yes. Why are you watching us?"

Ugh. I should have seen that question coming; I didn't know how to answer that one. I decided to say as much truth as I could. I knew he had a photographic memory, so I'd stick to as much truth as possible in case he asked me the same question twice. "Because Bella and your love story was so moving that it captured our attention. Prior to that, we were not watching you. May I ask you a question?"

Edward responded angrily, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel as he spoke. "Why? I thought you had all the answers. What questions could you possibly have?"

I was taken aback by his anger. "You're angry with me?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Edward replied frostily, "Is that your question?"

I quickly responded, "It wasn't at first, but it is now."

Edward's expression was hard and cold as he replied, "You come into my home uninvited, to tell me that I have to go back to Forks to fall in love with the girl I am desperately trying not to go back and kill; and you want to know if I am angry at you?" He had turned his intense gaze on me while he spoke, and I was momentarily speechless.

Although his proximity and beauty was stunning my senses, his venomous tone cleared the fog, and I responded matter-of-factly. "Edward, you are stronger than you know, trust me. You are stronger than the monster inside of you. You beat it Edward. You save the day and win the girl."

With these words, I saw his hard expression momentarily crack. It was replaced with astonishment, but then it was immediately back in place. Encouraged, I continued, "Edward, you don't have to believe me, just believe in yourself."

Edward's eyes narrowed with suspicion, but there was something else in them that I couldn't quite place. Was it wonder or maybe hope? He then looked straight into my eyes and in a velvety soft, alluring voice, he said, "I believe that _you_ believe in me. But why do you care so much?"

I was completely lost in his beautiful eyes, his intense gaze and his mesmerizing voice, so I answered without thinking, "Because true love is the one thing worth fighting for, worth risking everything for, worth taking that leap of faith for. And I know you don't believe that you deserve true love, because you think you are a monster, but I have come from across the universe to tell you that you do. You are more than what you think you are, and you deserve true love."

Edward's hard expression softened and he looked astounded at my words and responded, "When you say it like that, I can almost believe it."

We continued to stare at each other, and then Edward turned away to look at the road. The air in the car felt suddenly heavier and it was too silent. I turned on the CD player and Clair de Lune was on. I said, "Clair de Lune, of course!"

Edward sounded surprised. "You like Debussy?"

"No, just Clair de Lune. It reminds me of someone … who is important to me."

We sat quietly and just listened while the song played, then Edward asked me in the most human like tone I had heard since I met him, "What did you want to ask me?"

I was still marveling out how wonderful his voice sounded when he wasn't being hostile and I replied simply, "Honestly, I can't even remember."

All too soon, we were back at my hotel and Edward announced, "We've arrived."

I was reluctant to be leaving him so soon. Edward stepped out of the car, handed the keys to the valet, then came around and opened my car door. He spoke in that velvety, alluring voice again, "I have a few more questions. May I come up?"

I thought to myself, _"You could have whatever you like_," but banished the thought before I could start blushing. I practically whispered, "Of course."

We walked in silence as we entered the resort. I felt my excitement growing and my pulse followed suit; this wouldn't do. I started doing my times tables in my head to keep from getting too excited. Edward followed me as we took the elevator upstairs to my room and he casually walked in, not impressed the way I had been with the luxury of my suite. I was internally thrilled; Edward was in my hotel room, live and in person, looking stunningly gorgeous! _"Keep it together Jen,"_ I reminded myself. _"Twelve times twelve equals one hundred forty-four,"_ I silently chanted.

I pointed to the living room and asked if he'd like a seat. After I sat down, I braced myself to look at him. _"Eight times eight is sixty-four," _I silently multiplied.

Edward looked flustered, as though he were struggling to find the words, "I can't believe I am asking you this, but are you some type of celestial being? Like an angel?"

_Wow!_ I was not expecting that question. My eyes went wide and I felt my mouth drop open, I paused, noticing that he looked so desperate, like he wanted to believe that I was an angel so badly. I immediately remembered how he worried about his soul, or lack thereof. How could I answer his question? I did my best, "Edward, what I am is not that important. Just know I am not a threat to you, your family, or your way of life. I am a friend who wants you to find your true love because you deserve true love. Love comes from the heart, as well as the soul."

Edward's expression was unfathomable and his next words tumbled out quickly. "Do I still have a soul?"

_"Ugh,"_ I thought. I'd used the wrong choice of words. I'd made Edward think way too much of me. I definitely wasn't some higher being with all the answers. But I also realized how this could look to him; to all of them. I must be coming off as other-worldly, but in a higher-being sense, as opposed to alien. I did my best and answered truthfully, "I do not know the answer to that question, but if I did, I would tell you."

His expression was unreadable, but he responded, "I am not sure why, but I believe you."

I tried to make sense of his answer. I wondered which part he believed. He seemed to contemplate what I said, and he didn't press it further. We sat quietly, and he was perfectly still, so still, it was a little unnerving. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, and then he suddenly spoke, "You are certain I belong with Bella?"

"Yes, I would not be here if I thought otherwise."

"Are you are certain I will not hurt her, if I go back to Forks."

"Yes I am."

"How can I possibly fall in love with a human? Especially _that_ human, how would that even work?"

"Edward, there is only so much I can tell you without ruining your future. _All_ of your futures. It's the best explanation for why you can't read my mind, and why Alice can't see my future."

Edward paused while he considered that. I took the moment to just gaze at him: he was beautiful, magnificent, mesmerizing. He was thinking I was this higher being, and here I was having all these very human thoughts about him. I felt my face flush and my pulse quicken. _"Six times nine is…"_ I thought, but it was too late.

He must have heard my physical reaction, because he turned to me and looked questioningly at me. I was busted. I spoke, "I apologize for staring at you, it's difficult for me to not stare. You have no idea how far I have come to find you."

We continued to gaze at each other until finally, he spoke, "What are you thinking about?"

I realized I had been gazing, and he had been trying to read my mind, but I spoke the truth anyway, "I was just thinking about what a sucker I am for a nineteenth century romantic hero."

His reaction surprised me. He threw his head back and genuinely laughed and it was beautiful and magical. I was pretty sure I would remember the sound of his laughter for the rest of my life.

Still laughing he asked, "Is that what you think of me?" He looked at me incredulously.

I nodded my head yes and answered, "I know that's not who you think you are right now, but it's who you will become. So, when do you leave for Forks?"

Edward stopped laughing and regarded me, "What if I decide not to go?"

"Then I will just have to keep convincing you, until you do."

"Why?"

"Because I believe in you, Edward, even if you don't. It's funny that with your ability, you can see others so clearly for who they are, and yet you can't see yourself at all."

His expression was unreadable again, and then he turned and stared out the window, completely still. I just sat there and enjoyed the view, _of him_. I knew he must be lost in thought, and although I could have just sat there and stared at him forever, like I had done on so many occasions already, I spoke, "I think you should call Esme. She must be worried about you."

Edward abruptly headed for the door and said, "I apologize, I have overstayed. I shall leave."

I answered remorsefully, "No, no! That's not what I meant. It's just that Alice probably can't see you when you're with me. So they will both worry."

Edward stopped and softened his expression. "Still, I should go and talk to my family. You will be here?"

"Yes. For as long as it takes." "_Or for as long as my fifteen minutes lasts_," I silently added.

"I will be going then."

I stood up to finish walking him to the door. He paused as he headed out, turned around and said, "Thank you."

Surprised, I responded, "What for?"

Edward looked humbled, "For believing in me."

With that, he turned and headed for the elevators. Once he was out of sight I shut the door, leaned back against it and took a moment to take it all in. _Edward Freaking Cullen!_ This had been an amazingly unbelievable day! I had been in the Cullen house, surrounded by the Cullen's, then alone with Edward in the Volvo! Then, he was alone with me in my hotel suite. It was all too much, but in a marvelously fantastic way. And it looked like he was definitely considering going back to Forks. I don't know what I was thinking when I headed out to the Cullen house, but I was sure happy with how it turned out. Now the only thing left for me to do was to wonder when the timer was going run out on my fifteen minutes.

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! If your busy you can just say, Good, Bad or Okay Chapter. If you have time then please let me know any of the following: What do you think of Jenny's first meeting with the Cullens? What do think of Edward? Do you think the Cullens will go back to Forks? What about Jenny landing in a body this time? What you would like to see more of! Thanks for all your support!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**DAY WITH EDWARD**

I was wondering what was going on back at the Cullen house, and I imagined the discussion would be fierce. I already knew where Esme stood on the subject. Alice was probably leaning in that direction as well, considering the visions she'd had even prior to my visit. They possibly showed something more between Edward and Bella. Jasper was going to be downright suspicious of me and everything I was saying, but that was his nature. Emmett would let others decide what to make of me. Rosalie might want to go back to Forks. It meant easy access car parts and all that, not to mention seeing 'Mr. Perfect' humbled even more. Carlisle would go with whatever Edward himself decided and it looked like Edward was leaning toward Forks and Bella. Well, it looked like things would go the way they were supposed to, and not a minute to soon. Because the last time I had checked on Jacob and Bella, it was only a matter of time.

Now that I had thought all that through, I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I thought about taking a shower, but decided that was kind of creepy, this not being my actual body. I didn't feel hungry or tired. I decided to explore the suite and my body's wardrobe, since I might be here a while. I liked her clothes and I loved her purses. I picked out a few outfits that I liked, and changed in case I decided to go out and explore the island a little. Who knew when I might hear from the Cullens again? I turned on the T.V. and my thoughts turned to the Cullens.

Edward had already been gone about three hours and hopefully they were making a decision. If the Cullens decided to go back to Forks today, what was I going to do with myself for the rest of the time that I might be here? Well, if you had to be stuck somewhere, Hawaii was not a bad place to be. I was sure if they decided to go, they would they let me know. At least I would get a chance to see Edward again. Edward in the flesh was so much better than seeing Edward as a ghost. As a ghost, I could see his beauty and appreciate it. But in a body, being near him was a full on physical assault on my senses. He was a feast for the eyes, the nose, the ears… all the senses. When we had been in the car and he turned his intense gaze on me, I had melted like butter until he spoke so angrily. Even then his voice was beautiful, but it had been the menace in his tone that had stopped me cold. Edward was a paradox, beautiful and terrifying all at once. I thought of our conversation in the car, and realized whenever he spoke in that velvet voice; it made want to reveal everything to him. I was going to have to be careful around Edward, because his future was at stake. All their futures were at stake.

I was still marveling at the day's earlier events, analyzing Edward's every move and gesture like the obsessed Twilight fan that I was, when there was knock on the door. My heart started immediately pounding with the idea that it might be Edward again. If it was, I knew he could hear it through the door. Damn it! I took a deep breath, did some quick math to steady my nerves, and I opened the door. It was Edward! And he was smiling! He wore a white T-shirt, black jeans and black shoes, and he looked amazing. How could anybody look this good in jeans and a T-shirt?

"Hello again."

"Hello, Edward." I was glad my voice was steady.

"May I come in?"

"Of course." I pointed to a chair in the living room area. "Have a seat."

Edward gracefully walked into the room and sat down. I was glad I was behind him so he couldn't see just how ungraceful I was in comparison. Not to mention, the view from back here was spectacular. I shook my head free of those thoughts, and took a seat across from him.

Edward began, "First, I would like to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I know I was less than cordial."

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's fine. Considering what I dumped in your lap, you could have handled it a lot worse."

Edward sighed in relief and continued, "Carlisle has never encountered anything like you. I have some additional questions."

Well, I guess it couldn't have been that easy. "Edward, I understand I'm a complete stranger. I am not from your world, and you need to know more before you take my word for everything and just go moving back to Forks. I get it."

Edward smiled again, obviously pleased at my answer, which immediately made my stomach do flip-flops. If we were going to talk, I had to get out of the suite. The proximity was wreaking havoc on me. "Well, if we are going to talk, let's go outside. I have never been to Hawaii before. It seems like a waste to stay inside. The storm will only last about three hours, and then we will have to be back inside."

Edward looked at me questioningly. "How do you know the storm will only last three hours?"

I smiled at him teasingly, "Do you really want to know?"

He seemed intrigued and replied, "Yes."

"The weather channel," I said laughing.

Edward didn't laugh, but he couldn't suppress a smile. "Let me grab a jacket," I added.

I stood up, feeling very self-conscious about my every move. Edward went to the phone and called the valet for his car. I grabbed the jean jacket that went with this outfit and my body's purse, and we headed out the door.

As Edward held the door open for me, he commented, "My sister, Rosalie, has that exact outfit. She is partial to Dolce and Gabbana. Are you as well?"

I had really liked this outfit and thought I had looked pretty good in it until he said that. The idea of being in the same outfit as Rosalie, pure beauty incarnate, was absolutely depressing. "I just picked out what I thought would wear well in the rain. I've never really paid attention to designers, except when it comes to purses. I am a sucker for Louis Vuiiton and Coach. It's one of the few luxuries I allow myself. This purse is an LV Denim Baggy. But with clothes, usually I just buy what I like, or what I think flatters me." _And what I could afford_, I thought to myself as we stepped into the elevator.

Edward pushed the elevator button and continued, "So you come here often, from where you are from?"

I began to think I had said too much in that last rambling statement. "Maybe we should stick to questions that will help you decide whether or not to go back to Forks."

The valet had already brought up his car. Edward didn't press the question further, so we stepped out of the hotel entrance and into his car.

Once we got inside, Edward turned to me and asked me in a very pleasant human voice, "Where are we going?"

"I have never seen the sunset in the Pacific Ocean, so you tell me. I am sure you know a great spot for a sunset. Could you take me there?"

Edward smiled and answered, "How about a little tour along the way?"

We drove off into the rain to what Edward referred to as the North Shore. All along the way, Edward pointed out landmarks, tourist spots and told me some Hawaiian history. Hawaii was amazing! When I was here before in the dreams, I was usually focused on the people I was with. But today it was all about the scenery. It was spectacular! Once we headed out of the city and got on Highway 3, everything I looked at took my breath away.

Although it was overcast and drizzling, you could see for miles all around you. The sunlight broke through the clouds in giant patches, illuminating everything in its path with golden light. The majestic Waianae Mountains were in the center of the island. They were lush, in an array of green and earth colors with bright red patches of exotic flowers. Then the highway wound through the center of the range, and we were surrounded by imposing jagged mountains covered with all kinds of trees, including palm trees and, rather unexpectedly, what looked like pine trees.

Edward watched me, as I repeatedly gasped at every new change in the scenery. He seemed to enjoy my reaction. We left the highway and Edward explained we were on the Windward Coast. The mountains were on my left, and the road hugged the coastline. There were literally waves spilling over onto the road. It was spectacular. Edward continued to point out landmarks like the Polynesian Cultural Arts Center and the Laie Temple. He explained their history and relationship. He was an amazing personal tour guide. Finally, we pulled into a small secluded beach area.

I went to get out of the car and Edward asked, "Where are you going?'

I turned to him with a raised eyebrow, "To the beach, to watch the sunset."

"But, it's raining. You'll get wet."

Raining? It was barely drizzling. Typical overprotective Edward worrying that the frail human was getting wet. I gave him a knowing smile, "Yeah, I know, but people usually come to the beach to get wet, and I know the rain doesn't bother you, so come on."

Before I could say another word Edward was opening my door. I found a spot I liked and we sat down. Even though the sky was overcast, Edward assured me that the sun would dip below the clouds in the last ten minutes, so I wouldn't miss the sunset.

Within minutes even the light rain had stopped and we spent the rest of the time talking. Edward expounded on Hawaiian history and I answered his questions. I set ground rules, though. Questions about the Cullen's past were safe. Speaking about Bella in the past and present was also fine, the future was off limits, and too many questions about me were off limits as well.

During Edward's explanation about the history of surfing, I remembered my question from the day before, so I interrupted him. "I remember what I wanted to ask you yesterday. What are the Cullens doing here in sunny Hawaii?"

Edward laughed and warmly responded, "Actually, Hawaii is not that sunny, as you can see. Honolulu only has about ninety to one hundred sunny days per year. And where we actually live, in Hilo, there's an average of thirty-six sunny days per year."

"Then why are you in Honolulu, and not Hilo?"

Edward answered offhandedly, "We are waiting for Esme's renovations to be complete." Then the smile on his face disappeared and I wondered what he was thinking about. Then he added, "I don't know why I just told you that." He looked flustered.

I shrugged my shoulders and responded, "Maybe, because I asked?"

He shrugged his shoulders and went back to his tour guiding. "Early Hawaiians called surfing 'he'e nalu,' which literally translates to 'wave sliding.' Back then, only high-ranking ali'i had access to the best surf spots. King Kamehameha himself was said to be an avid and skilled surfer." He went on to tell me about a recent surfing contest between Emmett and Jasper.

While I was listening to his tale, I noticed that he was so different from earlier, so human and charming. Then it hit me. He was going out of his way to be disarmingly charming. Wow! I couldn't believe I fell for it. He was pumping me for information, while I sat here and gushed like a school girl.

So, while he was still regaling me with his funny surfing competition tale, I stopped him, "So, have you finished yet?"

Edward playfully stated, "No, the story is not nearly over."

"No, I mean have your finished trying to charm me for information?"

The smile disappeared from his beautiful face and he looked sufficiently chagrined. "Was I that obvious?"

I shook my head and smiled, "No, I only just figured it out about ten minutes ago. You've had me going all this time."

He looked guilty, before he cast his eyes down.

"You don't need to charm me, Edward. I will be as honest with you as I can be, without jeopardizing the future. So, what have you figured out about me, so far?"

He looked abashed but continued, "You seem to be familiar with the twenty-first century, your speech and gestures are modern. Your accent sounds like you're from southern New Jersey, or perhaps Philadelphia. You like designer purses, but not designers. You have a great sense of humor, and you love to laugh. You seem well traveled in the USA, although you have never been to Hawaii before and..

I interrupted him, "Well, is any of this helping with you decision to go back to Forks?'

"Yes."

"In that case then, its fine, like I said, just ask. And just to let you know, in case I forget, I'm having a wonderful time." It was a wonderful, it was almost like a date, I thought to myself. Getting to know each other and Edward was so terribly charming. He was dazzling, just like Bella said. Who needed the stars, when you had Edward shining right in front of you? What I wouldn't give to just stay here forever with him. _But I had to stop doing this!_ I was letting my imagination run away with me. I was here to get Edward back with Bella. And I had a husband, a daughter and a life to get back to once my mission was complete. I thought of my daughter, she was the absolute light of my life, and suddenly I was missing her terribly.

Edward looked at me thoughtfully and asked, "Where did you go just now?"

There was no point in lying. I said I would be as honest as I could be, without jeopardizing the future. I spoke wistfully and said," My thoughts were back home."

Edward looked contrite, "I'm sorry I am keeping you from your home."

"It will be there when I get back."

"But you miss it."

"Yes, I do." I looked away from him because I felt my eyes water. When I was here as a ghost I was barely aware of the passage of time, but here in this body, I felt time and distance. Although for her, it would be as though I never left, I was feeling a million miles away from my daughter. We sat quietly staring at the horizon, while I collected myself.

Edward spoke first, "I never once thought about whether this was an inconvenience, let alone a sacrifice, for you." He paused. "I'm not worth it." I could hear the remorse in his voice.

I smiled at him and replied, "See, now there's my Edward. Like I said before, for someone who can see others so clearly, you can't see yourself at all. Or worse, you see only one aspect of who you are, and you let THAT define who you are. You are so much more than that. How I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Edward, you are worth it."

We sat staring into each other's eyes. Well, I was gazing, and I am quite sure he was still trying to read my mind. But I didn't care. His amber eyes were mesmerizing.

He finally broke the silence. "Now I feel even more remorseful for the earlier interrogation."

I lightheartedly responded, "Well, if you call that an interrogation you can keep the inquisition going. I enjoyed this time, more than you will ever know."

Yes, I was going to lock this day in my memory banks. It had been a wonderful day. This was a gift, no more tears, because fate had allowed me to meet Edward. I resolved to enjoy every minute of it. At my words, he smiled at me with that crooked smile, then shook his head and turned back toward the sunset. My heart was in my throat. OMG! That was his crooked smile. It was heaven on earth. No wonder Bella loved that smile! I felt dizzy and it took me a moment to realize it was because I had stopped breathing. I tried to quietly inhale, so my lack of breathing wouldn't be too noticeable, and then turned back toward the sunset while trying to catch my breath.

Just as Edward had promised, the sun finally dipped below the dispersing cloud cover, just before it touched the Pacific Ocean. This was what I had been waiting for. The setting sun cast a golden ray of light upon the darkening waves, as it slowly disappeared into the ocean behind the horizon. Although the sun was no longer in view, its light lingered in the atmosphere, turning the sky a strange bright blue. It was the beginning of Twilight; that small window of time when the world is neither completely lit or nor completely dark. The moment was surreal; I was in Hawaii on a beach, with Edward, watching twilight! Yes, today had been extraordinary.

As we returned to the hotel, Edward's questions were focused more on Bella: her personality, her life and her family. Then, as we pulled into the hotel, he asked, "I noticed something else. You haven't eaten all day. Do they not eat, where you're from?"

I laughed, "Yeah, they do. I guess I just forgot." So, we stopped in the hotel restaurant to order me some food. I ordered a glass of wine and then I had to laugh when I almost considered ordering the ravioli. But then I thought better of it and went with a New York strip and a baked potato with butter. Back home, it would have been a grilled chicken salad. But I figured this body was in good shape. She could handle it. That's when I realized, we were in another romantic setting. I thought, "Well, even though I was here to give him to Bella, I could enjoy him for a little while, couldn't I? So I asked, "Your turn, tell me about you."

Edward smiled and said, "And here I thought you knew all about me."

His smile was so beautiful and his eyes seem to sparkle with amusement. I sighed, placed my elbow on the table with my face cradled in my hand. I found myself leaning forward towards him. He was like a magnet drawing me in. I answered, "Actually I don't. And you have already heard most of what I know about you. Tell me something I don't know."

Edward began to tell me about his early years with Carlisle. I listened to every nuance in his melodic voice. I was mesmerized by his every gesture. I was completely captivated by every expression that crossed his exquisite face. Needless to say, I was sorry when our evening came to a close.

As he walked me to my room, I asked, "So, have I passed the test? Do you believe me? Are you going to Forks, or do you need more convincing?"

"I still have to talk to my family, but I think we are going back to Forks."

"That's what I wanted to hear!"

He walked me to my door and I thanked him again for a wonderful day.

He shook his head and replied, "No, thank you. If all that you say is true, then this is the second time in my existence that a stranger has come to my aid. So I am indebted to you."

He then bowed, grasped my fingers in his, and gently pressed his lips to the back of my hand. An electric shock ran through me, and I was taken aback. He released my hand and then looked up at me, and we both had astonished looks on our faces. We both seemed to realize at the same moment that he had touched me and it was a very old fashioned and very human gesture. I recovered first and flashed him my best 'everything's okay' smile, and said, "See, and you think you're not worth it. Obviously Edward, Carlisle and I both see something in you that you don't."

His amber eyes were pools of confusion; he looked and sounded uncertain, "I apologize. I seemed to have forgotten myself."

I wasn't sure if he was referring to the antiquated gesture, or the fact that he touched me. Then, I said reassuringly and teasingly, "Don't apologize. Chivalry is sorely lacking in the twenty-first century. I personally wouldn't mind if it made a comeback."

His mask back in place, he seemed to recover, and finally smiled back at me. Then, he said good night, turned on his heels, and walked away.

I watched him head down the hall and silently asked him to look back. I just wanted to see his glorious face one more time.

And then, he looked back.

He saw me watching him. This time he flashed me a genuine, crooked smile. Yep, that crooked smile. Then he shook his head and turned around.

Wow! I loved that crooked smile. I would never get enough of that smile, that face, that backside, that everything. God, I could have just gone on and on about Edward. I watched him turn the corner and finally let myself into my room.

As soon as I got inside the door, I let my self-control go and did a little happy dance. I was on cloud nine! I was like, "Wow! He touched me! Wow! He kissed my hand! Wow, wow, wow!" I finally understood what people meant when they said, 'I will never wash this hand again.' That's exactly how I felt! I was beyond happy. I could not have planned the day better! It was perfect; he was perfect. I knew he poured on the charm to get information out of me. But I didn't care. I had been the object of Edwards charm and attention all day.

But I knew that if I wasn't careful, I would be in over my head. Oh, who was I kidding? I was in way over my head, and I had only spent one day in his presence. Bella didn't stand a chance. No one did when this guy poured on the charm.

I went to my body's room and changed into some pajamas. I tried to lie down. I was still dreaming I was there with Edward. That I could talk to him, gaze at his beautiful face, hear his magical voice, touch him. Well no, I should not touch him. But he had touched me, and it was electrifying. I took a second to relive the moment. I could finally fully enjoy the experience. I was almost too stunned in the hallway to really enjoy the moment. When he picked up my hand, at first I was startled by the cool touch and feel of it. And then, the electricity shot through my hand, up my arm, and seemed to spread throughout my whole body like wild fire, leaving a trail of heat and bliss wherever it went. When he pressed his lips to my hand, I felt my knees go weak. The only thing that had kept me standing was the fact that I was simply too stunned to do anything, including falling. Then, when he looked up at me, the look on his face was like a deer caught in headlights. It jolted me back to my senses enough to get me through the moment.

I continued to play the experience over and over in my mind, and then I let my mind wander. What would it feel like to have those lips pressed to my lips, those hands touching me, his whole body pressed against mine? As my imagination went over the endless possibilities, I fell asleep smiling, and dreaming of Edward.

I woke up a few hours later, but I wasn't tired. I figured it was the incredibly amazing day that I had had, and I was still too wound up about everything that had happened. So, I got up and got glass of orange juice, more out of habit than thirst. I was replaying the whole day again in my mind and couldn't seem to stop smiling. I decided to go out to the balcony, to watch the sun come up, while I mulled over my day. The view from this room was spectacular. Hawaii was breathtaking. While on the balcony, I felt eyes on me, so I looked around. I didn't feel fear, but I did feel like someone was there. It could only be one person, so I spoke in a teasing tone, "Edward, come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Nothing. There was no movement that I could see. So, I continued in a light, teasing tone, "I know you are here. There's no reason to spy on me. I am not hiding anyone or anything, and I am telling you everything that I can, without screwing the future up."

He came out of the shadows to my right and said, "How did you know I was here?"

I started laughing. "Because you're a creeper."

Edward looked puzzled and said, "A what?"

I said, "A creeper."

Edward was still puzzled. "What's a creeper?"

"You. You're such a stalker!" Then I started really laughing, remembering how much debate there always was in the Twilight Forums about Edward and his stalking ways. He just shook his head and began laughing as well.

Now it was my turn to ask, "Okay, why are you laughing?"

He continued to smile a genuine smile and answered, "Because you never react the way I expect you to, and I am not used to people being able to surprise me. But you surprise me all the time. I find it rather refreshing."

"I am glad I amuse you." At that, we both continued laughing.

I sat down on a balcony chair and made myself comfortable. "Well, since I am awake, and you don't sleep, besides watching the sunrise, what are the plans for today?"

Edward sat down on a balcony chair beside me, "I have a question for you. Where you are from? Do they not have sunrises and sunsets?"

I eyed him curiously. "Yes, they do. Why do you ask?"

"Because you seem to have this fascination with sunrises and sunsets." He seemed genuinely intrigued.

I sighed, "Well, in my day to day existence, I don't get a lot of time to stop and smell the roses, as they say. So, while I am here, I intend to make the most of it. I take it you have seen enough sunrises and sunsets in your time. Kind of boring for you, huh?"

Edward turned toward the horizon and thoughtfully replied, "Actually, they are one of the few things that don't get mundane. The sunrise and sunset is different every day, even if you stay in the same spot. I am always awed by its beauty and majesty, and its ability to make me feel that the universe has a grand plan, one far greater than anything I could imagine. It's hard to look at the sunrise and sunset and not believe that God exists. There has to be some great architect to all of this. The design is too perfect to all be a happy accident. At least that is what Einstein said."

I smiled at his answer and reluctantly tore my eyes away from him and looked back at the sunrise. I didn't want him to catch me gazing at him again, looking like a love-sick puppy. So, I tried to focus on the magnificent sunrise before me, when all I wanted to do was turn back to gaze at him and listen to his beautiful voice.

As I stared out at the horizon, I had to smile because this adventure was mine. All mine! As a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister; a woman shares so much of herself with the people around her. But this adventure was mine, and I was going to enjoy every moment of it!

Edward was right; the Universe had a plan. There was a reason I was here. I had to help Edward return to his true love, and this was a gift for me as well. Don't get me wrong. I loved my life and all my family and friends. But as I got older, I'd started looking back more. There was so much more I wish I had done or seen. It's not that I didn't appreciate all that I had, it's just that I wanted… more. More time for myself, more adventure, more excitement, more time to enjoy life and those I loved.

Because of this adventure I was on my own again, with no responsibilities, and with brand new possibilities. It was wonderful to be just me again. It was like finding myself. But at that same time, I really did miss all the craziness and responsibilities in my real life. I knew I would miss my family, but I was surprised that I missed all of the other stuff to. Truly, this experience was giving me a greater appreciation for my life back home, and that was a good thing. Maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis? I thought and I almost laughed out loud.

I realized I had been lost in my own thoughts for a while, and I turned to find Edward staring at me intently. He spoke softly, "So often I had wished I could shut off my ability to hear other people's minds. But now that I can't hear yours, it's so incredibly frustrating. Yet at the same time, it's peaceful to not hear the thoughts of another. People's thoughts are usually so random and jarring. Stranger still, I find myself enjoying the frustration as much as the peace."

I could tell from the way he was speaking he had said more than he meant to say. "You're an immortal Edward, who because of your ability, has seen and heard too much in your time. I am an enigma, so that has to be a refreshing change, particularly for someone like you."

He shook his head, looked disconcerted and responded, "I find myself revealing more to you than I should. Maybe not being able to hear your thoughts have made me less careful around you, when I should be more guarded."

I looked at him thoughtfully trying to think of a way to reassure him, and to find the right words. Then the sun's first rays shone upon him and my breath caught in my throat as I became lost in the beauty of his face. He was magnificent, brilliant and glittering. The surface of his skin sparkled like thousands of tiny diamonds. Before I realized what I was doing, my hand reached out to touch his face. The impulse was so overwhelming; I was powerless to stop myself. He stood perfectly still as the tips of my fingers brushed his cheek, then traced down his jaw line. His face was cool, hard and exquisite. I felt the blissful, electric heat spread through me again as my eyes took in every plane of his face, trying to burn his image permanently into my brain.

I wanted to remember this moment because I had the sudden feeling it would all disappear soon. I wanted, I wanted …, it didn't matter what I wanted. I unwillingly dropped my hand and I could see the confusion in his eyes that my actions had caused. I did not know what to say about my actions, so I looked back towards the sunrise to gather myself. Edward was enough of a gentleman to not comment on my behavior, so we said nothing for a while and just watched the sunrise.

Finally, I shook my head, took a deep breath and embarrassingly spoke, "I guess you are not the only one whose guard is down and is revealing more than they should."

Still the gentleman, he made no comment. I stood up, still too embarrassed to look him in the eye, and tried to break the intimacy of the moment by saying, "Excuse me, I think I'd like to go drown myself in the bathroom right now."

I heard him laugh that beautiful musical laugh before he replied, "I have to admit, I am really enjoying the fact that I never know what you are going to say or do. I find you absolutely fascinating."

While trying to make my escape to the ladies room, the world went black, and then I was home in my bed. It was morning. Relief and disappointment flooded over me at the same time. I was relieved that I did not have to face Edward right now. And I was disappointed for the same reason. Well, at least now I had time to figure out what to say to him next. Once I saw the sunlight on his perfect beautiful face, and his skin sparkled so brilliantly, touching him was irresistible. I couldn't have stopped myself if I tried. But it was also inexcusably stupid. I had to better control of myself around him.

For the next six weeks even though I will still copying the Twilight Saga down, I didn't have a single Twilight dream and I was absolutely miserable.

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! If you're busy please just say good, bad or okay chapter. If you have time then please let me know any of the following; what do think of their day together? What did you think of Edward laying on the charm to get info out of Jenny? Do you see glimpses of the Edward we all know and love? What's your take on Edward's stalking ways? One of my favorite parts to write was the "Edward in the Sunlight Balcony Scene" I would love to hear your thoughts on it? Thanks for all your support!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**RETURN**

I woke up with that out of place feeling again and immediately knew I was back in my own personal Twilight dimension again, but I didn't recognize the hotel room. Where was I now? I sat up and looked at my surroundings. I was in an apartment or condo maybe? It was warmly decorated with and open format, so it felt very spacious and inviting. I was sitting in the living room trying to get my bearings, when I heard a knock on the door. "Great! I don't even know where I am yet," I thought to myself. I thought about not answering it, but the knock became persistent. "Oh well, here goes nothing," I thought. I walked over to the door and asked, "Who is it?"

As soon as he spoke the first word, he could have stopped. I would have recognized that voice anywhere.

"It's Edward Cullen."

I opened the door, relief and joy washing over me as my eyes drank him in. I spoke before I could foolishly throw myself in his arms. I was so glad to see him. "Edward, thank God it's you! I am so glad you're here. Where are we? This doesn't look like Hawaii or Forks. Why aren't we in Hawaii? I should have returned to the balcony right where I left you. Where are we?"

Edward seemed hesitant, but answered, "We are in Chicago."

I was stunned, "Chicago! How did I get here? Why am I here? And how on Earth did you find me? Oh that's right, you probably tracked my scent, but you're not a good tracker. Forget that, it's not important. What is important is that you are here, and you must believe me, or you wouldn't be here. Edward, why are you just standing there in the doorway, staring at me? I thought we already established that you couldn't read my mind."

Edward continued to stand there, looking at me with a confused expression and responded, "Actually I have been able to read your mind. May I come in?"

"Of course! Come in." I stepped aside and then closed the door behind him. "Well, that's sure going make everything a lot easier. It will be nice not having to censor what I say anymore. You don't know how hard it is to think about what you can say and what you can't say, because you don't want to jeopardize the future. But shouldn't you already be back in Forks? What are you doing here? You're wasting time and Jacob is quickly gaining ground."

Edward looked uncomfortable, "We need to talk about going to Forks."

I could tell by his expression that he had changed his mind about Forks, "Are we really going to play that game again, Edward? Since you can read my mind now, please, just listen to my thoughts. Then you'll understand everything," I opened my eyes really wide to encourage him.

Edward burst into laughter and it was wonderful to hear the sound of his laughter again. I let the sound just wash over as I gazed blissfully at this magnificent man, the sight and sound of him was heaven.

It took Edward almost a full minute to shake off his laughter and speak, "You never cease to amuse me. Why would opening your eyes wider help me to hear your thoughts?"

That statement quickly brought me back down to earth, he was mocking me!

"I don't know. Whatever. Look, Edward, haven't we been through this already? What day is it? How long have I been gone?"

In a more serious tone he said, "Will you just wait one minute? There is something I need to discuss with you."

I didn't understand what was going on and why he was acting so weird. "Fine, what is it?"

"Please sit down."

I looked at him impatiently and then he said, "Humor me. Please, sit down."

I acquiesced and looked up at him impatiently, then expectantly, and then appreciatively. I was back with Edward, staring into his magnificent, amber eyes. I felt myself melting like butter into the couch, as I realized how much I'd missed him. I had been so afraid I would not be able to return and I'd never see him again. He was more devastatingly beautiful than words could describe; he was beyond words. I was so happy.

Oh no! I hadn't thought about the drawbacks of Edward being able to read my mind. Now he would know I was a love-sick puppy who was in a constant state of heat around him. I felt the blush on my cheeks and turned my reddened face away. Then I laughed nervously, as if I could hide my thoughts from him by simply turning my head. So, I turned back to him and smiled sheepishly.

Edward had sat down across from me. He had been watching me intently, and had seen all the different emotions play across my face and asked, "What is it? What is so amusing?"

I cast my eyes down and embarrassingly replied, "You know."

"I would not have asked if I knew."

"Okay, I'm confused. I thought you said you could read my mind now."

Now he looked exasperated, "I am not sure why, but right now I cannot read your mind. I could just a little while ago, but not now."

"What?"

Flustered, he replied, "I am not explaining this very well at all. Look, Jenny, I need you to just listen. Stop talking, stop commenting, and just listen, alright?"

I didn't know what was going on, but I nodded my head in agreement.

Edward began, "Do you remember what happened the last time we were together?"

Of course I remembered that! That memory was burned into my brain. "We were in Oahu on the balcony of my hotel. Why are we in Chicago and who's home are we in? It doesn't look lavish enough to be one of yours."

Edward answered, "We are in Chicago, in your apartment."

"My apartment? I don't live here. I just wake up wherever the body I inhabit happens to be. Wait, am I even in the same body?"

Edward seemed slightly annoyed and interrupted me. "Yes, it's the same body you previously had, and you explained the whole borrowed body detail to me before. But now it's my turn to talk, and no matter what I say, I would like you to listen and pay attention. Not to just wait your turn to speak. Can you do that for me?"

I didn't answer, but folded my arms, narrowed my eyes, and nodded my head. I didn't like the way he was talking to me, as if I was a child. I may not have been one hundred years old, but I was far from a child.

I think he could see my annoyance and he smiled at me encouragingly, and continued, "If you listen to me and you still want me to go back to Forks, I promise that not only will I go, I will take you with me. Just so you can be sure I go, of course."

Immediately, I smiled back and responded, "Promise?"

"You have my word."

"Then you have my full attention."

Edward sat down in the living room across from me. He looked flustered again, "This isn't going to be easy. I really need you to listen. This apartment belongs to Jenny Latham, and she is a twenty-four year old corporate attorney, who lives in Chicago. She is out of work on indefinite sick leave because she has a terminal brain tumor that causes blackouts, delusions and hallucinations. She has been given less than a year to live. She has been using that time to see the places she has always wanted to travel to. You are Jenny Latham." Then he picked up a purse, handed it to me and said, "Take out the wallet and look at the driver's license."

At first I wasn't really listening, until he mentioned brain tumors, blackouts, delusions and hallucinations. That caught my attention and sounded strangely familiar. I had a flash back of sitting in a doctor's office, hearing the same words. I asked Edward to repeat his statements while I mechanically searched for the wallet, and pulled out the license. I got the shock of my life. It was me! Latham was my maiden name, and it was my face, but my age was wrong. I felt nauseas and dizzy. It didn't make any sense! I wasn't sick or twenty-four or an attorney. I was thirty-eight, a music agent with a daughter and a husband. I lived in New Jersey.

Then I heard him repeat the part about blackouts, delusions, and hallucinations. I felt like I was in a fog, and I thought, _"Okay, even if I was buying into all this, how exactly did I know about Edward and his family?"_

Edward spoke loudly to get my attention, "Are you alright?"

"No." I whispered back, finding hard to think let alone speak.

Still in a haze, I looked up at him. He looked remorseful, and then spoke apologetically, "I am sorry to be the one to tell you, but when we were last together, you passed out. I took you to the hospital. I read the staff's mind and found out about your diagnosis. When you regained consciousness, you didn't recognize me at all. After that, I was able to read your thoughts. When you didn't seem to know about me, or my family, I knew immediately something was amiss. But, then it all made sense, you were suffering from delusions and hallucinations."

"None of this makes sense! What are you saying?"

Edward took a deep breath, "I think this personality that I am talking to, and by that I mean you, is a delusion or a hallucination of a very unfortunate dying young woman."

I was flabbergasted. "What? That's not possible! I know what you are saying, but I can't… I mean, it doesn't make…. For arguments sake, let's say you're right, and I am sick and suffering from delusions. Then how do I know you're a vampire that reads minds, that you have two medical degrees? How do I know about Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme?"

"I am not quite sure how you know about me or my family, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a terminal brain tumor. Tell me what you believe."

"Edward, we have been over this already. There is only so much I can tell you."

"Fine, then I will tell you what I know. You are thirty-eight, you're a music booking agent who is married, has a daughter and lives in New Jersey. You have a large close-knit family with seven brothers and sisters, and your parents still live in your childhood home. Does that sound right?"

I was flabbergasted, "How do you know all of that?"

"As you are so fond of saying that is not important. Just answer me, was I correct?"

I was trembling and I answered shakily, "Dead on correct."

Edward continued, "Why do you think you are here? How do you know so much about me, and my family? How do you think you got here?"

"First, tell me how you know all of that."

Edward looked resolute. "No, you first."

I was fidgeting. I had truly hoped I would never have to explain this part. Then I took a deep breath and I prefaced it by saying, "Okay, this is going to sound real bad. I come from a parallel or alternate universe. In my world, you and Bella's love story was a number one, bestselling novel. There were over a hundred million copies sold. I can't really tell you much more about the novels, without screwing everything up. But that is how I know so much about you and your family, from reading the books. I came here because one day I woke up, and the whole Twilight Saga had disappeared. But I remembered it so clearly. I even remembered reading it several times. So, I started my own investigation to find out why it disappeared, and long-story short, I ended up in Hawaii and found you."

Edward looked at me expectantly, and said, "I would like to hear the long version."

_"Of course you would,"_ I thought to myself, and sighed heavily. "I knew the author got the idea for The Twilight Saga from a dream she had about you and Bella in a meadow. So, I tracked down the author, which was easy to do, because when I read the books, I read all about her as well. Except now, she was not famous and was very accessible via Facebook. However, after I contacted her, I found out she never had the dream, so she never wrote the book.

"Well, it looked like I was at a dead end. I tried to let it go, but it kept nagging at me. Why did I remember these books that had never been written? So, I went to the Internet to see if it there were others who remembered the Twilight Saga as well, but I didn't find anyone. I had such vivid memories of reading the books, going on the Internet forums. I remember tearing through the books. I read all four of them in a few days. I could hardly put them down. Then I re-read them again and again, because I enjoyed them so much. So, I decided to write the books because I didn't want to forget them.

"I also began to wonder if reading the books was just a really vivid dream I must have had. But that didn't explain the author being a real person. On a whim, I looked you up on the Internet and I found out you had been born in Chicago in 1901, and you had died of the Spanish influenza in 1918. So that was really freaky. I also looked up Bella and her father, but couldn't find either of them. The Quileutes were real, and I knew you had been real, but you had also died.

"All that research had left me with more questions than answers. So, I did some dream research, and I learned that there was a theory that dreams are windows into parallel universes. They said that when we have a really vivid dream, we are astral projecting into that universe. You probably don't remember what your human dreams were like, do you?"

Edward answered thoughtfully, "No, not at all."

"Well, dreams usually don't make any sense at all, they are just sort of jumbled parts and pieces. But these books and the memories of them that I had were not jumbled. They were precise and had continuity. They were more like memories than dreams. I started reading accounts of people who had had vivid dreams such as mine, about experiences that seemed extraordinarily real. I came across several stories that struck a chord with me. All of them said it was as if they had these memories of things that did not happen, like when I read the Twilight series. One of the experts believed that these individuals had actually astral projected into other parallel universes, which is why they felt more like memories than dreams.

"I thought that maybe the author of the Twilight books actually had a glimpse into the universe that Bella and Edward existed in, and she just kept tuning in and writing the books. But you didn't come back to Bella this time, so the author didn't have her dream and there were no books and no movies.

Edward leaned forward in his seat looking absolutely flabbergasted as he interrupted me, "There was a movie about us?"

"Yeah, I told you it was a huge worldwide best seller. So, it was made into several movies. As I was saying, when I started dreaming about all of you, everything was wrong. You didn't stay in Forks, you left Bella, and when I found you in Hawaii, I somehow got sucked into this body! Now, without even trying, I am here in this body again."

Edward listened, fascinated by the story I was telling, and said, "Please, continue from the time you found yourself in this body."

I continued my tale. "Well, I realized that the books were never written because you never took Bella to the meadow. You got off course and I had to get you back on course. It seemed as though I was supposed to set things right, to talk to you and let you know that you had to go back to Forks. To convince you that Bella was your destiny. So, I got dressed and went to your house. I showed up on your doorstep with pretty much no plan at all, thinking you could read my mind and that would be that. I really didn't think much past that and you know the rest from there."

Edward stared at me in amazement and didn't say anything. I figured he was absorbing everything I had just said. Then after some more uncomfortable silence, I said, "Yeah, I know. Look who's stalker creepy now, huh?"

Edward gave me that crooked smile and although I wanted to turn away, I couldn't, because my heart was in my throat. All I could do was smile back at him like an idiot. I finally spoke and said, "Could you please not do that?"

Edward looked surprised and said, "Do what?"

I said, "Stop smiling at me like that! I already feel like such an idiot, and with you smiling at me like that, I feel like I can't think (let alone breathe). You know, there was a term in the Twilight book for what you're doing right now. You are dazzling me."

Edward continued to smile, but looked toward the ceiling.

I tore my gaze away from him and was finally able to breathe again. Now that I was done talking, I realized how incredibly ridiculous my version of events sounded. That's why I never spoke to anyone about it. It sounded crazy, even to me. I was completely embarrassed, and was considering never ever speaking again.

Edward finally spoke. "That was quite a tale. And although the pieces do fit rather well, in a bizarre science fiction kind of way, I have to ask you, which explanation is more realistic? Do you really believe that you are from a parallel universe where you have the exact things you're dying host is missing out on in this universe? That you have been universe hopping and have traveled to this universe to help return me to my true love? And that I fall in love with the girl whose blood I desire most? You'll have to explain that to me again. Why I would fall in love with the girl who's blood I desire more than anything? That's not just stupid, that's masochistic."

I shook my head at his words and started smiling.

Edward looked perplexed, and asked, "Why are you smiling?"

"Because in the Twilight book, you say something very similar to that."

Edward raised an eyebrow at me and continued, "And then when you get to this universe, you conveniently land in the body of your parallel universe you, and she just happens to have a brain tumor that's causing delusions and blackouts and vacancies. So you have a body to use."

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds really bad. But if I'm just a delusion, how do I know all about you and your family?"

Edward looked at me sympathetically. "Well, I think that's obvious."

"No, it's not so obvious to those of us sitting in the cheap seats."

Again, his expression was sympathetic and his eyes and voice softened. I knew a blow was coming. "You're dying and you were studying us to make contact. This way, you could try to gain immortality. But your delusions took over and instead of saving yourself; you believe you are saving 'true love.' You believe that you have this whole other life in which you have all the things you missed out on."

I was stunned and shaken. "Wow! That does make sense." I leaned back as if I had been physically struck. My head was spinning with all he had just said. I struggled with my next words. "Give me a minute. I need to process all of this."

Edward sat very still on the couch across from me. I began trembling.

Edward asked in a soft voice, "Are you alright?"

I looked in his direction and thought, "What a stupid question!" I must have looked at him like he'd lost his mind. I angrily shot back, "You have to know I am not okay!"

Edward looked contrite and said, "I understand."

"No, you don't! How can you possibly understand? I just found out that I don't exist! That I am a figment of this body's imagination! My whole life: my husband, my daughter, my family, my whole universe all don't exist! This is all some crazy delusion that the real me is using to experience the things she is going to miss out on! I don't even know who the real me is anymore! I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around it. So, no, even though you may be over one hundred years old, I don't quite think you understand!"

Edward sat quietly as I ranted and raved.

"Right now I am grieving a life and people that aren't even real! This is crazy! And you say that you know all of this because now you can read my mind?"

Edward replied, "No, I never said I could read your mind. I can read her mind, when you are not here."

I was still trying to get my head wrapped around everything. "Okay, let me see if I understand… You can read this mind when the other Jenny is present, but not when I am present? And because you can read her mind, you found out I am one of her delusions?"

Edward looked uncertain, "No, not exactly."

"Look, you say I'm dying, so level with me. Tell me what you know that I don't, so I can understand. Please."

"Alright, your other self, she doesn't seem to be aware of me, or aware of you, for that matter, except in her dreams."

Now I was exasperated, "Well then, how do you know for sure that I am delusion and not who I say I am?"

"I have my reasons for that, and I will eventually explain. I am not sure why I can't read your mind when you are in a delusional state. I have been trying to read your thoughts since I arrived here and I get nothing."

I interrupted him, "Please, stop calling my whole existence a delusional state. Let's just say me or… or Jen 2. So, Edward, how do you know you're right?"

"Jenny, this is a lot for you to absorb. Why don't you try to calm down and..."

"I cannot believe I am arguing with you about this! Where I come from, you are the imaginary one. But even if you're right, it still doesn't make sense! It doesn't explain why I know about you, or your family, or Bella. There's a huge hole in your theory. I mean, if I am not real, how do I know so much about all of you? God, my head hurts!" I realized my head was pounding.

Edward spoke pragmatically, "I am not sure how you know about me. But for everyone's safety, that is what I need to find out."

"Ah, so that's why you're hanging around here: to protect your secret. To find out how I know and what I know. Well, good luck with that buddy! And here I thought you were just being a good guy, trying to help me sort it all out."

I stood up, angry at him for not being my Edward, and furious at myself. If I was real, why did I travel across the universe to meet this guy? I stomped past him toward the kitchen to get myself a drink, because I needed something to do. I really felt like breaking all of the other Jenny's dishes. But Edward already thought I was delusional, so I settled for banging her pots and pans around while I looked for a coffee maker.

Edward had never been around a human who's natural fear of him was not palpable, even as they were drawn to him. He watched me curiously as I stomped right past him without a second glance, without a hint of natural fear.

"I am sorry, but I don't want you to have any illusions about me. In our previous conversations you seem to have this almost knightly concept of me. But what if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy?"

Still struggling in the other Jenny's kitchen, I lifted my hand to my head and indignantly said, "You've got to be kidding me! You have no idea how bad my head hurts, and if you continue to quote the very phrases your Twilight character uses in the book, my head is going to split wide open! And don't worry Edward, my illusions regarding you are fading fast."

It might have been my imagination, but I thought he looked disappointed at my words. I would have thought that was what he wanted to hear. I gave up on the coffee maker and sat back down in the living room. My head was throbbing; it felt like I'd been hit with a sledgehammer. I closed my eyes and was trying to massage my headache away when Edward spoke again, "Don't you have any pain medication?"

I didn't even open my eyes and answered him sharply, "I don't know, maybe she does. Why?"

Edward spoke gently this time. "Your head could be hurting because of your illness. I'm sure you probably have some pain medicine around here."

I caught his softer tone, so I looked up and answered in a softer voice, "Oh, yeah. That makes sense. But, I don't even know where to begin to look. You probably know better where it is. Knowing you as well as I do, I'm sure you've been staking the place out for the last week. You've probably already been in here a dozen times looking through her stuff."

Edward froze at my last comment. Then he got up and went to the kitchen cabinet. He pulled out a prescription bottle and got a glass of water, then silently handed me both.

I took the bottle from him, and asked, "What is this?"

Edward spoke softly again, "It's Vicodan, for the pain."

I looked at him as though he were crazy and said, "Edward, I have a headache, not a broken arm! Doesn't she have Tylenol or Advil somewhere?"

Edward asked gently, "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"My mom is a nurse, just get it, please."

Edward walked down the hall and came back with three Tylenol capsules and handed them to me.

I took two from him and said, "What is it with you and pills? Three is overkill."

"I just thought you might need something stronger. Three Tylenols is equal to -"

I interrupted him, "You know what, stronger does sound like a good idea. I need a drink. Does she have anything to drink? I'm not talking OJ, I mean wine or vodka. Please, could you get me whatever she has?" I placed the Tylenol on the coffee table.

Edward silently walked back to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He came back with a bottle of Moet, and held it up for my approval.

I almost laughed, but it hurt too much. "Champagne? What are we celebrating? Seriously, that's all she's got?"

Edward nodded and then said, "I have not seen her drink a single alcoholic beverage. I think her condition prevents it."

I had to agree. "Oh, yeah, that would make sense, I guess."

In a split second Edward went back to the kitchen and opened the bottle, poured a glass of champagne, and was handing it to me.

I took a sip and thoroughly enjoyed it. "This will do just fine. Besides, we wouldn't want to see a perfectly good bottle of Moet go to waste. I hope she wasn't saving it for something special."

We sat quietly for a moment as I sipped my champagne and looked around the apartment, already feeling better. Before I knew it, I had already downed a glass.

Edward had been watching me closely, probably waiting to see if I would explode again. He looked thoughtful and then asked, "Would you like another glass?"

I didn't mind if I did. "Yes, please."

He took his time with the second glass and then asked, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes."

"May I ask you something, then?"

"Sure."

He looked genuinely curious. "Why was the book called Twilight?"

"Because it's the safest time of the day for you, or vampires, I mean. At least, that's what you said in the book."

Edward looked puzzled, but did not respond.

I continued to down my second glass and said, "Tell me about Jen2."

"She seems very nice. She is kind to people. She's done a good deal of pro bono work. From what I have gathered, she was a very good attorney. That bottle of champagne was a gift for a landmark case she had won."

"What about family? Does she have any?"

"She has a brother in the military, stationed in Spain. He was recently here spending time with her."

"Are they close?"

"They seemed to be very close."

"Parents?"

"Her mom passed away last year, and her father died five years before that, both from cancer."

"Well, that explains the tumor."

"I am truly sorry, he responded and gave me a empathetic look.

I waved him off. "No, no, don't worry about it. What about friends?" I continued to drain my glass as he spoke.

"Her best friend lives in New York City and she's very concerned about Jen2 and wants to come for a visit. Jen2 has not been one hundred percent honest with her best friend regarding her condition. Would you like another?"

"Sure, why not?"

Edward poured me another glass. "How's your head?"

"Surprisingly better! You know, of all the thousands of times I pictured myself talking to you, I never once saw this conversation." I giggled.

There was a slight frown on his beautiful face, "Sorry to be the bearer of such bad news."

"So, regarding her, have you made any headway on why I know so much about you and your family?"

"As I said, it's not uncommon for people that are dying to seek us out looking for immortality. But that's all I've got, so far."

"What about when you searched the apartment? Any leads or contacts?"

"Nothing concrete."

"Wow, I can't believe it! My husband, my daughter, and even my version of you, Edward, all don't exist. I wonder why my mother's a nurse."

"I might be able to help you with that part. Jen2's mother was a nurse."

"Oh..." I didn't finish my thought.

Edward continued using his soft, soothing human voice. "Think about it, your life is everything she would have wanted. You have a big family, living parents, a husband and a child."

I felt myself sinking into the couch as the alcohol really began to take effect, "So, where do you fit in? Other than the quest for immortality thing, why do I have this crazy romantic hero version of you in my fantasy life?"

"I'm not sure, but something must be missing from Jen2's fantasy life. I must fill some void."

I was definitely feeling the champagne and said, in a flirtatious tone, "Hmm, well, I guess I threw a romantic version of you in for good measure. I mean, look at you! You're indescribably beautiful and sexy. Since this is all fantasy anyway, why not toss you into the mix?"

Edward couldn't suppress a smile, not because of the compliment, but because the champagne was working. I was definitely more relaxed.

"So, other than the fact that your theory doesn't sound nearly as crazy as mine, how are you sure that I'm not right, and you're wrong?"

Edward was hesitant and then said, "I was hoping not to have to do this so soon. I wanted it to sink in a little more first. While searching the apartment for clues as to how you knew about me, I came across Jen2's journal."

I almost spit out my drink. "A journal? A JOURNAL! You're just now telling me about a journal?"

"Do you always interrupt people when they are talking?" He didn't wait for me to respond. "Please, just listen. In her journal she writes about her vivid dreams of a life with a husband, a child, a big family with seven brothers and sisters. She is a music agent. And this is where it gets really strange; she thinks she's writing an impossible love story about a vampire and young girl. So, this leads me to believe that you are either a delusion, or split personality she has developed in order to protect her mind from her impending death."

I sat there dumbfounded. There was the proof. I was just a dream! My whole existence was nothing more than a figment of Jen2's imagination. I got up quickly, and started to sway, "I think I am going to be sick. Where's the bathroom?"

Edward picked me up so quickly, I didn't have a chance to fall. The next thing I knew, I was in the bathroom. While I was tossing all that champagne back up, it took me a moment to realize someone was holding me and holding my hair back. I almost laughed out loud and started to choke. How long had I dreamt of this moment? How I'd wished for the possibility of being in Edwards arms. Finally, the spasms slowed down and stopped altogether. I lay limp in Edward's arms. They felt like cool iron bars. I was still lightheaded and weak, but I think at that point it had more to do with Edward's nearness than the champagne. I almost felt giddy.

Edward asked with concern in his voice, "Are you alright now?" He handed me a towel.

"I think I am done. Can you help me to the sink?" In roughly one sixteenth of a second, I was at the sink. "Could you slow down A LOT? I am already dizzy."

"Sorry, I have forgotten myself."

I washed my face and mouth and looked in the mirror. Yes, I was definitely younger. Then I saw Edward's reflection behind me, and felt myself go weak again. He was inhumanly beautiful. Edward tightened his hold a little, and then I was back on the couch. He gently laid me down and moved to step away. I grabbed his cool hand, "Stay with me, please. Stay by me. I don't know why, but right now you are the only connection I have to anything, and I could slip away at any moment."

I realized then how terrified I actually was of this thought, the thought of slipping away as though I had never existed. I felt as though I was barely hanging on, but Edward's hand felt good, strong and solid. He was the only anchor I had.

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I love to hear your thoughts and feedback and I love it when you guys catch things I miss so Thanks for all your help! If you're busy please just say good, bad or okay chapter. If you have time then please let me know any of the following; What did you think of the news Jenny got upon her return? Do you think Jenny is real or just a split personality? What do you think Edward believes? What do you think is going to happen next? Thanks for all your support!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**REALIZATIONS**

**Edward's POV**

I looked down at her; she seemed so fragile, so helpless, so lost. I saw such pleading in her eyes that my heart went out to her. In an uncommonly human gesture, I lightly squeezed her hand and nodded my head in agreement. She loosened her grip but still held my hand in hers, closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.

For a moment, I allowed myself to feel her fear and confusion. Although my existence was difficult, at least I knew I was real. I could not imagine what she was going through.

Then my thoughts took another turn. Delusion or not, she certainly felt real. I found myself staring at our hands, hers in mine, and I was surprisingly mesmerized. Her touch was warm and electric, soft and inviting. How long had it been since I had touched another being like this, human or vampire? It had been too long.

For the first time, I really looked at her. She had long thick brown hair that hung down her back past her waist and porcelain-fair, olive skin over a heart shaped face, with full pink lips. Although her eyes were closed, I could clearly see them in my mind's eye, she had large, bright, green-blue eyes. They were the most striking things about her, and her eye color seemed to change with her mood: more green when she was angry or fired up, more blue when she was sad or pensive. I remembered how her eyes flashed green when she was ranting earlier, and it made me smile.

She was about 5'4, with a slender build, and as my eyes continued to roam beyond her face and over her feminine shapely body I felt something stir inside of me. Something warm, vibrant and electric. I immediately went to release her hand, but she opened the stormy seas of her hazel eyes wide in panic, squeezed my hand, and held it tighter.

I gave her a reassuring look and soothingly said, "Don't' worry, I won't go." She physically relaxed and closed her eyes again to rest.

It was strange to think of myself as comforting to this human, to any human. She was different than any human I had ever met. As I continued to hold her hand, I realized that I had been watching this woman for weeks, and I had never noticed how lovely she was, how bright and expressive her hazel eyes were, or how her smile seemed to light up her whole face. My eyes traveled to our hands, and once again, I was mesmerized by the surprisingly pleasant and inviting feeling of her touch.

I mentally shook myself. What was I doing? She was human! This proximity was dangerous! Of _course_ she felt warm and inviting, she had blood pulsing through her veins. But where was my thirst? Why weren't my vampire's senses reeling at being this close to her? As a matter of fact, I could not once remember feeling thirsty around her.

Even earlier, as I held her in the bathroom, when I told her that I'd forgotten myself, she assumed I meant my speed. But I'd realized that I was holding a human, a monumental error on my part. And why wasn't I thirsty and feeling out of control? Where was my bloodlust? I wasn't holding my breath, I was breathing normally. And why did she smell so strange? Good, but different, human, but not human. My mind had been ablaze with these new questions as I had held her.

When I had thought she wasn't human, that was understandable. But she was human. And just like earlier, I wasn't just close, right now I was touching her and still not thirsty. There was no venom filling my mouth, no burn in the back of my throat, no ache to put my lips on her neck. I didn't even watch her pulse throb in her neck. Normally, that was the first thing I noticed about a human: the throbbing pulse at their neck.

This made no sense at all.

Whatever _this_ was, it was dangerous to be around this woman. She knew my secrets, she knew my family and, most oddly, she felt very pleasant to be around. After a short while, she fell asleep and I watched as her hand slid out of mine. I decided to go outside on the balcony to analyze this information. The air always did me good. If she stirred at all, I could be back before she knew I was gone.

As I stepped onto the balcony and looked out into the night, I found myself feeling nostalgic again. Chicago had changed so much since I was human. There were barely any traces left of the city I had known in my previous existence. It seemed like a parallel for my own transformation.

I had not been back here since I left with Carlisle. I wasn't quite sure why I had stayed away, but being here had me thinking more and more about my previous human existence. How different my life would have been, had I survived the Spanish influenza. What kind of life I might have made for myself? Having faced death, would I have still gone to war? Would I have stayed, married and had a family? What kind of woman would I have made my life with? What kind of father would I have been? What kind of grandfather would I have been? But, the questions were moot, because of the path my existence had taken.

I felt agitated and restless as I paced back and forth on the balcony. Nothing made sense. _She_ was still a mystery. She didn't have any answers. Why wasn't I able to read her mind now? Why wasn't I feeling thirsty around her? How did she know so much about me and my family? And why, oh why, did she make me hope?

Hope? Yes hope. She had brought with her hope and possibility into this life of monotony, self-loathing and despair. That's why I was angry, not just angry, but angry at her. I'd been holding on to hope.

Hoping that when she woke up, she would have answers and say the things I wanted to hear again. That she would be confident, laughing and smiling, like she was before. That she would explain it all away and make me hope again, HOPE? WHEN? WHEN had I started hoping? When had I started dreaming and believing in her delusions?

I paused, and in my memories of her I found it. It was that day on the beach when she spoke about 'Her Edward', even back then, I had liked the sound of it. I wanted to be 'Her Edward', not hers, specifically, but the Edward she spoke about. Not the self loathing monster I knew myself to be.

Yes, she made me believe that I could still be the man I had always wanted to be. That there was more than just this monster inside of me, that it didn't have rule my life or define me. But now, I knew that it was all the delusion of a dying woman and with her dying, hope for myself was dying too.

My thoughts were interrupted as another woman stepped out on the next balcony. She looked over towards me and smiled at me appreciatively. Her thoughts were loud and borderline vulgar. I nodded, but didn't smile back, not wanting to encourage her attention. She stood in the breeze and her scent hit me. And there it was, the familiar thirst, the burn, the venom, the urge to spring and attack. I had been so busy watching Jen2 that I had waited too long to hunt. I looked back towards the woman and I could see and hear her pulse from my balcony. This felt normal; this was how I _should_ be reacting to Jenny. I stopped breathing to let the moment pass. I blocked out all intruding thoughts as I stared out into the night sky to regain my control.

When I felt sufficiently in control, I decided to test my revelation. I silently stepped back inside the apartment. I walked back over to where Jenny lay sleeping. Again, I marveled about how different she was from other humans, and at her trust in me.

I had never been around a human who's natural fear of me was not palpable. Even as they were drawn to me, their natural instincts kept them at a distance. Earlier she stomped right past me without a second glance. Where was her natural fear? Why wasn't she keeping her distance? She knew I was a vampire, didn't she know I was deadly to her? For her sake, I was going to have to make her understand. I felt unworthy of her trust, and just like the untrustworthy monster that I was, I was about to put that trust to the test.

I began closing the distance between us until I was about four feet away. I braced myself for the inevitable, and I carefully breathed in. Nothing: no thirst, no burn, no venom. This was impossible. I stepped closer. I was now only one and a half feet away. I took another careful breath, and again there was no reaction. Before I could second guess myself, I closed in some more until I was only six inches away. I'd never even allowed myself to be this close to a human unless I had intended to attack. I was so close to her that I felt her warm breath on my face. I breathed in, and again: nothing. I breathed her scent deeper into my lungs, and she smelled human, but not human. Different but good. Really good. But still there was no thirst, no burn and no venom.

I stared at her neck and looked for the pulse, and still felt no ache to put my lips on her neck. Well, that wasn't entirely true. I _did_ want to put my lips on her neck but it wasn't the ache of thirst. It was.. it was.. I tried to name what I was feeling as the electric warmth spread through me like an awakening. That was the best way to describe it. I felt alive, like my frozen insides were suddenly alive again, tingling with pleasurable warmth.

My eyes traveled to her lips and the desire to put my lips to hers was overwhelming. That was it. _DESIRE_. That's what I was feeling.

I jumped back at the realization. I could not remember when I had last felt desire. Surely, more than ninety years ago, if ever? This feeling was overwhelming and tantalizing. It was a yearning to touch her, a craving to put my lips to hers; a very different type hunger, yet just as powerful.

DESIRE? Why now? Why her? She was dying, in fact, she wasn't even real. For the love of all that is holy, this was insane!

Where was all this coming from? It was coming from her, from this delusion of a woman. How twisted was I? That I could not even relate to another living being, but I had to relate to a delusion.

My mind raced as my body pulsed with electric desire. A delusion? She seemed more real to me than any being I had come across in ninety years. And now, I wanted her to be real. I needed her to be real. There was still the possibility that she was real, that she was somehow from a parallel universe. She seemed so genuine and so important to me now.

I realized the whole time I was studying Jen2, I'd been waiting for _her_ return. Watching Jen2 was like watching paint dry, it was tedious and boring. But just being in _this_ woman's presence was exciting, exhilarating, intoxicating even. This realization was staggering, and I took another step back from her.

She lay quietly, completely unaware of the change in me. I watched her with new eyes, with hungry eyes. Her long thick brown hair fanned out beneath her, her face was so serene and lovely in sleep. The gentle rise and fall of her chest, the way her pink tank top stretched across her bosom and clung to her small waist, the way her jeans emphasized her feminine curves.

As my eyes eagerly roamed over her sleeping form, I remembered the feel of her hand in mine, and how pleasurable it was. I wondered what it would be like to caress her face, to stroke her cheek, to run my fingers through her long thick fragrant hair, to bury my face in that hair, to….

At these thoughts I felt an urgency growing within me, and I felt myself unconsciously inching closer to her. Wanting to wake her, talk to her and touch her.

I paused, what about her feelings toward me? What if she rebuffed me? My thoughts immediately turned to Tanya, and I empathized with her in a way that I had not before. I had always thought that I was considerate of Tanya's feelings regarding me. But, I realized now that I had unintentionally made light of them. Believing her thoughts were of desire only, and hardly pure, I never considered the depth of those feelings, or how difficult and painful it must have been for her to be around me.

Being able to hear someone's thoughts is not the same as being able to understand their feelings. I could not begin to understand an emotion I had never felt. Having never been physically attracted to someone before, I had no idea how powerful these feelings were, and how all consuming they actually felt. I could not comprehend the power and urgency behind these emotions, or exactly how Tanya must have felt each time I thought I had gently rebuffed her.

In the future, I would take more care with Tanya's feelings now that I understood them first hand. I thought of our last encounter and how she had been upset at my rebuff. I would be crushed if this woman treated me the same.

I thought of Jenny's reactions towards me. She seemed eager to be with me as well. Well, eager to be on her mission to bring me to Bella, at least. No, that was not entirely true, I had seen desire in her eyes when she looked at me, and on more than one occasion. The recollection made me happy. Seriously happy, almost deliriously happy. Or was this giddy? I had felt happiness before, but not this kind of happiness. I reveled in the moment, in this feeling. I had existed one hundred and eight years and yet I had never felt so alive as I did in this moment. I moved closer.

But there was a shadow over this happiness. I felt myself go cold as the dread set in. This feeling was going to disappear when she disappeared.

How could I go back now? My life had become tedium. That was the biggest threat to immortals: boredom, particularly for me, because I could read minds.

There were no surprises for me anymore, no mysteries. But now, _she_ was a beautiful mystery, wrapped in desire and intrigue. Her story was tragic and moving. She was perfect. I had to laugh in spite of myself. Of course she was perfect, she wasn't real. As if the universe had not had enough of torturing me, now this! Fate had to dangle everything I never knew I wanted in front of me, only to snatch it right from me.

My ardor was quickly replaced with anger and resentment. This was all her fault! She came along bringing chaos into my existence with all her talk of true love, romantic heroes and happy endings. I had been content to be alone, content with my life, complete even. But now I wanted more. She made me want more. Without even realizing it, I had bought into the romantic fantasy she weaved, and now my existence seemed empty without it.

I had not realized until now how much I was holding on to it. More than just that, I wanted to be the man she thought I was. Her Edward. She had only said it the one time, and now the memory of it was burned into my brain.

Back then, it was the man I thought I could be. But now, it meant so much more. Her Edward. I loved the sound of it. When she spoke about 'her Edward,' there was a light in her eyes. I wanted to be the person she believed I could be and I also wanted to be _Hers_.

Well, universe be damned. I wasn't going to give up without a fight. I would go with her to Forks, or wherever she wanted to go, and win her affection along the way. I'd keep her with me until she was no more.

Of course, there was also a small chance that she was real. That this parallel universe possibility was true and that she would not have to die so young. But, if she was real, then there was also a husband, a daughter, her family. She would live, but she would never belong to me.

Strangely, it pained me now to think of her belonging to someone else and to some other world. It hurt to think that she might one day return, and she would take all these new and powerful feelings with her. But even if I would never see her again, and the very thought aggrieved me, it was better to know she was alive and happy, then gone forever.

But if she wasn't real, I had to convince her that she was who I wanted, not Bella. I had to make her understand that I felt tied to her, bonded to her by this desire.

I imagined that this was how the Denali sisters felt towards their human lovers. I could see how these feelings would change the way you saw humans forever. I thought of Tanya again, and how I had unfairly judged her. I understood her so much better now, and I was going to make it up to her somehow.

Desire was so exhilarating. My vampire mind raced as I tried to figure out a way to keep Jenny with me. How could I exist without her now?

There was another possibility… no I would not do that. But even as I pushed it away, a despicable idea had been taking shape in the back of my vampire mind. I could convince her to stay with me. Now that she knew she was dying, and possibly just a delusion, I could offer her a chance to exist for real. Not just temporarily. I could offer her immortality and she would be frozen as she was right now, with _this_ personality. She would be this Jenny, and she could be with me as long as she chose. I knew she desired me. Maybe she could see the possibility of us. She seemed to know all about what this immortal life entailed. She was facing death or worse non-existence, maybe she would choose to stay with me instead.

No, no no! This was selfish and wrong on so many levels. Dying or not, she still had a soul! Did I want her to give up her soul for life as a soulless killing monster?

And what if she was from a parallel universe? She would be trapped here, and that is not why she came. I already knew she missed her home, and that it was a sacrifice to be here. If I changed her she would be trapped here forever with no way to return home. She would hate me, and then I would hate myself.

And worse yet, if she was real, there was Jen2 to consider. The actual dying woman. We didn't even know where she was. She could be lost or trapped where ever she was, forever, with her soul never ever able to move on.

Jenny thought way too much of me. I really was a monster to even contemplate this. So much for being 'Her Edward.' _Her Edward_ would never try to convince her to stay for his own selfish reasons. No, I would not allow myself to even contemplate it anymore. There had to be another way. And I would find that way. Until then, I would make the most of whatever time we had together.

But if she asked me to change her, would I be able to deny her? Could I? Regardless of what I wanted, there was still the matter of her soul! No, immortality was out of the question. It was settled. I turned my back on the monster within and silenced him.

Allowing myself this moment, I watched her sleep, and just reveled in all these new and incredible feelings. So much had changed for me in such a short time. And there was still the mystery of how she came to possess her knowledge of me and my family. Somehow, the truth to her true beginnings seemed tied to this knowledge, and that had to be the first priority.

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! If you're busy please just say good, bad or okay chapter. If you have time then please let me know any of the following; What did you think about Edward reminiscing about his human life? What do you think about Edward discovering he has no bloodlust towards Jenny? What did you think of Edward discovering his attraction to Jenny? What do you think of an Edward experiencing desire instead of love? I'd really love to hear your answers! Thanks for all your support!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**THEORIES**

I watched her sleep, fascinated by the changing expressions on her face and the subtle movements her body made. Her face was serene, and I was glad that for the moment, she had peace. Her body stirred and her eyes fluttered open. If my heart had not been frozen, it would have skipped a beat.

"Edward?" she asked, in a small tentative voice.

"Yes," I answered, and the sound of my name on her lips sent an unexpected thrill through me. I wondered if she could sense the change in me, if my emotions were as obvious to her as they felt to me.

"I'm still here." It was more of a statement than a question, and disappointment was coming off her in waves. Her heart began beating faster and her whole body tensed, as the earlier events settled on her again.

"Yes, you're still here." I spoke in my most human voice. I wanted to reassure her, to help her, to somehow erase her disappointment and apprehension. But how could I alleviate her fears?

Her head turned slowly towards me, her stormy blue eyes wide and bewildered, and with genuine curiosity in her voice she asked, "How do you know it's me and not her?"

That was easy.

"First of all, she really doesn't know me and would be quite upset to find me sitting in her apartment. Secondly, I can't hear her thoughts when it's you. Thirdly, _you _are different, probably more like her before she became ill. But she is lethargic and needs rest. You seem tireless, and there is an energy and excitement about you that she lacks.

There were other differences that I didn't add out loud. Glaring, wonderful differences. When it was Jenny I felt differently, I reacted differently. I would know her anywhere, no matter who or what body she was in.

"So, what do we do now?" she asked in a voice laced with worry, her eyes filled with doubt. She sat up on the couch and wrapped her arms around herself in a self-comforting gesture.

She looked lost, not quite broken, but worn down. I could see the toll this was taking on her. "Why don't you take it slower," I suggested. "Get up, have a cup of coffee, take a shower, do normal human things."

She seemed to brighten a little and gave me a weak smile. "That's not a half bad idea, especially the coffee, but I don't know where anything is."

Encouraged, I suggested, "I'll make the coffee while you take a shower." I was glad to be doing something useful for her.

Her eyes scanned the room questioningly, and she asked, "Where's the bathroom again?"

"Down the hall, third door on the right." As she headed down the hall, my eyes seemed naturally drawn to her departing form. I decided it was a good time to make the coffee.

I paused in my search for the coffee to listen and make sure Jenny was okay. I could hear the water running, her deep breathing and her heart beating rhythmically. I imagined her shivering as she stepped in the shower, the water running down her body. I was not prepared for the images my brain conjured up; very provocative, very human images. I felt the warmth and the urgency surge through me again.

Desire was amazing, powerful and pleasurable at the same time. When I had suggested a shower, I had never once thought about the dangerous and ungentlemanly path my thoughts would take.

I made a conscious effort to focus on making coffee.

However, my newly awakened human side and vampire brain conspired against me; whispering to me how easily I could lure her from the shower to the bedroom. That she would follow willingly, all the while images of her in that damned shower danced in my head.

This would not do. Something as simple as her taking a shower was playing havoc on my sanity. This hyper-awareness I felt toward her was definitely going to make things nearly impossible.

Fortunately, the shower stopped and the provocative images of her abated.

I breathed a sigh of relief and returned to my task.

Coffee was easy enough, as a medical student I'd seen that made hundreds of times, but now she needed food. I realized I didn't know how to cook. There had never been a need to cook for myself, not even as a human.

I looked around the kitchen, feeling wildly out of place. I recognized the toaster. I had a pretty good idea how that worked. I made two slices of toast, and I was quite proud of myself as I set the tray on the coffee table. I believed I had everything correct. Sugar, creamer, milk, butter, jam... I was desperately trying to think of anything, anything but _her_. I decided to focus on her plight, which always seemed to cool my ardor.

She came down the hall with freshly shampooed hair and freshly scrubbed skin, in a white terry cloth bathrobe. She had a lovely, creamy complexion with just a hint of a sun-kissed tan. Her skin was radiant against the white robe. Her face and skin were still flushed from the warm shower. She smelled like heaven and looked utterly enticing. My enhanced senses immediately took notice that there was no other clothing underneath that bathrobe. With her this close to me, that thought alone was enough to undermine all my good intentions. Was she trying to tempt me?

She seemed completely unaware of the effect she was having on me. As I wrestled with more ungentlemanly thoughts and images, she sat down quietly, folded her legs under her, and tried to nibble on the toast.

Almost immediately, I saw the look of utter despair on her face and all my ardent thoughts slipped into the background, replaced by concern and compassion. I focused on her situation and its implications.

She seemed to be struggling with the toast. I wondered if I made it wrong, "Sorry, it's the best I could do; there has never been… a need for me to cook."

She gave me a weak smile and replied, "I know, I didn't think guys did a lot of cooking in the early nineteen hundreds. I probably couldn't stomach anything else right now, anyway. I mean.., it's great, thanks." She seemed to struggle with her words as well, "The shower felt good. I think it helped."

I watched her make her coffee, committing to memory exactly how she liked it, for future reference. We sat in silence, while she drank the coffee and continued to nibble on the toast. When she realized she wasn't going to get very far, she gave up and broke the silence. "So, have you come up with any other conclusions or ideas?"

She still seemed to be in a fragile state. Not wanting to cause her more pain, I spoke hesitantly and prefaced my answer with a warning. "I have three possibilities, two of which I am sure you are not going to like."

I saw her take a deep breath, square her shoulders, and mentally brace herself. I hoped she was ready. I continued, "One: you are real and from a parallel universe where you have read all about me and my family. Because you are not from my universe, the natural laws here don't apply to you. That could explain why I can't read your mind and why Alice can't see your future." I paused as I silently thought, "_And why I don't feel thirsty around you." _Then I continued, "You are sort out of space and time, so essentially you are really not here."

I also didn't add, "_That doesn't explain why you are having such a powerful physical effect on me." _Instead, I said, "But that doesn't explain what happened in your universe: why your book series disappeared. And that is the only explanation you have for the knowledge you have about me and my family."

Finally, I saw a genuine smile on her face. I was immediately ecstatic. A simple smile from her sent unexpected ripples of blissful feelings and emotions through me. She looked surprised and pleased at my answer, and she responded enthusiastically, "Wow, you _have_ given this some thought."

_Of course I gave that possibility the most thought, I need you to be real._

"Two: You are the fantasy or split personality of a dying woman, who is using this personality to vicariously live out her dreams. But then, we still don't know how you know about my family or me. She has no thoughts of me, other than her belief that you are writing a novel. Perhaps there is a third personality that I haven't seen yet, one that wants to live, and has been investigating my family to seek immortality."

She didn't verbally respond to theory two, but her body language definitely implied that she didn't care for it.

I continued, "Three: neither of us is real and we are both the fantasies or delusions of a dying woman who is probably comatose in a hospital bed somewhere."

"You're right. I really don't care for theory two and theory three." She bit her bottom lip, while contemplating my theories.

This was a gesture I had seen her do before, but in this moment it was all I could do not to pounce on her and taste those lips for myself. I was amazed at how quickly the pleasant urgency, the electric warmth, the overwhelmingly intense desires had returned. It seemed as though every tiny detail about her was so much more significant. I reminded myself to focus, I could do this. I had been denying my natural responses for decades.

I had to keep such human thoughts from my mind right now, which was not so easy when you had a vampire mind capable of thinking of several things at once. I sighed and said**, **"Since there has been no sign of a third personality, and I don't care for theory three either, I think we should explore the first possibility. Tell me as much as you can about your universe, and how you believe you know the Cullens."

I listened carefully as she talked about her life and her family, absorbing every detail, every movement, and every gesture. I watched her expressive eyes change color with each mood she was feeling. I watched how she would use her hands to emphasize her points. How, when she was hesitant or feeling self conscious, she would slightly turn her head and unconsciously tuck her thick wavy hair behind her ear. How the rise and fall of her chest would accelerate when she was excited or frightened. How she bit her lip when she was unsure of what she was saying or thinking.

How she was still in just a bathrobe.

I had to get her dressed as soon as possible. I felt the pleasant urgency returning again, so I focused all my energy on listening. I hung on her every word.

She talked about how she saw the first movie before reading what she called the _Twilight Saga. _Books? Movies? Our lives on display? Why would anyone even be interested? I still could not wrap even my mind around all that. Four Books? It was strange to think about millions of people reading all about my family. But there was no denying all the knowledge she had about us. It had to come from somewhere. That distracted me from my more human thoughts about Jenny.

I mulled over all the details she revealed to me, and immediately saw a missing piece, "Alright, if we go with theory one, then when you're here, where is Jen2? Does she go to your life?"

She shook her head, "No, no matter how long I am gone, I return back to the moment I left. So that's not possible."

"Well, how is she seeing your life?" I asked.

"I'm not sure." Her expression was confounded, then immediately, she lit up and said, "But if we are going with theory number one, and I am in a parallel universe, then we, I mean Jen2 and I, have a natural connection. We're like two sides of a coin, and I think that by crossing over here, it has opened up my life to her." She smiled at this new idea.

That idea had merit, and I felt myself actually smiling as well. "That's a possibility. So, the parallel universe gateway is open between the two of you. But when you are here in her body, we still don't know where she is."

She frowned and her brow creased in frustration. "I don't know. I don't believe she's in my life, because I return to the moment I left. Maybe she is still in here?" She looked at me expectantly, our thoughts in unison.

I focused on Jenny, trying to hear anything at all, but heard nothing. "No, I don't sense her at all. She is not in there. I would be able to hear her thoughts if she was there."

When Jen2 was here, I could read her thoughts clear as a bell. She had a very kind mind. She was past all the stages of grief, this having been her second bout with cancer. She accepted her diagnosis and refused to waste any time feeling sorry for herself. Instead she was planning trips and seeing the world. I had admired her for that. Jenny interrupted my thoughts.

She spoke in a distressed and frustrated voice, "I don't know. This is all new territory, and when I was reading about astral projection they didn't cover body jumping. Maybe she's out astral projecting into other universes."

I didn't like the distress I heard in her voice, so I responded soothingly, "That is a possibility." Actually, that was a possibility. Jen2 did like to travel. The only thing hindering her travels was her failing health. With astral projecting, that would no longer be an issue. I continued, "If that is the case, then if you're here astral projecting, (_I couldn't believe I said the words out loud,) _in this Universe, maybe you just automatically get pulled into her body, because she is the alternate you. You are the best match to this body. This time when you arrived, how did it happen?"

She answered matter-of-factly. "I was thinking I needed to get back here. But the last fifteen times I tried, nothing happened. This time, without trying at all, here I am. Also, if I had done this purposely, I would have arrived at the moment right before I left, it would have been seamless to you, as though I never passed out or left."

"So, the last thing you remember is falling asleep, and then you were here."

"Yeah, that's it. What was she doing before I got here?"

I walked over to Jen2's kitchen table, picked up a letter and handed it to Jenny. "She had just received news that her brother was killed overseas. She was very upset, crying. Then I saw her lay down on the couch. Ten minutes later, I saw her get up, but it was you."

With sadness in her eyes and sympathy in her voice, Jenny took the paper, and replied, "I feel so bad for her. She just can't catch a break. Her life seems so overwhelming."

I didn't think Jenny's eyes could be any lovelier, but then her eyes glistened with tears, making the bright blue in her hazel eyes more prominent. I could gaze into her eyes for hours and just watch the minute changes in color. This line of thinking was not helping, and I shook my head to focus.

Jen2s life _was _overwhelming, why wouldn't she want to escape to some other world. "Maybe, when things get too difficult for her, that when she lies down to rest she is astral projecting, because she would rather be anywhere but here."

Jenny bit her lip and hesitantly responded, "Well, that explains why she goes, but not why I'm here. Or why I know about you. Come to think of it, even in theory one, we still don't know how I know about the Cullens. I mean, the books were never even written, so how do I know anything about you?"

I didn't have an answer for that. "Alright, moving forward to theory number two."

Jenny shook her head adamantly and said, "No, I don't like that theory."

I didn't like it either, but we needed to be thorough. I was always thorough. "I know, but we need to explore it anyway."

Green eyes flashing she challenged, "Well, if personality number three shows up, then we can explore that theory. And speaking of theory number two, if I _am_ just a split personality, then how come you can't read my thoughts? And Alice can't see my future?"

I sighed, I didn't like upsetting her, I reluctantly answered, "Well, with that theory, technically you _are_ in Jen2's subconscious. I can't read the subconscious and Alice can only see the future when conscious decisions are made. You are in the subconscious; therefore she can't see your decisions." I knew that was going to be a blow. A look of dejection swept over Jenny's features.

Then she responded angrily, "Wow, that blows, I don't even fit into the '_I think there for I am category_.' I can now empathize with artificial intelligence."

Although I couldn't hear her thoughts, her eyes and expressions spoke volumes: anger, sadness, confusion, frustration, grief and loss. Not knowing what I could do to make it better, I left her to her own thoughts.

After a world of emotions seemed to cross over her delicate heart shaped face, determination finally set in. She sighed, folded her arms across her chest and said, "So, of all your three theories, which theory do you like best?

Without hesitation I replied, "Theory one."

"Why?"

Again, I spoke without hesitation, "Because you seem more real to me than any other being I have come across in ninety years. I cannot imagine a world in which you don't exist." What I really wanted to say was, "_I don't want to contemplate a world in which you don't exist." _But, I had already said too much.

She seemed genuinely surprised by my answer, and she responded, "That sounded almost like a compliment. But earlier you seemed so frustrated and short with me. Now you seem different, more patient, more concerned, or are you just feeling sorry for me?"

She frowned at that last comment, then continued, "We are still stuck on the same spot. I don't see where you, Bella and your family fit in. Well I see how they fit in, just not how I know so much about all of you."

Disappointment washed over me, she thought I was short, impatient and frustrated with her, that I didn't compliment her. I was going to have to remedy that. I was glad she didn't press the change in my attitude further. "Sometimes, the simplest theory or explanation that still covers all the circumstances is the most logical."

"Ockham's Razor?" she asked.

Now it was my turn to be surprised, "Did you study William of Ockham's Theory?"

Her eyes grew wide as she chuckled and explained, "No, I saw it in the movie _Contact_. It was a major point in the film, kind of stuck with me. But before you go tossing Ockham's razor around, you do realize that leaves us with theory three as the answer. I mean alternate universes, astral projection, split personalities, werewolves and vampires sounds like a bunch of science fiction, ergo theory three must be the answer.'

I was not a fan of theory three either, still I said, "It would certainly explain all the holes. In theory three they don't really matter."

She rolled her eyes and said, "Theory three blows. It's unacceptable."

I actually found theory three rather unpalatable as well. She was right. It was unacceptable.

She threw her hands up in the air and said, "If theory two is correct, then I have no life to return to. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I have been taking care of people for so long. I cannot imagine my daughter, or the love I feel for her, not being real." She shook her head resolutely, then turned her flashing green eyes on me and challenged, "I know your arguments are logical, but guess what, Edward, vampires and werewolves aren't logical! As a matter of fact, where I come from, they're not even real. Maybe all of this is just another crazy, super-vivid dream of mine?"

I felt myself stiffen when she mentioned werewolves again. This time, I could not ignore my body's response and its implications. I spoke cautiously, "That is the second time you have mentioned werewolves. What do you know about werewolves?"

She hung her head, tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed, "Ugh, me and my big mouth! I'm saying too much again. The better question is, what do you know about werewolves, before I screw things up some more."

"No, I asked you first. What do you know about werewolves?"

Her face was reluctant and she began unconsciously wringing her hands. I could see in her eyes that she was trying to choose her words carefully. "Fine, I will tell you what I already think you should know. About seventy years ago, the Quileutes made a treaty with Carlisle. They agreed that the Cullens would not trespass onto their land, and they would not expose you to the pale faces. I also know that they were werewolves."

She knew about them, as well? She had mentioned Googling the Quileutes, but not that they were werewolves. Actually, they weren't really werewolves. I needed more information from her. "You are wrong about the tribe."

"No, I'm not."

I grimaced and repeated, "They are not werewolves."

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! If you're busy you can just say good, bad or okay chapter. If you have time then please let me know: Which Theory do you think is correct? What did you think of the interaction between Edward and Jenny? What you would like to see more of? Thanks for all your support!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**FEAR & SELF LOATHING**

"No, I'm not!" she challenged, green eyes flashing, she seemed perturbed that I did not believe her.

My frustration at not being able to hear her thoughts was growing exponentially. I repeated myself, "They were not werewolves." Disagreeing with her seemed to make her reveal more, I waited for her response.

She shifted in her seat, poised to contradict me, "Yes, they were," she paused mid sentence her mouth dropped open and her cheeks flushed slightly pink, "Wait a minute, you're right, they were shape shifters. Caius destroyed most of the real werewolves."

Then, the strangest thing happened, my mouth dropped open, and that doesn't happen to vampires. My body went rigid with panic, my mind reeled _THE VOLTURI! _Just this once, why couldn't I hear her thoughts! Immediately, I wanted to shake her and make her tell me everything she knew. This was dangerous territory and she needed to stop holding back. I could not hide my surprise, but not wanting to expose my anxiety; I forced my voice to stay even and asked, "What do you know about Caius?"

Still sitting casually across from me, she took note of my surprise, but nonchalantly answered, "That he hunted the werewolves practically down to extinction. That he hates them; they are a natural enemy to all of you."

I lightly gripped the sofa arm and felt the cushion and the wood crushing beneath my hand. I was stunned. I repeated my question in the same controlled voice, "What else do you know about Caius?

She answered matter-of-factly, "That he is the third of the three Volturi leaders."

I was flabbergasted. I knew she could see it on my face; I could not even hide it in my voice. "They were in this book series too? How much do you know about the Volturi?"

She smiled a knowing smile and answered confidently, "I know enough to know that Demetri couldn't find me if he tried, and Jane and Alex's powers probably wouldn't work on me because yours, Alice and even Jasper's don't work on me, either. Whatever makes me different seems to make me invulnerable to all vampire special abilities."

Instantly, I was on my feet and snatched her up off the couch. Holding her off the ground by her shoulders at arm's length, I practically growled at her when I spoke. "You may be invulnerable to their abilities, but not their physical strength, speed or numbers. You know too much, you're a human and you will be considered a threat to them. You must never speak of the Volturi to anyone! Never! You understand?"

My sudden fury and swift movements caught her off guard. She had forgotten she was with a vampire, and for the first time I could tell she felt fear in my presence. Her eyes were wide and I could smell the adrenaline surge through her as some basic survival instinct registered the danger she was in. I realized I was glaring at her blackly and brusquely demanded, "Do you understand?"

The color had drained from her face and her expression was bewildered and confused. Her heart was beating triple time and she answered me quickly. "Yes, I understand," she barely whispered.

I realized she was holding her breath. "Breathe," I said. She inhaled deeply and seemed to go a little weak. I continued to hold her just off the ground and eye level to me. My black eyes locked with surprised wide green ones as the seconds passed.

After she took a few deep breaths, I could see and feel the change in her. The fear was fading, but it was being replaced by shock. In a barely steady voice, she said, "Edward, I think you're hurting me."

Her body trembled slightly, and I watched the gentle shiver of her breasts and the way her robe brushed against her thighs. She had goosebumps, and a light sheen of sweat had broken out over her skin. She was vulnerable and beautiful and as fragile as a flower in my hands.

I felt my expression soften and I loosened my grip considerably, but I was reluctant to let her go. I stared intently into her blue eyes and reigned in my anger and softened my voice.

"I was demonstrating to you how dangerous vampires can be, Jenny. You are too lax around me and you needed a healthy dose of fear. You know things about my kind that you shouldn't know. Now, more than ever, we need to find out how you came to possess this knowledge, because if someone shared this information with you or Jen2, that person could lead the Volturi right to you. The Volturi take humans knowing about them very seriously."

Her body was tense, her skin clammy, and her breathing shallow and rapid. She was still in shock and answered numbly, "I remember."

I felt my eyes narrow, but I kept my expression open and friendly. I had already frightened her enough. "What do you mean, 'you remember'?"

She spoke mechanically, "When the Volturi showed up in the books, they sort of mention that the penalty for a human who knows about them is death or vampirism."

Will wonders never cease? How could she possibly know any of this? I was staggered. I know the expression on my face was incredulous. "This goes way beyond studying just my family. You know about the Volturi. It's too dangerous for you and us, now."

I stared into her eyes for a long moment, silently willing her to understand how dangerous the Volturi was. Finally, her shock seemed to abate and her tension began to subside. A strange look flitted across her features. What was she thinking? If she ever forgave me for hurting and frightening her, later I would ask her what she had been thinking.

She spoke slowly, deliberately, softly and only a vampire would have been able to hear the slight tremor in her voice. "Edward, you've made your point. I understand. Could you please put me down?" Her heart was still pounding as her eyes silently pleaded with me.

Staring into her blue eyes, I was surprised to find I was still holding her. I gently put her down. Although it had been for her own good, I loathed my behavior and what she must have thought of me now. For the first time since we'd met, I was glad I couldn't hear her thoughts. I turned away from her, not wanting to see the revulsion in her eyes.

We stood that way in silence for a while, both of us perfectly still. That may have been normal for a vampire, but not for a human. I believe she was still in slight shock. I knew I had crossed a line, and I didn't think there was a way back. I was glad that I'd made her understand the danger, yet devastated that I'd made her fear me. After what seemed like forever, her heartbeat and breathing slowly returned to normal.

Still turned away from her, I heard her take a deep breath. In my mind's eye, I could almost see her squaring her shoulders.

In a voice steadier than I would have imagined her capable of at the moment, she said, "Edward, you were right to react like that. I needed a reminder about how dangerous this could be. For me, the Volturi were just characters in a book. But here, they are real, cruel and deadly."

I wasn't ready to face her. I needed to put some distance between us. Not wanting to frighten her anymore, I spoke softly and said, "Forgive me, I need some air." With that, I stepped onto the balcony for the second time this evening.

I was greeted by the warm wind, and the smell of cars and human food, and the quiet murmur of thoughts of the other nearby humans. There was a human in the apartment next to Jenny's, and on the balcony, the smell of the woman's blood was especially sweet. She was thinking about her children, they were spending the night with their grandmother. It all made me think about Jenny and what she'd told me about her own little girl, how that had touched my heart.

Was it still the same evening? Because of the change in me, it felt like a lifetime ago that I stood out here wondering why I reacted so strangely to this woman.

Even now, I hadn't meant to react so fiercely. But she needed to know what she was really dealing with. So much for winning her affections, instead I'd terrorized her. That was sure to make her want to be with you, I thought sarcastically.

Fear. I'd seen it in her eyes. Fear. That was the last thing I ever wanted to see there. For the first time, she saw me as the monster I really was, and it devastated me. I didn't want her to see ME like that ever!

I could not even bring myself to look at her, now.

I was a fool to think she really understood what I was. Her understanding of me had come from reading about me in a book, as a romantic hero, a harmless, fictional character. She did not know what I was really capable of, the things I had really done.

She spoke of Jane, Alex and Caius with overconfidence and no fear. She was not unintelligent, so that meant she really did not comprehend what they were, or what I was.

I felt hopeless as I paced the balcony. All my former illusions regarding us had come crashing down.

If I cared for her at all, then I needed to find out how she knew about vampires, and I needed to leave her alone. Being this close to me was only going to bring attention to her, the kind of attention humans didn't need, like the Volturi.

I shuddered at the thought of her in the hands of the Volturi. I would not let that happen.

The thought of her being gone forever sent fresh waves of agony and anger through me. I realized most of the fury in my reaction came from the fact that I didn't know how to protect her, or from whom.

I steeled myself as my course became clear. Until we found out for certain how she came to possess her knowledge of vampires, I had to stay with her. I had to keep her safe and protected.

I also could not touch her again. Even in those brief moments of holding her to make my point, I did not want to let her go.

Although I was first and foremost concerned for her safety, there was another part of me that was acutely aware of her proximity. Of the feel of her warm, soft, yielding flesh beneath my hands. Of the inviting heat radiating from her body. Of her state of near undress. And that was the reason that I didn't want to put her down.

But, when I saw the fear in her blue eyes, I wanted to drop to my knees, beg her forgiveness and promise her I would never react that way again. Swear, that I would never hurt her, that I only wanted to protect her.

She brought out such strong reactions in me. It was as if a dam had been broken, and now I was flooded with all these intense feelings. They were all so fresh and powerful, I barely recognized myself. I had always thought that I had held onto my humanity. But I had forgotten this part of being human.

Sadness swept through me, as I realized how much it meant to me that she knew what I was, and still looked at me like a man. Not just a monster.

Of course, I had many woman look at me with desire. But they didn't know what I truly was. Jenny did, and she still looked at me as though she saw the best of me, not the worst.

Unfortunately, I had unwittingly showed her some of the worst tonight, and I was loathe to go back inside and to see her look at me accusingly, with disillusionment, repulsion, or worse, fear again.

Despair began to settle in. Yes, to see her look at me differently would be too heartbreaking. Could a frozen heart break?

Again, I thought about begging her forgiveness, and then sighed at the impossibilities. Despair was quickly replaced by defeat.

I had to let go of my romantic illusions. I had to be more cautious around her. I had to keep my hands off of her and I felt myself sigh deeply at my next thought. I had to go back inside and face her.

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! If you're busy you can just say good, bad or okay chapter. If you have time then please let me know: What you thought of Edward's reaction to Jenny knowing about the Volturi? What did you think of the conversation he had with himself on the balcony? What do you think Jenny is feeling now towards Edward? Thanks for all your support!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**REALITY CHECK**

I was glued to the couch. Once the shock wore off I had started trembling. I was grateful to my legs for not buckling under me as I made my way back to the couch.

I barely understood what happened, one minute we were talking about the Volturi and the next second he'd snatched me up like a ragdoll.

He was so close to me, his two black eyes set in an angelic face, so fierce and magnificent, stunning all my senses. I could barely think or breathe. When he had ordered me to breathe, I had breathed his scent in deeply, and it was indescribably intoxicating. I practically swooned in his arms.

I had never seen him so much like a vampire, all traces of his human facade gone. His raw power and strength radiated from him. His fury was as terrifying as it was beautiful. A part of me had been afraid, but another part of me was awed and even more mesmerized by him. I was going to needs loads of therapy for that alone.

When I realized Edward was touching me, I had a hysterical moment where I almost laughed. I was thinking it was ironic that Edward had held me twice tonight, and both times were not even remotely how I had imagined or dreamed it would happen.

His black eyes had stared so intensely into my eyes, like there was so much he wanted to say and just couldn't. And when I asked him to put me down, he seemed surprised to realize he was still holding me. Those responses didn't make sense.

But he was right, the Volturi were no joke. They would squash me like a bug and not bat an eye over it, and that was if I was lucky. An involuntary shiver raced up my spine, so I grabbed the blanket on the couch as I felt myself trembling again.

After my trembling stopped and the fear subsided, I looked around the room. Edward was still on the balcony. I thought of Edward and sighed deeply. He hated the monster inside of him, and barely let him out except to feed. I knew how much it had cost him to handle me like that, and even though he had had his back to me, his regret and self-hatred were palpable.

Knowing him as any good _Twilight_ fan would, he was probably outside berating himself. I had never met anyone so prone to self-loathing as Edward. I was going to have to do something about that. An idea came to me, one I thought was pretty funny, as long as it didn't backfire. I got off the couch on wobbly legs, but made my way to her kitchen. As I searched for my props, I silently prayed this would work.

Fifteen anxious minutes later when Edward stepped back inside, I was calmly waiting for him on the couch. He didn't look at me; that was a bad sign. I sighed again, here we go.

He took the long way around the room, moving deliberately, and gracefully sat on the opposite couch with his arms folded and his eyes to the ceiling. He still didn't look at me.

I spoke first since I could tell by his stoic expression that he wasn't going to. "Edward, I understand the importance of finding out how I came to know all of this vampire stuff. It's important for my safety and probably the safety of your family as well. So let's just move forward and concentrate on that."

Edward did not say anything. He simply nodded his agreement, but the tension in the room was obvious.

I sighed again, this might very well be a long evening. "When you searched the apartment, you didn't find any other clues as to how she might know what I know?"

His face looked like it was carved out of stone, and without looking at me, he shook his head and responded, "No, and I have searched the apartment several times."

That was disappointing. "So, there wasn't anything about any of you or your family in all of her journals?" I asked.

Edward's body was rigid and I could hear the tension in his voice. He was doing a poor job of hiding it, and that wasn't like him. He replied stiffly, "She only has this one journal."

I knew he would be upset, but this seemed to go beyond self-loathing. Something was really wrong! But his answer took me by surprise, "One journal? No one keeps just one journal. Writing in a journal is a habit, there has to be more than one."

Edward seemed unmoved by my logic and sullenly responded, "People also tend to want to leave some history behind when they find out they are dying, yet I only found the one."

I was sure he was wrong, but I could see this line of questioning was headed nowhere fast. "May I see it?"

So swiftly I didn't see him move, the journal was in my hands. I was startled, but not scared. I guessed that all human pretenses were out the window now. I was still blinking in surprise when I looked back over toward the other couch. He was smiling; that dazzling, crooked smile. God, I loved that smile! Relief washed over me and I automatically smiled back.

There was relief in his eyes as well, and I could tell he was smiling in spite of himself. Then he said with amusement in his voice, "That won't work you know."

I had used black electric tape to make a necklace and I had attached a garlic powder container to the front. I had been waiting for him to see it, and said, "I know, it was meant to be a joke, to lighten things up. I guess it did."

Edward's smile deepened and he said, "Yes, it did, thank you." Then he had the cutest puzzled expression on his face and asked, "How do you do that?"

Now I was puzzled, "Do what?"

His face was angelic and completely open as he answered sincerely, "I never know what you will say or do, and yet you always seem to know how to put me back at ease."

I continue to smile and said, "That's easy, I know you Edward, maybe even better than you know yourself."

Edward looked at me with an unfathomable expression, then gave me a dazzling smile and said, "So, where were we before I behaved so rudely?"

God, I loved when he spoke like he was from another century. I quickly averted my gaze, knowing full well I couldn't think when he smiled at me like that. I cleared my throat and said, "We were talking about journals."

I opened the journal to the beginning, and found what I was looking for.

Before I could say anything, Edward spoke. His whole body language was more relaxed and he said, "I read the journal, the only mention of vampires is when she writes about dreaming about your existence, and the novel she believes you are writing."

I was glad to see he was better and asked, "When did she get her diagnosis?"

He responded, "According to her medical records, about two months ago."

Excitedly, I answered, "That means she started the journal before her diagnosis. So, this _is_ a habit!"

Edward looked surprised and replied, "There was an entry regarding packing up things, books and mementos, to send back to her parent's home for her brother to keep. If she has other journals they will be with those things."

I was excited at the mere possibility. "Maybe, in her journals there are clues as to how I know so much about vampires."

Then an unwelcome thought hit me. I could feel the blood draining from my face and it made me go cold. Edward froze as though he had done something wrong again. I quickly explained, "Edward, if by some crazy chance I am not real, then someone knows an awful lot about you, your family, and all your acquaintances. That means someone has been watching you for a long time." I felt frightened for him, and for all the Cullens.

Edward's expression was instantly grave as I am sure mine was. "I know, I have thought of that as well."

Then his mask returned and he suggested I go change into some clothes, while he searched her desk again. He directed me toward her bedroom and was instantly at her desk, searching through it. I guessed he was really concerned about his family. I couldn't blame him; I was worried about them too.

As I walked down the hall, I noticed the pictures hanging on the walls. My jaw hit the floor; it was me and _my brother_, me and _my parents_, me graduating from Princeton, and me making law review.

The room started spinning, and at first I thought I was leaving again, but it was just vertigo from the shock. After I recovered, I realized this was her life in pictures. But that was _my_ brother, and _my_ parents! I wondered what happened to all my other brothers and sisters. Where were they? Even stranger, I had always wanted to be a lawyer, but my life had taken a different turn so I never went to law school. Apparently, Jen2 had wanted a law career too. What did it mean? I would have to tell Edward about my actual family in her photos, but first I needed clothes.

I'm not sure why, but I tentatively opened Jen2's bedroom door. Her bedroom was beautiful and very feminine. It was the kind of bedroom I would have if I didn't share it with a very opinionated husband who liked modern furniture. She had a queen sized, four-poster bed, with a white eyelet lace canopy and curtains that matched.

The furniture was an exquisite French antique pine set, in an off white finish with beautiful curves, embellishments, detailed scroll handles and clawed feet, with matching night tables covered in antique lace. The dresser was also covered in antique lace and had a matching mirror that ran its length, and was covered with picture frames and small antique jewelry boxes.

I paused as I recognized one of them as my own. I was tempted to look in it, but decided I was here for clothes. The dresser drawers were filled with sheets, pillow cases and more lace. I looked in the armoire, but it housed a TV and entertainment system. Next was the prettiest piece in the room, the vanity, but this too housed sheets and lace.

There was only one piece in the room that didn't match the set; it was a piece I knew well. Although it had been refinished to match the other furniture, it was the rocking chair my grandfather had made for my grandmother. This very chair was in my daughter's room. I felt a shiver go up my spine, I had no idea if that meant anything. Clothes I reminded myself, I was here for clothes, not speculation.

There were two doors off to the right. The first led to the bathroom, and the second led to a large, walk-in closet. Actually, it was more like a dressing room. It had tons of drawers and shelves from the floor to the ceiling. There was a triple sided mirror to see yourself from all angles, another vanity area and built in shoe racks.

Her shoes were gorgeous. I tried on the first pair that caught my eye; they were a spectacular pair of black, strappy Jimmy Choos. I felt like a supermodel in those shoes. I vowed that when I got home, I'd get this exact pair; the electric bill could wait.

She had outstanding taste in clothes. I loved everything! I was sorely tempted to play dress-up, but then I found the piece de resistance: her purses. This was something else we had in common: she had Louis Vuitton, Prada, Hermes, Burberry, Coach and more. I had died and gone to purse heaven!

I was so busy having fun; I almost forgot to get dressed. A knock on the door brought me back to the moment. I called out, "Just a minute!" and hastily made my way to the casual wear. I grabbed black jeans and a red T-shirt, but changed my mind and went for a blue T-shirt instead. I tossed them on over a light blue bra and panty set. A girl could dream, right?

I went back to the shoe racks looking for sneakers, and saw she had a pair of Louis Vuitton white multicolor sneakers that matched one of the purses. That changed everything! I had to wear those LV sneaks.

I went back to the shirts and found a white T-shirt with a light blue butterfly on the front threw that on and grabbed the purse.

I went over to the vanity area to find makeup, hair products and accessories. I rubbed some glosser through my hair, and put on lipstick and mascara. That was going to have to do. I had taken too long playing with her purses and was out of time.

When I stepped out of the bedroom, Edward was standing by her desk waiting for me with two FedEx slips in his hand. He smiled at me approvingly, and my heart skipped a beat. He was so beautiful, and when he smiled he was beyond words.

Feeling heady from his approval, I impulsively spun around and flirtatiously said, "You like?"

He nodded yes and laughed. I started laughing too; I suddenly felt nervous and giddy at the same time.

"You're feeling better," he said, still smiling at me. It was a statement, not a question.

He was right; I did feel better. Although, I believed it was a combination of Edward's approval and Jen2's fabulous closet. I said, "Her closet was very therapeutic, I was like a kid who had been let loose in a candy store."

I sat down on her couch, still smiling and asked, "So, what have you found?"

A moment later there were two FedEx receipts on the couch beside me, and Edward was sitting on the opposite couch. I sat there blinking my eyes at the receipts. It took me a second to realize what happened, and then I remembered there was no more human pretense between us.

Edward seemed amused by my reaction and then said, "She recently shipped some boxes to her parent's house in Lake Forest, Illinois, and to her brother in Malaga, Spain. Lake Forest is right outside of Chicago, so we would start our search there."

I agreed, "That sounds like a good plan."

Edward continued, "Then we'll leave in the morning, and you need to get some sleep."

Edward was right, but I just got dressed and I was not tired. I felt wide awake and I didn't want to waste time. I also wanted to talk to him about her pictures and my own dawning idea of trying to go back home. "Edward, I think that we are overlooking the obvious here."

He was intrigued, "What is that?"

I continued, "Well, one way we can find out if I am real is for me to try to go back home."

"NO!" Edward was on his feet; his voice boomed and was harsher than usual, but still more beautiful and musical than humanly possible.

I was startled by his response, and I jumped up off the couch. I felt a small surge of adrenaline run through me again and yelled, "Why? What? What is it?"

Edward calmed himself and said, "Calm down Jenny. How will that prove anything?"

Still puzzled over his sharp reaction, and still on high alert, I answered, "Well if I can go back..."

Edward cut off my response and with a frown on his beautiful face, he stated, "If she returns, we don't know how long it will be until you return. She is not exactly a willing participant in finding out how you know about my kind. Every moment that we don't know that information puts both of you in danger, as well as the rest of my family. No, I won't allow it."

I'm not sure if it was all the adrenaline surging through my body, but I lost it. "You won't _allow_ it? I wasn't asking your permission! I was sharing an idea with you, because I thought we were investigating this _together_, as a partnership. This is not a dictatorship, this is not 1918, _Edward_!"

Edward breathed deeply to signify he was trying to be patient, which only infuriated me more. He continued in a softer, more pleading tone, "You are not thinking clearly. If you try to go back and you cannot return again for a week or a month, that is another month that puts everyone in danger. And, by the way, I didn't mean it like that."

I was incensed. "Yes, you did! And that is one of your problems. You always think you know what's best. Look, I know you're worried about your family's secrets and I get it..."

Edward interrupted me; he looked appalled and demanded, "Is that what you think?"

Surprised by his reaction, I stammered, "Of course you're worried about them."

"You don't know anything!"

I was still angry and bewildered, so I snapped back at him, "Honestly, Edward, I can't keep up with you! Ever since I returned, you have been all over the place with me. I think you're the one with multiple personalities, because your mood swings are giving me whiplash!" Great, now I sound like the book, or maybe that line was from the movie. I wasn't even sure anymore.

Edward looked remorseful. "I'm sorry I'm being so rude. It's just..."

Great, now he sounded like the book too. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and interrupted him, "Look, Edward, none of this is making any sense. We have to be missing something, and whatever it is, it may not be here. Maybe, if I go back I can find proof, or something."

He shook his head disapprovingly and crossed his arms in a resolute gesture.

I continued to make my case, "Edward, I need to know that I am real. Because if I am then I have a family out there waiting for me." My voice broke and hot tears came out of nowhere, but I went on, "So, whatever I need to do to figure this thing out, I need to try."

My tears did him in. I saw his resolution falter and he replied, "We are not finished with this discussion. I need some air." With his mask back in place, he turned on his heel and walked out on the balcony.

I watched him go, furious at both of us: at myself for these stupid tears, and at him for being so obstinate. For someone who didn't breathe, he sure needed a lot of air. Suddenly, I was fuming. How dare he? Who did he think he was? I didn't need his permission! So much for loving his turn of the century-ness.

Didn't he understand? No, he didn't understand. How could he? No one was questioning whether or not he was real. But, what if I tried and I couldn't come back? That idea was frightening. Maybe he was right and I shouldn't try. I felt myself wavering. I almost sat down and gave up.

But that was fear talking. I couldn't let fear start making decisions for me. I had to try and there was no time like the present. I turned my head towards him and took one last look at him on the balcony, wishing he would turn around, so I could see his face again. Then I realized that if he did, I might not have the will to go.

I said goodbye to his back, took a deep breath, closed my eyes and tried to go home.

Nothing happened.

I told myself to relax and I tried again. I tried several times, and still nothing.

Fear gripped me, and I couldn't breathe. I didn't actually know how to get back. I stumbled back to the couch devastated, horrified. What did this mean? No, I couldn't think like that. I was real. I had to be! We just had to find the journals. I clung to the only life line I had, the journals. I sat on the couch trying to breathe and regroup.

When Edward finally came back in from the balcony, he took one look at me and immediately started apologizing for his earlier behavior.

I waved him off and in a voice hoarse with worry and horror, I said, "No, it's not you, it's nothing you did."

I saw the concern in his amber eyes, and heard it in his voice when he asked, "Are you in pain? Would you like more medicine? He looked ready to dash to the kitchen.

I shook my head and said, "No, that's not it either. Edward, I have been trying to go back since you went out on the balcony, and it's not working."

His expression froze when I spoke those last words. Then he balled his fists until tension was radiating off of him. He seemed like he was taking a moment to get himself under control, and then he said in a voice full of emotion, "You were just going to leave? You weren't even going to say goodbye?"

Was it my imagination, or did he sound deeply hurt?

Before I could answer, his mask was back in place, his voice tight and controlled, "If you are planning any return trips, I understand that you don't need my permission. But I would appreciate it if you would inform me. I don't like surprises, and I am sure your host doesn't either."

He was right; I was being rash and irresponsible. But when I had tried to discuss it with him, it had turned into this argument. I was tired of arguing, it seemed like that was all we had done all day. I knew I should apologize, but I was suddenly exhausted and overwhelmed. Then the tears burst from me like they'd broken through a dam, and I started sobbing uncontrollably. The whole day hit me like a ton of bricks, and the weight of it all was too much. I collapsed on the couch.

Edward was instantly beside me on the couch, not touching me, but apologizing again and asking me what he could do. I was crying so hard, I couldn't answer. I could barely breathe in between sobs. I was crying for myself, for everything and everyone I loved, real or not real. The grief washed over me in waves, the confusion, the fear, the panic and the crying, just continued. It seemed endless. I gave in and it engulfed me.

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! If you're busy you can just say good, bad or okay chapter. If you have time then please let me know what you thought. Thanks for all your support!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?**

I was grateful when exhaustion finally overtook her. I stood up and sighed in frustration; this was going horribly. All I really wanted was to somehow bring her closer to me. Instead, I was constantly arguing with her and pushing her away. Of course, she was worried about her family, rightfully so. I worried for my family as well.

When she had fallen apart I had wanted so desperately to comfort her, to put my arms around her, but I didn't dare. I no longer trusted myself where she was concerned. I had too many new and powerful human reactions that I barely understood, and still didn't have under control.

Again, my eyes were drawn to her on the couch where she lay fitfully in her sleep. I wanted to protect her, to help her. I kept forgetting that she belonged to other people, and that she wasn't mine to care for, to protect, and to keep at my side.

But I needed to keep her safe. I needed her near me. It was going to be impossible to let her go. When she had said she wanted to try to go home, a fear like I had never known gripped my dead heart, and all I could think and say was, "No!" The idea of her leaving was frankly unbearable.

She thought my response was out of concern for my family, and it should have been. But she didn't understand my true motives at all. How could she, when all my actions showed otherwise?

What if she left and never came back? What if I never told her how I felt? What if I never gave her the chance to see if she could return my affection? I would never forgive myself.

No. No. No, I shouldn't do that. I ran my hand through my hair in a very human gesture of frustration. I reminded myself that until I knew for certain, she belonged to another. She was married. That regardless of my own feelings towards her, I had to respect that. I sighed deeply at my impossible situation.

I found myself pacing the room and shaking my head in misery as I remembered her earlier suffering. She had been so distraught, so overwhelmed. It was obvious that she had been crying at the possibility of losing her family, as well as her own existence.

I was actually surprised she didn't break down sooner. When I really thought about her situation, it was terrifying. She was either trapped in another universe with no way of returning, or she was the delusion of a dying woman, which meant she didn't exist at all, except in this woman's subconscious mind. Yes, her situation seemed hopeless.

I stood beside her, and for all my strength and ability, I didn't know how to help her. How I wished I could ease her burdens, take away all the pain and make it all better.

I could barely take my eyes off her. Her eyes were closed tight and she moved restlessly. She attempted to move, but there was little room to move on the couch. Maybe I should move her to the bedroom where she would be more comfortable, more restful. This idea thrilled me much more than it should have.

I knew where this line of thinking was headed, and it was no good. I continued to watch her sleep as I wrestled with the idea of carrying her into the bedroom. I told myself she would sleep better there, but in reality the idea of holding her in my arms, perhaps holding her in her bed, no matter how brief, was just too tempting to resist.

I gave up the pretense of arguing with myself; I knew what I was going to do. While she was asleep I didn't have to hide my longing for her, I could bask in it. I could revel in all the new emotions and feelings I had for her, with no fear of rejection, rebuff or discovery.

I gazed down at her with eyes full of desire. I shuddered as that electric, warm feeling surged through me. I imagined another world where I was not a vampire and she was free. Free to be mine completely.

As I leaned down closer to her, I felt my excitement growing. I had anticipated that holding her in my arms would be a very enjoyable experience, but nothing could have prepared me for the force of my reaction.

Finally, she was in my arms, her face and lips mere inches from mine. Her soft yielding body was hot and inviting against my chest. Her scent: fragrant and heady. She inundated my senses, and I was overwhelmed by the proximity.

My skin was on fire wherever we touched. I wanted to bury myself in her vibrant heat, wrap myself in it, drown in it, and lose myself in her. A powerful hunger akin to thirst, took over, and I needed to feel her body against the length of mine.

All the while, a fierce possessiveness flooded me. Holding her in my arms felt right, as though she was made for me and me alone. I felt the need to protect her. The longing to keep her beside me and the desire to make her mine were all overwhelmingly powerful.

A fiery haze had enveloped my mind, and holding her like this was almost pure pleasure. It was like nothing I had ever felt before, and I wanted more.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts to no avail; I had to put her down. I could feel my resolve slipping with each passing second. I called on my ninety years of discipline to make it to the bedroom, and then, I unwillingly put her down.

Heat rolled off her in waves, warming and caressing my skin. My eyes raked over her sleeping body with hunger like I'd never felt before. Everything about her was enticing to me: her long flowing fragrant hair, her full lips, the curve of her neck, the hollow at her collarbone, her full breasts and lush curves. Provocative images of our bodies entwined assaulted me. It took every ounce of my will power not to act upon them.

I marveled at my reaction to her. It's not that I never appreciated the beauty of a woman before, but I had looked upon their beauty like an exquisite piece of art. I never understood what all the fuss was about. This was entirely different. This was not just seeing beauty, but wanting to experience it, wanting to possess it, to lose myself in it. My breathing became quick and shallow, my hands ached to touch her, my lips hungered to taste hers and my skin craved her warmth.

Like fire, she radiated heat and desire, and I was like a moth drawn to her flame. God, but I wanted to touch that delicious heat again. Without realizing it, I was unconsciously leaning in towards her, breathing her in. I knew I should leave, but I couldn't make myself move away. Beyond all reason, I gave into the need feel her skin against mine, again. I swept her up in my arms, pulled her against my chest and gently pressed my cheek against hers. For one blinding moment, I breathed her in, as the fiery pure pleasure that was her body against mine raged through me.

As I reveled in this unadulterated pleasure, I realized her cheek was wet. I froze. The tearstains on her cheeks shamed me. It gave me the strength I needed. She was in no condition for anything but sleep. Certainly not anything I was thinking. I gently put her down, and before I could falter, I fled the room to the balcony, trying to put as much distance between us as I could without leaving her alone.

I stood in the night air, trying to regain my bearings. My skin was still warm from her touch. Although I stared at the night sky, I saw nothing. I felt like she was under my skin and behind my eyes. I felt dazed, overwhelmed and still aching to go back to her.

What the hell had just happened? These new sensations were as overwhelming as they were powerful, and they were coming back with a vengeance. I felt one hundred years of suppressed desire when I was touching her.

My thoughts began to clear now that she wasn't in my arms. But I still felt the physical urgency to go back to the room and... and... do what?

My imagination promptly answered the question for me. First I would caress her cheek, and as my fingers traced her jaw line, my thumb would linger on her chin as the electrifying warmth surged through me. Then, I would gently run my finger tip down from her nose, over her lips and chin, then back to her warm lips to trace them with my fingertip. Her lips would part, her face would flush, and I would close the distance between us and gently brush my lips against her warm soft yielding ones. I willed my brain to stop. I felt the urgency and excitement surging throughout my entire body, again. Only now, it was worse.

This would only end badly. I didn't know how to control my thoughts, let alone this desperate need to touch her, this yearning to feel her body against mine.

I could accidentally crush her in the state I was in. I had to get a hold of myself before I could even consider going back in the apartment. I needed to clear my head, for both our sakes.

She could have a family, and a husband; she wasn't mine. But this thought did me no good either. Instead of cooling my desire for her, I was filled with a desire to strangle her husband. This emotion was raw and powerful as well. I felt envious of the fact that she might belong to him; that he could hold her, touch her, and kiss her. The thought of another man's hands on her were disturbing on a whole new level.

The balcony was the unfortunate casualty of my anger as I crushed the iron rail to dust. It was going to be a long night. I refused to go back inside until I had myself fully in control.

The night breeze blew past me, bringing mouthwatering scents along with it, reminding me of my unattended thirst. I tuned out the many mindless thoughts that surrounded me and suppressed the human desires still burning in me. I focused on the breeze. I searched past the more delicious human scents to something more along the lines of my chosen diet. There was not much here in the heart of the city. I was going to have to leave Jenny and hunt. I didn't want to leave her alone, but leaving right now seemed prudent, and I could not continue to deny my thirst. It would be foolish to do so.

When I was near her, my thirst was in the background and more powerful human hungers were front and center. How did people function at all feeling this way? I realized there was so much I didn't understand. But I did understand Emmet and Rosalie better. I would not judge them so harshly anymore. I had been a judgmental fool, passing judgment on behaviors I did not understand.

I thought of Carlisle, centuries older than me, yet he passed judgment on no one and had compassion for everyone. Carlisle always gave me more credit than I deserved.

Another breeze brought a surge of venom into my mouth. I needed to hunt. It was ironic; I was worried about the dangers of leaving her alone, when I was probably the biggest threat to her if I stayed.

As a precaution, I pulled out my cell phone and called Alice. She picked up before the first ring.

"Hello Edward." Hearing my sister's voice was soothing.

"Hello Alice."

"How goes it with the mystery girl?"

I was surprised at her response, and replied, "I thought you couldn't see her?"

Alice responded matter-of-factly, "You went off the grid, so it wasn't too hard to figure out that she must have returned. You could have answered your phone though. Esme was about to send out a search party."

I frowned at my idiocy. I had silenced my phone so it wouldn't disturb Jenny's sleep. I must have forgotten to put the ringer back on, just more evidence that she dominated my thoughts, and that I wasn't thinking clearly. "Please tell Esme I am fine, and then give her my apologies and my love."

"_Are _you fine? You don't sound fine, Edward. What's wrong?"

Alice knew me too well. What could I say? No, I'm not fine. I'm more than fine: I'm amazing, I'm enthralled, I'm confused, I am more alive than I have felt in seventy years, and I have no idea what I'm doing.

Alice's words broke me from my reverie. "Edward, I know you're there. I can hear you breathing. What is it?"

"Alice I.., I.., I'll explain everything to you later. Right now, I need to know what you see me doing tomorrow."

"What?" The confusion in her voice was evident.

"Alice, please just answer the question," I pleaded.

Alice sighed, and a moment later she said, "I don't see you at all, so you must still be with her. Why?"

"I was thinking of hunting, and I was concerned for her safety if I left her alone. But if I'm with her tomorrow, it should be fine."

"Edward, what did you learn that you're concerned for her safety?"

Alice could be relentless, and she was not going to let this go. I sighed, "She knows about the Volturi." There was silence on the other end of the line. I could tell Alice was processing all the possibilities, as well as the dangers.

"I don't understand. I thought she had brain tumor. Did you find out how she knows all of this?"

"No, but we have some leads that look promising."

"So, she didn't tell you?"

"No, she did. But it's not that simple."

"I'm not following."

I thought of how to explain, and then decided against the full story. I gave the next best answer I could think of. "The way she believes she knows is highly implausible. So, we are investigating her family to see if that is the answer."

"Oh, okay." Alice still sounded uncertain, but didn't press it further, "But come home and soon and check in regularly, or Esme will worry."

"Of course."

"Edward?" There was concern in her voice. "Should I be worried?"

"No, Alice, I know how to call for help if I should need it."

"Okay, then have fun hunting."

"How do I fare?"

"Surprisingly well, for Chicago. You head to the Shawnee National Forest. Keep in touch."

"I will."

The line went silent, and I was left alone with my thoughts. Would I call for help if I needed it? How could anyone help me with what I was feeling? Who would I talk to? My father? My brothers? I thought of Emmet's relentless teasing, and immediately decided against it. But I didn't want to pry into Jasper and Alice's love life, or Carlisle and Esme's for that matter. Emmet and Rosalie wore their desire for each other on their sleeve. Maybe they couldn't help it. Maybe Emmet _was_ the right person to talk to.

I breathed in deeply and was again assaulted by my thirst. I needed to feed. I thought of going back inside to check on her. I felt myself smile with anticipation and then decided against it. Focus, hunt. I locked the balcony door, although I knew it would do no good against my kind. But from what Alice saw, I was with Jenny tomorrow, so I knew it would suffice.

I scanned the street below and it was empty. I leapt down and headed out of the city, ignoring the human thoughts and mouthwatering scents all around me. Suddenly, I felt the urge to run, to feel the wind against me and the speed soothe me. Anyone paying any attention would not have seen my inhuman pace, but I used my enhanced senses to go down only empty streets. I reached the outskirts of Chicago and continued south. Following my instincts away from the intrusive thoughts of others and towards the silence, I was soon surrounded by the forest.

I paused and breathed in the scents, sights and the sounds of the forest and its creatures. Although I was thirsty, I felt the need for physical release, and running was exhilarating to me. I could give myself over completely to my physical instincts and just fly, lose myself in the sensation of the air rushing passed, and the forest flying. I launched myself through the air and ran full tilt. I picked up several scents before I found the one I was looking for. There were a few deer off to the southwest. I slowed my pace and became one with the night. I tasted the venom flowing freely in my mouth as I stealthily approached my prey. They were not even aware of me. I had two down before the third even noticed. I made quick work of all three of them. The blood was warm and filling but never quite satisfying.

I thought of the girl whose tantalizing blood was never far from my mind. It was as if her blood called to me. I had never wanted anything more, until tonight. For the first time in my vampire existence, I had desired something more than blood.

I sat down on the forest floor enjoying the quiet all around me. Most of the forest inhabitants had scattered while I fed. There were no humans around for miles; my mind was empty except for my own puzzling thoughts. I looked up into the night sky for answers. It was a clear night with a full moon. Did full moons make vampires crazy too? Did it make vampires desire humans for more than just their blood? Of course not. Outside of its beauty, the full moon had never had any effect on me before.

My monotonous existence had been turned upside down by two human females; one whose blood I craved, and the other whose body I craved. I pictured both the faces of the women that were haunting me. Both of them were so different, so lovely. Neither one of them had given me a moment's peace since I met them.

As they unknowingly battled for my attention, I realized that I thought Bella was lovely too. I had not really looked at her before; I was always so consumed with my thirst for her blood. But as I remembered her face through the minds of others that day, I recalled her large brown eyes, so expressive, so warm. With a sweet, shy smile, a full bottom lip, and nearly translucent skin. Her features contrasted nicely with her dark brown hair. Originally, I had written off the attention she received to her newness. But now, I could see more clearly what everyone had been going on about. She was definitely prettier than I had previously given her credit for.

Then the image of her staring back at me in terror flashed through my mind. No doubt she saw me for the monster that I was. That thought horrified me. I hated being a monster, a killer. Bella Swan brought out the worst in me because of her delicious smelling blood, but that wasn't her fault.

When did I start thinking of her as Bella? When did I start thinking she was pretty? Probably when Jenny started filling my head with ideas about true love and destiny. Still, it was better to think of Bella this way, as a shy pretty girl with her whole life ahead of her, rather than a once in a lifetime meal. I frowned in disgust with myself at that last thought. No matter how unsatisfying my diet was, giving into my desire for Bella's blood was not an option.

Again, I pondered how impossible a physical relationship with Bella Swan would be. How could I be near her without killing her? I could not imagine how crazy it would drive me if I were as physically attracted to her as I was to Jenny. I would be at constant war with myself: my human desires at war with my vampire instincts, each side waiting for the other to falter. That would be a dangerous game to play with Bella Swan. I could not imagine the kind of self-control it would take on my part or the trust it would take on hers. She too would also have to override all her human instincts warning her away from me.

Love. Jenny talked of love. Could love make such a relationship possible? Carlisle believed love could overcome anything. Maybe love could override human and vampire instincts. Maybe love changed you into something more than what you were. I had seen how love had changed Carlisle and Rosalie.

Love had made them glow from the inside out. In Rosalie's case, she had been so bitter, so unhappy. Then Emmet breathed happiness and joy into her life. Rosalie was beautiful, but never more so than when she was looking at Emmet.

In Carlisle's case, he had always glowed with his love and compassion for all life. But when he met Esme, his glow became brilliant like the sun.

Yes, love had changed them, all of my family, especially Jasper. Though I tried not to hear the thoughts of my family, sometimes it was impossible not to. Alice's love had saved Jasper, and there were times when his love for her was more like reverence.

Maybe love could change me? Maybe love could keep Bella Swan alive? No, it wouldn't, because love doesn't destroy, and I would only destroy her. If, by some miracle, I fell in love with Bella Swan, then staying away from her would be the only option. And how do you stay away from someone you love?

Love was just another preposterous, impossible, ludicrous idea from Jenny. It was as if my whole world suddenly revolved around these two human women. One whose very existence brought out the absolute worst monster in me, the monster I had spent decades keeping buried. And one whose existence was bringing out the human man in me who had lain dormant, buried deep beneath the monster. These human instincts were powerful, potent and delightful at the same time. At the very least, I couldn't say my existence was monotonous anymore.

I pictured the other woman that was always in the back of my mind. Jenny. I saw her smiling at me with eyes full of wonder, appreciation and desire. In her eyes I saw the man I wanted to be, the man I could be with her. That enthralling, electric warmth spread through me. It was a vibrant feeling, an alive feeling. I had been dead for ninety years, but I didn't know just how dead I was on the inside, until I met her. This vibrant, alive feeling was intoxicating. Although I did not completely understand all these feelings or their meanings, I felt like a drowning man who'd been given a lifeline. I was not about to let it go.

I stood up from the forest floor, now anxious to return to her. I broke into a run, reveling in the freedom combined with the electric warm feeling that thinking about Jenny always spread throughout me. I smiled as I ran realizing I would be with her within the hour.

**Please review and let me know your thoughts. Thanks for all the support and reviews!**

**Two songs really capture Edward's feelings, emotions and state of mind, Wicked Game by Chris Isaak and Bloodstream by Stateless lyrics below.**

**Wicked Game by Chris Isaak**

World was on fire and no one could save me but you.  
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.  
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.  
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.

No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
With you, With You(This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.  
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.  
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.  
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
With you.

World was on fire and no one could save me but you.  
Strange what desire will make foolish people do.  
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.  
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you,

No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.

**Bloodstream by Stateless**

Wake up look me in the eyes again  
I need to feel your hand upon my face  
Words can be like knives  
They can cut you open  
And then the silence surrounds you  
and haunts you

I think I might've inhaled you  
I can feel you behind my eyes  
You gotten into my bloodstream  
I can feel you flowing in me

Words can be like knives  
They can cut you open  
And the silence surrounds you  
and haunts you

I think I might've inhale you  
I can feel you behind my eyes  
You gotten into my bloodstream  
I can feel you flowing in me

The spaces in between  
Two minds and all the places they have been  
The spaces in between  
I tried to put my finger on it  
I tried to put my finger on it

I think I might've inhale you  
I can feel you behind my eyes  
You gotten into my bloodstream  
I can feel you flowing in me  
I think I might've inhale you  
I can feel you behind my eyes  
You gotten into my bloodstream  
I can feel you flowing in me


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**THE PARENTS HOUSE**

I opened my eyes and they felt swollen and sore, and my nose was stuffy. The sunlight streaming in the room hurt my eyes, and I felt like hell. Almost immediately, I realized this was not my room; I was in _her_ room, in _her_ bed. The previous day's events descended on me. Yesterday had been the longest, most trying day of my life. I lay there trying to absorb it all and not fall apart again. Crying was not going to fix things. I needed a plan of action. One that would make me feel better.

The last thing I remembered was falling apart on the couch. So how did I end up in here? Damn! Edward must have carried me and I slept through it. Well that sucked.

I heard a soft musical laugh come from the corner. My eyes immediately fell on Edward, lounging in a chair and smiling at me. I was instantly self conscious and pulled the covers over my head. Edward laughed even louder and said in a lighthearted voice, "What are you thinking about? Your expressions are driving me crazy."

I pulled the covers back down and stared at Edward. My dream, my dark angel: he was so perfect, so unimaginably beautiful. Half man, half mythical creature, was this real, or was I in a coma somewhere dreaming all this up? I shook off those thoughts. _Be proactive, _I told myself. "So what do we do now?" I asked out loud.

Edward still smiling, answered, "We have a long day ahead of us. We need to get to Jen2's parents' house and find the journals. Get dressed, and then it's to the outskirts of Chicago."

One second he was smiling at me, lounging in a chair, and the next second he was gone, the door closed behind him. Even though I knew he was a vampire, seeing that live and in person still felt surreal. The clock on the wall said three thirty-five p.m. Wow, I had slept late! I guess that was a hazard of staying up with a sleepless vampire.

I got out of her bed and hit the bathroom for a quick shower and discovered a door from the bathroom that led straight to that magnificent closet. As I entered her dressing room, I thought that it would have done _Sex & The City's _Carrie proud. I followed Edward's lead, and picked out a pair of dark blue jeans with a matching jean jacket. Even though Edward never got cold, he knew his role well enough to dress appropriately. I grabbed another white T-shirt with a pretty multicolor print. I was determined to wear those LV sneakers and that matching LV purse.

All the while, I thought about Edward and how absolutely beautiful he was. It was easier to think about him than about the possibility that I was simply a delusion. But, we had a simple plan: find the journals, find the answers and then everybody goes home. I didn't care how bad it looked; I was sticking to the belief that I was real.

_Everybody goes home_. I missed my home, but, now, after everything, I would miss Edward something fierce. If only, if only.. If only _what_? If only he wasn't supposed to be with Bella, and I didn't have a family to return to? Well, I couldn't worry about any of that right now. First things first: I just had to keep moving forward. We would find the journals and worry about the rest later.

A knock on the door broke me out of my reverie. "It's open," I called out. Then I had to smile, like a locked door could keep a vampire out. Edward strolled gracefully into the room in blue jeans and a gray t-shirt, looking more gorgeous than anyone had a right to.

He brought in a tray with a full breakfast. There was coffee, toast, an omelet, a fresh fruit cup, and freshly squeezed orange juice. I was surprised, to say the least. "Where did you get all of this?"

"While you were sleeping last night, I had to keep myself distracted. So, I watched the Cooking Channel and decided to try my hand at breakfast." He seemed pleased at his handiwork, he was also wearing a devilish smile, like he had said some private joke I didn't quite get.

"Thanks," I answered. He gracefully set the tray down on Jen2's bed. The sunlight was streaming into the room and bouncing off his exposed skin, cascading light everywhere he went. It was surreal and breathtaking and hard not to gawk at him when he was just so splendid. It was easy to see how women of previous centuries would have easily mistaken Edward's kind for angels or demigods. I was glad I had the food for a distraction.

Surprisingly, I wasn't that hungry, but I ate because I knew he had made the effort. It was actually wonderful! "Wow, this is good," I said, in between bites.

I sipped my orange juice and Edward seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and responded, "I wasn't sure how it turned out, it all tastes like dirt to me." I almost laughed, because I remembered him eating the slice of pizza in _Twilight_ and saying that exact same thing.

Edward was watching me eat and I felt self-conscious. So I asked, "Is what I'm wearing okay? I have no idea what season it is, or what the weather's like here."

He watched me carefully, still smiling and replied, "It's springtime and unseasonably warm for Chicago. Most people are dressed in light jackets. How was your breakfast?"

"Everything was delicious. Even the coffee was just how I like it," I said as I pushed the empty tray away.

He gave me that crooked smile and seemed very pleased with himself. I couldn't help but smile back at him and sigh. His amber eyes were warm and full of delight, his bronzed hair was perfectly tousled, and his magnificent face was sparkling in the sunlight. He was so beautiful, he took my breath away.

His smile deepened and he cleared his throat and said, "Breathe, Jenny."

I snapped out of it and realized I had been staring at him and had forgotten to breathe again. I took a big gulp of air. My heart was pounding in my chest and my ears. I felt myself blush from my ears to my toes. There was no point in trying to do math; it was too late. Besides, if we were going to be in such close proximity, it would be useless to hide my physical reaction to him. It would have been a full-time job. I'm sure I was not the first female to have this kind of reaction around him; he was probably used to it.

I smiled sheepishly at him, then put my head down and buried my nose in Jen2's purse, pretending to look for something. I heard Edward collect the tray and then he was out of the room. I breathed a sigh of relief. He was going to have to get used to me gawking at him, but I knew blushing wasn't good for him, so I was going to have to stop being embarrassed. I gathered her purse, checked myself in the mirror and headed out to the living room.

Edward was by the door, keys in hand, and he motioned for me to go first as he held the door open. I looked everywhere but at him. We headed to the elevator, then downstairs to his car in silence.

Although his windows were tinted, it was a cloudy day, so we didn't anticipate any problems. Once inside the silver Volvo, thankfully, Edward broke the silence. "So, have you been to Chicago before?"

"A few times on business, most of what I have seen is downtown, but that's about it." The drive to Jen2's parent's house was like my own personal question and answer session. I wanted to know all about Jen2: anything I thought would help get to the truth. So, I spent the three-hour car ride asking questions about her family, her career, her childhood, her best friend, and her high school. You name it, I asked. Edward filled me in on everything he had found out.

It was almost dusk when we arrived at what was supposed to be Jen2's childhood home. I could feel Edward watching me intently, looking for the same thing I was: _recognition_. The two-story colonial was white with red shutters. The lawn was manicured, but all the curtains were closed and the potted flowers were dead. All signs of an empty, lifeless house.

In my mind I could clearly see my parents home. I grew up in a yellow and brown one-story rancher in New Jersey. Flower pots overflowed with red geraniums. Curtains and windows were wide open, with arguments and laughter echoing out of them. The house was always bustling with a constant stream of family and friends. This was wrong; everything was wrong.

I shook my head and said aloud, "This is all wrong."

Before I could say another thing, Edward was opening my door, "Let's go inside."

I felt reluctant to go in, and responded, "But we're parked in the driveway, won't the neighbors wonder why we're here?"

Edward smiled at me patiently and reminded me, "They will recognize you, and it will be fine."

"Right, right," I replied, reminding myself of Jacob, as I mechanically got out of the car.

We walked up to the front door. It was red and all wrong. I felt myself lagging back and asked, "Are you going to break in?"

Edward gave me a mischievous smile and answered, "I could." Then he flashed something silver in his hand, "But we have Jen2's keys."

Although there were a number of keys the on her key ring, Edward had the front door open in seconds.

I took a deep breath, and followed him into the front foyer. It was a small foyer with steps leading up to a second floor. It had a formal living room on the right and a formal dining room on the left. All wrong.

I followed Edward's lead and we headed past the steps, straight back to the family room. It was way too modern, so not my mom's style. There were family pictures on the wall, and once again, most of my brothers and sisters were missing. Edward looked at me questioningly. I gave him a panicked look and said, "I don't remember any of this. Shouldn't some of it be familiar? Something? Anything?"

Edward responded, "Not if this isn't your childhood home."

"But those are my parents and my brother in her pictures, and most of my siblings are missing. This doesn't make sense."

Edward answered me in his soothing voice, "Let's focus on finding the journals."

I didn't answer, but nodded in agreement. I wasn't sure what I was expecting or why I was so freaked out. I knew I was real and Edward was right. I _shouldn't_ remember these pictures, or this house. Wasn't that a good thing?

We were still on the first level. I was blankly staring around me, and Edward said he was going to look in the garage and then the attic.

I didn't want to separate from him, but feeling foolish, I nodded my head in agreement. As I wandered alone through the downstairs, I felt my fear and anxiety growing exponentially.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe and it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I had to get out of here. I saw the front door and bolted for it, and before I knew it, I was outside and running. I barely looked where I was going, but I needed to get far away from that house. I felt my sleeve snag on a bush, but I continued to run, not caring where I was headed, as long as it was away. I planned to keep going until I ran out of breath, but surprisingly, that wasn't happening. I finally stopped when I no longer felt the need to keep running. The fear and anxiety had past, so I stopped and looked around me. It was getting dark, but I could easily make out trees and trails. I seemed to be in a park, so I sat down on the grass. I hugged my knees to my chest and began rocking back and forth with my head down.

I tried to make sense of what I was feeling. Although I didn't recognize anything, the house felt familiar, somehow. This was crazy! I was real and not some delusion. I was suddenly tired of adventure, and I longed for my mundane life once again. I could hear my mother's voice in the back of my mind, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." I felt like Dorothy in _The Wizard of Oz_ or Alice in Wonderland who fell down the rabbit hole. All I wanted right now was to go home. And if I ever got back home, I would never take my day-to-day life for granted again.

I am not sure how long I sat there rocking back and forth, but then Edward was beside me. Of course, he followed me to make sure I was okay.

"Are you alright?" I heard him ask in his soothing voice.

I looked up into his beautiful, angelic face, full of concern. He was beside me, crouched down on his feet. I shook my head no. He asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?" I nodded yes, but didn't speak and continued rocking. He continued, "Did something happen in the house? Did you remember something terrible?"

I felt hysterical laughter almost bubble to the surface when he asked that. It took me a moment to get myself under control enough to speak. "No, nothing happened, that was the problem. I didn't have a single memory inside that house. I don't remember any of it; I just have some strange feeling like I should. I don't understand; this is all crazy. I miss home. I just want to go home. I just want to go home," The rocking got worse.

An electric shock ran through me as I felt Edward's cool touch on my cheeks. He was gently wiping away my tears. I hadn't even realized that I was crying.

Distracted by his unexpected touch, I stopped rocking. Then he removed my hands from my knees and placed them around his neck. His face was right next to mine. I had never been this close to him before; I was dazzled by his nearness. His beauty was overwhelming and it left me stunned. Very slowly, as though I were extremely fragile, he gently lifted me up in his arms, and began carrying me back to the house.

Still intoxicated by his nearness, but also exhausted mentally and emotionally, I relaxed in his arms. I buried my face against his cool shoulder. It felt good against my hot, tear streamed face. I breathed in and he smelled sweet and delicious; it was mouthwatering. I breathed in deeper and I felt dizzy, almost heady but in a very good way. It felt wonderfully good to be this close to him. I let the warm, blissful feeling spread through me, and my earlier sorrow seemed to dissipate. It was replaced by an intoxicating, warm, and electric feeling.

We said nothing as we headed back to the house, and I just allowed myself to enjoy being in his arms. Edward was touching me, not just touching, but holding me in his arms. It was impossible to feel anything but bliss in his arms, so I allowed myself this momentary pleasure.

After a while, I noticed we had been walking for a long time. I had not realized how far I had actually run. I also noticed that Edward seemed to be breathing heavy. I lifted my head and braced myself to look up at his beautiful face. I'd forgotten I couldn't think with his face so close to mine, and then ridiculously asked, "Am I too heavy for you? I am okay to walk now." After the words were out, I realized what a stupid question that was to ask a vampire.

Edward looked down at me bemusedly and smiled, "Of course not, what a strange question." His amber eyes were full of amusement.

As soon as he turned his face to mine, I felt myself gasp. God, he was breathtaking, and I stuttered my reply. "B.. b.. but your breathing is heavy?"

Edward stopped breathing immediately, and turned his face forward. Then he said in a teasingly seductive voice, "I don't mind carrying you. I am rather enjoying it, and there are other reasons why a man holding a beautiful woman in his arms might be breathing heavily."

Although I knew he was teasing, I was still surprised and flattered. "Oh," and I instantly felt my face flush with heat, and my heart beat faster. Knowing he would sense both my embarrassed blushing and heartbeat, I buried my face back against his cool shoulder and breathed his scent in deeply. _God, but he smelled like heaven_.

Edward laughed and responded, "Don't worry, I'd be blushing too right about now, if I could." And at that, we both laughed. The sound of our laughter was the only sound on the empty streets. Although he felt cool through his clothes, I was warm all over, and it felt wonderful to be in his arms. It felt right, like this was where I was supposed to be.

I thought about his words, his heavy breathing, and then no breathing. Could Edward be attracted to me? That would be wonderful, heavenly, and… _no_ that was wishful thinking. I was reading too much into his comment. But his heavy breathing was unconscious. I knew that from the books. He didn't even need to breathe. If I was just a delusion of a dying woman and he desired me, why couldn't I have this? If Jen2 had her fantasy life through me, couldn't I have mine?

I felt momentary guilt about my husband, and then I remembered that I might not really have a husband. I thought of my daughter, real or not, I missed her terribly. No, I couldn't give up. I needed to focus on finding Jen2's journals and finding the truth. If I was real, I had a daughter waiting for me on the other side of the universe.

I was still lost in my own thoughts, when I heard Edward ask, "Where did you go just now? I can tell by your heartbeat that you're upset."

There was no point in lying. I said I wouldn't when possible. "I was thinking about my husband and daughter." I felt him stiffen when I said the word husband. "And I was wondering if I am real or not? That seems to be the question of the hour."

Edward said nothing; he just kept looking forward. But I could see he had his mask back on. We had been laughing, maybe even flirting, and I had ruined the moment. I was the queen of '_open mouth, insert foot'_. All too soon we were back at the house and I could have literally kicked myself.

I reluctantly removed my arms from his neck and he carefully set me down on the porch without looking at me. I wanted to say something to make things lighter again, but Edward spoke first. "Are you ready to go back in the house, or do you want me to search it by myself?"

"No, I will go back in as well. Maybe it will be different this time. Even if nothing happens, at least I know what to expect."

Edward responded, "Ladies first."

So I walked back in the doorway. "Yep, still nothing."

I decided to focus on the journals. I felt like the answers we needed were in them. We were looking for boxes shipped from Jen2's apartment. Edward found the boxes in the downstairs library. He called me to him, but I didn't know where that room was. So he brought both boxes into the living room. I searched one while Edward searched the other.

As I looked through more strange things, I kept reminding myself that strange was a good thing. Edward said, "I found something. It's a journal. No. It's a notebook, a handwritten notebook entitled _Twilight_."

I froze, as fear ripped through me. A handwritten notebook entitled _Twilight_? It couldn't be! She didn't know Edward or the Cullens. Jen2's lack of that knowledge was the only proof I was real.

As Edward read aloud the beginning of the notebook, I only half listened to the familiar story: the story I knew by heart. I felt like I was falling. So, I began clutching an end table for dear life, and I asked, "Wh.. wh..where does it end?"

Edward answered, his voice filled with confusion, "It ends with Bella and E.. (he stuttered over his own name) Edward on their way to meet my… uh, _his_ family. "

Edward seemed lost in his own thoughts and then he asked me in a voice filled with wonder and awe, "And this is how you see me?"

I was numb, but I somehow found my voice and answered, "Yes."

"And this is how you think I feel about Bella?" I could hear the incredulousness in his melodic voice.

Again, I responded numbly, "Yes."

Edward breathed his reply in a whisper. "Remarkable," his expression was unreadable, but his eyes were unmistakably full of wonder.

I spoke again. "If she has the _Twilight_ book, then there's no chance…" My voice trailed off. I couldn't speak the words.

Edward was still amazed over what he had just read. I could almost see his vampire mind at work, processing all the insight and the revelations of the notebook. He was so engrossed; he didn't notice I was still gripping the table. When I asked him to give me the notebook, he mindlessly passed it to me. As soon as it touched my hands, I saw a flashback of me, or _her,_ writing in that notebook. I dropped the notebook like it was fire, which he instinctively caught.

It didn't feel like I was speaking, but I heard my voice saying, "No. No. No! I am real! I am real! I know I am! This is all wrong!" Those last words had a hysterically shrill note to them.

Edward immediately snapped back to the moment, and to the realization that this meant I was the delusion of a dying woman.

I felt the panic and despair well up inside of me so big and strong it was going to swallow me whole. I had to escape it. My eyes darted around the room looking for an exit. I saw the ugly red door, and I bolted in that direction and I collided into a wall that came out of nowhere. It was Edward. He had beat me to the door and I slammed into him. I heard the screaming continue, and I can't be sure, but I think I was hitting something with my fists, maybe him. At some point I heard the screaming change to incoherent sobs, and I felt my face against something cool and hard. I was pretty sure I was now leaning against Edward's cool chest. I deeply breathed his intoxicating scent and felt immediately better. Another part of my brain, that was still somehow functioning on adrenaline, recognized this was just one of many vampire lures. A scent that was delicious and intoxicating enough to alleviate fears, and replace it with a languid warm electric feeling. Right now I wanted nothing more than to drown in that feeling. I felt his arms encircle me and I was in his cool blissful embrace, surrounded by him. I felt safe in his arms, like whatever I had been running from couldn't touch me here.

For a long while, he simply held me while I slowly came back to my senses. There would be no more talk of me trying to go home anymore; there was no home to go to. Although my mind carefully ran through my current situation, it was literally impossible to feel despair while in his arms. My breathing and heart beat had returned to normal as well. I was so thankful for the shelter of his arms.

Then he swept me up into his arms and carried me over to the couch. Without letting go of me, he sat down, still cradling me in his arms. I looked into his face to see Edward gazing down at me, his face a mere eight inches from mine. I did not want to move. I wanted to stay here forever and just gaze at his beautiful face, until I was no more.

He did not say a word and yet his beautiful amber eyes spoke volumes. I saw anguish, despair, desire and longing. Did I see desire and longing? No, he couldn't want me, he was supposed to love Bella. Or was that all my imagination, or Jen2's imagination? Did Edward want me? What if he did? Wasn't I free now, anyway? Couldn't I have this?

I was lost in his gaze and my own thoughts. I felt his cool fingers tenderly brush the hair away from my eyes. Then he lightly caressed the side of my face, I responded immediately to his touch. It was pure bliss, featherlite, electric, cool and hot all at once. This simple touch had set me on fire.

I continued to gaze passionately into his beautiful eyes as my breathing became erratic and my heart pounded in my ears. His fingers left my jaw line, which ached immediately for their return. Then he ran one finger gently down my nose, over my lips and chin, leaving waves of pleasure in its wake. I immediately and unconsciously licked my lips, and his amber eyes were instantly drawn to them, smoldering with desire. He began adoringly tracing my lips with the tip of his finger, I felt my heart beating even faster and every nerve ending in my body seemed to spring to life.

That intoxicating, electric feeling was spreading through me like wild fire. His smoldering eyes said it all; he wanted to kiss me, but he didn't know if he would hurt me, or if he should try. We both knew there was line in the sand, and we didn't know what would happened if we crossed it. I was ready to cross it. I wanted this! Right now, I wanted this more than anything in the world! Even if he couldn't read my mind, there was no mistaking what my body was saying. My breathing was fast and uneven, my heart was hammering, and then, as though they had a life of their own, my arms reached up, my hands wound around his neck and pulled him down to me. He stopped his face a few millimeters from mine, and then he very slowly brushed his lips to mine. I breathed in his dizzying scent while his cool marble lips gently brushed against mine, and a jolt of desire shot through me. It was unlike anything I had ever known. It was all-consuming, even if I had had the will to stop it; I would have been powerless against it. But I had more will to carry on than to stop. My hands were now in his bronze hair, and then suddenly, abruptly Edward's head swiftly shot up. It was so fast, I felt like he almost took my fingers off. He hissed, "Another vampire is here."

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! If your busy you can just say, Good, Bad or Okay Chapter.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I want to preface this chapter by explaining why Jenny's thoughts are all over the place, it's a lot to process and she is really trying to sort things out, so bear with me.**

**Chapter 11**

**QUESTIONS & DECISIONS**

Before I could even recover, I was on my feet, and then on Edward's back. "Hold on tight," he commanded, and we were out the door and into the night. The cold night air effectively extinguished the fire in my veins and I was coming back to my senses.

We were zooming through the night at top speed. I felt the air rushing all around me and everything else was a blur. It was like being on a motorcycle without a helmet. I felt sick, so I closed my eyes and buried my face against his back. I breathed in deeply and felt instantly better. _Man, if you could only bottle his scent_. I was hanging on for dear life and waited for Edward to tell me what was going on. I was not sure how long we ran like this, but it seemed like forever. Finally he stopped, I chanced a look around, and we were back at Jen2's parent's house.

Edward stopped and scanned the immediate area around us. We stepped inside, I went to let go and he stopped my hands and commanded, "No, wait."

We quickly checked the house and then he gently set me down. He took one look at me and started immediately apologizing. "Forgive me, I should have been more considerate of you. You must be exhausted."

I must have looked terrible. I waved off his concern and said, "You mentioned another vampire before we took off?" I focused on getting my land legs back from our wild ride. In the movie, Bella had made it look like a lot more fun than it was. It had made me queasy.

When Edward didn't answer immediately, I looked up and saw that his mask was back on. His body was rigid with tension, his voice was tight and very controlled, "Another vampire was outside of the house, one that I did not recognize. By the time I caught his scent, he was already long gone." His hands were clenched in fists at his sides. "But I had to try to pursue him and to find out what he was doing at Jen2's house."

I could tell he was angry with himself for not picking up the scent sooner. I knew Edward was fast, really fast, so he must have caught this vampire's scent way late.

He was still contemplating this new development and its meaning. "This couldn't be a coincidence? What was a vampire doing at Jen2's parent's house? Or was this a predetermined meeting with Jen2? Was he following Jen2, myself, or both?" he asked aloud, more to himself than to me.

While he was busy running through scenarios, I thought about what he said. This vampire seemed like the logical conclusion for where the Jen2 got her thorough information regarding the Cullens. I felt my heart sink, when I thought about what that meant for me.

Edward's voice broke through my thoughts as he said, "We still need the rest of her journals. Why don't you sit for a while, and I will continue to search for them?"

I nodded my agreement and watched him become a blur of activity. He was literally ransacking the house searching for more journals or notebooks.

My nerves were frayed. I thought about helping, but decided against it. I'd probably only be in his way. We couldn't afford another nervous breakdown from me, especially if there were other unknown vampires around.

As much as I tried not to, my mind kept racing over the day's events. I went back and forth between a sense of loss and elation... Loss over my identity, my loved ones and my life. (I had to stop that or I would fall into that black hole of grief again.) Until we knew more about this unknown vamp, Edward didn't have the time to keep putting my pieces back together.

But wow, did he have a way of putting my pieces back together! I was elated at the thought of being in Edward's arms and Edward's lips brushing against mine, I trembled with remembered pleasure. Forget the journals, I wanted to pick up where we left off!

I decided not to dwell on the discovery that I was most likely a split personality. No, it was much easier and more enjoyable to focus on the other major event of the day: EDWARD WANTED ME. It was in his smoldering eyes, in his amazing touch. I took a moment to remember the way he was looking at me when I was in his arms, and I felt my heart race all over again. The rush I felt when his lips brushed mine was like nothing I had ever experienced. It was a jolt of desire, need and pure pleasure all rolled into one incredible feeling. Yes, if I focused on that, I wouldn't fall apart.

But when did Edward start wanting me? How else did he feel about me? The only thing I could think of was today when he was carrying me in the woods. He had said, "That was not the only reason a man carrying a beautiful woman might be breathing heavy." That's right, he called me beautiful today! But that was the first and only time, in all this time that we had spent together that he even hinted at looking at me that way at all. Prior to that it was always me mooning over him like a love-sick puppy.

Of course, there was always the chance that he just felt sorry for me because I wasn't... because of my situation. I internally flinched at that thought. No, there was no mistaking what his eyes were saying earlier, or what his lips were doing. I warmed all over just thinking about it again. That wasn't pity, that was mutual desire.

Okay now for the practical side of these thoughts. What did I remember about vampires having human lovers? I knew it was possible; Bella and Edward had made love and she survived. I remembered that Irina and her sisters had had human lovers. What had happened to the guys afterwards? Did they survive? Was that before they became vegetarians? Or if they were vegetarians at the time what happened to their human lovers? I guess when the passion was gone they moved on, because I didn't remember hearing much more about them.

The idea of making love to Edward was intoxicating, and again, I shuddered with desire. Wait, what about him falling in love with Bella? But if I wasn't real, then their love story wasn't real either. And I had to remember that Edward wasn't in love me. Just because you desired someone didn't mean you loved them.

But I loved him; there was no doubt about it. Even before I ever met him, I loved him. I'd fallen for him when I read the books. Back then it seemed harmless. He was a fictional character, so what did it matter? Now, I saw the harm.

If I was real, I had a husband and _love didn't give me the right to be free_. Isn't that what I told my husband when he said he wanted to leave us for his girlfriend? He stayed and we kept it together for our daughter. We did the right thing, I think. Sometimes I wondered about that. If you shatter a vase you can glue it all back together, but it will never be same strong, solid entity it once was. It just looked the same. Although I tried, a huge part of me had pretty much given up on love after his affair. It was like I had been stabbed in the heart and in the back by my best friend of fourteen years. He was my first love, my first everything. I felt my eyes water with the remembered heartache, and brushed the tears away.

Tears again. I'd shed so many tears, and after what had seemed like an ocean of tears and pain so great I thought I'd drown in it, I had to shut down in order to survive. It was better to feel nothing for my husband than to keep hurting. I knew he felt that emptiness where love used to be. Of course I cared for him, but it was different. _We_ were different. He thought it was un-forgiveness, but it was survival. It was the only way I could stay with him. It was all I was capable of.

Every now and then we would argue about it. He wanted things to be like they were before. I sighed deeply and closed my burning eyes before more tears fell. He would never get it. He promised to love, honor, cherish and protect. He was the one person who was supposed to always have my back, and now I had to watch my back from him too.

Simply put: Girl gives boy her heart, boy stomps and trashes girl's heart, girl has no more heart to give him anymore.

That kind of pain and betrayal changes you, and it had certainly changed me. I was cynical about romantic love. Not love in general, just romantic love. My friends always said the worst part about it all was that he took my smile away, and not just from my face, but from my voice too. They could hear the difference every time we talked.

Thank God for _Twilight_. The whole Twilight Saga made me feel optimistic again. It made me believe in romantic love again. I got caught up in the romance, adventure, 'true love conquers all', and of course, Edward. I found my smile again. Edward brought magic back into my life, long before I ever laid eyes on him in the flesh.

My eyes searched the room for him, suddenly fearful that he was too good to be true. As if he heard my silent call, he flashed by me in another blur of activity, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Edward was a perfect, gorgeous nineteenth century romantic hero, with a heart of gold and a beautiful and tortured soul. He was intelligent, fierce, charming, captivating, and not just faithful, he would love you forever. He was perfect. Too perfect. If I were to give in and be with Edward, I had no doubt I would be ruined not just for my husband, but for all human men.

Even now, how could I ever go back to my husband when my heart was so obviously here, lost to a beautiful dark angel with smoldering amber eyes and a heart-stopping smile? I sighed as my own words to my husband came back to haunt me: love didn't give me the right to be free.

What did my mom always say? "Never say never, because you'll live to eat those words." Ugh, this was more complicated than I originally thought.

I glanced around the living room that I didn't recognize and wondered again why it felt so familiar. Edward passed by again, and this time he paused to encouragingly smile at me. I smiled back and hoped that if I _was_ the split personality of a dying woman, then maybe Edward was my little piece of heaven before I passed on. I didn't like to think about not being real, but I had tried to go back several times and it hadn't worked. If I was traveling across universes, I didn't seem to be the one in the driver's seat anymore.

And then it hit me, again: the thought of never seeing my daughter again, and it was overwhelming. Real or not, never seeing her again was more agonizing than I could have imagined. The urge to start screaming welled up inside of me. I had to stop thinking, stop feeling and focus on looking for the journals. I had shut down once before in order to survive. I could do this; I'd had years of practice.

I stood up and dusted myself off. At least my legs felt steady again. The journals were the only thing that might shed more light on who I was in this mystery. I barely got started when Edward appeared beside me. I jumped because he startled me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you." He frowned as he apologized.

Still feeling shaken, I answered, "It's not you. My nerves are shot right now."

His mask was back, but there was turmoil in his eyes. He spoke hesitantly, like he thought I might shatter. "I haven't found any more journals, and I think it's time we move on. We know she sent some packages to her brother's home in Spain, so our next stop is the airport."

"That makes sense," I responded numbly. Then I stood there just blinking at him. I wanted to ask him to hold me again, to let me just melt in his arms and make it all better. But he looked focused, determined and my request seemed foolish. He hesitated and then reached his hand out to me. I gratefully placed my hand in his, thankful for his cool touch, his strength, and his support. I felt better immediately as that warm languid feeling crept up my arm. He gracefully headed towards the door and I followed behind him.

Once safely inside the car, Edward let go of my hand and I couldn't help feeling miserable again. We drove in silence all the way to the airport. He left me alone with my thoughts. The possibility that I was real was slim to none. I found myself grieving my loved ones again, especially my daughter.

I turned my head towards the window as the tears rolled down silently my cheeks. Loss and pain tore at me. I balled my fists and dug my nails into my palms to keep from breaking down into gut wrenching sobs. After what seemed like hours of unbearable pain, I was grateful when I became numb and the tears stopped. Funny how I had longed for excitement and adventure, and now all I wanted was my old mundane life back.

But even that life would not be without regrets. I would miss Edward dreadfully. Not a day would go by that I wouldn't think about him. I turned my eyes towards Edward. He had the face of an angel, his pale skin was flawless, his features were perfect, his bronzed hair a beautiful mess, his profile an exquisite, marble work of art. His arms were long and muscular and his hands gracefully handled the steering wheel, with long pale fingers.

But he was more than just beautiful, so much more. He was chivalrous, kind, cultured, intellectual, fascinating, and attentive, I could go on and on and the thought of never seeing him again was agonizing. I closed my eyes against the threatening tears, but Edward wasn't even mine to grieve. Everything was such a mess;_ I_ was such a mess. Every road ahead of me seemed paved in pain and loss. I watched the Illinois landscape rush by the window, and wondered again if I wasn't actually somewhere lying in a hospital bed.

Before I knew it, we were at the airport. Edward pulled out his cell phone and spoke so quickly I could only catch phrases.

"He's no one we know."

"That's overkill!"

"No, that's out of the question!"

"Of course. I will check in."

It sounded like they were arguing, but I couldn't really pay attention. Edward guided me through the airport. He was always beside me, but barely touching me, more like a body guard. I merely walked along in a daze, but not a good daze. Edward seemed to sense I was overwhelmed, and made no attempt at conversation. Whenever he did say anything, it was more like talking his theories out loud to himself, as opposed to conversing with me.

The one thing I would have liked to discuss was what happened in Jen2's parents' home. I glanced over at him and I could see his mind working. He was so focused on the implications of the vampire back at the house, as well as finding the journals, that I began to wonder if I imagined the kissing. I guess when it was just attraction, vampires were easily distracted. My heart sank. I had to admit that was disappointing, but at least I knew he was attracted to me.

_He_ was attracted to _me_. My eyes roamed past his magnificent face, down the length of his body. I watched him gracefully walking beside me, his sinewy muscles moving beneath his T-shirt and jeans, and that warm electric feeling stirred in me again. I knew one thing; I certainly did not have the lasting effect on him that he had on me. I decided to stop worrying about the journals and consoled myself with the memory of being in his arms. I desperately pushed away any thoughts of being real or not real. I wasn't ready to think about that anymore. I knew my limits, so I shut that grieving part of me down.

After we boarded the plane, Edward told the stewardess we were very tired and did not require anything but rest. I noticed the flight was fairly empty.

As I belted myself in, Edward spoke. "Jenny?"

I looked up to find him leaning in towards me, his beautiful face just inches from mine. As he spoke, I could barely comprehend what he was saying. His breath blew in my face, stunning me. It was the same exquisite scent from our brief kiss, only much more concentrated. I shook my head to clear my befuddled brain, so that I could concentrate on what was happening, and to my utter astonishment, Edward was unleashing his full power on me. He was intentionally trying to dazzle me.

His amber eyes were smoldering and he spoke in a silken and irresistible voice, "Now that I have you trapped for eight hours with no hope of escape, I am going to warn you. Because, that is the very least I can do. I have given up trying to be good, and I can no longer resist you. It's hopeless."

Before my mind could even comprehend his words, I felt his cool fingers tuck my hair behind my ear. "I have always wanted to do that," he breathed, as a satisfied smile settled on his face. His voice, his scent and his touch were inundating my senses. It was exhilarating and I was reeling.

His smile deepened and he continued in a teasingly seductive voice, "Furthermore, my attraction to you has become distracting to the point of our detriment. I was so entranced by you, I barely noticed another vampire only thirty feet away. You would agree we simply cannot have that." He had paused for my response.

I could barely breathe; all I could do was nod in agreement as I unconsciously leaned in closer to him. With his every word, my heart beat faster. There were butterflies in my stomach and that intoxicating electric blissful heat was raging through me. God, but he was enthralling!

His voice was velvet and intentionally seductive, "I am sure you noticed how preoccupied I seemed earlier, and I want to explain my lack of attention. Until they locked the door on this plane, I was making sure that we weren't followed by this unknown vampire. Now that I know you are safe and we have no immediate threats, I fully intend to take advantage of the situation."

In one swift movement he lifted my hand to his cool marble lips and brushed my knuckles back and forth against them, as he deeply breathed in my scent, sending shivers down my spine. I felt his cool breath on my hand as he spoke, "Up until now, I have been a gentleman, because we both thought you were married. But now that the evidence is pointing to the contrary, I am tired of trying to stay away from you. When we get to Spain, we are going to take a break from this intrigue. And since I am breaking all the rules now…"

He leaned in closer and gently brushed his lips against mine again, and just like before, a jolt of desire and need shot through me. The feeling was incredibly intoxicating and again, it was all-consuming. His lips pressed harder, like cold steel, moving against me, his hand tangled with my hair, and he sighed and his leg brushed against mine.

I was lost in his embrace, in his kiss, and without a thought, my lips parted, and my hands strained to touch him. He was prepared for my reaction this time. I felt my wrists restrained by his cool iron hands, and suddenly, his lips were gone.

But then they were back, cold and smooth against my jaw, he murmured my name as he rained fast kisses from the corner of my mouth to my ear. I sat there spellbound, helpless, unable to move or think. He tugged gently on my hair so that I lifted my chin, and his lips slid from my ear, down my neck, to the seam of my shirt.

He leaned back and smiled at the effect he had on me, he was apparently delighted with himself, and the success of his attempt to dazzle me.

Then he sighed, "That really does feel amazing, and I have been aching to do that all day. You have no idea how enticing you are to me, or how difficult it has become for me to keep my hands off you."

I was already on fire, but his words sent an exhilarating thrill through me that went straight through my heart. My love for him welled up inside of me. It was so immense, I felt like I was bursting at the seams. Surely, he felt it and I basked in its wonderful glow. I didn't try to speak, I would have been incoherent.

He smiled his crooked smile and seductively commanded, "Now you need to rest, and you will need your sleep, because when we get to Spain, I do not intend to let you get any sleep." His words were laced with a suggestive promise and another exquisite thrill shot me through me.

He released my hands and whispered, "Close your eyes." I obeyed and closed my eyes, but I did not go to sleep. I tried to relax, to slow my beating heart and my uneven breathing. I tried to absorb all that he had said and all the emotions and feelings that were slamming through me. He definitely wanted me, and he was pulling out all his tricks to have me. Well game over, I was putty in his hands.

This was different from before when he was trying to get information out of me. He was charming and attentive then. This was seductive, tempting, and utterly irresistible. Just remembering his eyes, his words, his voice, his touch, _Be still my beating heart. _

I envied Bella that she could love Edward without reservation. Try as I might to not think about it, there was still the possibility that I had obligations, people I had to return to. I suddenly realized just how selfish I had been, to run off and have this adventure, leaving my family behind. Why did having a conscious always kick in at the wrong moment?

What was I going to do now? We had been in each other's presence for just a few days, and I was completely captivated by him. I thought about the six weeks that I was away from him, when I was back home, if that is where I was. I had tried every day to return, telling myself I had to come back so Edward could be with Bella.

But the truth was I wanted to be near him again, even if he wasn't mine. I had missed him terribly during that time, and spending all this time with him had only intensified what I was feeling.

I knew I loved him with all my heart and soul. I loved him so much that being away from him was going to cause me physical pain. Now I understood what Edward meant when he called Bella 'my own personal brand of heroin'. I was completely addicted to Edward: his presence, his voice, his smile, his touch. Everything about him drew me to him like a moth to a flame. There could never be another for me now; they would all pale in comparison to the beautiful, magnificent, irresistible Edward.

Before I was infatuated with a fictional character, but now I was completely, hopelessly and desperately in love with a very real vampire. And I fit into his world even less then Bella did. I wasn't sure if was even from his world. How did it all get so complicated?

And why was I fighting this? If I wasn't real, I was dying and wasting precious time that we might have. If I was a split personality, then this must be how Jen2 wanted things to be or I wouldn't be here. She was apparently the one in control of whether I was here or not. I had tried several times to go back, I was definitely not in control of that.

Other than feeling that I had to be real, all the evidence did seem to point to the theory that I was a split personality. Whatever she knew about the Cullens, Jen2 must have created this romantic fantasy, and focused on the only single male Cullen. And if I wasn't real, then there were no casualties, no family for me to desert, and no great love for Edward to lose. Then it would be simple; I loved him, he desired me, and the rest would happen naturally.

But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't real. I was just going to have to push forward, stop grieving and just keep moving forward till I found a way home or... or... No! There was no 'or'. Some things the mind simply cannot accept.

No matter what the truth was, I was stuck here until I could get home. And that was it, my decision was made. There would be no more refusals, no more reservations. Until I could find a way home, I was here now and I desperately wanted Edward and Edward wanted me. I still couldn't believe it, but there was no denying it now.

I opened my eyes and sneaked a peek at the Adonis sitting beside me; he was gazing down at me. Our eyes locked. His eyes burning with intensity and desire, and my heart stopped, my stomach did flip flops, and I could hardly breathe. How was it possible that this beautiful dark angel desired me? We sat there gazing at each other, neither of us speaking. The electricity between us was palpable. His breathing was fast and uneven, and my heart was pounding out of my chest. My whole body went weak with desire, and just when I thought I might pass out, he spoke.

His smoldering velvet voice was full of wonder and awe. "Does it always feel like this?"

I was practically incapacitated and couldn't speak again. All I could do was shake my head no.

He pressed the question, and this time his eyes were desperate. "Have _you_ ever felt like this before?"

I could hear the intensity and apprehension in his voice, and I realized he needed a verbal answer. Unable to deny him anything, I tried to speak. My voice was filled with emotion. "No, never. This is unlike anything I have ever felt before."

I hadn't realized he was holding his breath waiting for my answer. My words reassured whatever was troubling him. He breathed, and I saw relief and something I couldn't quite place in his eyes. He smiled that crooked smile and said, "You better close your eyes again. I have already warned you how difficult it is for me to keep my hands off of you, and am I am dangerously close to losing my resolve."

My heart skipped a beat and my immediate thought was promises, promises, but I did as he asked.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. After about sixty seconds, I was able to speak in a voice still trembling with desire. "If you continue to speak to me that way and look at me that way, not only is sleep out of the question, but I swear I am going to burst into flames."

He laughed softly and I desperately fought the urge to look at him, and smiled in spite of myself.

He answered, "Point taken. Now get some sleep."

He began humming, and it was very soothing. I knew it was his attempt to get me to sleep, so he could make good on his promise to keep awake in Madrid. I felt another involuntary thrill go through me at the thought of that promise, and I fell asleep smiling.

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading, reviewing and/or emailing. All the support, input and feedback I have been receiving has been wonderful, I have been enjoying this experience so much and you are all the best! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!**

**PS I have also have to thank the world's greatest Beta belladonnacullen for making this chapter so much better and for the hot kissing scene on the plane she made it so much more than it was! Check out her stories I have read them all and they are all an incredible joy to read! **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**JUST SAY YES**

As I had already done five dozen times, I scanned the thoughts around me. Business, money, the redheaded stewardess' body, term paper, boy friend, shopping, on and on it went. One mental voice was louder than all the others combined; "_I hate planes! Where's that damn stewardess with my drink?"_ Poor man, he had six more hours to go. But even with no threatening thoughts, I had to be cautious. Whoever gave Jen2 all my family's information knew I could read minds, and their thoughts would be guarded. But no one could keep that up for long.

Alice was right though. We had to be careful. I replayed our earlier conversation in my mind.

"Edward, it's about time you called."

"Sorry, Alice. There was an incident. We ran into some unforeseen trouble."

"An incident? What happened?"

"While we were at Jen2s house an unknown vampire showed up."

"Do you have him now? Does he know her? Is this where she got her info on us?"

"Alice, I didn't catch him. By the time I caught his scent, he was long gone. I tried to pursue, but it was too late."

"And you don't recognize his scent?"

"He's no one we know."

"This not being able to see you when you're with her is making me crazy. What in the world were you doing that you missed another vampire at her house?" she reprimanded.

What could I say for myself? I had Jenny in my arms and I was busy kissing her, and barely noticed the other vampire until it was too late. I was glad she couldn't see me. How would I have explained my behavior or my carelessness? I was silent.

"Edward, what is going on?"

"We were looking for Jen2s journals. We were hoping that information about where Jenny got our family's information would be in her journals. Instead, we found the draft of a romance novel Jen2 was writing, about Bella Swan and me. This book seems to be where Jenny got her information on our family."

"What are you talking about?" Now she sounded exasperated.

Good, I had changed the subject. "Brace yourself, Alice. Jenny believed she was from an alternate universe where she had read all about our family in a series of four bestselling books, where I fall in love with Bella Swan. One day her book series disappeared and that is why she believed she was here: to get me back to Bella Swan. But instead, it looks like this book series was written by Jen2. That means Jenny is just the split personality of a dying woman who cannot face her impending demise."

"But when you read Jen2's mind she knew nothing about us."

"Or she knows everything about us and kept her mind quiet because she knows of my ability." I had thought of this earlier, but that was the first time I spoke the words aloud.

"Why is it there are just more questions and no solid answers? Well that settles it; we are all meeting you in Chicago."

I almost growled in frustration. That was not at all what I wanted. "That's overkill!"

"Have you considered how dangerous this woman might be, not just to you but to all of us? We have to find out the truth and who's behind all this."

I looked at Jenny walking beside me in a daze. I could not imagine this fragile, magnificent woman as a threat to us.

Alice interrupted my thoughts, "It's rather convenient that none of our abilities work on her, or very clever on her part."

"What does she have to gain with a ruse like this?"

"Your sympathy and immortality. What do most humans that know the truth about vampires want?"

Alice was right. Most humans that knowingly associated with vampires were usually after one thing only, immortality. I could not argue with her logic. "But she's never even brought it up."

"Of course not. She's waiting for you to offer. She's playing on your sympathy Edward, and it's working. You've already defended her twice."

If only Alice knew how often I had already considered making her an immortal, as well as everything else I was considering. Hadn't I said the very same thing to Jenny, that Jen2 was probably seeking immortality?

"You're right, Alice." She was right. I had lost my objectivity where Jenny was concerned. I couldn't even tell her how bad it really was. I was letting my family down in the worst possible way. This situation could be the biggest threat our family had ever faced, and even now, another part of my vampire mind was planning what to say and do to Jenny as soon as they locked the door on the plane. She wasn't married! Nothing stood between us, and I was going to make her mine. Alice misinterpreted my silence for self reproach.

"Edward, don't be so hard on yourself. You're the only single male Cullen. This scheme would only have worked on you. She knows enough about us to choose you. You do realize that since you've met her, you have barely left her side?"

"Is this you talking, or Jasper?"

"You're defending her for the third time. That's it! We are all coming to Chicago."

I had to stop her. We needed help, but I needed time alone with Jenny. This time I did growl my answer, "No, that's out of the question! I don't want you worrying Esme any more than she already is. I called you, so only you and Jasper will come. We are about to board a plane to Madrid to go to her brothers home. Whoever was at the Jen2's parents' house is bound to turn up again. He may know I'm on to him, but he won't be expecting you and Jasper. If the whole family left right now, it would be conspicuous.

"You're right. That's actually a good idea. Jasper and I will fly to Paris, make reservations for a week there, and immediately drive to Madrid. You'll check in as soon as you get to Madrid?

I knew she couldn't' resist an invitation to come. "Of course I will check in."

"Edward, be careful," she said hesitantly. "We don't really know what's going on."

She didn't say it, but what she really was trying to say was, be careful around Jenny. She just didn't want to hear me defend her again. "I called for help, just like I said I would. And yes, Alice, I will be careful."

That conversation didn't go at all as I expected. Alice was wrong about Jenny. I gazed down at her, sleeping peacefully against my shoulder, warm and vulnerable. Alice may be right about Jen2, but she was definitely wrong about Jenny. Her pain and grief were too great to be false. It had been heartbreaking to watch earlier in the car.

Whatever was really going on, Jenny genuinely believed in her alternate life, and in me. I had seen it in her eyes. I stroked her cheek, and I luxuriated in the feel of her warm skin beneath my fingertips. I could spend hours just touching her, and I imagined touching every inch of her.

My body responded immediately to those thoughts, as I suppressed the urgent need to crush her against me. I willed myself to calm down. I was going to have to be extremely careful with Jenny; I didn't want to accidentally hurt her, or worse.

Or worse, I thought of Jen2. She had less than a year to live. In the three weeks I had watched her; she would have slipped up and thought of her chance at immortality. Instead, her thoughts were at peace with her future and her simple plans to travel. Someone with less than a year, desperate to become an immortal would have slipped up. Alice was wrong.

And, although Jenny was free, it came with a price, or more accurately, a deadline. For the first time since I became an immortal, time had meaning again. There was no time for all the things I would like to do: court her properly, officially meet my family, let our friendship grow and evolve naturally. But, time was a luxury we didn't have. Every precious second with her counted to me now. We had a year if we were lucky, that was hardly anytime to a human and it was the blink of an eye to an immortal.

How cruel of fate to let me find her, only to have to let her go. Thoughts I refused to allow myself to think crept into my mind; I could make her immortal and keep her by my side always. There was no husband and child anymore, no other life waiting for her.

But, could I do this? Could I stop myself from trying? It was incredibly selfish, but if I did, I would spend the rest of eternity making it up to her. She would not want for anything, and no woman in the world would be more loved, cherished or adored than she would be.

Loved! Yes, I loved her. I'd realized it as I held her in Jen2's parent's house. As she stood there crying in my arms, all the feelings I had felt the first time I held her surged through me again: the fierce possessiveness, the feeling that she was made for me, the overwhelming need to protect her and to console her, to keep her with me always.

And afterwards, an emotion just under the surface of all those feelings finally broke free. A feeling I could no longer deny, and the truth of it washed over me like a tidal wave. The force of that love rocked me to the core of my frozen heart and I could swear it almost beat. It reverberated throughout my body, through more, and in that moment I'd never believed more that I might possibly have a soul, because something besides my body shook. That vibrant alive feeling I always felt around her it was more powerful than anything I had ever felt before. I reveled in the feel of her body against mine and in this feeling that was radiating out of me. I was warm not just from her and our bodies touching, but from the inside out. This feeling was brilliant, luminous and full of life. I may have been frozen, but I was no longer dead.

Carlisle was right; love could overcome anything it could make the undead feel alive in a way that only love could.

Somewhere between, "_Hello Edward_," and that exquisite kiss, I had fallen completely and irrevocably in love with her. With every gesture, every conversation, every touch, she had signed her name across my frozen heart, and permanently shattered its icy armor.

Yes, I definitely loved her, so I couldn't do this to her. I was a cad for even thinking it; my whole family would give anything to have their mortality back, their SOULS back. It was a curse not a gift. Changing her now would also mean robbing Jen2 of what little life she had left.

A small voice in my head reminded me that I had taken lives before. Yes, but they had been vile, despicable monsters just in human form. Jenny/Jen2 did nothing to deserve losing their soul. From the time I had met them, they both were kind, unselfish, and brave. Neither of them deserved to die young, let alone lose their soul.

The plane-hating man interrupted my thoughts. He was mentally screaming at the stewardess again. This latest patch of turbulence was too much for him. I thought of going back and quietly knocking him out for both our sakes. I smiled knowing I would do no such thing.

I blocked him and the rest of passenger's thoughts out to focus on Jenny. There had to be another way. Maybe I should just be grateful that I found her at all. In all of my one hundred and eight years of existence, no one had ever touched my heart the way this woman did. No matter what the future held for us, I would never regret loving her. She was like a brief but brilliant star in my eternal night, and I would cherish our time together, always.

I would make the most of our time together. I would stay with her and protect her. I would love her, and I would not waste another second. I stroked her soft hair from head to waist, loving its silky feel beneath my fingers. How could this simple touch make me feel so alive? She moved me in ways that were unimaginable.

I lovingly took in every detail about her, committing it all to memory. Her long brown wavy hair and the delicate framework of her heart-shaped face. Her perfect rosy cheeks; how I loved it when she blushed, and she blushed more often then she realized. I could always feel the warmth of her blush in the air. Her bright blue-green eyes and when she really smiled, her eyes smiled too.

I thought of how, when she was near me, I would always say too much, reveal too much or act completely inappropriately. It was as though my brain simply did not work properly when she was near. Befuddled was probably the best term, or dazzled… that was the term she like to use regarding me. And yes, she dazzled me. She'd blown into my existence like a whirlwind and changed the landscape of my world forever. This fragile female had become more necessary to me than blood; I truly did not know how I was supposed to exist without her.

I finally understood all those love sonnets and romantic poems I'd read through the interminable years. In the past I could appreciate their beauty, but now they had personal meaning. Love changed the way you saw everything.

I should have known that I was falling in love with her. But how could I recognize what I had never felt or understood? Alice could have warned me, but she couldn't see Jenny's future. It was so obvious to me now.

I took a moment to review all of our encounters since she had come into my existence. That first day we spent together I thought I was charming her, and the whole while she'd been the one inadvertently captivating me. When I kissed her hand, that moment should have been my first clue. I would never dare do that to a human, particularly a gesture so antiquated in this day and age. But I had wanted to thank her, and that is what I would have done if we had met while I was alive. After only twenty-four hours in her presence she was bringing out the human in me. My human instincts had early nineteenth century customs and gestures, but apparently had twenty-first century ideas about desire. When I had picked up her hand, I had felt the electric current between us and I had been astonished by my reaction to her. Back then I told myself it was because she probably wasn't entirely human, but now I knew better.

Then there was the sunset in Hawaii and the way she looked at me with awe and admiration, the way she spoke to me, how she saw the best in me, and how she made me see the best in myself. And later on her balcony, when I had secretly returned, I had told myself I was back to try to find out more information. The truth was that I simply did not want to leave her. Then, when she discovered me and she was not upset, I was more relieved than I cared to admit.

But when she reached her hand out to touch my face, I could be honest with myself now in a way that I couldn't before, my instincts had told me to pull away. I knew what she was going to do before she did. I'd seen it in her eyes, but I stood perfectly still because I wanted her to touch me. I wanted to feel her warm fingers on my cheek, and to see the look in her eyes as she did so. I thought I would go mad with anticipation waiting to feel her fingers on my face, and when she did, the experience had overwhelmed me and I'd been left speechless. I laughed realizing that even early on, when I was around her, my common sense and willpower lay in shreds.

My laughter caught the attention of the redheaded stewardess. She had been waiting for the chance to come over.

"Can I offer you some refreshments?" _That's not all I'd like to offer you_, she silently added.

"No, thank you. We just need peace and quiet." To reiterate what I meant, I picked up Jenny's hand and lifted it to my lips. It felt wonderful to touch her, and I made sure my complete satisfaction showed on my face for the stewardess. Jenny sighed and smiled in her sleep. I wanted her to open her eyes, to see into their blue green depths but she needed to rest. I unwillingly put her hand down.

The disappointed stewardess headed back up the aisle. "_Lucky Girl!" _she thought to herself. I wished I could agree.

I tuned her and everyone else out as I remembered the first time I held Jenny; it was in the bathroom in Jen2's apartment. She was so soft, so warm and fragile. Her delicate body easily molded against my own unyielding one. Although holding her was wrong, I was struck by my lack of bloodlust and how I felt extremely protective of her.

Later when she went to grasp my hand, I knew I should have pulled it away, and yet I told myself that it was my compassion for her that motivated me to do otherwise. I had only been fooling myself.

Then, when I tried to test my vampire instincts on her, I discovered I had feelings for her. _Feelings_, that was an understatement; I didn't even know the half of it. How I would inexplicably argue with her and then want to beg for forgiveness. How I was completely out of my mind where she was concerned.

And resisting her even for her own good seemed futile. As it was, I could barely keep my hands off her. I seemed to find any excuse to touch her. That day in the woods when she was in so much pain, although I knew I shouldn't for both of our sakes, before I could stop myself, I reached out and wiped her tears. Then I gave in to the urge to hold and comfort her by carrying her on the way back. Yes, unfortunately, resistance was futile.

Back then, I was not yet ready to see what was so obvious to me now. I had been falling in love with her. But, back then, I thought she belonged to another. Now she was free and she wanted me too! As I held her in my arms at Jen2's parents' house, I was completely captivated by, yet equally afraid to hurt her.

My twin desires to protect her and kiss her were at war with one another, but what little strength I possessed to try to stop myself was fairly gone. It had been drowned out by an overwhelming need to be near her, talk to her, touch her, and love her. She was in my arms, her eyes warm and inviting and the feel of her intoxicating. But when she reached up and pulled me down, I was completely undone. I was lost in a flood of pleasure and desire, and the danger we were in barely broke me out of my trance. I was furious at myself for that, but there was no point in berating myself anymore than I already had. It took all my concentration not to touch her again, not to take her in my arms again, to focus on her safety, the journals and getting to the plane.

But once they locked those doors, I could barely contain myself. Her eyes were wide with surprise, then warm with desire. I meant only to kiss her hand, but before I could stop myself my hand was in her silky hair, my lips against hers, her warm body instinctively melted against mine and I held her wrists to keep us both from losing our senses entirely.

But I was ablaze inside and I wanted to lose myself in her fire. She tasted unlike anything I had ever known, and I wanted more, I pulled her closer to me, I wanted to kiss every inch of her, but then her hammering heart stopped beating for a moment and it stopped me from doing something indecent right then and there. I leaned back and fought desperately to get myself back under control and I spoke to break the spell between us.

Afterwards as she sat beside me, her eyes closed and her head resting on my shoulder, I was still lost in the wonder of her, in the dazzling electric heat everywhere our bodies touched. She was like a drug to me: the more I was around her the more I needed her. And when she opened her eyes and looked up at me, I had to know if she felt as I did. I held my breath as I waited to hear my heart's desire. Relief and hope flooded me when she answered, that she had never felt this way before. She may not yet love me, but it was enough, for now.

Even now as she slept quietly beside, I allowed my eyes to lovingly roam over every inch of her. A vampire's brain was both a blessing and a curse, because you could remember everything with perfect clarity. In this moment it was a blessing, because even though I could not keep her beside me forever, I could keep my memories of her forever. I spent the next five hours reliving every moment I'd spent with her in detail seeing, it all with new eyes.

I was still lost in my own thoughts when she finally opened her eyes and smiled at me. Happiness and joy flooded me at her smile. I went to speak and she pressed her warm finger to my lips in a gesture of silence. I stilled as her fingers left my lips and traced my eyebrow, then caressed my cheek and traced the outline of my jaw. Her touch was soft and warm and it sent ripples of desire throughout me. I loved the feel of her warm fingertips on my skin. Her smile deepened and her green eyes became brighter, warmer and excited. She lifted her hand and gently ran her fingers through my hair, and it felt like heaven. She leaned in closer and the air between us became charged.

I heard the intrusive thoughts before the redheaded stewardess spoke them.

"Would you care for a drink?"

I could have strangled the stewardess for interrupting us, but I couldn't take my eyes off Jenny.

"Excuse me, would you care for a drink?"

Jenny reluctantly took her eyes off me and slowly turned her head towards the stewardess. My sunshine went behind a cloud. "Yes. May I have an orange juice and water?"

She gave the drink to Jenny then turned to me with a smile. The look I gave her stopped her in her tracks, and she didn't offer me a drink. She shuddered and backed away to her cabin area. Good, I should have done that earlier. I hoped she would leave us alone for the rest of the trip.

Jenny finished her drinks and turned back to me with a suggestive smile and a scandalous look in her eyes. "Now, where were we?"

The sun was back, and it wasn't just bright, it was ablaze. I couldn't contain my smile, this was unimaginably sexy to me; I understood what she meant when she talked about bursting into flames. I ached to have her in my arms again.

"Oh yeah, right here," she raised her hands to touch my face again.

I could not wait; in an instant I had her in my embrace again. My arms encircled her and pulled her onto my lap. My lips found hers. She gasped in surprise as I tasted her mouth, she tasted like heaven. Her hands hot against my chest, she passionately returned my kiss, and my desire and need for her intensified. Her hands explored my chest leaving a wake of fire and aching nerve endings in its path.

I wanted everything at once; to kiss her, taste her skin, feel her body soft and hot against mine. As if she heard my thoughts, our kiss deepened, her hands wound round my neck and in my hair. She pressed her chest against mine and I could feel her heart beating, and the way it made her breasts tremble, and this feeling was enthralling. I needed more, but this seat was not conducive to my needs.

With one hand in her hair and one on her back, I purposefully leaned back so that the chair back would give way. I held her to me, and in one swift movement we were lying back against the broken chair. Her warm soft exquisite body was finally against the length of mine and it was pure pleasure. How many times had I imagined our bodies entwined like this but my imagination had paled in comparison. She felt amazing; she was so warm, so unbelievably and staggeringly warm. Her heat seeped into my skin as blazing desire thundered through me shredding any reason or logic I had left. Shredding everything but her, she was everywhere and everything. She consumed me.

I could tell by her heart beat and erratic breathing she felt the same blazing urgency and she didn't miss a beat her as her hips instinctively pressed into mine. That one move drove me insane with desire and all reason lost, my hand slipped down her back to grasp her backside as the instinct to press her hard against my hips, to make her understand how much I needed her overwhelmed me.

I was lost in her and all these incredible sensations and feelings, but I didn't have that luxury, what was I thinking? Jenny was gossamer and I was marble, I had to be gentle, careful and I reined the impulse to crush her to me in. Still the contact was staggering to us both, she moaned against my lips and drew in a ragged breath. She needed air, so I released her from our kiss and trailed kisses down her neck. She lifted her neck and arched her back, pressing her hips deeper into mine and this feeling was exquisite with the promise of more to come. I was drowning in her again, as I tasted and kissed her neck, her collarbone. Her heart was hammering and her skin was hot.

The captain's voice was in the background over the loudspeaker pulling me back from the brink of ecstasy. We were descending; we needed to be belted in our seats. I ignored the part of my brain that said we had to stop. My arms were safer than any seatbelt. But she deserved better than to be taken on a plane, in public view. I nearly roared in frustration over all of the interruptions when we had so little time.

I drew in a ragged breath and reluctantly sat us up while twisting her into a sitting position in my lap. She looked confused as I pulled away. It was actually painful to stop when everything in me wanted nothing more than to pull her back into my arms. I couldn't resist kissing her swollen lips again, and she clung to me, but I gently and firmly pulled away. "Jenny, we need our seatbelts."

Her eyes were hooded and full of naked desire, making me want to forget myself and our surroundings again and then she stated in confusion, "You don't."

As always, she surprised me. I had to smile. "True, but you do."

"Oh, of course" she was dazed her heart still pounding, her breathing uneven. I pulled her to me and just held her for a few minutes longer as our breathing slowly returned to normal, content to feel her in my arms. As we both came back to our senses and surroundings, I unwillingly placed her back in her seat.

"We have to change our seats."

"Why?" She whispered.

I couldn't help but smile, "We broke the seat."

"Wow." Her eyes were wide as she looked at the broken seat and turned a dark shade of red.

I felt the heat of her blush in the air. The memories and feel of those moments still fresh, our eyes locked with remembered passion. This time she broke free and looked around the cabin.

"There, let's move there." We moved across the aisle in silence. She wisely pulled the window cover down, belted herself in, and then closed her eyes. She did not lean against me, she didn't open her eyes, and she didn't try to engage me at all. It was as if she was making sure there was distance between us. I didn't know what happened. It was like the spell had been broken. Whatever passionate moment we had been in, it had been shattered.

What had I done? I thought of those moments, and as enthralling as they were, I'd done _everything_ wrong. I'd taken advantage of her in a vulnerable state. Seducing in her in public airplane? She thought of me as a romantic hero, and I behaved like the worst of libertines. I had ruined everything all because I couldn't keep my hands off of her. I was a fool. Of course she didn't want anything to do with me; I didn't want anything to do with me right now. I had to make things right between us, beg her forgiveness, and promise to do better. Could I even keep such a promise? I doubted it. Damn it all to hell! I had to make this right.

She was quiet, her eyes still closed and her expression blank. Her silence unnerved me. I hated not being able to hear her thoughts. I spoke before I could stop myself, "Please don't regret this. Please don't feel badly. This was my fault, entirely. I've taken advantage of your vulnerable state. My behavior was inexcusable. I promise not to do anything like that again."

She opened her jade eyes and shushed me, a warm smile on her lips, "There are things in my life that I regret, but that was not one of them. I will never, never regret any of the time I have spent with you. Every moment, every glance, every touch, I will carry it with me always, even into eternity. I will treasure it always."

I was speechless, humbled. Whatever she had been thinking, I had been wrong, and her answer was more than I had hoped to hear. Relief and joy flooded me. I felt myself smiling foolishly, giddy with relief.

"And as far as not doing anything like that again, I was counting on a repeat performance once we get to Madrid."

"But I thought…"

"I can guess what you thought, but let me reassure you that I have no regrets. I am holding you to your word on me getting no sleep in Madrid." Her hand reached out and caressed my face, "I won't waste any of the time we have together."

Her words thrilled me, and I could feel a charge in the air again. She removed her hand and I immediately ached for its return.

"Now we have to stop talking or we are going to end up breaking another chair. These seats are designed to withstand a plane crash. We can blame manufactures' defect on one seat, but two would be pushing our luck, risking too many questions and exposure for you."

She was right, and I was glad she was thinking clearly, because I certainly wasn't. And I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot. But I didn't care, she didn't hate me, she wanted me. This plane could not land fast enough.

"Have you seen the redheaded stewardess?

I smiled a mischievous smile, "I don't think she will be coming back."

"Why?"

"I made it clear we needed privacy."

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"It's a rather funny story; remind me to explain it to you later." The stewardess never came back and I had to laugh at my vicious behavior.

We landed fifteen excruciating minutes later, only the man who hated flying was more ecstatic than I was that we were finally on the ground. I wanted to kick the door open, throw Jenny over my shoulder and find the nearest private spot. I barely recognized myself, but I was happier than I could ever remember being.

The door opened I confidently reached my hand out to her, and she placed her warm hand in mine. We headed out of the airport straight to a cab. I would get a car later. Her head turned every which way trying to take in all the sights and sounds of Madrid. It was a magnificent city; I would give her a tour later. Right now, I focused on her profile, her swollen lips, her excited eyes, the curve of neck, the rise and fall of her chest, the beating of her heart and the feel of her hand in mine.

Finally we reached our hotel. I checked us in, never letting go of her hand for two reasons; I loved the feel of it in mine, and the look she gave me earlier made me think if I let her go, she might run. I was not taking any chances.

As we headed to our room, her heart was beating nervously. I realized that while I was excited, I was nervous too. It was a strange feeling, especially mingled with excitement and desire. We arrived at our room, and once inside, I reluctantly let go of her hand. She timidly looked around the room and went straight out to the balcony.

I followed her out. Her arms were wrapped around herself and she looked uncertain. In an instant I was encircling her in my arms. She leaned back against me and placed her hands over mine. I placed my chin on top of her head, loving the feel of her in my arms. I relaxed immediately, but I could feel the sadness emanating from her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, everything's perfect, too perfect. I've always wanted to come to Europe, and now I'm in Madrid, on the balcony of a fabulous hotel, in the arms of the man of my dreams." She sighed and I could feel her despair.

"I don't understand."

"Nobody gets everything they ever wanted, Edward. I used to think so, but not anymore. What if all of this isn't real? What if I'm actually lying in a hospital bed somewhere wasting away, because there is no one there to pull the plug on Jen2?"

**J'sPOV**

He spun me around in his arms so I was facing him. He put his hand under my chin and lifted my face to his. He gazed into my eyes; I could happily spend my life gazing into those amber eyes.

"If this is your dream, then why do I feel like it's mine? As if at any moment you're going to disappear forever, and I'll be lost."

My heart pounded in my chest, not just from his nearness, but from what he said and the way he said it. I was overcome with emotion and I didn't know what to say.

"And if this is just a dream, then stay with me. Stay with me in this beautiful dream and be mine."

The air between us was charged with electricity and emotion. His eyes were smoldering again, but they were also desperate and pleading.

_Be Mine_, he's said and my heart sang! How could I deny him, when I wanted this so much too? "Yes. Yes!" I gasped.

In an instant his cool lips were on mine in a deep and desperate kiss. I melted into him and he was everywhere. I inhaled him deeply and he smelled like heaven. I wound my hands around his waist and then under his shirt and over his cool muscled back. He felt wonderful, rock hard and cool to the touch, but marvelous.

Somewhere through this giddy haze of bliss, his hands swept up and down my back as he pulled me tighter to him. Now I was molded against him. He quickly pulled us back inside the room. I was breathless when our lips came apart, and he fervently kissed down my neck over my shoulder. I felt my shirt fall away from me as though it were nothing more than a spider web dusted off my shoulder. I don't know how, but an instant later his shirt was off too, and I was back in his cool embrace, my breasts taut through the lace bra against his muscled chest.

All my nerve endings were alive with the sensation of him. I loved the feel of his cool, marble skin against mine. My hands traveled up his muscular arms, over his broad shoulders, and into his bronzed hair as he ran one hand up and down my spine raining fire and ice wherever he touched me.

His other hand was in my hair as his lips found mine again. I was drowning in his kisses, in his touch. His hand slid from my hair down my neck over my collar bone to gently caress my breast, which responded immediately to his cool touch. I gasped with pleasure as his thumb gently passed back and forth over the stiff peak of my nipple. That intoxicating electric feeling spread through me like wildfire.

His kiss became urgent and I could feel his growing need matching my own. His other hand slid over my backside, down my thigh and pulled my leg up around his hip as he pressed his manhood against me. I gasped as a jolt of overwhelming desire surged through me, straight to my core. I broke our kiss, panting with my own need, my heart pounding as he rained kisses down my neck, leaving a trail of cold fire in its wake. My head lolled back to give him better access. His hand released my breast to support my back and I ached immediately for its return.

I lifted my head just in time to watch him use his razor sharp teeth cut through the annoying bra straps like butter. It was sexier than I ever could have imagined. Now free, he rained featherlike kisses on my breasts, but when his cool lips surrounded my hard peak, I thought I would die of pleasure. My head lolled back again and I moaned. "Edward, I need you."

In an instant, my back was on the bed and his were lips on mine. One hand was supporting his weight, and the other caressed my breast, while his hard body was pressed carefully against the length of mine. I ran my hands over his shoulders and down his back, reveling in the feel of his cool marble skin. My hands slid over his magnificent backside. Even through jeans, he had an amazing ass. Without a thought, my legs parted and he instinctively pressed down against me. My breath caught in my throat as another wave of desperate need and pleasure shot through me.

"Jenny, you're driving me crazy," he moaned against my lips. How I loved the sound of my name on his lips. He hesitated and then wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me on top of him.

I sat up, trying to catch my breath. I looked down into his amber eyes burning with desire and adoration. Our eyes locked and I knew I looked the same. For a moment we just gazed at each other, trying to catch our breath. His eyes broke free from mine and slowly roamed down my upper body. His voice rough with desire, he breathed, "You're absolutely breathtaking."

"So are you," I whispered my heart soaring and my senses reeling as I gazed down at the magnificent man beneath me. I loved him, I loved him so much and I had never wanted anything more.

His large hands lightly swept over my hips, up my waist, trailing icy fire as they sought out my breasts again. My head lolled back as I rocked back and forth over him. I could feel his swollen manhood against me and it spurred me on faster.

An instant later his cool arms wrapped around me and pulled me down into his embrace. He kissed me breathless and crushed me even tighter to him. Somewhere in this haze of pleasure, I heard a popping sound. He froze and I was confused. Suddenly I found it uncomfortable to breathe. He immediately released me and his eyes were wide with fear. Already I could feel a bruise forming on the side of my rib cage.

In an instant he was on his feet and across the room. Edward looked horrified. I wanted him back in my arms. I wanted to speak, but I needed air. I also needed a moment to adjust to the pain shooting around my rib cage. I tried to take in a small breath and Edward was instantly at my side.

"I.. I broke you." He looked as though he was going to break down in tears.

I put my hands up to signal that he should wait, and started carefully breathing.

"Where does it hurt?" He looked miserable.

I pointed to my ribs, and finally had enough air to speak. "You didn't break me." I paused to breathe again. "I think you may have cracked a rib."

"I cracked your ribs!"

"I'm not sure, but I think we should go to the hospital."

He looked even more horrified. He didn't say a word. He went to the closet and pulled out a hotel bathrobe. I looked around the room and saw my T-shirt in tatters on the floor. I didn't quite remember it that way, but I guess he tore it off me. He came back over and gently helped me get the bathrobe on, all the while avoiding my eyes.

I grabbed his cool hands in mine. Although he didn't try to pull them away, he still would not look at me. "Edward, please don't be upset. We got carried away. Now we know to be more careful next time."

Edward shook his head. "There won't be a next time. I forget myself when I am with you. I can easily crush you if I am not careful. Look what I have already done."

"Let's not argue with the little time we have left. I know it's hard to believe, but you can do this without crushing me. We might destroy a couple pillows and a headboard, but we can be together."

Edward was instantly on his knees before me. "No! We can't! Don't you see, I don't think clearly when I am around you. I forget everything, and I can't lose control around you. It could be deadly for you, and I would never forgive myself if I ever hurt you again."

"Edward, first off let me say I am thrilled to hear you say that you lose your head around me. Second, we can and we will! As your girlfriend, I am not giving up on making love with you. This is something I want before.. before… look, I'm just not giving this up."

I didn't add that I didn't care if it killed me.

"Even if I have to make it my last request, and you have to fulfill someone's last request." Yes, I pulled out that card. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Edward was now smiling in spite of himself, and he asked, "My girlfriend? I like the sound of that."

"Well, I better be, or else I'm quite the slut for letting you feel me up like that." He smiled again; his face was bright and shining. I loved to see him like that. I smiled back at him, but then after a shooting pain, it turned into a partial grimace and he said, "Hospital first, try again when you're better."

Now I smiled. YES! He said we would try again.

**Snow Patrol - Just Say Yes, this song kept playing over and over in my head during this chapter for Edward, and Rob Thomas - Little Wonders for Jenny see lyrics below for both. I feel like these two songs really capture their emotions for this chapter. Thank you to everyone reading, reviewing and emailing and again I have to Thank my amazing Beta Belladonnacullen for being the Worlds Greatest Beta and making each chapter so much better! If you think these scenes are hot just check out Polar Night!**

**Just Say Yes by Snow Patrol**

I'm running out of ways to make you see  
I want you to stay here beside me  
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am  
So just tell me today and take my hand  
Please take my hand  
Please take my hand

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love

It's so simple and you know it is  
You know it is, yeah  
We can't be to and fro like this  
All our lives  
You're the only way to me  
The path is clear  
What do I have to say to you  
For Gods sake, dear  
For Gods sake, dear  
For Gods sake, dear  
For Gods sake, dear  
For Gods sake, dear

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love

Just say yes, cause I'm weak and I know you are too  
For the touch of your warm skin  
As I breathe you in

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt  
This was all I wanted, all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love

Just say yes, cause I'm weak and I know you are too  
For the touch of your warm skin  
As I breathe you in

**Little Wonders by Rob Thomas**

let it go,  
let it roll right off your shoulder  
don't you know  
the hardest part is over  
let it in,  
let your clarity define you  
in the end  
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made  
in these small hours  
these little wonders,  
these twists & turns of fate  
time falls away,  
but these small hours,  
these small hours still remain

let it slide,  
let your troubles fall behind you  
let it shine  
until you feel it all around you  
and i don't mind  
if it's me you need to turn to  
we'll get by,  
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made  
in these small hours  
these little wonders,  
these twists & turns of fate  
time falls away,  
but these small hours,  
these small hours still remain

all of my regret  
will wash away some how  
but i can not forget  
the way i feel right now

in these small hours  
these little wonders  
these twists & turns of fate  
these twists & turns of fate  
time falls away but these small hours  
these small hours, still remain,  
still remain  
these little wonders  
these twists & turns of fate  
time falls away  
but these small hours  
these little wonders still remain


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry everyone! I was suffering from a severe case of writer's block, so big apology for taking so long and even bigger thanks to all of you who are hanging in there with me. _**

**Chapter 13**

**BROODING VAMPIRES ARE JUST SO CLICHÉ.**

I watched the traffic lights of the city streets whirl by me. I think it was around seven in the evening. I had spent my first full day in Madrid at the hospital. The hospital was no fun at all; Edward was a mess and fussed over me ridiculously. Not to mention how every female doctor, nurse and candy striper in the building decided to stop in and check me out. Edward ignored them all, but it was still annoying. At least nothing was broken. And Edward insisted they check on Jen2's tumor, but it hadn't grown any, so it was good news all around. So why did I feel so down? Oh yeah, because there was a morose vampire sitting beside me feeling sorry for himself. Brooding vampires were just so cliché. Sure the bandages felt a little tight, but it didn't even hurt anymore and I was breathing just fine.

"Are you sure you don't need any pain medicine?" His tone was serious.

I tried to answer patiently. "I've already told you, like ten times, it doesn't hurt anymore."

"Well, it _should_ hurt. I dislocated all of your ribs." He said the last part irately. He was still angry at himself and there was nothing I could do about it.

I tried to use a soothing voice like his. "You _slightly_ dislocated them, and once the swelling goes down they will be back in place like nothing ever happened." I may as well have been talking to the wall; he was determined to make himself miserable over this.

"Maybe you're not feeling the pain because of the brain tumor?" He asked more to himself than to me.

But my patience had worn thin with this conversation. "Well, that's weird because I feel pleasure just fine. But you know that first hand."

He said nothing, but I saw his hands grip the steering wheel tighter. I sighed deeply as I remembered his hands on me. All at once, desire surged through me again and my heart did a staccato dance. I warmed all over as I remembered our earlier passion, and my ribs pinched when I sighed too deeply.

Edward must have heard my racing heart because he immediately turned towards me, his face full of concern. Our eyes locked and he saw exactly what I was thinking about. Warring emotions crossed over his face and I thought I might have had him. But he sighed and turned back toward the road.

The rest of the car ride passed in silence. We pulled up to the hotel, and Edward was back in bodyguard mode. The Westin Palace was truly beautiful: with old world architecture and opulent furnishings. The people around us were all very well dressed, except for Edward and me. No one, not even the concierge looked at me funny as I walked around in a hotel bathrobe and jeans on the way to our room. I guess when you were outrageously rich people didn't ask questions.

We took the elevator in silence. This ride was so different from our last time. It had been so full of promise and excitement. Once inside our room Edward went straight to the phone to order me some food. I had forgotten to eat again and I don't think I'd had anything to drink for hours. I went to the mini-bar and got a pineapple juice, then settled outside on the balcony. We had a magnificent view of the city. Madrid was beautiful at night with all of the lights, the architecture, the courtyards and the fountains. I wondered if I could convince Edward to take me out to eat. I was going to need a shirt. I smiled as I remembered how I lost my shirt.

I didn't hear Edward approach until he spoke. "I ordered you some food. Afterwards, I think we should go downstairs and purchase some clothes."

"Sure, sure. Sounds like a plan." It was almost as if he didn't hear me. I could tell by his expression he was listening to someone, but it wasn't me.

"Edward, what is it?"

"Alice is here." Edward looked unnerved.

"Alice? Here? Why?"

A second later before I was even out of my chair, Edward had the main hall door open. Alice glided into the living room like a fairy, ethereally beautiful and graceful. She took in everything in a sixteenth of a second: me in a bathrobe, my shirt and bra in pieces on the living room floor.

"What's going on here?"

I knew Edward and Alice had wordless conversations, so she must have been speaking aloud to get my reaction. Sure enough, as if on cue, blood rushed to my cheeks. Alice gave Edward a surprised look, but recovered immediately.

"Jasper is trailing the unknown vampire. We've been following him. He's been following the two of you since you left the hospital. I can only guess how _she_ ended up there."

That was my cue to get out of this chair and find a shirt.

"Alice, keep your opinions to yourself," Edward said coldly. He gave her a warning look before asking, "Do you know anything about him yet?"

Edward must have caught Alice's tone as well. It almost sounded like she didn't like me. What had I done to get her panties in a bunch? I thought as stood to my feet tying the bathrobe tighter around me.

"No, but _you_ were easy to find. The concierge told us he delivered a rental car for you at the University La Paz Hospital. I'm assuming that's how he found you as well. Edward, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I'd let him find us, so you could find him. I wasn't trying to hide. That was never the plan."

I was completely lost. "What plan? What are you guys talking about?"

Edward sighed, "I asked Alice and Jasper to come here, surmising that if someone continued to follow us, they would be able to track him."

"Were you going to tell me?" I demanded.

"You've had a lot to deal with. I thought it best to let my family handle this," he answered nonchalantly.

"I don't have a problem with you doing what you think is best, but I do have a problem with you not discussing it with me! I thought we agreed to work together and keep each other informed!"

"I didn't think it was important," he said more cautiously.

I was livid, "Why don't you let me decide for myself what I think is important? There you go again, _thinking you know what's best for everyone! _You have no idea how much trouble _that_ is going to get you into!"

"I'll try to remember that," he reponded with his mask back in place.

"Don't just try, Edward, remember," I said back, with more edge in my voice then I intended.

Edward wasn't paying attention to me, _again_. Instead, he was staring at Alice. I turned towards Alice and she had a blank stare on her face. Then a look of confusion crossed over both her and Edward's features.

"It's the Volturi? They're taking Jasper?"

I took a step back, in horror. "What? That can't happen!"

Edward and Alice looked at me in confusion. In unison they both said, "Why?"

I couldn't hide the terror on my face. "He'll be in danger! You all will!"

"Why would Jasper be in any danger from the Volturi?" Alice asked, her face disbelieving at the thought.

"If Jasper gets taken by the Volturi, Aro will read his mind and find out about your special abilities, Alice. And Edward's as well."

"And?" Edward asked.

They really didn't understand the danger! How could I explain this? "Aro is a collector of vampires with special abilities. He will want you and Alice for the guard. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

Edward's expression was patient and he spoke like he was explaining something very obvious. "Jenny, the Volturi aren't a threat to Vampires unless they break the law. Jasper's done no such thing, and Carlisle speaks very highly of the Volturi."

I shook my head in exasperation. "Carlisle sees the best in everyone, but that doesn't always make it so."

Edward was more insistent this time. "Serving the Volturi is an honor if you are selected. But it is up to the individual to choose whether or not to join the guard."

"No, you don't! It only looks that way! Fine, if you don't believe me, just ask… ask… What the hell was his name? Damn! He was a minor character. Think... think... think!"

Edward and Alice both looked at me like I was crazy. He took a step towards me and reiterated, "Calm down Jenny. Only vampires who have broken the law have to fear the Volturi."

I took a step back realizing that they didn't believe me. Why should they, really? They barely knew me, and it looked like I barely knew who I was.

"No! That's not true. I'm telling you to ask Eleazar! That's his name! He used to serve in the Volturi guard and he has his suspicions. Anytime Aro comes across a vampire with abilities he's interested in, he finds a reason to destroy their coven. Then he spares and invites the talented one he wants to join the guard."

Alice took a step back and looked outraged. Edward froze and gave me a warning look, "Jenny, those are grave accusations."

I stood my ground and stared them both down. "No, Edward, those are just the terrible facts. Don't take my word for it; call Eleazar. Forget that, lets not argue. Humor me and just get Jasper away from the Volturi, please! Alice, can you see whats going to happen with Jasper if they take him?"

"No, not until they do." She still sounded skeptical, but at least she was taking it seriously.

"'Do you know why they would take him?"

"In my vision, Jasper fought with the vampire trailing Edward. Then the Volturi will pick them both up."

"Call him! Stop him! He can't get picked up by the Volturi! If Aro touches him, it would change everything. Please, I'm begging you. I know how much you love him, Alice. You don't want to lose him, do you?"

Alice looked at me like I was absolutely insane, then she looked to Edward.

Edward relented. "Call Jasper."

Alice rolled her eyes and hesitated, but picked up her phone and called Jasper.

Edward's expression was unreadable. "Did you read about all this? About Jasper getting picked by the Volturi?"

"No, I didn't."

"Then how..."

"Look, if The Volturi take Jasper and Aro reads his mind, it's bad news for all of the Cullens."

Edward ran his hand through his hair and then gave me a frustrated expression. "I don't understand. How could you know that, if Jasper didn't end up in front of the Volturi in the books?"

"Here we go, again," I thought. I took a deep breath. "Because Jasper didn't. You did."

His expression was incredulous. "Me?"

"It's a long story, and now is _not_ the time."

Alice interrupted us. "Jazz is on his way back."

Relief washed over me.

"Now that Jasper is safe, please explain," Edward asked.

I sighed, unsure about what I should and shouldn't say. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't.

"I don't know if I should tell you any of this, but you need to be warned about the Volturi. In the books, you break up with Bella for her own good. You don't want to end her life and turn her into a vampire. You also come to realize that's it's dangerous for her to be around vampires. So you break up with her. To make a long story short, she takes the break up really badly and she jumps off a cliff."

Edward and Alice both raised their eyebrows in horror at that statement.

I quickly continued. "No, not to kill herself! Because she becomes an adrenaline junkie. Alice sees Bella jump and doesn't see her get pulled out, so she thinks she's dead.

"Edward, Rosalie calls you and tells you about Bella. In your grief you decide you can't be in a world she's not in either, so you go to the Volturi to end your existence. Once Aro touches you, he refuses to destroy you because he wants you for the Guard. He wants both you and Alice. You decide to provoke the Volturi during the St. Marcus Day Festival. You were going to expose yourself in the sunlight to a courtyard of people so the Volturi will have to end you.

"In the meantime, Alice goes to Forks to comfort Bella's dad, only to find her alive. So, Bella and Alice race against the clock and fly to Italy to stop you. To prove to you she's alive. They make it in time, but Felix and Demetri come for you anyway. There was nearly a fight, but Jane shows up and that's the end of that."

Alice's mouth dropped open every time I dropped the name of another Volturi guard.

"All three of you go back to the Volturi and stand before Aro. Marcus tells Aro about the strength of your relationships: the strong ties between you, Alice, and Bella. Aro explains you've broken the law by telling Bella about your existence and not turning her. Then he basically says its either join or die.

"Before things get even more out of hand, Alice tells Aro that she will make Bella an immortal. She then gives him her hand to show him the future. Of course, he believes after that and lets you all go with the hopes of adding you all to his collection someday."

Alice and Edward looked incredulous, but also deep in thought. I could almost see their minds processing this new information. At least I knew they were considering everything I just said.

"That's a really fantastic story, but why wouldn't I know that Bella didn't die? Why wouldn't I see her get pulled out?" Alice asked skeptically.

I was still getting the 'Alice isn't too thrilled with me' vibe. "She was pulled out by a werewolf, and you can't see her future when she's with them. That's why she's been in an out of your radar lately."

Alice's mouth dropped open again and she looked at Edward questioningly.

He answered her unspoken question. "Yes, she knows about the werewolves as well. Jasper's back."

In an instant, Edward was opening the main hall door, and Alice and I turned expectantly towards the entrance.

Jasper quickly stepped in from the main hall and joined us. Even in modern clothes you could still see the southern civil war soldier. There was something in his stance, his walk, and his mannerisms. I didn't know how any of these people passed for everyday humans. Jasper took a quick glance around the living room. Although I saw his eyebrows go up, he was too much of a gentleman to make a comment regarding my state of dress or my tattered clothes still on the floor.

"Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I know who this vampire is, and where he is staying. The bad news is that he seems to be an informant for the Volturi."

"Are you certain?" Edward asked.

"Sorry to say, yes." Jasper's disappointment at his own news was obvious. "I listened in while he gave his report on you and Jenny. The Volturi's been following you both. But I don't know who they are more interested in, you or Jenny. That question is best left to you, Edward. Is he the same vamp that was in Chicago?"

Edward looked uncertain. "I don't know. I didn't see him, but I caught his scent. I will know when I get near enough to read his thoughts."

I was trying to process the conversation and asked, "So, the Volturi is following either Jen2 or Edward? Why?"

Jasper tilted his head with a nod and said, "I was hoping _you_ could answer that, Ma'am."

"I wish I could, but this doesn't make sense. Jen2' wasn't even in the books! Why would the Volturi be interested in her? It would make more sense if they were following Edward."

Edward dismissed the conversation entirely. "Regardless, we are being followed, so we cannot go to Malaga. Jasper and Alice, you need to go to Jen2's brother's house and find her journals."

Alice was obviously not happy with this plan. "Edward, I don't think that is a good idea. You're still being followed."

"Precisely. Let them follow us, while you go get what we really came here for."

Jasper perked up and agreed. "That's actually a good plan. Edward knows what this guy looks like. If this vamp continues to follow them, Edward can easily get near enough to find out what's really going on from his thoughts."

Alice seemed to waver now that Jasper was in agreement with Edward.

"Alice, we came to Madrid instead of Malaga because if we were being followed, I didn't want to lead them to Jen2's brother's home. Now we know we are being followed. This is the best way to do this."

Jasper nodded his head in agreement, "Edward is right. When we get to Malaga, if there is another vampire at her brother's apartment, it would also tell us that she's being followed."

All the logic the boys were throwing at her seemed to allay Alice's worries.

Although I had really wanted to find the journals myself, I had to agree with Edward and Jasper's plan. "So, what are we supposed to do, Edward?"

"We'll do the tourist thing. I'll show you around Madrid and let them follow us, while my family retrieves the journals." Edward turned his head towards the door. "Your dinner is here."

Before I could move, Edward was getting the door again. Alice and Jasper were instantly talking too fast for me to understand. I guess going out to eat was not going to happen.

I made my way to the beautiful elegant dining room. It was decorated in the French renaissance style, with a huge mahogany table and eight gilded chairs. It was a pity that I would probably be the only using the room. While I looked around the room, Edward had dismissed the waiter and had already set the tray on the table for me. Edward pulled out my chair and I went to sit down. But I forgot about my ribs and moved too quickly. Although I didn't make a sound, I couldn't hide my slight grimace.

Edward's face was full of concern. "How are you feeling?"

I answered gently. "Fine, I'm fine, I just moved too quickly."

His expression was pained, his amber eyes were anguished, and I instinctively reached my hand out to caress his face. Edward immediately responded to my touch with such a genuine smile I couldn't help but smile back. Within seconds, the air between us became charged again. My thumb moved across his lips and his eyes began smoldering. I was locked in his heated gaze, and for a moment time stood still.

Then Edward sighed, grasped my hand, raised it to his lips and kissed the back of my fingers.

"Eat. I have to talk with my brother and sister."

I suddenly remembered we had an audience. I turned to see both Alice and Jasper with their mouths agape. I had a habit of making vampires do that, it seemed to be my specialty. They were astounded at what they had just witnessed between us, and it dawned on me that for people who had to hide who they really were, these guys actually had lousy poker faces.

"Yeah, talk to them and go pick their jaws off the floor while you're at it," I thought, smiling. I decided not to worry about what they thought. I was living like I was dying and it freed me of such insignificant worries. I had much bigger problems.

I turned to my meal, and Edward joined Alice and Jasper back in the living room. Edward had ordered way too much food for one person. There was paella, tapas, calamari, and an assortment of fresh berries, chocolate pastries, flan, chilled sangria and orange juice. He was apparently planning on having a dinner party and forgot to tell me. I poured myself a glass of sangria and made of plate with a little bit of everything. The paella was excellent and so were the tapas, and the calamari was out of this world. I wanted to try the desserts, but there simply wasn't any room.

I picked up my glass of sangria and explored the suite. There was a library off the dining room decorated in the dark blue and gold accents. When I wandered back through the dining room, Edward, Alice and Jasper were still talking. I stared longingly at my tattered shirt and bra, which were still on the floor. I desperately needed a shirt, so I went into the circular main hall that connected all six rooms of the suite.

I saw the open bedroom door. It was a romantic room, decorated all pale blue and gold, with gilded mirrors, draped curtains and a large draped canopy bed. I felt myself warm all over at the memory of the last time I was on that bed. I shook off those thoughts and went to the closet hoping to find a shirt, but no such luck.

The oversized tub in the bathroom looked inviting, especially after the day I'd had. "Why not?" I thought, running the water and looking for shampoo. This bathroom was stocked with every toiletry item you could ask for, even bubble bath. Feeling decadent, I poured some in the hot, steaming water. I slipped out of my clothes, un-wrapped the ace bandage, grabbed what was left of my sangria, and sank into the bubbly hot water.

I tried to relax and clear my thoughts. Everything was so confusing. Why were the Volturi following us? Were they following Jen2 or Edward? What did it mean? I didn't even allow myself to think of all my other problems, I just couldn't go there again. And now we couldn't even get to the journals. We had to wait for Alice and Jasper. I didn't have any answers, just more questions.

Then there was Edward, the way he looked at me, the way he spoke to me. It was all too good to be true, until the rib incident. Now, whatever spell had been cast might be broken. And I didn't recognize this side of Edward I was seeing here in Spain. Edward from the book was more reserved with Bella, so much more careful in what he said and what he did. This Edward was not reserved at all. Yes, he was honest with me about his feelings. He spoke mostly of desire and attraction, and that was good and disappointing at the same time.

A part of me would love to be loved by Edward. But I knew that loving me would be a huge mistake for him. I had to return to my world, and if it turned out I was really Jen2, then I was most likely dying. Edward had eternity, and there was still hope for him to find love. Loving me would mean that after I was gone, he would spend the rest of eternity alone and in mourning. Or worse, he would do something stupid, like go to the Volturi.

There was always the possibility that he would decide to change me so I could stay with him. Did I even want to be a vampire? No, I honestly didn't. I didn't have the romantic illusions about vampires or immortality that Bella did. It sounded horrifying to have to fight your natural instincts to feed on people every day for all of eternity, surviving on what was essentially tofu. I was lousy dieter and I didn't have any illusions about my willpower. I had none. As far as immortality went, if I was Jen2 then I had nothing to lose. But for the Cullens watching everyone you've ever loved die, well that had to feel more like a curse than a blessing.

But I wanted Edward and that would be the only way I could to stay with him. I also knew Edward, and he was loath to condemn anyone to this existence. I loved him too much to have him do that.

But why was he different with me? I couldn't seem to shake that nagging question. Wherever my knowledge came from, I had pretty good firsthand knowledge of Edward and everyone else in his world. My information couldn't be that far off. Yet he was not nearly as careful or reserved with me as he was with Bella. Maybe it was because he loved Bella, but he only desired me. Disappointment washed over me at that thought.

I remembered the scenes in the book when he was with Bella. He said he could never lose control around her because he thirsted for her blood, particularly her blood. I thought about that for a minute and realized he never even seemed thirsty around me. He never even mentioned it, like it was not a problem at all. I wondered why that was.

Maybe I just wasn't his flavor. After all, I didn't like _all _foods. Maybe he didn't like all people. Or maybe he just had that much self control. He did have decades of practice. This was a question I would ask him whenever I got up the nerve.

I needed to think clearly right now, and that was almost impossible when he looked at me the way he had been lately. I also needed to know what had changed. He went from being frustrated when I returned, to constantly snapping and angry with me, to Casanova, to a typical, brooding vampire, all within seventy-two hours. I couldn't keep up with Edward.

The water felt wonderful on my tired and aching body, and the bubbles were soothing. Still, my mind continued to race. I sank deeper in the water and pulled my head under. For a brief moment, it was peaceful and everything was still. I would have liked to have stayed under, but I needed to breathe.

I raised my head out of the water to find Edward staring down at me. The look in his eyes set me on fire. Had I not been in water surely I would have burst into flames. His breathing was erratic and his face was full of warring emotions. For a long moment we just gazed each other. My heart was racing and I held my breath. I wanted him so badly.

I raised my hand out of the water to beckon him and the spell was broken. He was out the door in a flash. It took a moment to figure out what happened. I guess the gentleman in him won out. A few moments later, he was at the door trying to apologize through it.

I thought I almost heard him stammer. "I'm sorry. You didn't answer when I called your name or knocked. I saw the open wine and I got worried."

I had to laugh at my poor, moral vampire. "Edward, don't worry. It's okay. I wasn't mad at you. I was inviting you to join me."

I heard a sharp intake of breath, then silence. Well, I guessed I scared him off again.

"Jenny, we need to talk. Please join me in the living room when you're finished. There are clothes on the bed for you."

"Clothes?" A shirt would have been wonderful. "Okay, I will be out in a few minutes."

There was an outfit laid out on the bed. It took me a minute to rewrap my bandage and as I got dressed, I started to wonder about our upcoming conversation. _'We need to talk'_ was always the beginning of a bad conversation, or at least a disappointing one. I thought of Alice and Jasper. I wondered how their conversation went and if it had anything to do with our upcoming conversation.

When I entered the living room, Edward was standing behind the couch as if purposely putting it between us. It was big suite, but he couldn't hide forever. I sat down on the opposite chair.

"Where did the clothes come from?"

"Alice."

"This shirt fits perfectly. I thought she was smaller than me."

"She went to the boutique downstairs," he answered while pacing behind the couch.

He seemed to be fidgeting. Did vampires fidget? I decided to put him out of his misery. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"Jenny, we need to take a step back. Things have progressed too quickly."

My heart sunk, what did he mean 'a step back'? How did we go from _stay with me and be mine,_ to this? I hoped my voice didn't betray my despair, "So, now you don't want to be with me?"

His eyes were soft and his voice was gentle. "I think it's obvious that I do. Every moment I am with you I only want you more. I find something new and wondrous about you: in your eyes, your smile, the curve of your neck, the turn of your hand, your wit and banter, the way you challenge me, the way you surprise me. Everything about you entices me."

My heart soared again, and I flushed with pleasure at his words.

Edward took a deep breath. "But I have to learn how to be with you. I have to temper my human instincts with my vampire strength when I'm with you. And that will take time and practice, and a great deal of control on my part.

Relief washed through me he was just worried about injuring me. "Time and practice sounds good to me." I gave him what I hoped was a beguiling smile.

"Yes, but we need to slow it down. I have to learn how to restrain myself so that I don't hurt you again. When you raised your hand in the bath and I saw the bruise on your ribs…" Edward fell silent and closed his eyes, but I could see the anguish on his face. "I vowed to myself that I would never hurt you again."

I answered gently. "I understand."

"As I said, slow it down. Besides, we seem to have skipped a few very important steps: holding hands, romantic dinners, moonlit walks."

I smiled. _How typically Edward,_ I thought silently to myself.

"It all sounds very 1918."

Edward smiled that crooked smile I loved so much, and I felt my heart flutter. "I assure you, they still hold hands and go for moonlit walks in the twenty-first century."

I smiled back. "Yes they do, and I will gladly do all that with you. Now, do you have a checklist? Because we have already done the 'talk until sunrise moment."

"Yes, I vividly remember that."

Edward's amber eyes warmed and I felt myself melting into the couch. "Me too," I whispered.

He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts, and said, "How about we take that moonlit walk?"

Edward reached out his hand to me and I happily placed my hand in his. I loved the feel of my hand in his cool, strong hand. I immediately felt that warm languid feeling creeping up my arm and washing over me, and thought to myself, "Let the romancing begin."

**Once again thanks to all of you for hanging in there and please review they really help and inspire me! Thanks again to my Beta _belladonnacullen_ who makes everything I write so much more readable! Her FanFic "_The Practice of Love" _won this months _Twilight FanFic Addicts _FanFic of the month on Facebook, its so worth checking out!Special Thanks to Fanfiction Net for creating a place we can all go and tell the stories that are inside of us all!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**FIRST DATE**

It was a lovely cool night; the city was sparkling with lights and the night air was invigorating. Even at night Madrid was beautiful and exciting; I couldn't help but look around in wonder and awe. The architecture was beautiful; buildings were covered with windows, even the balconies were so detailed, so exquisite. Most of it looked like something out of a Marie Antoinette film.

It was about ten o'clock at night and still lots of people were walking around, sitting at outdoor cafes drinking and laughing. The restaurants and stores were open and bustling with people going in and out. This city pulsed with a fun but relaxed party atmosphere.

As we walked along the Plaza De Neptuno, I marveled up close at the beautiful fountain of Neptune in the center. According to Edward, our hotel was located at the heart of the Art Triangle. He pointed out the Museo Nacional Central De Arte Reina Sofia, Thysen-Bornemisma Museum, and the different courtyards, fountains and landmarks.

Edward was like a new man in Madrid. He laughed and smiled more, he teased and joked, he seemed… _happy_. He was constantly touching me. Whenever we stopped to look at something he would wrap his arms around me and place his chin upon my head. And as much as I wanted to enjoy Madrid, I could barely take in my surroundings with his hand in mine, and his arm around me… _all the time_. He was attentive, charming and lighthearted. He may have even been right about slowing down; I _was_ glad I didn't miss this part. I didn't think it was possible to be more in love with Edward, but this feeling was so enthralling.

He led me down a cobblestone walkway and through a large two-story archway, and we entered an arena-sized indoor courtyard.

"This is the Plaza De Mayor, one of Madrid's first market squares. It was originally constructed in the fifteenth century, but after a fire it was redone in Castillian Baroque style."

Like I knew what that meant. It looked colonial to me. The Plaza was rectangular and surrounded on all sides by four stories of red brick and windows and balconies. Large archways lined the bottom floor, and at least a half dozen concrete two-story archways served as entrances into the plaza. The bottom floor was all restaurants, bars, and shops. People sat at outdoor linen-covered tables with umbrellas. In the center of the courtyard there was an equestrian statue where crowds of people were being entertained by magicians, clowns, costumed entertainers and a small live band.

Edward smiled at my expression as I took it all in, "Over the centuries it has housed all kind of events, like bull fights, festivals, carnivals and official ceremonies. But it also has a darker side they don't really publicize; the inquisitions were held here, as well as most of the public executions."

That was so typical of Edward; he still remembered the darkness even though we were surrounded by light.

"Edward, nothing is all good or all bad. You see everything too black and white, and the world is full of not just grey, but color. The world is ever changing always redefining itself. It's not how you started, Edward, it's how you end up. Look around you, what was once a place of fear and death is now a place of celebration and promise."

His smile deepened and he pulled me into his arms again so my face rested on his chest.

"That's one of things I adore about you, you see the promise in everything and you're already changing the way I see things." For a few minutes we just stood there enjoying the moment, enjoying being in each other's arms. Madrid was beautiful, but it couldn't compare to the feeling of being in Edward's arms.

Edward pulled back and gazed down at me, his expression soft, and his amber eyes full of some unspoken emotion. I felt it too, like there was so much to say, but there were no words. For a long moment time stood still and the world seemed to fall away. Then he smiled that crooked smile I love so much, and my heart squeezed and my stomach did back flips. He tucked my hair behind my ear then leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. He gently released me and led me, still slightly dazed, through the plaza.

After a short while, he paused in front of what looked like a pastry shop and said, "Let's stop here a while."

Edward chose an outdoor table and pulled out my chair so I could sit. I couldn't resist. "And they say chivalry is dead."

He gave me another dazzling, crooked smile. "Not as long as I exist."

I heard the waitress behind me gasp, and I thought to myself, "_My sentiments exactly_." I managed to return a smile. Would I ever get used to his dazzling perfection? "_NO!"_ everything in me shouted with joy.

"I noticed you didn't eat dessert earlier, so I thought we should stop here and remedy that."

He noticed everything.

"That sounds lovely."

The waitress found her voice. "Welcome to La Tienda De Dulces. What can I get for you?"

Edward didn't take his eyes off me. "Two coffees and an assortment of chocolate pastries." He reached his hand across the table and took both my hands in his. "I love the feel of your hands in mine."

"So do I," I answered.

The waitress took that as her dismissal.

Edward's amber eyes were glowing. "You look lovely tonight. I really like that color on you."

Now that was a surprise! My blouse was red. "I thought you like blue?"

"I do, but this color suits you. It goes beautifully with your complexion, and it brings out your eyes and your lips. I think I might have a new favorite."

Okay, red was now officially my new favorite color. I felt myself blush and Edward's hand reached out to caress my cheek. His magnificent face was full of wonder and awe. "I love that."

"What?" I breathed.

He answered in that velvety voice, "The blush of your cheeks, the warmth in the air, and the feel of your skin beneath my fingertips."

Whoa, he sure knew how to deliver a compliment. My heart swelled at his words. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand, just reveling in his touch.

"What are you thinking? It's hard for me not to know."

That warm intoxicating feeling was spreading through me again, and I opened my eyes. "That I love the feel of your skin against mine."

His golden eyes began smoldering, burning into mine.

I continued in a heated whisper, "That I love the way you look at me, like I'm the only woman in the world."

The air between was charged. The waitress cleared her throat to announce herself. Edward let go of my hand and face so she could put down our drinks and pastries. When finished she didn't even ask if we needed anything else, she just quietly stepped away. She deserved a big tip.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. "Sorry, I know we are supposed to be taking it slower."

His golden eyes were still smoldering, "Don't apologize, I understand all too well what you're saying. When we're together it's like we are the only two people in the world."

My heart was bursting with joy at his words. I knew he desired me. The chemistry between us was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, but did he feel something more? Could I hope? Did I dare? No. That would be foolish. No matter what the future held for me, it would only end badly for Edward if he cared too much. I knew I was doomed to love and miss him forever, but I didn't want the same fate for him.

His eyes were beseeching. "What are you thinking about now?"

What could I say? We were having a wonderful evening. I didn't want to ruin it, but I had to say something,

I smiled a mischievous smile. "Not to sound unappreciative, but what brought all this on? I mean just seventy-two hours ago you were very annoyed with me."

He smiled that crooked smile again, and my heart skipped a beat… _again_. He heard it and it turned into wry knowing smile, "I told you that I was tired of trying to be good. Now I am going to do what I want and let the chips fall where they may."

A feeling of Déjà vu washed over me and I felt myself go pale. Bella and Edward had had this conversation.

He saw the change in my expression and I saw the alarm rising on his face, so I answered before he could ask. "I am thinking that I remember reading a conversation very similar to ours in the notebook." I knotted my fingers together staring at them to get out my next words "So when you say you were trying to be good, 'being good' would mean not kissing me." I glanced up at him through my down cast lashes.

Edward nodded. "Yes."

Now I was really curious. "So, why is kissing me bad?"

He frowned before he went on to explain, "Because you are a human and I am a vampire. Just being around me is dangerous for you."

Well I knew that, but he was more dangerous to my heart than any other part of me. Instead, I stated the obvious, "Because of the whole vampire blood thing?"

Edward looked bemused and replied, "Well, in most cases yes, but not in yours. So, no, not because of that."

That is what I had wanted to know. "So, my blood doesn't affect you? You don't want to um… uh… feed?"

Edward gave me another wry smile and answered confidently, "No, I don't. I have absolutely no bloodlust towards you. Neither does Alice or Jasper, although we can't figure out why that is."

Before I could stop them, the ridiculous words tumbled out, "Do I smell bad?"

He laughed and looked at me with a bemused twinkle in his eyes. "No! You smell absolutely fantastic, just not edible."

"I'm not following." My brows knitted together in uncertainty.

Edward couldn't hide his amused smile. "You're offended that I don't want to feed on you?"

"No, of course not." But I'm sure my face said otherwise. These had to be the most stupid, ridiculous and embarrassing feelings ever. Score two more points for the Jenny's crazy team.

Edward was still smiling. "Let me put this in words you can understand. What is your favorite food?"

Anything to change this embarrassing subject, I thought about it for a second. "My mother's pasteles."

"And that smells absolutely mouthwatering to you?"

"Yes."

"Now what fragrant flower do you like best?"

"Honeysuckle."

Edward looked stumped. "Alright, that's a bad analogy. What is your favorite candle scent?"

"Vanilla."

Edward raised a questioning eyebrow at me. "You're not making this easy."

I gave him back a wide-eyed expression. "Uh, I'm sorry, I don't know what game we are playing."

"What perfume do you like?"

"Jadore by Christian Dior."

Now his smile turned mischievous. "How does 'Jadore' smell to you?

"Fantastic."

"So, the smell is very pleasing to you?"

"Yes," I responded and prepared my coffee.

He pressed his question further. "Is it more pleasing than any other perfume?"

"Yes." I didn't know what he was getting at.

"Would you drink it?

"_NO!"_

"And yet you still find the scent very pleasing, more pleasing than most other perfumes. You simply don't want to drink it. Do you understand now?"

"Yeah, I get it."

"So, I repeat, _you_ smell absolutely fantastic, just not edible. Do you feel better now?"

"I know it seems silly, but I am just glad I don't smell bad to you." I couldn't help wrinkling my nose.

Edward laughed a genuine laugh. It was great to hear him laugh like that; lighthearted and very human. "I love the fact that I never know what you are going to say next."

"Well that makes two of us," I said, and he laughed even harder. I could not help but smile back at him. Edward truly was a deadly combination of looks and charm.

After our laughter died down he asked, "So, are there any there any other questions you'd like to ask me?"

Yes, there sure were. "Well, it's actually back to the first question: if we don't have to worry about the whole blood thing, then why exactly is kissing me bad?"

His expression turned serious. "Because I am a vampire and you are a human. My being around you is perilous for you, besides the fact that I attract my kind, who would not feel so friendly towards you. I could go to caress your cheek and accidentally crush your skull. I could easily kill you without meaning to. Just look at what happened earlier." A look of agony crossed over his perfect features. "Never forget that I am still a danger to you. That is why I should leave you alone: for your own safety."

I was sorry we had wandered into this territory. "But if I am dying anyway..." I stared at my hands again because I didn't know how to finish that statement." We were both silent for a moment before Edward spoke drawing my gaze back to him.

His eyes were still pained as he explained, "I know, that is how I justify the liberties I am taking with you. That and the fact this is something we both want, if not, I would have to walk away."

I didn't like the idea of him walking away. I liked talking it about it even less, then the idea of being stuck here without him, well that sucked, majorly. So, I moved on to a new topic. "I think I understand. We have to be careful and slow it down. So, where does that leave us?"

His pained expression disappeared and a genuine smile returned. "On our first date. I want to show you Madrid, and then we will let things happen naturally, slowly, carefully." He smiled at me meaningfully, and my heart skipped a beat again. Once again, the smile on his magnificent face widened slightly.

I realized he was enjoying my physical responses to him. "You get a kick out of my reaction to you, don't you?

Still smiling he responded, "Well, it's just pleasing to know that I have an effect on you."

My eyes went wide and I stated, "An effect on me? That is an understatement!"

Edward laughed that beautiful melodic laugh and said, "I know. I love it." His face was unguarded and full of delight.

I couldn't help but smile back at him and truthfully said, "I wish I had the same effect on you."

He looked at me incredulously. "You don't believe you have the same effect on me?"

"I know I don't." He was speaking of desire and I was talking about love. I tried to look away, but he captured my face in his hands. He looked into my eyes, and my heart responded immediately, as it always did.

I could see that he looked contrite, his eyes intense and he spoke softly, "And here I thought I had made my feelings toward you perfectly clear. What part of '_Stay with me and be mine'_ did you not understand?"

My smile broadened at the memory of those words, and my heart raced. I responded, "Yeah, I guess you did say that."

The mood between us, which had been light, seemed to intensify instantly. I could feel the buzz of electricity flowing between us. I barely noticed the lady standing by the table, but Edward's hands dropped from my face, and he shook his head as if too clear it. He reached for his wallet and gave some Euros to lady beside our table.

He was so near and he had been touching me again, his scent in my head, his beauty dazzling my brain, his words piercing my heart. All I wanted to do was throw myself into his arms. It took everything in my power to restrain myself and not cause a scene.

My feelings toward Edward were scaring me, not just my physical attraction to him, but my love. "So, this is what it feels like to be crazy in love with someone," I thought to myself.

I knew Edward was a vampire: possessive, overprotective, judgmental, controlling to a fault. He arrogantly thought he knew what was best for everyone. And he had a stalker's tendencies. Yet, I still loved him. Normally, I would have run screaming from any guy showing _any one of these qualities, let alone all of them_.

I guess that's how you knew you loved someone, when you loved him flaws and all. Or maybe that's what they meant when they said _love is blind_. I knew the terrible things he had done, the things he was still capable of, and yet all I could see was the fact that he tortured himself over it. That through incredible odds, he overcame what he was and that he wanted to be so much more.

He was like this courtyard; they were both turned into something terrible against their will. Even though they both emerged from that darkness, all Edward could do was judge them both for their past crimes. He saw this courtyard the way he saw himself: a beautiful façade covering a world of sins. He couldn't see the change in this courtyard anymore than he could see it in himself.

Edward was a man who was frozen in time in more ways than just the physical. He was frozen in the outdated ideals of his era, and in his self-loathing for the monster he saw himself as.

If I could do anything for him it would be to help him see himself more clearly: the changes he had made, and the man he would become if he only allowed himself. My thoughts were interrupted when Edward handed me a red rose, saying, "Jenny, you will be the death of me." I took the rose and I had to smile, because I remembered him saying that in the notebook too.

He shook his head and leaned in towards me, "So, any more questions?"

I played with the rose in my hands, "Just one or two more. In the book you, umm… You were _very_ physically reserved with Bella. But prior to our conversation in the living room, you were pretty, umm, _unreserved_."

He answered the question immediately. "Yes, well, a physical relationship with Bella Swan would be almost impossible since I am so drawn to her blood. I honestly don't see how it could be done. As it is, feeling the way I do about you, I can barely keep my wits about me when we are together. I could not imagine being in a constant state of bloodlust at the same time. With my vampire instincts at war with my human desires, it would require constant control and vigilant discipline. The best defense would be to have as little romantic physical contact as possible. From what I read in the _Twilight_ notebook, that was exactly what I intended to do.

"Well, you've obviously given this some thought," I responded, with more of an edge in my voice than I intended.

His glorious face was full of surprise. "You're jealous!"

_I was_. I felt myself flush with jealousy and embarrassment.

An amused smile played on his beautiful lips. "If you remember correctly, you came bounding into my existence determined to get me to return to Bella Swan. So, yes, I gave it some thought… at _your_ behest."

He was right. I couldn't be mad at him when I was the one who had been pushing Bella on him in the first place. I continued to play with the rose in my hands and shrugged my shoulders, "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm being stupid."

"Never apologize for your feelings. Your feelings are never stupid. They're your feelings and they matter. Besides, I find jealousy wildly sexy on you. Your eyes sparkle with green fire and your lips are set in a tempting angry pout. But most of all, it shows me that you care."

He lifted my hand to his lips and gently kissed it. "You have nothing to be jealous of. There's no place in the world I'd rather be than right here with you."

He simply takes my breath away and I smiled in spite of myself as my heart and stomach did back flips at his words. Only Edward could make jealousy sound sexy.

"So, where were we? Aah, my lack of reservation with you." Edward's face turned serious again. "I had more time with Bella; maybe fifty or sixty years. We don't. One year is a short time to a human, and it's the blink of an eye to an immortal. I won't waste any of it."

He grasped my other hand in his. "If I had that kind of time with you, I would court you properly. As it is, I have done this all wrong."

"Edward, there is nothing standard about us, so forget the rules. Let's just make it up as we go. Besides, I wouldn't change a single moment with you, not one." I gave him a radiant, reassuring smile.

His expression relaxed and he smiled again. "Eat your pastry. Why is it that I always have to remind you to eat?"

"I guess when I'm with you, it's sort of in the background."

He flashed me another knowing smile, "Now, that I understand."

I suddenly remembered that he needed to feed. "Speaking of that, when is the last time _you_ fed?"

He looked surprised at my question. "The night before we left Chicago."

"Good. Last question: Alice doesn't seem too fond of me."

"You start your pastry and I'll answer."

"Deal." I sipped my coffee and took a bite out of a rather delicious chocolate mousse-filled pastry.

Appeased, Edward answered, "Alice is suspicious of anyone who's future she can't see. It's difficult for her around you. It's like she's lost one of her senses, and I can relate. It was very difficult for me when I first met you. Imagine if you were to suddenly have a blind spot in your field of vision whenever you were around a certain person. You wouldn't be too happy.

"Wow, I guess that would make anyone on edge." At least, now I knew where her hostility came from. I nodded and finished my pastry, then added, "I guess she'll never like me."

"Alice will come around as I did. Come, we have more to see."

He left more Euros than necessary on the table and reached his hand out to me again. He led me through the crowd towards the center of the plaza and he paused at a pair of costumed Flamenco dancers. Edward stood behind me, arms around my waist, and my hands over his. We watched as the dancers clapped their hands and stomped their feet. Then the music changed to a tango. It was breathtaking to watch them glide and suddenly stop to the music, legs wrapping around each other provocatively. The music changed again, and we watched the dancers move and sway to a waltz.

Suddenly, Edward spun me around and I stepped in time to the beat.

"You waltz?" His face was full of pleasant surprise.

"Mm-hm."

"How?" His amber eyes wide with curiosity.

"I've attended a few Quinceaneras."

"A Spanish debutante ball?"

I cocked my head to the side and said, "Sort of. But it's more about family and friends than high society. It always begins with a waltz, so I learned. Why are you smiling?"

His smile was dazzling and full of delight. "I'm picturing you at fifteen, in a white ball gown, hair piled high, with a tiara. You must have been breathtaking."

"Oh, I didn't have one. I come from a large family, so we couldn't afford Quinceaneras for the girls. They are as expensive as weddings."

There was a sparkle in his amber eyes as he spoke, "I still would like to have seen that. Did you want one?"

"Yeah, sure. The girl always looks like a princess as she waltzes around the room with her handsome escort. You would have made a dream escort. I can picture you in a tux with tails looking handsome and dashing." I sighed wistfully.

His expression was perplexed, "Why would I wear tails?"

"I don't know. I guess that's how I see you: wearing a tux kind of like the one Leonardo DiCaprio wore in _Titanic_."

Edward rolled his eyes at me. "That was set in 1912."

"Oh, sorry," I responded giggling. "Hey, is that Sting singing?

Edward looked thoughtful and answered, "Yes, that's him."

"I've never heard this song before. It's beautiful."

"Yes, it is, and so are you," he whispered huskily into my ear as he spun me around and pulled me into his arms for deep, breathless kiss.

He tasted like heaven and I felt that kiss everywhere. "What was that for?" I asked breathlessly.

His eyes were ablaze. "Because you're you, and you're wonderful, surprising, enchanting, jealous and you waltz. I find you irresistible."

He pulled me against him tighter, one hand in my hair, one hand gently pressed against my back. His lips claimed mine passionately, and I returned his kiss, reveling in the taste of him, the scent of him, and the feel of him.

He trailed kisses to my ear and I was panting and breathless as I clung to him, desire coursing through my body.

His breathing was also fast and uneven. "You have bewitched me," he murmured against my ear as he gently pulled away from me. His golden eyes were still ablaze and gazing deep into mine. "You dazzle me, Jenny Latham."

I couldn't breathe; my senses were reeling and my heart was pounding out of my chest. Only Edward could make me feel this way.

"Breathe, Jenny," he said softly and smiled down at me.

I took a deep breath, leaned my head against his chest and clung to him. "Only you do that to me. You, and only you."

He held me in his embrace while our breathing returned to normal.

"Alice and Jasper are here."

I leaned back and took a deep breath, wondering if they had seen the whole exchange between us. We turned to face them, Edward's arm securely around my waist.

Jasper and Alice were definitely headed our way across the courtyard. Alice looked put out and Jasper looked mildly amused. I wondered what they were thinking, or trying not to think in front of Edward.

Jasper was the first to speak. "We came by to let you know we are leaving for Malaga, and there's been no sign of the informant."

All I could wonder was exactly how long they had been watching us.

Jasper continued, "We'll report in as soon as we reach the apartment, and we'll let you know if we find the journals. Let us know if the informant shows up, and if you discover his motives."

Edward responded, "Jasper, don't just look for journals. Keep your eye out for any handwritten notebooks that contain information about our family. We found a rather interesting handwritten notebook at Jen2's parent's house."

Alice's silence spoke volumes. She _really_ didn't like me. Well, I knew I shouldn't take it personally, but it was hard seeing this side of Alice. I had always thought of her as super-friendly. I wasn't prepared for this cold shoulder.

Still, I added, "Thank you, _both_."

Jasper nodded and said, "Don't mention it, Ma'am." They walked away and Alice had not even said goodbye.

I was a bit perturbed. "Did you know they were watching us?"

Edward kept his arm around me and shook his head. "Not until they got here, they were supposed to leave right away, but Alice apparently still has concerns."

I raised my eyebrows. "Concerns? About the informant or me?"

He thought before answering. "Both, actually. But let's not let that spoil our evening. Come, walk with me."

Edward led me out of the Plaza Mayor and back onto the streets. He was right. I was not going to let it spoil our evening. We continued walking and talking until almost dawn.

Back in our room, I found Alice had bought me several outfits and some pajamas. The pajamas were cotton tank shirts and pant sets. At least the bra and panty sets were cute. After seeing the pajamas, I thought I might find chastity belts for underwear.

I remembered that she had bought Bella lingerie, but I got cotton pajamas. Really, Alice's over protectiveness of Edward was too much. Besides, she had nothing to worry about. Edward's own set of 1918 morals had managed to rear their ugly head.

I changed into a pink set of pajamas and found Edward in the living room staring out the window. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my body against his cool, muscled back. Even through a T-shirt, he felt wonderful. We stood that way for a while before I said, "Come to bed with me."

I heard his breathing quicken and I felt his body tense.

"No, no, just lie down with me," I explained. "I want to fall asleep in your arms." He hesitated, but then I felt him relax, and I knew I had him.

He took my hand from around his waist and led me to the bedroom. We layed down together in the large king-size bed, and he pulled the blanket over us. I curled up under his arm. His cool body actually felt great against my ribs. I almost mentioned that, but thought better of it. I looked up into Edward's magnificent face and saw the look of desire in his golden eyes. My pulse started racing, and I loved the fact that I could make him feel this way. It was a heady, powerful feeling.

"Good night, Jenny," he said huskily and he gently kissed the top of my head.

"Good night, Edward," I responded a little breathlessly. I felt that languid, electric feeling overtake me, and I fell asleep feeling safe in his arms.

MALAGA

Jasper was bombarded with Alice's feeling regarding Jenny even before he'd met her. It was dislike, bordering on hate.

They got to Malaga in record time and there was no sign that any vampires had been there. So, as far as he was concerned, Jen2 was not the one being followed. Jasper had dealt with the Volturi during the southern wars, and he didn't quite feel the same friendly trust towards them the rest of his family did.

They were almost through searching the apartment, and it looked like it might be a bust. Half of Jen2's brother's things were in transport, and the rest were still being packed by the military to make the trip home. Alice's feelings

were emanating from her so powerfully, Jasper had to say something.

"Alice, what is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? I've never seen you act this way towards anyone."

Alice had her hands on her hips, boxes strewn all around her and demanded, "Why aren't you suspicious of her anymore?"

Jasper was exasperated. Alice's mood was unintentionally rubbing off on him. "Because she's in love with him."

Alice gave him a skeptical look while she continued searching the boxes. "Are you sure of that? Your abilities work on her, now?"

"You don't need my ability to see they're in love. Anyone with eyes could see that."

Alice sighed in frustration. "And that's the problem. She's going to destroy Edward. She's got less than a year to live. She knew it and made him fall in love with her to gain immortality. She's using him."

Jasper meticulously continued his search, putting everything back exactly as they had found it. They didn't need the military knowing they had been there. "Even if that were the case before, she loves him now. So, what would it matter? But, I think you're wrong. I am good at reading people, even without my ability, and she believes every word she's says."

Alice was incredulous. "_What does it matter_? It will destroy Edward to condemn her to this life! You know how he feels!"

Jasper paused. "According to Edward, she's never even brought it up. Maybe it won't come to that. Maybe they will just have the time they have together."

Misery was etched all over Alice's face. "Great! So, Edward loses her in less than a year, and spends the rest of eternity pining for her? That will destroy him too! Do you want to watch him waste away?"

Jasper was astounded because his wife was always optimistic. This was uncharacteristic behavior for her. But then he realized that for the first time Alice didn't know the future, and she was flying blind. But when it came to love, you were always flying blind. It was always a leap of faith.

"Alice Whitlock, have you taken a good look at Edward lately? She's the best thing that has ever happened to him! I have never seen him so alive, smile so much, be so happy, so carefree. He knows what he's up against and he's accepted it."

Alice's eyes were full of sadness and her whole body was slumped over in defeat. "But that's awful! He'll be twice as devastated. It would have been better if they had never met."

Jasper walked over to his wife and looked deep into her eyes, and said softly, "No, Alice, it wouldn't. I would rather have had one year with you than never to have held you in my arms. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If you don't believe me, just ask your brother. Ask yourself."

Alice's heart swelled at her husband's words, and for the first time since she figured out Edward was falling for this woman, she felt hope. "You're right; I would have made the same choice for you."

Jasper encircled her in his arms. "Let Edward enjoy this time with Jenny. Be supportive, no matter what they decide. He's going to need your support."

Jasper was right again, and Alice needed him now, more than ever. This was so difficult for her; not knowing which way to go, what was the right choice. Not having the answers was a new and uneasy experience for her. "How did people do it?" she wondered.

Alice looked gratefully into her husband's eyes. "How did I get so lucky?"

Jasper gave her that sexy smile she loved so much and responded, "I ask myself that same question every day." He pulled her into his arms and hungrily began kissing away all her worries and doubts.

Several hours later, they were back at the boxes and Jasper called out, "I found something! Two things, actually."

Alice flew back into the front room. "What is it?"

Jasper's eyes were large, and his face looked uneasy as he read one of the handwritten notebooks. He silently handed Alice the one entitled _New Moon_. The other still in his hand was entitled _Eclipse_.

**THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I will try to update weekly from now on and hopefully no more Writer's Block! I have enjoyed all your emails, input, comments and reviews it really inspires me! Please let me know if you enjoyed their first date, or what you thought of Alice and Jasper, or what do you think of more Twilight notebooks turning up but no journals, or what you would like to see more of, or you can just say good, bad, or great chapter! Thanks for all your support!**

**Special thanks to the Greatest Beta Ever! Belladonnacullen! Her FanFic "The Practice of Love" just got nominated for "Best Hooked Fics" at the Glosp Awards! If you haven't checked TPOL out yet you're missing out on some great AU/AH romance and drama!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**A NIGHT OF SURPRISES**

I woke up wrapped in warm, soft blankets that weren't my own. I opened my eyes and remembered where I was and who I should be with. Edward was lying directly across from me. I forgot he liked to watch people sleep. I pulled the covers over my head to stifle my unladylike yawn and then pulled them down to smile back at him.

"Good Morning."

He raised questioning eyebrows at me, "Good Morning?... Good afternoon it's almost two p.m."

"Wow, I guess we did come in pretty late. So, why are you all the way over there?"

"Well, I thought you might be cold, so..."

I interrupted him. "I'm not cold; I'm lonely. Come here." I stretched my arms out to him.

He didn't need any more prodding and I was instantly in his arms. I inhaled him deeply; he always smelled amazing. His arms were cool and hard, and unmistakably Edward. We lay quietly in each other's arms, just enjoying the moment.

After about ten minutes, I knew I had to get up and at least wash my face and brush my teeth. So, borrowing Bella's words I said, "I need a human moment."

He released me from his steel embrace and I quickly made it to the bathroom. I knew I should ask about Alice and Jasper, what our plans for today were, but I just wanted a few more minutes of peace before reality had to crash back in.

He was still lying on the bed waiting for my return. He opened his arms and Bella was right it was an irresistible invitation. I immediately slid back into his embrace, my head lying against his cool chest, happy to shut out the world a little while longer.

After about ten blissful minutes, I couldn't put it off any longer. "So, did Alice and Jasper find Jen2's journals?"

He answered softly. "No, and they are going to stay in Malaga another day."

"Why?"

"They are making sure there are no other vampires there."

"Oh, okay." My mind was suddenly flooded with things I'd been hiding from. The idea I wasn't real was looming larger than ever. I was grateful I was in his arms or I would have fallen apart right then and there. I knew it was that warm, secure, languid feeling I felt in his arms that allowed me to think about all this and not lose it. Otherwise, I would probably be screaming at the top of my lungs or sobbing uncontrollably. At least if I wasn't real, my family wouldn't miss me, it would just be me missing them.

A voice inside of me railed against these thoughts. The idea of not being real was unacceptable. Against all odds and mounting evidence, I simply could not accept this. I stuffed my emotions and those thoughts back into a box in my mind, until I could deal with them again.

"You're upset. Tell me what's wrong."

"She doesn't have journals." My voice was laced with despair.

His voice was soothing. "Not necessarily. Jasper said the military had already packed up, and half of her brother's things were already in transport."

I clung to the little bit of hope that Edward had just given me, desperate to be real, to still have my daughter, my family, my friends.

I looked up at him and smiled, grateful for that little bit of hope. Edward leaned down and started kissing away the tears that I hadn't realized I had shed.

His kisses started out featherlike, and then he began raining kisses all over my face. When his cool hard lips met mine he lingered long enough that my lips parted for a deeper kiss. I wanted to lose myself in his kiss, in his embrace, in this feeling. I was desperate for the escape I knew he could give me.

I felt him reluctantly end our kiss and pull my head against his chest, but I was not ready to stop. I began kissing his chest and I heard him catch his breath. My hands found their way under his shirt, reveling in his smooth marble abs and feel of his cool skin beneath my fingertips. He was spellbound under my unexpected assault.

I kissed my way up his neck and when our lips met, he kissed me back hungrily. His lips were firm and unyielding, his tongue explored my mouth more deeply, more intimately, more demanding. And his large hands were on my waist as he pulled me tighter against him.

Oh… he felt so good against me, and this only made me want him more. My hands slipped from his chest around his waist and down his magnificent backside, he moaned against my lips and gently rolled me onto my back. His hands were everywhere at once, hungrily exploring me, in my hair, on my hips, on my breasts, my thighs and my backside.

My body sang under his kisses, his touch and the feel of him against me. I was in a sea of bliss and I was on fire with need. My heart was pounding in my ears. This is what I needed! I needed him!

My hands found his shirt and I tried to tug it off him, and then it was gone. My breasts were crushed against his cool chest. My hands roamed over his muscled back and arms, back into his magnificent hair. His lips found mine again, for another intoxicating kiss. This was heaven on Earth.

My hands found the top of his jeans, and as I undid the top button, he froze and broke our kiss. A second later my hands were above my head, held in place by his cool hand, and we were both gasping for air.

"I want you so much." He murmured against my lips.

"I want you too," I answered breathlessly.

I hadn't even caught my breath and his other hand – _oh my_… was slowly trailing down my arm, lingered over my breast, then down my belly to the top of my pajama pants.

He paused, and I arched my hips up against him

A second later he ripped the pants off. _Yes, oh yes_, _this_ was what I wanted.

He trailed kisses down my face and neck, and over my collar bone, as his hand swept lower over my hip and down the front of my thigh. I closed my eyes, lost in sensation. Every nerve ending in my body was alive under his touch; I squirmed with pleasure and need.

I gasped in pleasure as he trailed kisses over my breasts. His hand swept around my backside and my leg instinctively wrapped around him. He shuddered against me and his lips captured mine in another breathless kiss.

We broke apart and he rested his forehead against my own. His golden eyes were wild with desire, mirroring my own. Both of us were panting with need as we tried to catch our breath. His hand swept around to the front of my thigh and he gently but firmly unwrapped my leg.

"_NO!"_ my whole body shouted.

"Jenny, we have to stop," he said a little breathlessly.

"Why?" I asked disappointment washing over me.

His cool hand immediately swept upwards to my ribs.

"But this is practice,'" I pleaded. All I could think was, "_I've got to get this guy's jeans off! I wish I could rip pants off like he can!_"

His breathing was still shallow and uneven, while his eyes bore into mine, still wild with desire… and something else. "No, right now I am out of my mind, luxuriating in the feel of you beneath me. Give me a moment."

I could have started my kissing assault again. I knew he was wavering; I could see it. But it was his eyes that stopped me: they were wild with desire and _fear_. I would not push him; I knew he needed to stop, because if he hurt me again, he would never forgive himself and because I loved him.

It wasn't easy, but I could wait. I _would_ wait until I saw desire without fear in his eyes. Although my body railed in protest, I made no attempt to touch him again. I consoled myself with the thought that if I pushed and he did hurt me again, he might pull a celibate Edward on me. I knew from the Twilight forums that no one wanted that.

We lay that way for a long time, staring into each other's eyes as our breathing slowly returning to normal. The excitement in his eyes began to fade and we both slowly came back to our senses. He released my hands and I made no move to touch him. I could see that he was grateful that I understood. He slowly rolled onto his back and gently pulled me to his side. He kissed the top of my head.

"Thank you," he breathed softly against my hair.

"I understand," I answered just as softly; and our passionate moment became a tender one, full of soft sighs and contentment.

After a while, I looked up into his face. He seemed pleased with our practice and I teasingly said, "Well, that was a pleasant way to start the day."

He smiled down at me, his amber eyes tender and happy. "Yes, that certainly was. But we have to get out of this bed; I have plans for us today. A surprise really."

"A surprise?"

"I had a lot of time on my hands while you slept."

As he slid out of bed, he took me with him and gently placed me on my feet.

"I will see to your breakfast and your surprise, while you get ready."

I headed to the bathroom and jumped into the shower. Once alone, thoughts I was trying to avoid assaulted me. Well, Edward couldn't be with me every minute of the day, so I was going to have deal with some of this. I had to try to at least make sense of it.

I thought of what I knew about being a split personality: practically nothing. I was going to have to Google it. What I did know was that people developed them to deal with trauma they couldn't handle. Okay, that sounded about right. But still, my life wasn't perfect. If Jen2 wanted all the things she missed out on, then why not imagine a perfect marriage? My own marriage was a disaster. I decided to talk to Edward about it. I was sure that with two medical degrees he knew about split personalities.

Then a horrible thought hit me. What if I never found out the truth? What if there were no journals? No leads? No answers? Then what? I decided that I would cross that bridge when I came to it. Right now I had to get through today.

I tried to shut my mind down to the storm of thoughts that assaulted me, but there was one thought I could not squash down: my daughter. The tears came unbidden, and I let them flow under the running water. I missed her terribly. At least she had her father until I could get home. I had to believe that when I got home it would be the moment I left, like all the times before.

Another voice inside me cried; how I would ever live without Edward, now that I'd had him. No matter what happened, I was looking at degrees of losing. I had gotten myself into an impossible situation. I stayed under the water and silently cried my eyes out.

After a while I pulled myself together. I shut down my emotions and told myself to keep moving and to get dressed. I saw my reflection in the mirror and I looked terrible: eyes puffy, nose red. Well, there was no hiding this from Edward. I didn't want to ruin his surprise, but makeup wasn't going to help this.

I walked into the dining room and he was immediately by my side. He'd probably heard me crying in the shower. He didn't ask; he just held me in his arms. I let that languid, electric feeling wash over me and I felt instantly better. He was like a miraculous drug that healed me every time.

Ten minutes later, he leaned back and asked, "How are you?"

I gave him a genuine smile. "Better, thanks to you."

His expression was forlorn as he said, "We don't have to do anything today. We could just skip all my plans and stay in."

But I could see he was crestfallen. "No, no. I'll go stir crazy. Besides, I'm looking forward to my surprise."

He instantly perked up; whatever he was up to, he seemed eager. He pulled my chair out and we sat down. Breakfast was good: coffee, a baguette and fresh fruit.

"So, you're sure you're up for this?" His face was excited, though he looked at me questioningly.

I nodded and quickly finished my breakfast. There was no way I could say no, he seemed bursting with excitement. Besides, his enthusiasm was catching.

We went downstairs to the boutique and Edward introduced me to Madame Marrero. I assured Edward that the clothes Alice bought me were just fine, but he insisted I pick my own clothes. I remember Bella always refusing his gifts and how much it hurt him. I loved to give gifts just like Edward did, and I understood the joy of it. I never had problem accepting them, either.

Edward left me in Madame Marrero's capable hands. First she took my measurements and asked me about my taste in clothes. We walked around the store, and for each outfit I picked out, she put together accessories and shoes. Her taste was impeccable. She put a facial mask on me that completely took care of my puffy eyes and red nose in ten minutes. I picked up a bottle of that stuff too. I also picked out a few negligees for more "practice." I felt myself smile and warm at the thought.

Edward was back and he was beaming. He helped me gather some of the packages; most of the rest would be tailored first, then delivered to our room. He was right; this was a nice surprise. It felt good to have things I had picked out on my own.

"Thank you, Edward. I loved my surprise."

He gave me a mischievous smile. "That wasn't your surprise"

Now I was surprised. "There's more?"

"Oh, yes." He seemed buoyant.

I couldn't help but smile at his delight; he seemed so human, so happy.

Instead of the room, we headed to the hotel salon.

I raised a questioning eyebrow. "What's this?"

"Part of your surprise."

"A haircut?"

"No, you'll see. Just let them take care of you." He winked at me and gave me that amazing crooked smile.

I went a little weak in the knees and just started blinking at him. It took me a second but I shook off that dazzled feeling and decided to go with it and enjoy it. I could use a little pampering. I followed the young woman into the salon.

The salon girl a willowy blonde explained what Edward had planned for me as we walked through the posh salon. My treatments started with a facial, relaxing massage, manicure and pedicure, then finally hair, makeup and a dress fitting. I allowed myself to just indulge in the lavish care I was receiving.

While I was getting my hair styled a delivery arrived for me: two-dozen long stemmed red roses with a handwritten invitation from Edward. He asked me to join him for a private dinner later that evening in one of the private ballrooms. I was the envy of every woman in the room, and I couldn't lie, it felt great. It all was starting to make sense. He wanted to court me, and it was adorable, but a bit redundant, since I was already his.

The messenger waited for my written reply, so I accepted and sent him on his way. I guess this was how they did things in 1918. Well, there was something to be said for it.

Madame Marrero arrived with a dress and accessories for this evening's dinner. It was a beautiful ivory taffeta ball gown it was sleevless with a heart shaped bodice. There was also a diamond tiara and matching necklace and earrings. Wow! The tiara had to be worth a fortune, let alone the necklace. I had never seen so many diamonds! Madame Marrero assured me they were on loan to the hotel on behalf of Mr. Cullen. Edward was crazy.

My hair was pinned up in curls and ringlets cascaded down my back as small wispy curls surrounded my face. They added the tiara and the look was complete. I looked like I had stepped out of "Gone with the Wind" instead of a Jane Austen novel. I didn't know how I was supposed to sit in the dress; thankfully Madame Marrero took the time to show me.

I was seriously glad we weren't leaving the hotel for dinner; besides the small fortune in diamonds I was wearing, I didn't know how I could have maneuvered getting in and out of a car.

When I was finally ready, the collective gasp from most of the women around me effectively announced Edward's arrival. I turned around and had to gasp as well. He was breathtaking. He had on the "Titanic tuxedo" _with_ the tails, and he was beyond dashing. _Wow!_

"You look stunning," he murmured, "even more beautiful then I imagined."

"Wow," was all I could think. I gathered my wits about me and after too long I responded, "You look incredibly dashing. But I thought you said that tails were so 1912!"

"Well, I thought it only fair that I wear what you imagined, since you would be wearing what I imagined."

Knowing all the trouble he went through, I felt suddenly self-conscious and answered, "Well, I hope it was worth the wait and the effort."

He gave me a dazzling smile as he reached out and kissed my hand and he whispered so I only I could hear, "Had I waited another hundred years, you would have been worth the wait."

Did he mean the outfit or me? I blushed and lowered my eyes, afraid he'd see how much his words affected me. I swear, I was ready to swoon and my heart felt like it would burst out of my chest with the love I felt for him. I had never fallen so hard and so fast in my whole life. Unable to speak, I simply nodded and smiled as he began to lead me away.

Before we left, I thanked everyone for all their help, especially Madame. Edward gracefully extended his arm and we headed to dinner. I was doubly glad he was there. I was worried about walking around with a fortune of diamonds on me, but not with Edward beside me.

The private ballroom that he led me to could easily hold fifty people. The room was beautiful and romantic; flowers, soft lighting and candles were everywhere. Dinner for two was set by the terrace, and there was soft jazz playing in the background.

"Edward, it's beautiful, but why did you do all this?"

"Because you never had a Quinceanera."

Now I understood the tiara and ball gown, I was overwhelmed at his gesture, "Thank you, this is wonderful."

His smile was dazzling and his eyes mischievous, "My motives weren't entirely unselfish I really did want to see you in that dress."

He pulled out my chair and I carefully sat down so as not to hurt my ribs. I wasn't going to let anything ruin this evening.

A waiter appeared and set out two glasses, an ice bucket, and a bottle of Moet.

I remembered my last Moet experience. "Moet? Are you trying to be funny?"

Edward looked chagrined as he remembered. "Well, you said Moet was your favorite champagne."

Of course, he remembered everything. I chuckled, "Relax, it was a joke. I love Moet." I took a sip from my glass, and it was divine. "So, this is how they courted in 1918: written invitations and ballroom dinners?"

Relaxed again, he answered, "Well, we would also have a chaperone here if it was 1918."

"Well, thank heavens it's 2011."

His brows furrowed together in consternation as he stated, "It's 2005.

I was momentarily thrown. "That's right, I'm sorry… Um, let's just say it's the twenty-first century."

There was a perplexed look on his beautiful face as he questioned, "It's 2011 where you're from?"

"Yeah, I never mentioned that before?"

Edward tilted his head, his expression thoughtful as he responded, "No you haven't and I wonder why the timelines are different?"

"Well, your story timeline was in 2005. So, I guess that's why it's 2005."

"So, the parallel universes don't run concurrent?"

"I guess not."

"Interesting." Again he wore a thoughtful expression on his magnificent face.

He seemed to be mulling that over, and for some reason, I also felt like that was important. But then the waiter arrived with our dinner of roast pork and paella. I began eating and continued to think about the significance of the timeline difference.

Edward pushed his food around on his plate to make a decent show of it, and asked, "What are you thinking? It drives me crazy that I don't know."

I didn't want to ruin our dinner with "problem" talk, so I decided to flirt instead. "A girl needs to keep a little mystery, how else will I keep you interested?"

"I think we can both agree there's too much mystery surrounding you already. Anyway, don't worry about me losing interest; wild horses couldn't drag me away from you." His golden eyes were ablaze and the look he gave me made melt into the chair. _God, I loved him._

"Who says things like that, Edward? Only you. That's why so many people loved the books and were completely infatuated with you."

Both his eyebrows went up in surprise. "Me? What? Why?"

"You have no idea! It's so bad that the guy that plays you in the movies is mobbed everywhere he goes. I'm talking The Beatles mobbed, just because people associate him with you."

"I don't understand. From what I've read, besides her raving about his looks, he didn't seem so extraordinary."

"Of course not to you. He is you, and yes, he was devastatingly handsome which you are, but it was the way he loved Bella. Once you realized you loved her and made the decision to be with her, you embraced it. You read people's minds, you know how they play games, and yet you didn't. Most guys can't admit how they really feel, yet, you were honest about your feelings. That's rare in this day and age. Not to mention you come from a time where chivalry and honor were just a part of who you were. There's not a whole lot of that now-a-days. People all over the world fell under your spell."

His angel's face was a mask of sadness and ancient grief, "I've read your book and it has me all wrong, I'm a killer, Jenny. You don't know the things I have done; you have no idea what I'm truly capable of." He cast his eyes down, unable or unwilling to look at me.

I immediately reached my hand out to grasp his, and spoke softly, "Yes, I do. Most of it was revealed in the _Twilight_ Notebook, and that isn't who you are now."

He lifted his agonized eyes to mine. "You know about the time I left Carlisle?"

I nodded. "Yes," I answered in a whisper.

He withdrew his hand from mine and bitterly asked, "Don't you care that I'm a monster? How can you even stand to be near me?"

I answered gently, truthfully, "You, of all people, should understand."

He looked at me questioningly and I continued, "Edward, in my world there are no vampires or werewolves, and all the monsters are human. You know what the worst of humankind is capable of, you have seen into their thoughts and their hearts. If we are talking monsters, by your own definition, humans have committed some of the worst atrocities the world has ever known. Yet humans are also capable of great compassion, mercy and love. So are you. Just look at your family." I reached my hand out to his again.

He smiled, shook his head, took my hand and answered, "How do you do that? How do you always see the best in me?"

"That's my special talent, if you can call it that. I tend to see the best in everyone. Kind of like Carlisle." Then I thought of my husband. I was so quick to forgive Edward all his faults, and yet I judged my husband so harshly.

Now that I stood in his shoes, unexpectedly in love with someone else; I saw things differently. If I ever got back I would really forgive him. Then I would let him go. Because Bella was right about one thing; I would never be the same after Edward. I would never love anyone else again, and that wasn't fair to my husband.

Edward's amber eyes were warm and grateful. "It's not a talent, it's a gift. And so are you."

Edward's words brought me back to the moment. I returned his smile and I pushed my plate away to signify I was done. My bodice was rather tight, so I couldn't really finish my meal. I guess that's how they had sixteen-inch waists back in the day; they simply couldn't eat. The waiter reappeared and asked about dessert, and both Edward and I turned it down.

"How was your dinner? You didn't eat very much."

"It was delicious, but this dress isn't very conducive to eating, or sitting or breathing," I chuckled.

"That maybe so, but I love it on you. I can barely take my eyes off you." Edward wore a suggestive smile and continued, "But if you're that uncomfortable, would you like to go change?"

After that compliment there was no way I was changing. "Eating and breathing are overrated, anyway" I laughed.

Edward gently squeezed my hand. "May I have this dance?"

It was silent around us at the moment. "But there's no music."

As soon as Edward stood up, music came wafting back into the room. My face lit up: it was the same waltz we heard at the Plaza de Mayor. I took his arm and off we went to Sting singing in the background.

_If I caught the world in a bottle_  
_And everything was still beneath the moon_  
_Without your love would it shine for me?_  
_If I was smart as Aristotle_  
_And understood the rings around the moon_  
_What would it all matter if you loved me?_

I was in his arms, gracefully moving and swaying to the music. Dancing with Edward was effortless. I followed his lead as we twirled around the floor. I felt like I was floating on air.

_Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still_  
_With a million dreams to fulfill_  
_And a matter of moments until the dancing ends_  
_Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear_  
_Not a solitary thing do I fear_  
_Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end_

_If I caught the world in an hourglass_  
_Saddled up the moon and so we could ride_  
_Until the stars grew dim, until.._

He was beaming down at me; his face full of delight and his amber eyes were glowing. "As soon as I heard this song, I wanted to dance with you. Then, when I found out you could waltz, I knew what I was going to do."

_One day you'll meet a stranger_  
_And all the noise is silenced in the room_  
_You'll feel that you're close to some mystery_  
_In the moonlight and everything shatters_  
_You feel as if you've known her all your life_  
_The world's oldest lesson in history_

Only Edward would do all this for a dance. "This is all pretty elaborate, just to get a dance. All you had to do was ask."

"I did ask. This is my version of asking. You don't approve?"

"Honestly, I love it. This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me."

_Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still_  
_With a million dreams to fulfill_  
_And a matter of moments until the dancing ends_  
_Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear_  
_Not a solitary thing do I fear_  
_Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end_

"That is truly unforgivable, and I intend to remedy it immediately. You should be cherished and adored."

"Well, I have to hand it to you, 1918 definitely has its merits. All of this had been wonderful."

He looked into my eyes intensely, "There is nothing I would not give you, if you would only allow me. You would never want for anything, as long as it was in my power to give it."

Suddenly, it seemed like we were talking about more than just dancing and dresses. But I didn't know what the future had in store for me, and I could only offer him this moment. "All I want is right here, right now, with you."

He gave me that dazzling crooked smile, and we continue to move and sway to the music.

_Oh, if I caught the world in an hourglass_  
_Saddled up the moon and we would ride_  
_Until the stars grew dim_  
_Until the time that time stands still, Until..._

The song ended and I was reluctant to stop dancing. In his arms everything felt right, safe, like this was how it was supposed to be. I could have danced with Edward all night.

He escorted me out onto the terrace and I noticed, a horse and open carriage parked and waiting on the street. Immediately, I began stammering, "Oh no, there's no way I can climb into that carriage. I've had enough trouble trying to sit and eat in this dress."

"But courting 1918 style wouldn't be complete without a carriage ride." Edward took one look at the trepidation on my face and began to softly laugh, "You fearlessly travel across the universe, yet you're worried about climbing into a carriage?"

He could laugh all he wanted, but he wasn't the one wearing the ball gown. As we approached the carriage, I was desperately trying to figure out a way to gracefully climb in, and pretty much figured it was impossible. Edward stepped in the carriage first, then turned around and gently lifted me up and into the carriage. Relief was evident on my face, and Edward laughed again. I loved the sound of his laughter, and although it was at my expense, I laughed too.

Once we were settled, Edward told the driver to take us to the palace. Edward continued his tour guiding from the previous night. "The Palacio Real De Madrid is the official residence of the King of Spain. However, he and his family reside year round at one of the smaller estates. The palace is mainly used for official ceremonies. It was designed to rival the French Palace of Versailles. It took twenty-six years to build it has over twenty-eight hundred rooms."

It was around midnight and although I could only see it from the outside, the palace was unlike anything I had ever seen outside of the movies. Its sheer size was awe-inspiring; with a huge courtyard, beautiful gardens, hedge mazes, pools, fountains and statues.

I gasped and exclaimed, "I have never seen anything so beautiful! It's breathtaking."

Edward's intense gaze was on me as he said, "Neither have I." He gently stroked my cheek and I flushed with pleasure as his amber eyes grew warm.

Guys could learn a thing or two from Edward. "Thank you for all of this. Tonight's been magical; almost like a dream."

He sweetly kissed my lips and I felt a little dazed.

"No, _thank you_. Since you've come into my existence, everyday is like a dream for me. You've brought me to life again. I was merely existing until you came along. I have felt more alive and happy these past couple of days than I have in eighty years. You give me everything just by breathing."

His words had caressed my heart the way his hands had my body. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and tell him how much I loved him, but instead, I restrained myself and said, "That has to be the best compliment I have ever received in my life. I feel the same way. Like I was just going through the motions and then this happened. I've never felt the way I feel when I'm with you."

His angel's face was glowing at my response, and I was instantly in his arms. This kiss was different; filled with joy instead of passion, and I enthusiastically responded. I was on cloud nine; I felt lighter than air. He pulled back and gave me a dazzling smile, his eyes radiant as he searched my face. Content with whatever he found, he gently pulled me back into his embrace again. It felt like we were in our own private bubble, and all too soon, we were back at the hotel.

He lifted me up and out of the carriage and gently set me on my feet. He took care of the driver, and grasping my hand, we headed back to our room. I could feel the excitement between us growing, the unspoken understanding.

Once inside the door he pulled me into his arms and his lips met mine for a breathless kiss. I was still a little dazed when he pulled back and gazed down at me. I felt giddy and that electric warmth was spreading through me. He removed the tiara and started pulling the pins out of my hair. Curls cascaded down around my bare shoulders, and his breath caught in his throat. I felt myself smile, unable to conceal my delight at being able to do that to him.

He wrapped his pale finger in a long dark brown curl, then gave me a dazzling crooked smile and said, "I can't help myself, you are so beautiful. Words fail me."

_Beautiful?_ He was the one that was beautiful, and incredibly romantic. I looked up into his exquisite face and thought, "_How am I in the arms of the man of my dreams? How is it that this beautiful angel wants me?"_

He gently brushed the curls away from my face, "What are you thinking?"

"That you dazzle me, Edward Cullen, and no matter what the future holds for me, you are the most remarkable man I have ever known. I adore you. I have to thank whatever stars have brought me to you."

He captured my face in his hands and his beautiful amber eyes were searching again. "Jenny, there is so much that's been left unsaid, but I can no longer deny... _Alice_?"

"Alice?"

He was thoroughly distracted. "Alice and Jasper are here."

"What? I thought they were going to stay the night in Malaga?" Damn that pixie! Yeah right, she couldn't see my future. She couldn't have planned this interruption more perfectly!

Edward released me and his face was a whirlwind of emotions as he listened to whatever Alice was thinking.

I went from angry to worried in a flash. "What is it, Edward?"

Before he could answer, Alice and Jasper were at the door. He gave me one last longing look and instantly was opening the door for them. They practically flew into the room.

Alice was obviously distressed, and Jasper seemed on guard and wary. The mood in the room had changed immediately.

"We have to go back!" Alice cried.

Edward answered, "I know."

She was visibly upset and practically flittering around the room. "It's our fault."

Again, Edward's only response was, "I know."

Alice was still beside herself. "The whole town is at risk."

Edward responded gravely, "I know."

They were speaking in some kind of crazy Edward-Alice code, and I couldn't follow. "Will someone please explain to the human in the room what is going on?"

Edward turned his intense gaze on me and said, "Someone's going to try to kill Bella, and it's our fault."

I was perplexed, "_Your _fault? I don't understand."

Jasper responded, "Edward, we have to leave now, and not just to go back to Forks. There were no other vampires at her brother's apartment." He gave Edward a meaningful look.

I couldn't even process that. I spun back to Edward demanding, "Who's trying to kill Bella and how is it your fault?"

Edward's amber eyes were filled with guilt, "My fault."

Alice chimed in, "No, it's actually all of our faults."

I was exasperated. "Can someone please give me straight answer?"

Alice began explaining, "There seems to be a small coven that wants to kill Bella. They were attracted to her house by our scent."

I was confused. "But Edward left Forks that day. He never went to Bella's house."

Alice continued, "No, he didn't. _We_ did. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and I practically stalked her and staked out her house for a week to see if she would mention anything out of the ordinary. Then Edward said he wasn't coming back, so we packed up and moved. But we left a strong scent that he must have picked up on." She shook her head in dismay.

"I did not have Bella on my radar again until you came, and then I saw that vision of her and Edward in the meadow. There was nothing, until just an hour ago. I saw a small coven around her house, and then she's either attacked in her home or in the woods. But my visions of her go in and out."

I felt myself grow cold, "Is it a blonde male vampire, a red headed female and a dreadlock wearing vampire?"

Alice nodded yes, but her eyes narrowed suspiciously. I also saw Jasper paying careful attention to my words.

"_Great! Just great_," I thought to myself. "It's James, Victoria and Laurent. I told you the reason your visions keep going in and out around Bella is because she is hanging out with the werewolves."

Alice's eyes widened at my answer. "She really is hanging out with the werewolves? And now, there is another vampire who wants to kill her. This girl is disaster magnet!"

I rolled my eyes. "You have no idea. But James only wanted to kill Bella because she belonged to Edward. This doesn't make sense. Why would he be after her now?"

Edward chimed in, "If she belonged to me, why would he want to kill her?"

Here we went again. "Because that is his thing. He is a hunter, and he lives for the hunt. One of his favorite games is to steal other vampire's human pets or play things because it's a challenge for him."

Alice and Edward both exchange glances and I added, "Hey, stop doing that! We can't brainstorm if I can't hear you guys."

Edward spoke up, "Alice is still wondering how you know all of this."

I sighed, "It's in the first book. James stumbles across all of you playing baseball, and Bella is there as well. He realizes Bella belongs to you, so he wants to take her from you. He is twisted like that."

Edward interrupted me, "But I didn't read that."

"You didn't get the whole book."

Jasper interrupted, "May I see the first notebook?"

In a flash Edward disappeared and was back with the Twilight Notebook. He handed it to Jasper, who quickly read it.

Edward looked perplexed. "So, if that never happened, why would he go after her now?"

"I don't know." I really was confused.

Jasper had already finished the notebook and added, "Well, if he likes to play hunting games and she's now hanging out with werewolves, that could make sense. Werewolves' playthings or vampire's playthings; what's the difference? It's all about the hunt and the challenge for him."

I had to admit, that made sense. "Jasper's right. That's why he wants her. He thinks she belongs to the wolves and it's the same game for him, just different players."

Edward looked to me questioningly. "What can you tell us about this coven?"

"Edward, things have changed, but some things seemed to be still on the same course, so my knowledge may be sketchy from here on out. Here's what I know happened in the books: Laurent left his coven before the fight between all of you. He didn't want to take on such a large coven, and he was intrigued by your way of existence. So he goes to Denali and winds up with Irina."

Everyone was listening intently as I continued, "Victoria is loyal to James. He is her mate, and she also has a special ability to survive. So she is going to be hard to fight, and even harder to kill. She actually turns out to be a much bigger problem, because Edward kills James to stop him from killing Bella. In the books, Victoria decides to get revenge by trying to kill Bella. Laurent learns from the Denali clan all of your special abilities, which he shares with Victoria. She realizes she can't take you down alone, so she builds a newborn army to take down your coven and kill Bella.

Jasper asked, "When this newborn army attacks, how do things turn out?"

"Well, fortunately the werewolves and your coven decide to work together in secret, so they don't kill Bella and destroy half the town while they're at it. Wait, you said the whole town is at risk… and none of you look too surprised at all the things I am saying." I remembered Alice's mouth dropping open every time I mentioned a Volturi Guard the last time. "You know all of this already. How?"

Edward's face was sympathetic and his eyes and his voice softened considerably. I knew that look; bad news was coming, "Jenny, I wanted to wait to tell you, but they found two handwritten notebooks. They think they are book two and three.

I felt like the floor had just dropped out from under me, and now I was looking at the ornate ceiling in the main hall. I could see Alice and Jasper peering down at me, while Edward was crouched down beside me. One of his cool hands was holding mine, and the other was against my neck. Edward was speaking so fast I could barely understand him, but I could clearly hear the panic in his voice.

His face was a mask of concern, "Are you alright? Do you hurt anywhere? Does your head hurt? Can you move?"

I nodded and sat up. A second later he scooped me up and gently sat me on the couch, still holding my hand. Jasper was handing me a glass of water that I took gratefully. My mouth was dry and I took a big gulp and tried to remember what happened. Then it hit me, they found book two and three, handwritten by Jen2. What did this mean?

For the first time I realized that I had actually already stopped believing in the books. Somewhere along the way I got caught up in my own tragedy, and I'd begun considering the books as Jen2's romantic fantasy about Edward. But if the books were back on track, I would lose Edward. I felt like fainting again. This must have been fate stepping in to bring him back to his true love, Bella. Which is what I was supposed to be here doing in the first place. My heart sank as that realization set in. How did Jen2 know any of this? How did I really know, for that matter?

I was still trying to sort through all of this when I asked, "If you knew all of this, then why have me explain? Then the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. "You still don't know if you can trust me!" I snatched my hand out of Edward's, anger suddenly raging through me. I bounded away from the couch and turned around to stare at them all accusingly.

"Unbelievable! Here I am telling you everything I can, and you guys are holding out on me! Vampires and their damn secrets! You have no idea how bad this can really get, or what you are really up against. And you," I stared at Edward disapprovingly, "You just don't learn! What did I tell you about not keeping me informed? You really don't know how much trouble that's going to get you in!"

I was shocked and hurt that they didn't trust me, and for the first time I felt really and truly alone.

Edward stood up, his angel's face apologetic and he reached a hand out to me. "Don't! Don't you dare touch me! Don't even talk to me! You got what you wanted. You now know where I got my information, and the rest you can get out of the notebooks." My anger fueling me, I turned on my heels and walked out of the suite, having no idea where I was headed or what I was going to do. But I sure as hell didn't want anything more to do with vampires.

**Once again thanks to all of you for hanging in there and please review they really help and inspire me! **

**As always Thanks Again to my Beta _belladonnacullen_ who makes everything I write so much more readable! **

**Special Thanks to Laila Cullen for all the new readers she sent my way! And for those of you who haven't read her story "Eclipse of the Moon," if you like my fan-fic, you will love hers. It has all the characters we know and love as well as fantastic heroine! It's a well written, fast paced, page turning, never know whats going to happen next, must read!**

**If you want to hear Sting's Song "UNTIL"go to: ** www . youtube watch?v=2weaL_gaTZo&feature=relate **JUST COPY AND PASTE BUT DELETE THE SPACES.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**HOW COULD AN ANGEL BREAK MY HEART?**

The Cullens didn't need me anymore; they knew where I got my information on them and they could go to Forks and clean up their mess. I had my own problems.

How could Edward still keep things from me? Why? I thought we had gotten so close. I guess that I was making too much of us. So, we'd made out a few times. There wasn't much more to our relationship than that.

But I'd thought… I'd hoped...

I was shaking all over, storming down the hallway and fighting to hold back the tears. I got into the elevator and immediately wanted to fall apart, but I didn't have the time or luxury for that right now. I needed to hold onto my anger. Anger would get me through this, and anger would keep me moving forward. I was alone in a foreign country with no money, and I was in a ball gown. I needed a plan.

Okay, first I needed a room, then money and clothes. I went to the front desk and told them my room number. I asked if another room was available for the night, and to please bill it to Edward's room. I returned the necklace and earrings to the hotel manager. I left a note to be delivered to Edward's room asking that he leave my purse and passport at the front desk for me. I left a note for Madame Marrero to please stop any alterations that were not completed and return those items for cash all to be delivered to my new room number. I wasn't stupid or prideful. I needed the clothes and the cash, and he could certainly afford it.

I took my new room key and headed up to my new much smaller accommodations. I had to get to Malaga and find out where Jen2's brother's things were. I was his next of kin, so the military would tell me where to find it or give it to me, if they still had it there. It was almost morning; I just had to wait till the boutique opened and I would be on my way.

As soon as I got in the room, I started ripping the stupid ball gown off - taking out all my anger and frustration out on the poor defenseless dress. When I felt my anger ebb and the hot tears begin to flow, I went to the closet to get a hotel robe and collapsed on the bed sobbing.

Jen2 wrote the books! Could it get any worse? Where she got her information was still a mystery, but that was how I knew everything about the Cullens. I had now truly lost everything: my daughter, my family, my whole existence, and now Edward too. He was the only ray of light I had here, the only thing keeping me from losing my mind completely. How could an angel break my heart?

It was my own fault. I knew he was never meant for me, but I had begun thinking he was mine.

I thought I was helping him become the man he was supposed to be; slowly breaking down those walls of self loathing he had built around himself. Showing him he deserved love and happiness. He'd even begun to let himself laugh, smile, and be so much more than he thought of himself.

And with him, I felt like I could get through this. I loved him so much it made my heart ache. He made me feel cherished and wanted. We had felt so right.

I let the memory of his kisses, his touch, and the exquisite feel of him wash over me. The idea of never touching him again, never seeing his smile or hearing his laughter was unbearable. My stomach was in knots. Agony ripped through me and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I lay there sobbing, allowing the pain and loss to wash over me.

It wasn't fair! I could barely handle the idea that I wasn't real, and now Edward was going to go to Forks and Bella. Hadn't I lost enough?

The very love story I adored was now torturing me! He was going to fall in love with her, hold her, kiss her, and give her my dazzling smiles. It was killing me! But he wasn't mine; he never was! He was always hers and now fate had made it so he'd have to go back to Forks and back to Bella. God, this hurt so much!

I let the tears flow and they soaked the bed beneath me. I cried for everyone I had ever loved but most of all, I cried for Edward and I cried for myself. I cried so much it hurt to breathe. But that was nothing compared to the excruciating pain coming from the hole in my chest where my heart had been.

After hours of heart wrenching tears and unbearable suffering, I became numb and the pain became a manageable ache. Although I felt hollow, numb was good, I could at least function and I had to get going. I had to keep moving.

I had to get to Malaga and I realized it wasn't just to find the journals. I was running away from Edward.

What had I been thinking? I knew better! I knew how this story ended! I was never going to get the hero. I was lucky I'd had him for a few days. I had to accept it and keep moving. I needed to pull myself together, shutdown and move forward. That's what I did best. It's what I knew how to do; it's what Edward had momentarily freed me of. But now, I needed it back to survive. It felt heavier, harder, but familiar, and right now familiar was good, it was safe.

There was a knock on the door and my stupid heart began hoping it was Edward. I jumped off the bed and looked through the peephole and saw Madame Marrero. My heart sank. Stupid, ridiculous, traitorous heart, my mind wailed. I opened the door and gave the weakest smile of my life.

"Good Morning, Jenny," she addressed me, then directed the bell hop with an arm load of packages. "Hang those in the closet and place the suitcase on the closet floor."

I hadn't thought to order a suitcase, but I was sure glad she thought of it. She dismissed the bellhop and set out some coffee and pastries, then sat at the small table, "Sit, eat. I take it your evening didn't go as planned."

It wasn't a question it was a statement. "No, it didn't."

"I figured as much by your note. Here, have some chocolate. It's good for a broken heart."

Well, I was going to need a truckload of chocolate, but I appreciated her kindness and took a bite of the chocolate pastry and sipped the coffee.

"I know it's not my business, but sometimes these things work out for the best. A man like that will make you forget who you are and where you come from. It's easy to get caught up in their world, and before you know it, you've lost your way. Sometimes we have our own paths to follow." She gave my hand a motherly pat.

Madame Marrero was right. Edward _was_ the kind of man who made you forget everything. It was too easy to get caught up in his world, and I could see why Bella had as well. Edward was intoxicating and impossible not to love.

Madame Marrero rose to leave, and as I saw her to the door another bellhop arrived with my purse. Hot searing pain shot through my chest and for a moment I couldn't breathe. Edward had done just as I had asked and that knowledge tore through my already tattered heart. I was crushed. Although my mind knew it was better this way, my traitorous heart was hoping Edward would bring my purse.

What had I expected? For him to come chasing after me? They had bigger problems than me, and the notebooks could fill in all the blanks. But I hoped he'd at least say goodbye. Before I could begin dwelling on feelings of abandonment, I pulled myself together.

I went through Jen2s purse, laid out all her bank cards, credit cards, her passport and drivers license. I called all the credit card companies and found out all her spending limits and available cash advances. The bank wasn't as forthcoming regarding her information. I may have had the ATM cards, but not her account info, PIN numbers or passwords. I had to get that information, but I'd have to do it in person at the bank back in the US, not over the phone overseas.

Well, I had a start. The cash and credit limits would more than get me to Malaga, and then back to Chicago. A small voice inside of me asked, "_Then what? What if you find out you are not real? Then I would know for sure, what I had already begun to accept_."

I didn't dwell on that point any further as I packed my things. Then I called the concierge for train information and a cab. I headed to the Madrid Puerta de Atocha to catch the AVE High Speed Train to Malaga.

It was a cool morning, but I was almost too numb to notice anything. As we pulled up to the station, I reminded myself to keep moving. The station was huge and confusing, but I managed to buy a ticket and find my platform. I wasn't hungry, but knew I should eat so I decided to try to grab something at one of the restaurants.

"Jenny?"

My heart constricted at the sound of my name, at the sound of that voice. Immediately, I felt myself twisting toward his voice as my mind and my heart battled for which way to go. I spoke before I could look at him, or the words would never have come.

"Leave me alone, Edward. I have to get to Malaga. I have to find her journals, if there are any."

"You don't have to do this alone. I'll go with you."

My heart cried, "_Yes!"_ I wanted so badly to say yes, but I'd only be putting off the inevitable. I held onto my anger to get through this conversation, and kept walking. "Are you kidding me? You don't' trust me! Why should I trust you?"

"I do trust you," he answered in that voice I loved and missed so much.

I turned to face him, a huge mistake on my part. I wanted to melt at the sight of him. I held it together, "No you don't; as evidenced by that charade back in your suite."

"Jenny, you never let me explain," he pleaded, his angel's face apologetic.

"Why should I?" I demanded as I stood my ground.

"Please, just listen." He reached out and grasped my bare arm. I felt that familiar electric warmth and tried desperately to shake the feeling off.

"Let me go, Edward. Your destiny lies with Bella Swan. Don't you get that? Go back to Forks and somehow this will all fix itself."

He did not release my arm, and his expression was worried. "No, we need to talk and I won't leave you unprotected."

"Don't worry about me, worry about the safety of Forks and your family. Jasper said there were no other vampires at Jen2's brother's house, so the Volturi are following you. Leave Europe before they find you and things get worse. Go back to Forks and back to Bella."

"But I don't want _her_. I want you. What about us, Jenny?" His amber eyes were desperate, pleading.

"There _is_ no us!"

Edward looked as though I'd slapped him, his expression was one of anguish.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and I closed my eyes to continue. Because if I looked at him, I wouldn't have the strength to go on alone. "Forget all of this, and forget about us. This doesn't even matter anymore."

Instantly I was in his arms and his lips were against mine. I tried in vain not to respond to his kiss, but it was like my body had a will of its own. It was as though my heart had intercepted my mind and they betrayed every word I spoke. I melted against him, luxuriating in his earth-shattering kiss, in the feel of him against me. My pulse raced, my heart soared.

He broke our kiss and rested his forehead against mine. "How can you say that? That this," he pulled me tighter to him, "this doesn't matter? I've never felt this way before, and you said you felt the same."

I wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms forever, but I knew what was in store for him, and I would only be in the way. "Edward, there are bigger things at stake here than you and I. What about Forks? Your family?"

"Then come with me," he said in that silken velvet voice, the one that worked magic on me.

I thought of Madame Marrero's words, "_A man like that will make you forget who you are and before you know it you've lost your way."_

"I have my own path to follow; I have to keep looking for the journals."

"Then I'll go with you, and then we'll go back to Forks."

"No! You have to get out of Europe. Jasper is right; listen to him."

Edward growled as he swung me behind him. "Stay behind me," he hissed, while he maintained a protective stance in front of me.

"What the -?"

My eyes grew wide as I took in two of the Volturi guards. Their hoods, their beautiful faces and their red eyes were menacing and alluring at the same time. I couldn't look away.

A huge, dark haired vampire spoke first, "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to play with your food, Cullen?"

The smaller vampire spoke next. "Felix, you know the Cullen's are... what do you call yourselves?"

Felix muttered, "Freaks."

The other vampire smiled. "Vegetarians, right? I know you Cullen's like to live among humans, but now it looks like you're taking in pets as well. Or is she a consort?" He raised his eyebrows questioningly and smiled suggestively. "I see you have more in common with your Denali cousins than just eating habits."

Edward stepped menacingly toward the smaller vampire. "What does the Volturi want with me?"

Felix stepped forward threateningly, and just when it looked like all hell was going to break loose, Alice and Jasper suddenly appeared.

"Now, now, boys, we don't want to make a scene, do we?" Alice chimed in, in her sing-song voice.

Instead of fighting, everyone seemed to immediately relax. Jasper was thankfully working his magic. All we needed now was Jane to show up. I had barely thought it, and she was here.

"Felix, Demetri, I came to see what was taking so long." Jane gave our little group a derisive glare then continued, "Just deliver Aro's message. I want to go home." She was smaller than I had expected. She looked barely fourteen years old, and had an angelic face with huge red eyes. Only her demeanor gave away the fact that her age was well beyond her appearance.

Demetri spoke, "I have a message from Aro. Tell Carlisle that Aro says he would like him to pay a visit, and to the rest of his coven as well. He'd love to meet your _family_."

Jasper spoke in a voice that managed to be friendly and formal at the same time, "We will pass the message along to Carlisle."

Felix looked disappointed that there wasn't going to be a fight, and Demetri looked amused. But his smile was so unnerving. Jane wore a bored, dismissive expression, but as she turned on her heel Felix and Demetri followed her. The confrontation was thankfully over.

No one moved till the Volturi were out of sight, and it seemed as though we were all holding our breath.

I was still behind Edward, when he spoke. His tone was ice cold and ominous. "They have been watching us, not Jenny. Aro is curious about how Carlisle convinced us all to follow his way of life, and he is also concerned about our growing numbers. They think Jenny is a consort, one I'll dispose of or turn when done with."

The hairs on my neck stood up to hear Edward say the words '_dispose of'_, but that was the Volturi for you. How much thought would I give to someone playing with a chicken or a cow. Human life had no value to them. I was food or something to be disposed of, and I felt myself shudder at that thought.

Jasper spoke what everyone was thinking, "I think we can all agree that we should get out Europe, now."

Edward started half dragging me along, and it took me a moment to find my legs. The encounter with the Volturi had left me shaken and my legs felt rubbery.

We jumped into a cab and headed back to the hotel in silence. That scene bore a striking resemblance to the Volterra scene in New Moon. It was similar, but different, and I didn't know if that meant anything. I had to agree about leaving Europe, but I was going to go to Chicago. I had my own path to follow. The military would send Jen2's brothers things to her apartment. I just had to be patient.

Freaked out by the Volturi, I allowed Edward to take me back to the hotel. But I insisted on going to my room. Too much had passed between us in the other suite. I couldn't go back in there.

At my room door, Edward turned to me and his demeanor was intense. "We need to talk."

"Yes we do." He was surprised I agreed so easily, and he followed me into my room.

"Jenny, I -" he began, his angel's face full of remorse.

"No, me first."

"Alright," he acquiesced.

"What are Jen2's banking account numbers, PINs and passwords? I know you know it, since you stalked her."

My question took him by surprise. "What? Why? How is that important right now?"

"Answer the question, or the conversation ends here." I stood my ground and folded my arms across my chest.

"But you haven't given me a chance to explain or apologize." He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

He'd get his chance, but not until I got my answers. "You want to make it up to me? Answer the question."

My brusque attitude surprised him and his expression became wary. "But once I tell you what I know, how do I know you'll let me explain?"

Here we went again. "That's your problem, Edward. You're the one with trust issues."

He looked as though I slapped him again. I hated seeing the hurt in his eyes. I tried to be hard, but I found myself sighing and biting my lip.

"Her bank is TD Bank, the account numbers, PINs and passwords are..."

I stopped him, "Please, write them down for me."

Edward did as I asked, then handed me the paper and launched into his explanation, before I could get in another word.

"Alice and Jasper called, and yes, they told me they found the notebooks but not the journals. Jasper also believed there were no vampires checking out the place. I asked them to stay another night in Malaga to make sure about the vampires, but also so we could have a little time together before they returned." He began pacing back and forth as he spoke.

"Jasper didn't like it, but he agreed. It's been one blow after another since you came back. I just wanted you and I to have one night with no drama, like I promised on the plane." He waited for a response.

"I'm listening."

"They found the two notebooks interesting and uncanny in their knowledge regarding the wolves, the Volturi, and details regarding us. They also know Jen2 has been wrong as well, like when she wrote about me staying in Forks. She seemed to be weaving the details of our existence into her own fantastic tale. But when Alice got her vision, and two of the vampires seemed to match the notebooks, they came straight back to Madrid to see if you could confirm it. They didn't know if notebook two or three was complete, and Jasper wanted as much information as you could offer."

Again, he ran his hand through his glorious, bronze locks as he paced. It was distracting as hell.

He continued, "They didn't warn me they were coming, and I didn't get the chance to tell you about the notebooks myself. I didn't know the details of the notebooks until their thoughts bombarded me. Then we were all discussing everything, and you stormed out.

He paused, his angel's face defeated and full of remorse. "I wanted to go after you, but Alice and Jasper said to let you calm down. They reminded me that you have been through a lot, and to let you absorb everything and get some sleep first. They also wanted to discuss all three notebooks with me. To keep me busy while you slept, Alice insisted I go hunting, and they watched over you.

"While I was gone, they got your note and they didn't want to upset you further, so they returned your purse. Once they saw you leaving the hotel, they called me and followed you. That's how I found you at the station. They saw Felix and Demetri approach us and they stepped in. Forgive me. I wasn't trying to mislead you. I just wanted a little time for us, a little break from all this craziness. Please, Jenny, forgive me and come with me back to Forks."

My heart sang as I realized that he hadn't abandoned me like I had thought earlier. As much as I wanted to forgive him, I knew I was only putting off the inevitable. He had to go to Forks and I couldn't go with him. I couldn't go and watch him fall in love with Bella Swan as he fell out of lust with me. To see him looking at her the way he looked at me was going to be torture, and I knew I couldn't bear it.

It was better for me to go to Chicago. Then I would only face the pain of losing him, not the heart wrenching agony of watching him fall in love with someone else. He had been mine only for a short while, but I felt like that was _my_ smile, _my_ kiss,_ my_ laugh he'd be giving to Bella.

I thought he had been my knight, but I was wrong. He wasn't here to rescue me; he was here to rescue Bella Swan. I was the one who threw myself into his path; he didn't come looking for me. I had already messed things up enough, confusing him and falling for him. All I did was hurt us both. But lust and love weren't the same thing. He'd get over me once he was around Bella. I couldn't take that kind of pain; he might have been a masochist, but I wasn't.

"Say something," he pleaded, his eyes desperate for understanding and forgiveness.

My heart broke for the words I had to say. "You're not going to like what I have to say. It doesn't change anything. I'm not going with you to Forks; I'm going to Chicago."

"But, why? I'm sorry! It was a huge misunderstanding."

"Because I have screwed everything up. You are supposed to be in Forks and not distracted by me. You're supposed to go back, save the day and win the girl. Somehow, along the way I got caught up in all of this, and I got confused and I've confused you too. I have made a huge mess of things, but I can step out now and you can get on with your destiny."

"What are you saying? I don't understand?"

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and lied through my teeth, "I am saying what I said when we first met: I want you to go to Forks and go back to Bella Swan."

"I won't leave you."

"I am going to Chicago alone, and you're going to Forks with your family like you always should have. I will tell you everything I know and your family will at least be forewarned. You know where I got my information from. I am no longer a threat to you or your family, there's no more reason for you to stay. I'm only in the way. I see that now."

Edward's expression went from desperate, to angry, to resolute. "That's where you're wrong. I will not allow you to go to Chicago alone, and you will come with me to Forks tonight."

I was taken aback and furious at his sudden change of plans. _How dare he_! "This again? Really? You don't get to make that decision for me!"

"You're not the only one messing things up, Jenny. I will not leave you unprotected. The Volturi are watching us, and they have been watching you because of me. You have to stay with me. If not, the Volturi will dispose of you."

I felt the hairs on my neck rise again, and I felt myself grow cold.

"And if I'm not wrong, Demetri himself will personally come looking for you the moment you leave my side. I read his mind and it seems he also shares the Denali sister's fondness for human lovers. However, things end _very_ _badly_ for his consorts. He was already thinking that if I left you alive, like the Denali sisters do, he would ask Aro if he could personally dispose of you. But he had a lot more than disposal on his mind. The despicable, vile things he was thinking… I would have lost it if Jasper hadn't shown up when he did, and calmed everyone down."

Fear gripped me and I let out an involuntary shudder at Edward's words. _Dispose_ of me? There was that word, again. It sounded so benign, like taking out the trash. And, although Demetri's ability to track his prey wouldn't work on me, he knew enough about Jen2 to find me. My choices were either a painful death at the hands of a psycho rapist vampire, or to go to Forks and die an even slower and more agonizing death - watching Edward fall in love with Bella Swan. This was a nightmare. What had Jen2 gotten us into?

Edward was right; I was going to Forks. But what would happen to me when he fell in love with Bella? How would I be protected from the Volturi then? But, I couldn't think of that right now. Right now, staying alive was the priority. But I wouldn't be staying in the Cullen house; I wouldn't do that to myself. I would find my own place, and I would have the military send Jen2's brother's things to me there.

'I'll go to Forks, Edward." He visibly relaxed. "But I will get my own place."

"Why?" His amber eyes were pools of confusion.

In my mind I thought, "_Because I'm going to need a place to curl up into a ball and recover, when you fall in love with Bella Swan_." But instead, I replied, "Because I can't be living in your house. You'll have a lot to deal with when you return to Forks, and I would just be in the way."

"But the Volturi… how can I protect you?" He shook his head, his distress was obvious.

"Edward, I understand the need for appearances to the Volturi, but I can't live with you and your family. I just can't." I folded my arms to help get my point across. He wasn't going to change my mind on this.

Understanding and sadness seemed to dawn on Edward's face, and he said, "Jenny, I won't risk your safety. I need to know you're protected. Is it that you're worried about being in a house full of vampires?"

I was appalled that he would think that. "No, Edward, that's not it. It's just… it's just..."

"Then, why are you being so unreasonable?" His expression was still sad and bewildered.

I couldn't have him thinking that I was afraid of his family, but what could I say? Today had been another emotionally charged day, and I was exhausted. At my wits end, I blurted out the truth, "Because I can't stay in your house and watch you fall in love Bella Swan. I couldn't bear it. Please don't ask me to."

**Once again thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing, you all really inspire me! **

**As always Thanks Again to my Beta _belladonnacullen_ who makes everything I write so much more readable! **

**Special shout outs and Thanks to Caprica, Vampirefan and Sparklespire! I am unable to personally reply to your reviews but I wanted to thank you all for reading and reviewing! Email me anytime at JinnyJenny . fanfiction gmail . com Just delete the spaces.**

**If you want to hear the song that inspired this chapter, Toni Braxtons' "How Could An Angel Break My Heart"go to: ** www . youtube watch?v=ulIlNuS94Ns **JUST COPY AND PASTE BUT DELETE THE SPACES. Lyrics below.**

**How Could An Angel Break My Heart lyrics**

I heard he sang a lullaby  
I heard he sang it from his heart  
When I found out thought I would die  
Because that lullaby was mine  
I heard he sealed it with a kiss  
He gently kissed her cherry lips  
I found that so hard to believe  
Because his kiss belonged to me

How could an angel break my heart  
Why didn't he catch my falling star  
I wish I didn't wish so hard  
May be I wished our love apart  
How could an angel break my heart

I heard her face was white as rain  
Soft as a rose that blooms in May  
He keeps her picture in a frame  
And when he sleeps he calls her name  
I wonder if she makes him smile  
The way he used to smile at me  
I hope she doesn't make him laugh  
Because his laugh belongs to me

How could an angel break my heart  
Why didn't he catch may falling star  
I wish i didn't wish so hard  
Maybe I wish our love apart  
How could an angel break my heart

Oh my soul is dying, it's crying  
I'm trying to understand  
Please help me

How could an angel break my heart  
Why didn't he catch my falling star  
I wish I didn't wish so hard  
Maybe I wished our love apart  
How could an angel break my heart


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry I have been missing from the Fan-Fic universe. I have been having some health issues since the end of November so it's been doctors and hospitals for me lately. Now it's just wait and see, but I think all will be well for a while. Big Thank you for all your support and well wishes! Also Big Thank you to anyone still reading after waiting so long!**

**Chapter 17 **

**REALITY BITES**

"Because I can't stay in your house and watch you fall in love Bella Swan, I couldn't bear it, don't ask me to."

Edward stared at me incredulous, "You're worried? Worried about me seeing Bella again?"

Ugh! I hated that I said it, but it was out now. "Edward, we can't ignore the fact that a lot of what Jen2 wrote seems to be happening. That first day you met Bella was correct, now the nomad coven is after Bella and the Cullen's are returning to Forks to stop them."

I found myself pacing in the small room as I continued in frustration, "Even if someone had been studying your family, their friends and associates; that would cover the Volturi and the Denali clan, but not James, Victoria and Laurent. You've never even met them. Now the Volturi has taken an interest in the Cullen's as well. It's as if some things are destined to happen.

Edward's face was thoughtful as he considered my words, "Jenny, Jasper and Alice have a theory regarding Jen2. They think she gets visions like Alice and that may be how Jen2 knows so much about us. However, Alice believes that Jen2 didn't understand what she was seeing, so as your personality, she thought you were writing the books. You _were _writing the books, weren't you?

"Yes, but I was typing it on my laptop."

"You don't ever remember hand-writing them?"

"No, I..." But then I remembered... I felt lightheaded and stumbled backward toward the couch.

Edward was quickly setting me down on the couch and holding my hand "What is it?"

I shook my head in disbelief. "When you handed me the Twilight notebook, I dropped it because I saw a flashback of either me or Jen2 handwriting it."

Edward stared at me and I could see his vampire mind at work. I felt sick to my stomach because this was further proof that I wasn't real. No wonder I was so scared of that house, some part of me probably knew what was in it. Suddenly, I didn't want the journals anymore. They were only going to confirm my worst fears. I felt like I was falling again and I let the darkness overtake me.

When I came to, I heard arguing.

Edward's voice was loud and commanding, "She needs to go to a hospital!"

Jasper was diplomatic but firm, "Edward, she's fine. This has just been too much for her. Like you said, it's been one emotional blow after another. We need to get out of Europe, now!"

"No, I won't risk her health. She's going to a hospital!"

"Edward, I've dealt with the Volturi before; they are not to be taken lightly and they don't like large covens."

"Then you and Alice can go, but we are going to the hospital."

Jasper was right; we needed to get out of Europe. I wrapped my arms around myself, hugging myself tightly willing the tears to stop. I had to pull it together; I could cry for everyone I'd lost later. I'd have endless hours on a plane to Forks to cry my heart out, but we needed to leave Europe.

I wiped my eyes to see all three of them standing above me. Edward looked miserable with worry, Jasper looked impatient and Alice actually looked worried as well.

Edward spoke first, "How are you feeling?"

My first thought was that he'd asked the worst question possible, but instead I answered, "I'm fine, I'm fine."

The worry was evident in Edward's voice, "Jenny, we need to get you to a hospital."

"No!" I said with as much force as I could muster. "No, we need to get on a plane."

"You have fainted twice in the last twenty-four hours. We need to get you to a hospital!"

"As soon we get to Forks Carlisle can check me out, or I'll go straight to a hospital. Whatever you want, but we're catching the next flight out of here."

Edward realized I wasn't budging, and with Jasper and Alice on my side he gave in. Everyone went into action: Alice booked our flights and checked us out, Jasper got our luggage and called Carlisle to inform him of everything, and Edward hovered over me.

I walked around in a daze, but I held it together and soon we were on a plane to New York City. I stared straight ahead at the seat in front of me for a good hour or two, trying not to think of all I'd lost. Even if they weren't real, they were real to me. The thought that I would never see my family and friends again was agony, and just so impossible to accept. The only consolation I had was that my daughter wasn't missing me. Edward held me close to his side, one arm wrapped around me, as if he knew his embrace had a soothing effect on me. Strangely, I didn't want to be comforted, I wanted to grieve, cry, shout and scream.

"I need to use the restroom," I said as I looked up into his angelic face. He didn't know what to do for me and he looked lost. I wanted to tell him it was okay, that no one could help me, but I simply didn't have it in me. He nodded and I made my way to the restroom.

Once inside, I locked the door, leaned against it and silently sobbed. I let the tears flow unchecked as I finally let the pain I had been holding in free. It was like there was a hole in my chest that just kept getting bigger, and I felt like it would swallow me whole. I had once heard the expression full is not heavy as empty, I finally understood what that meant. The weight of this emptiness was overwhelming and unbearable. The anguish and pain seemed endless and the sobs tore from my mouth as agony and loss ripped though my trembling body.

I don't know how long I cried like that, but then I heard banging, shouting and screaming. The banging and shouting stopped, but not the screaming and I was suddenly in cool, familiar arms. I melted into those arms even though I knew there was escape in them. The screams got quieter and I was soothed by his beautiful, melodic humming. I was cradled in my angel's arms; my head lay against his cool chest. I felt that languid feeling slowly seep through me, and I let exhaustion overtake me.

**EPOV**

This was awful, watching her suffer and not being able to do anything for her. I couldn't fix this; I couldn't make this better. I felt powerless. I knew when she went to the restroom something was wrong. When I heard her softly crying, I immediately went to go to her and Alice's thoughts stopped me.

_No Edward. She needs to grieve right now, respect that. _

It took everything in my power not to go to her, but Alice was right. If she had wanted my comfort she would have stayed with me.

After a while the stewardess went to knock on the bathroom door, but Jasper intercepted her. He explained that Jenny had just lost her family, worked his ability, and the stewardess left her alone.

But after an excruciating hour, the soft cries became sobs and the sobs became gut wrenching screams. I almost yanked the restroom door off when she didn't respond. As it was, I broke the lock.

Her face was red and swollen, and her eyes were shut tight. She barely seemed aware of me, until I pulled her into my arms and she melted against me. Her screams lessened in volume as I hummed a soothing lullaby in her ear.

A doctor stood nearby. He came forward when he heard the screams. He had prepared a sedative when he was informed of the situation, but it wasn't necessary; she fell asleep in my arms.

This was all I could do for her. As I held her to me, I just listened to her even breathing and steady heartbeat. I realized that although I no longer had a heartbeat, my existence was as bound to the beat of this heart as though it were my own. I sat there amazed at how much my life had changed in such a short time. I allowed myself to just feel, to just be in the moment, as I held the person that had somehow become more precious to me than my own existence.

Jasper's worried thoughts of the Volturi eventually interrupted me, and as a precaution I scanned all the thoughts around me. I didn't hear anything of significance, so in a voice so low, no one but Alice and Jasper could hear, I let the two of them know that we should have taken Jenny to the hospital.

Alice's face was sympathetic. "This is grief, Edward. The only thing a hospital could do is give her a sedative." Her next thoughts were_, I can't imagine what she's going through right now._

Neither could I. Jenny's last hopes were dashed. I brushed the hair away from her tear stained face. In sleep she seemed to be at peace. She had been through so much in such a short time. I was worried the strain was too much. I didn't know if her fainting was due to her illness or just sheer mental and emotional exhaustion. It seemed as though her mind could only accept so much before just shutting down.

My hand lingered near the face I loved so much. I wanted to caress her cheek, stroke her hair and pull her even closer to me. Her warmth seeped into my skin and I marveled as I always did at the exquisite feel of her body next to mine. Nothing compared to the unadulterated joy and pleasure of having her in my arms. The depths of how much I loved her always astounded me. That vibrant alive feeling that seemed to radiate from within me, I now knew was because of my love for her.

She was so worried about Bella Swan when she had nothing to fear. Not even Bella's blood drew me in the way Jenny did.

The last twelve hours had been awful. Was it just last night that she was in my arms waltzing around the room, laughing, smiling and telling me she adored me? I thought that when I had searched her face I had seen love there. Then today she was leaving me and telling me to go back to Bella? Did she care at all? If she didn't, why would she be worried about me falling for Bella? I couldn't make sense of her feelings at all.

I barely understood what _I _was feeling, let alone human love. When vampires loved, it was forever. Once ignited its intensity only seemed to deepen, which was fortunate and unfortunate, because if you lost your mate you would mourn them endlessly.

This thought was deeply disturbing to me because there were so many ways I could lose Jenny. Jen2 could return, although her long absence seemed to indicate otherwise. I could lose her to her illness or just a simple accident - humans were so incredibly fragile and my world was dangerous for her. I could actually hurt her if I wasn't careful enough as I had already done once. Or worse, what if she finally saw me for what I was: a soulless killing monster, not worthy of her love. I was an immortal, frozen in time, and unable to give her a child like the imagined child that she seemed to love so dearly. Real or imagined, she missed her daughter desperately, and that's something I could never give her.

As always, my selfish thoughts turned to making her an immortal, ending any possibility of losing her. I could keep her with me always. But I wasn't even sure how she truly felt about me or immortality, she never spoke of it. She had to have thought about it as a means of saving herself. Maybe she abhorred the idea of becoming a vampire. I had seen the fear in her eyes that day in her apartment when I showed the slightest bit of my vampire nature.

She said she worried about me falling for Bella, when I was the one who was in danger of losing her love to another. As long as she was human, I would always be in danger of that; there would always be mortal men who could offer her a child, a family and a normal life. I knew I should let her go to find this life with another, but with her illness cutting her life short, who knew if she would even attain that life. Not to mention that a human could not protect her from Demetri.

Human Love? What I knew of human love was that it always burned brilliant but brief. Like a fire, it burns slow and hot, then it would ignite and burn intensely until it consumed itself and slowly faded away to embers. Then the humans were left wanting until the process started all over again with someone new. There were a few exceptions, as there were exceptions to every rule. There were humans who managed to maintain their love; a love that seemed to withstand the test of time as well as the trials and tribulations of life. I believe that is what humans referred to as "true love", and it was very rare indeed.

I sighed in frustration. Regardless of how Jenny felt for me, I needed to tell her how_ I_ felt. But there was always something in the way, interrupting us like an ill-fated star-crossed romance. I had to talk to her, but even now, what could I say to her when she was grieving so badly?

I decided that I would talk to her when we got to New York. Alice and Jasper were just going to have to understand. I looked over at Alice whose worried thoughts had been directed at me.

"Alice, when we get to New York I want to take Jenny to a hospital, and then I want to spend the night in New York City. You and Jasper can go on to Forks and we will meet you there the following day."

Her pixie face smiled reassuringly and she quickly agreed. "Okay, Edward, if that's what you think you should do."

Both Jasper and I gave her disbelieving looks. We had both expected her to argue with me.

Jasper immediately interjected, "Edward, I don't think that's such a good idea.'

Alice shook her head at her husband. "No, Edward is right. They need some time before they come to Forks. We will meet with the family and go over all we know with them."

Jasper was not pleased. "But what of the Volturi?"

Alice reached her hand out to Jasper in a reassuring gesture. "I am watching them now. They are waiting for Carlisle to respond to Aro's message. If anything changes, I will know. For now, we are safe."

Jasper looked as though he would give in, then his face lit up. "I have a better idea! Why don't we have Carlisle meet us in Seattle? Jenny can go to hospital there and Carlisle can oversee her care. His eyes can better detect any changes in Jenny's' MRI than the best brain surgeon in the world. If you need time alone before you come to Forks, stay in Seattle until you're ready, but at least you'll be closer to all of us and easier to protect."

Jasper was always the soldier, always strategizing. He was right that was our best move. My thoughts turned to my family.

"Jasper, how did Carlisle take the news?"

Jasper sighed, "About as well as could be expected, but you know Carlisle. He rallied everyone right away. No one was happy to hear about a newborn army possibly coming to Forks, with the exception of Emmett, but even Emmett wasn't happy about the idea of collaborating with the wolves. But if we can stop this James without killing him, this whole newborn army can be avoided. That's our goal.

Jasper was right; preventing Bella's and James's deaths was the best solution. "Alice, has anything changed with your vision regarding the nomads?"

She shook her head in dismay. "No, they are moving forward with their plan to attack Bella. But because she is surrounded by the wolves, that's all I can see right now."

"How about our move back to Forks?"

"That's looks like it will go well. If Jasper calls Carlisle when we get to New York City, he should be able to meet us in Seattle when we get there."

That was good news, "Has anyone figured out how we are going to convince James not to kill Bella?"

Jasper shook his head and responded, "No, not unless we can come up with a more challenging hunt." He leaned forward on his tray and with his hand across his chin and he was quickly deep in thought, strategizing. I tried not to hear, '_I would really like to discuss the books and James more with Jenny. That would really help me devise a plan.'_

Although I knew Jasper was right, I felt a low growl rumble in my chest. Jasper noted it as well.

He turned toward me and didn't speak the words so much as think them at me, '_Obviously, when she thinks she's up for it, Edward. I'm the last person you can accuse of being insensitive.' _

The reactions I was having were so startling to me. "Sorry, Jasper. Of course you're right. I'm just not myself lately." I felt so powerless against all the human emotions that seemed to have me in their grasp.

Jasper easily felt my confusion and gave me an understanding smile. '_It's alright, Edward. I know how new this is for you."_

Alice interrupted us and also gave me an empathetic look. "The pilot is about to announce that we are descending, so you need to prepare Jenny."

As if on cue, the pilot spoke over the loud speaker and announced that we would be arriving at Newark Airport in twenty minutes. The stewardesses were making their rounds and last minute preparations, I managed to get Jenny bottled water and orange juice, like she'd requested before. I pulled her tighter to me and gently stroked her hair, while I whispered in her ear.

She opened her eyes and it was heartbreaking. I could see the hopelessness in them and her whole body tensed up. She buried her face in my chest and inhaled deeply. I felt her relax in my arms and just held her that way until it was time to belt her in her seat.

I kept Jenny close to my side as we made our way to our next flight. Alice stopped in a store and purchased some items, but Jenny refused any thing. We walked in silence, the four of us lost in our own thoughts. Alice focused on the Volturi, the Nomad clan and our family. Jasper was still strategizing to help in our defense against the newborns should it come to that. I paid careful attention to the woman at my side. Somewhere between the gates she'd seemed to gain some strength back.

I was glad when we finally boarded the plane and settled into our seats. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

She looked up at me and I was immediately lost in the depths of those hazel eyes. Right now they were more blue than green, so I knew she was pensive and still upset.

"No, but thanks for asking. You're doing all that you can. I will be alright; I just have to accept what my mind refuses to wrap itself around. Wait, I do have a question for you. I thought split personalities were aware of each other and could communicate somehow, but I am not aware of Jen2 at all."

I had actually given this a lot of thought as I tried to make sense of what was happening to Jenny. "It's called Dissociative Identity Disorder, and it manifests differently in every person. It's generally thought to be caused by trauma in childhood. Some people can communicate with the other parts of themselves. Others can't. Generally speaking, dissociation serves to compartmentalize emotions and experiences that can't be dealt with effectively. Trauma is usually dissociated into parts of the self that experience it, remember it, can deal with it if it repeats, and keep it out of every day consciousness. So for the personalities that don't communicate, it's like missing time or blackouts. Dissociation is a coping mechanism."

"Whoa, that's a lot to consider. So you're saying that we don't communicate so she doesn't have to deal with her illness. But can she come back at any time? Would I just disappear until she needs me again?" Jenny cast down her eyes and her last words were spoken dejectedly.

I cupped her chin in my hand and lifted her eyes to mine. "I have considered that as well, but there is no reason for Jen2 to return. Everyone she loves is gone. She has no support system and is facing her illness alone. Anything is possible, but unless you make a miraculous recovery, I don't think she's coming back. Her long absence seems to indicate her choice to be you.

Jenny's expression was confused. "So instead of facing her own pain, she's facing mine, how is that any better?"

"Because there's more: sometimes split personalities can have different physiological markers. For instance, the main personality may have diabetes, but the split personality doesn't. It appears that through you, Jen2 doesn't have to deal with the emotional or physical trauma of her illness. And, although you have a brain tumor, you're not lethargic, you're not in pain, you don't require medicine, and you don't seem to be getting worse. Maybe to Jen2, her life seems better lived as you."

"So, as long as I have a brain tumor and I am facing her death, she won't return. But if I get better, then she will come back. Well, that sucks. I hate her!" Jenny sighed deeply, "But I guess I'm really just hating on myself. How is that even possible?"

I felt myself smile as I spoke my next words. "You're asking me that? You do realize that you're talking to the king of self-loathing. It's not only possible; I've been at it for over eighty years."

A smile broke across her face and it was like the dawn breaking across the night sky. I suddenly realized that I could never hate Jen2. Without Jen2, I would not be sitting beside the woman who had my heart.

Jenny's smile turned into laughter and it warmed my heart. I had worried that this last blow had been too much, but as always, she surprised me as she tapped into some inner reserve of strength.

After her laughter died down she said, "Thank you! That was funnier than you'll ever know, and laughter really is the best medicine. I've had about all I can take of this conversation. Could you please ask Alice if I can have some of that over-the-counter sleeping medicine she bought? I could really use two right about now."

Alice had obviously heard our exchange and was already handing me the pills along with bottled water. I turned them over to Jenny and she quickly downed two pills and curled up into my lap. I held her close and just relished the feel of her in my arms and soon enough she was fast asleep.

That conversation had actually gone better than I had expected. I could only hope that Jen2's illness would continue to not affect Jenny. The fact that she had passed out twice in the last twenty-four hours had me worried, to say the least. The idea of Jenny in that kind of physical pain was unbearable and I didn't know what I would do if it came to that.

I decided it was best to put Jenny in her proper seat before the stewardess came over and woke Jenny up. I gently placed Jenny back in her own reclined seat with a pillow and a blanket; she looked about as comfortable as I could make her.

Jasper's thoughts were directed at me. '_Edward, is there anything more that she might have said to you about James or the books?' _

"She did say she thought the books were back on track because the nomads are after Bella, and the Volturi is interested in us, just like in the books. Jenny seems to believe that some things are destined to happen." _Like me falling for Bella._

Alice chimed in, "Well, the future as I know it is subject to the conscious choices people make. However, I have also noticed that sometimes the harder people try to consciously prevent certain outcomes, the more they seem to make unconscious decisions that still lead them to the original outcome. For example, we are headed back to Forks, the last place on Earth _you_ want to be."

Alice was correct about that, "So, then some things _are_ destined to happen?"

"Well, not exactly, because it doesn't always work out that way. Like I said, only sometimes." Alice's features settled into an unhappy pout. "Now I sound like a dime store fortune teller."

"Alice you are doing the best you can; we all are. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Jasper reached his arms around his wife and a wave of comfort washed over me as well. If only his ability worked on Jenny. I wondered again why that was? It made sense that Alice's and my abilities didn't work on Jenny, but not Jasper's.

"Jasper," I asked, "why would the wolves even believe us, let alone work with us against this newborn army?"

Jasper smiled a confident smile. "It's simple, really. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. It's the first rule of war, and don't kid yourself, this will be a war. Without our help the newborn army would destroy the wolves and half the town."

It still seemed impossible that we would be working with the wolves, just as impossible that I might fall in love with a human whose blood was the most tantalizing blood I had ever come across.

What would happen when we got to Forks? With so many problems happening at once, I hadn't even considered how I was going to deal with my constant thirst for Bella's Swan's blood. Just remembering the smell of her sweet deliciously tempting blood, I felt the burn in the back of my throat and the venom pool in my mouth.

I heard Alice and Jasper almost in unison shout my name in their minds as a wave of calm came over me. I looked over to see the two of them staring at me with eyes full of apprehension. I stared back at them in surprise. "Thank you, Jasper, I… I was thinking of Bella Swan."

Alice's thoughts were appalled._ 'Edward, you cannot think of Bella Swan when you have Jenny sitting right beside you! We may not feel any bloodlust towards her, but she's still human and it's still dangerous.'_

I was aghast; I could not afford to be so careless. Damn Bella Swan and her tantalizing blood! We weren't even in Forks yet and already I was so consumed with my thirst for her that I had unwittingly placed Jenny in danger. I was going to have to do better and I was going to have to do something about Bella Swan.

I spent the next few hours anxious about my return to Forks. It looked as though my family was going to have to protect Bella Swan from not just James, but maybe even myself. I had not considered how difficult this was going to be for me.

Lately my thoughts had been so consumed by Jenny that my thirst was in the background. I had forgotten how powerful my vampire instincts actually were. I could not afford for Bella Swan to bring out the worst in me. Not now, not ever.

Jenny was still groggy when we left the plane. I was practically carrying her as we walked out of the airport to the taxi area. True to Seattle form, it was raining and chilly. I secured Jenny's coat and an umbrella for us before we stepped out into the rain.

Alice's thoughts were of Carlisle and our family. "Carlisle will meet you at the U Dub Medical Center. We'll take care of the luggage, then head straight to Forks. The rest of the family is already there."

Jasper placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me. "Edward, check in regularly. We need to keep communication open between all of us."

I could hardly blame them, seeing as how I barely checked in before. "Of course, and we will be in Forks tomorrow."

That thought gave me no comfort. Tomorrow I would be facing the very person that made me leave Forks: Bella Swan. Even though had I steeled myself before, I allowed myself to think of her, I still felt the venom pool in my mouth and a surge of thirst. Jasper immediately felt my state change and gave me a questioning look.

"I will be fine; I am working at getting it under control."

The look of worry on Jasper's face spoke volumes. "Edward, we are not even back in Forks yet!"

"I will get this under control Jasper. I have to." I gave a poignant look in Jenny's direction.

Jasper looked over at the still groggy Jenny. "I am not so much worried about Jenny. I can feel how much you love her, Edward, and that will keep her safe." '_I am worried about Bella Swan,' _he silently continued._ 'Should you slip up, we may not have to worry about the newborn army, but we will have broken the treaty. Then we will have the wolves and the nomad coven after us, and we already know the Volturi is watching us_.

Jasper was right, it felt like were walking in a minefield of obstacles. If I couldn't contain myself I would put all of us in more danger than we already were. I felt Jenny stir at my side. "First things first, Jasper. Let me get Jenny to a hospital."

I felt of wave of calm wash over me, '_I will do everything that I can to help, Edward.' _

I gave Jasper a grateful look. Right now I needed to focus on Jenny. The Volturi, the wolves, the nomad clan and even Bella Swan and her damnable blood would have to wait. Jasper waived down two cabs and we went our separate ways.

**Seriously Thanks for reading, reviewing and emailing it all it has meant alot to me! As always thanks to my Beta Belladonnacullen who is an exceptional writer and who makes everything I write better, if you can check out "The Practice of Love," its almost complete and it's a fantastic read! Thanks again to Laila Cullen who inspires me just check out "Eclipse of the Moon." And Thanks to all of the new alerts and favorite story adds I have been receiving they really keep me going!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi everyone! I am back and my health issues are over, I had a baby boy! He is now officially 16 days old and we are both doing great! So here is the next chapter for all who are still reading after waiting so long and Chapter 19 is almost finished and will be posted asap! Big Thank you for all your support and well wishes!**

**Chapter 18**

**IF I CEASED TO EXIST RIGHT NOW…**

**EPOV**

I stood by the window of our suite. The rain had stopped and I looked out over the Seattle night skyline. As always, I scanned the thoughts around me, making sure we were not followed. Alice had said the Volturi were going to await Carlisle's response, but the precaution had become a habit for me. Sensing no apparent threat, I purposely tuned out all the many thoughts around me and focused on earlier events.

The hospital had been tedious and Jenny had practically sleepwalked through it, but it had been worth it. I breathed a sigh of relief that Carlisle had confirmed that there had been no change in the size of Jen2's tumor. That had also been my assessment, but a second opinion was always a good idea. Carlisle theorized that when Jenny had passed out it was most likely due to emotional and mental stress, rather than her physical condition. He also confirmed that all the swelling and inflammation from her dislocated ribs were gone, we were both surprised at what a fast healer she was. To look at her x-ray it was almost as if it never happened.

I ran my hands through my hair as I seemed to do so much lately. Jenny…Jenny…Jenny... she lay sleeping in the bedroom as I listened to the steady rhythm of her heart and her lungs. The thought of joining her was overwhelmingly tempting. I felt a pleasurable wave of desire surge through me. I could easily lose myself in her arms and forget everything but the woman I adored. As enthralling as that idea was, we needed to talk first. I had to make my feelings clear and I had to know how she felt about me. There was so much we needed to discuss.

As I pondered these things, her heartbeat accelerated and I heard soft footsteps making their way toward me. I smiled, imagining her seeking me out. I waited for her to find me, her heady unique scent filling my senses before she put her arms around me and pressed her warm face against my back.

As always, her touch sent shockwaves of pleasurable warmth, love and desire throughout me. Did she have any idea the way she made me feel, how my entire being sang at her nearness? There were no words to express the depths of love I felt for her. How could I explain it? How could I make her understand that she brought me to life again? I gathered her hands in mine, bringing her hands to the heart that didn't beat, but overflowed with love for her.

"Where are we?" she breathed.

"We are in Seattle, Carlisle went back to Forks, Alice and Jasper are already there and updating everyone on the situation."

Jenny sighed heavily, her warm breath against my back sending delightful shivers down my spine. How easily she moved me.

"So, why are we here?"

"Because we need time alone to talk." I felt her shiver against me and I didn't know if it was because she was cold, or because of my last comment.

"Okay, let's talk," she murmured.

I turned around to face her, the stormy seas of her hazel eyes as uncertain as my own. My hand involuntary reaching up to stroke her cheek as the other one encircled her waist. I didn't want to move, I took a moment to gaze at the face that had become so dear to me, the face that might haunt me for the rest of my existence, realizing this conversation could change everything between us. Her breathing hitched and I felt myself responding warmly as I always did to her. My hand swept down her arm to grasp her hand and I led her to the living room, still holding her hand as we sat down on the couch.

I was determined to have this conversation with her, but I suddenly felt paralyzed, afraid of her rejection, afraid of losing her. Some of her seemed far better than none of her. Jinny's own words when we first met ran through my mind, _Love is the one thing worth fighting for, worth risking everything for, worth taking that leap of faith for. _She was right; I understood that now. I only hoped she would feel the same.

"Jenny, I need to tell you how I feel about you, and I need to know how you feel about me."

Her eyes widened and her heart accelerated. I couldn't tell if it was fear, or excitement, or both.

"I know you are worried about Bella Swan, but I want to be with _you_. Since we've met I have actually thought of almost nothing else. I didn't even realize what I was feeling at first because I have had no experience in these matters. I want you to stay with me in my home and -"

**JPOV**

'_I was born to love you,'_ my whole being silently shouted, as sadness swept through me, but I would very likely never get to say those words to him.

I had to stop him. He was saying everything I wanted to hear, but he needed Bella, they _all_ needed Bella. If Jen2's visions were even half right, they needed Bella to unite the Cullens and the wolves against Victoria and her army. He needed Bella to have Renesmee, the child that didn't even exist for him yet. And most importantly, they needed Bella to protect them from the Volturi when they finally came after the Cullens.

"Edward, wait, I know this is all new for you and it's unlike anything I have ever felt before. So, I understand. It's wonderful, exhilarating and completely overwhelming, but love and attraction are not the same thing. What you feel for me will pale in comparison for the love you will share with Bella and -"

Edward's cool fingertip was suddenly pressed against my lips silencing me. He spoke in that silken voice, "Jenny, you of all people should know that when a vampire loves, it's forever. I love you, Jenny. I'm bonded to you, and only you. There will never be another for me. I am now, and forever will be, irrevocably yours."

I stopped breathing. But then my heart burst open, joy coursed through my whole body, and I felt like I could fly. These were the words I had not allowed myself to dream of, yet the words I had ached hear! The dam of love I felt for Edward burst and, without a thought, I jumped into his arms and hugged his marble neck. I pulled back, still reeling, to look upon the face I loved so much. "You love me?"

A triumphant smile was upon Edward's angelic face as he took in my reaction to his declaration. "Of course I love you. How could I not?" Then he encircled me in his steely embrace.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I knew he was attracted to me, but he had never spoken of love before. "How? When?"

His golden eyes were so full of love and he was looking at me like a man who'd just been given the keys to the kingdom. "I believe I started falling for you that day in the rainforest. You thought I was the one charming you; the truth is, you cast a spell on me that day. Since then I haven't been the same."

Edward tucked my hair behind my ear as he so often did. As always, I leaned into his hand, the slightest touch from him drawing me like an irresistible force that I could not deny. I would never tire of this man; I would love him for as long as I existed.

"Then you disappeared on me, and when you finally came back to me I had to admit I was relieved," Edward continued. "While you were sleeping, I realized that I had been waiting for you to return. All your talk of true love, romantic heroes and happy endings - you made me want those things, too. Then it struck me: not only did I want those things, I wanted you! And feelings that I hadn't even realized I was capable of flooded me."

His face was so unguarded, so happy and free in this moment. "As if you woke me from a long sleep, all my human instincts returned, and I knew in that moment I would never be the same. But that day in Jen2's parent's house when I held you, I finally understood that all these feelings and emotions were love, and I felt it to core of my being. I love you, Jenny. Before you I was existing, but loving you has brought me back to life."

He lifted my hand to his heart and said, "You are my life now."

"Oh, Edward!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He loved me! I wouldn't lose him to Bella!

"That's wonder -, no that's terrible!" It only took a second for me to realize what I had done. I'd just destroyed his bright future, maybe all the Cullen's futures.

Edward's joyful expression melted into a puzzled one. "Terrible?"

"It's not fair. We don't even know how long I have... and when I'm gone… Oh no, Edward! I'm so sorry." I buried my face in chest. "You're supposed to be with Bella and have forever with her, and so much more… so much more. You need her."

Edward refused to let go of my hand. "Jenny, it's you I love. And I don't care what anyone wrote."

I looked up into his confused golden eyes. "Oh, Edward, you have waited so long to find someone to love, and I have ruined everything.

Edward's intense gaze softened. "You think you ruined everything, you who would have traveled across the universe to find me, how could I not fall in love with you?"

Edward didn't understand the gravity of what I had done, "But you're not supposed to, you need Bella she will give you things that I… I… can't and she will become all of your saviors." I turned my face away in defeat, because it would betray how much I loved him and how much I had ruined everything.

Still holding my hand to his heart, his other hand swept up my arm and he cupped my chin and tilted my face up to his. I could see the uncertainty on his beautiful face as his golden eyes searched mine. My eyes were locked in his intense gaze.

"How can I put this in a way you will understand? If I ceased to exist right now, it would have all been worth it because I had this." Edward dropped his hand around my waist and held me tighter to him as he continued, "I will never regret loving you. Loving you is more than I ever hoped for, more than I ever dreamed of."

His words cut straight through my regret and pierced my heart. That was exactly how I felt about him: that even though most of this experience had actually been hell, it was all worth it because I loved him.

It took only another second for me to realize that I could not change what had happened. A selfish part of me didn't want to change anything anyway. There was no fight left in me to deny him anything.

My decision made, I let go of what I could not change and embraced what had only been a dream for me. I looked into Edward's bright amber eyes; he loved me and I loved him and we could be together forever. Although I had never wanted to be a vampire, Edward deserved what I could give him - forever. I stopped crying, wiped my tears, and said, "Change me, Edward."

His eyes widened at my words and he froze. He was so surprised I could have knocked him over with a feather. "_Change_ you?"

"Yes, change me right now! It's not fair to you, otherwise. When I'm gone you'll be alone forever, or worse. You'll do something stupid like go find the Volturi. I have made a mess of so many things, but I can fix this. Well, you can fix it." I reached my hand up to caress Edward's smooth marble cheek.

His handsome face was instantly full of warring emotions. I could see that he was silently thrilled at my words and working hard at containing himself. But Edward was still Edward, and his conscious won out. "You don't know what you're saying."

"Yes, Edward, I do know what I'm saying. I understand all about newborns and all that I would be giving up."

He shook his head, but he looked more like he was trying to convince himself than me. "Don't you think I have thought all of this through, already. The moment I realized I loved you I wanted to keep you by my side forever. But there's your soul to consider."

I answered him resolutely. "You are supposed to have forever, and I know the price of immortality. Although I believe you are wrong, I am more than willing to pay the price to be with you forever."

Although he tried not to show it, Edward seemed thrilled at what I was asking. He hesitated a moment, but he could not hide his exultation. He gave in and he pulled me into his arms for a breathless kiss. His cool marble lips against mine, this kiss full of joy, full of love, and I melted against him as my heart burst with happiness.

In the arms of the man I loved, I could face anything, do anything, and _be_ anything. Yes, I would gladly spend forever with this man, even if it meant being a vampire.

Edward pulled back and the excitement in his amber eyes was replaced with turmoil. "You may be willing to risk your soul, but I am not. Let us please just be happy that we found each other at all. What are the chances that we would even be standing here in each other's arms and declaring our love? Let this be enough; I would not ask any more of you." Then his voice broke, "Please don't ask me again; don't ask me to destroy your soul."

I could see the toll this conversation was taking on Edward and I understood his reluctance. He was right, this should be a happy moment for both of us. "It's not fair; you telling me you love me should be the happiest moment of my life, or existence, or whatever this is."

Edward smiled down at me. "Then let it be a happy moment. Let's not think about tomorrow. He tilted his head and his bronze hair fell perfectly to the side as he gave me one of his dazzling crooked smiles. I knew he was trying to break me from my sad reverie. "You know, you still haven't said the words to me."

I had to smile back at him. "I thought my answer was obvious, Edward. I just said I would follow you into immortality and back."

In that velvet voice I loved so much he said, "I want to hear you say it."

I gladly let free the words that I had held at bay for so long. "I love you, Edward. I am now, and forever will be, irrevocably yours."

The smile that broke across his face was priceless. He instantly pulled me to him and held me as though I was the most precious thing in the world.

"You have brought me immeasurable joy. Just when I think I cannot love you anymore, I find myself happily proven wrong. I can hardly explain what I am feeling right now."

His lips found mine again and it was a joyous kiss. He wanted to seal our declarations of love, to wipe away all my fears, worries and doubts. So did I; I loved the taste of him and feel of him against me almost as much as I loved him. His mouthwatering scent was overwhelming me and filling my head. His cool arms were strong and firm around me. He felt so good, so so right.

Edward's kiss became more demanding and I felt myself shiver with delight as that warm electric feeling spread throughout me. I unconsciously leaned into him as my hands wound around his neck and into that magnificent hair. His powerful hands wrapped around my waist as he leaned me back against the couch and I was crushed against the wall of his broad chest.

Like every time Edward held and kissed me, I was consumed with desire and my senses reeled. I wanted to taste him, touch him, and feel him beneath my fingertips.

Edward lifted his mouth from mine, his eyes brilliant with desire. As I gazed into the eyes of the man I loved, the words fell from my lips like a prayer, "I love you, Edward."

His lips claimed mine again and he kissed me so fiercely and passionately that it left me panting for air. His lips trailed kisses down my neck and my head tilted back to give his mouth better access, as my hands clung to his shoulders. "I love you, Jenny," he murmured against my collarbone and I was trembling with love and desire, lost in this intoxicating sensation.

**EPOV**

I was euphoric and on fire and the two feelings threatened to overwhelm me. The euphoria of her saying she loved me was just as thrilling as the fire of her beneath me. That vibrant electric feeling was now coursing through my whole body and quickly taking over. I knew I had to get myself under control. Her soft body was molded against mine, a moan of desire escaped her lips and my own human senses and emotions were spinning.

I had to be careful, particularly while in this haze of love and desire. I gazed down at her and saw such love and passion in her eyes, that I was overcome. She felt as though she were created for me.

I had never wanted anything more in my existence then to be with her right now, but this had to stop. I had already let things go too far. It would be so easy to lose myself in her warm embrace, but I could still hurt her and there was still something I needed to ask first.

Jenny felt me start to pull away, and she breathlessly whispered in my ear, "Stay, Edward. Stay and make love to me."

I froze and moaned in response as every fiber of my being was on fire for her - alive with the torrent of love I felt for her.

"We have declared our love with words, now I want you to make love to me, Edward." Jenny began to gently nibble on my ear and it sent waves of heated pleasure through me. "I want you, don't you want me?"

I exclaimed hungrily, "Yes, I do! I have never wanted anything more in my life than I want you right now." Her soft lips found mine, and she arched her body against me. My willpower lay in shreds and her passionate response undid me.

My body demanded more and I gave in and quickly undid her blouse. I kissed her hungrily, wanting to taste every inch of her luscious skin: her neck, her collarbone, her breasts, her belly. Her taste inundated my senses, her heartbeat pounded in my ears, and her breath came in pants just like mine. All the while her hot hands clung to my shoulders while she trembled with desire. Nothing on earth compared to the feel of her beneath me, to the love that overwhelmed me, to the exhilarating feelings she stirred in me. I thought this was heaven, or as close as I would ever get.

That thought stopped me cold. What was I doing? We needed more careful practice and I needed her answer first. As impossible as it was, I fought against my carnal physical desire. I took a useless breath as I steeled myself, every inch of my body arguing in protest. I slowly raised myself until we were face to face. Her emerald eyes were excited, her swollen lips were parted, and her face was flushed. _God, she was going to be the death of me, or at least the death of my chivalry._

It took everything in my power not to give in, but I had a mission, this was one thing I could do right. I had failed her in so many ways, but I would not fail in this one. "Jenny, I want you desperately and I will make love to you, eventually. Not tonight, though. We need more time. I need to be sure that I won't hurt you. Please, say you understand."

Disappointment spread across her face and my will almost broke seeing that disappointment. I told myself it was just a formality and old antiquated tradition. What did it matter? We loved each other.

But it mattered to me.

She responded, "I love you, so I'll wait until you're ready."

I hugged her tightly to me. I loved her more than I thought was possible.

Jenny took a deep breath before continuing, "But just to be clear, I'm ready whenever you are."

Laughter and happiness bubbled up inside of me. She never ceased to amaze me. She was a source of endless joy and I thanked the heavens above that she had found me.

In one swift move I had us off the couch as I swung her around in my arms. "I love you, Jenny!"

It felt wonderful to say the words aloud, and to see my love reflected back in her hazel eyes. Her heart was pounding again, her face was aglow, and she gave me a glorious smile as she said, "I love you, too!"

I had no idea that love, when reciprocated, felt this exhilarating, addicting, and yet liberating at the same time. I was soaring as I took in the vision of her loveliness. Not to mention that I couldn't help but notice her blouse was still undone. Yes, she was lovely, too lovely. I placed Jenny on her feet and began buttoning her blouse before I got carried away again.

She laughed at me. "Well, it's a good thing you didn't rip this one off."

I felt myself smile in response, "I'm trying not to make a habit of that, although you don't make it easy."

"No, and I don't intend to." She gave me a mischievous smile.

Before I could stop myself, I answered, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Her green eyes lit up and I grasped her hand in mine and said, "Let's get you something to eat before you get any ideas." Jenny's eyes were still alight with mischief and I gently pulled her along.

My cell phone rang, startling her. It was Alice. "Hello, Alice."

"Edward, James is dead. I just saw Victoria planning her revenge. She still wants to kill Bella. We are not sure what happened, but it must have involved the wolves because I didn't see that. We are too late! She has not thought of the newborn army yet, but it is only a matter of time."

My heart sank at Alice's words. "Thank you, Alice. We are on our way." I looked down at Jenny's startled face. "We have to leave for Forks tonight."

"What happened?"

"James is dead. We don't know the details, only that Victoria is currently plotting her revenge." Jenny went pale and worry and doubt returned to her eyes.

"Jenny, we are going to Forks and I don't care what anyone wrote, I love you. You have nothing to fear from Bella Swan." But Bella Swan had a lot to fear from Victoria, and from me.

Jenny took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, "It's alright, Edward. Whatever it is, we will face it together."

I breathed a sigh of relief; I needed her now more than ever. "We'll pick up something for you to eat on our way to Forks."

Jenny had fallen asleep in the car shortly after she ate. I wondered if she was still under the effects of the sleeping medicine Alice had given her. But I was glad she was getting some rest, there would probably be no rest once we got to Forks.

As I pulled off route 101 and entered the familiar town of Forks, the future felt like it was darkening with every mile. We'd barely had time to celebrate our love before we were on our way to Forks to stop a vampire hell bent on revenge.

But that wasn't the worst of my fears; Bella Swan was. I saw her in my mind: dark brown hair, large brown expressive eyes, translucent skin where you could see the faint pulse of her tantalizing blood beneath her flesh.

With the memory of her scent, flames licked at the back of my throat and venom pooled in my mouth. I didn't know how I was supposed to help my family save this girl, when just the thought of her sent my thirst raging.

Without thinking, I reached for Jenny's hand and felt her warm fingers entwine in mine. I had not meant to wake her, but she gave me a reassuring smile and her touch soothed me. I could feel her pulse, hear the steady rhythm of her heart, and listen to the pattern of her breathing. I felt my vampire instincts dissipate as my human instincts took over. Jenny kept the monster at bay and allowed me to be the man I wanted to be.

I desperately wanted to take Jenny and leave – to go back to Hawaii and forget all of this. But I would not abandon my family and I knew Jenny would never agree.

Jenny… She had certainly surprised me. Firstly, she loved me. Secondly, she hadn't persisted in arguing that I was supposed to love Isabella Swan. Thirdly, she'd asked me to change her.

Of course, we had both always known that I had the power to keep her with me always. I thought maybe one day she might ask in order to save herself, but unbelievably, she asked for my sake, because the idea of me spending eternity alone was unbearable to her.

Never in all my years of reading minds and seeing into people's hearts had I come across someone like Jenny. She was so rare, I could almost believe she had traveled from another universe to find me.

If this wasn't true love, then I did not know what was.

But I hoped that she would never again ask me to change her. I might not be so strong next time. I wanted her to be mine forever, and I was staggered that she loved me so much that she would be willing to give up her soul for me.

Knowing that she was willing was going to have to be enough. I loved her too much to allow her to do that. As much as I loved her and needed her with me, I would not let myself think of it again.

**Thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing, adding and/or emailing it all it has meant alot to me! It makes my day when I get a review, email, favorite story or story alert in my inbox!**

**Special shout out to DeepCrimson91 for adding me to "Edward and...NOT Bella!" community, and for all the new readers because of it! Check out this community there are alot of great stories on it like "Eclipse of the Moon."**

**As always thanks to my Beta Belladonnacullen who is an exceptional writer and who makes everything I write so much better, if you can check out her story "The Practice of Love," its complete and it's a fantastic must read! **

**Thanks again for hanging in there with me!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi everyone! Trying to update weekly now, keeping my fingers crossed that I can keep it weekly! Thanks again for all the well wishes and congratulations on the new addition to my family!**

**Chapter 19**

**SECOND - 'FIRST IMPRESSIONS'**

The night sky was beginning to lighten as we pulled off the highway onto the unpaved road that led to my home. I turned to look at Jenny; she was taking in the scenery and sipping pineapple juice. She seemed anxious and I wondered what she was thinking.

I lifted her hand to my lips and gently kissed the back of her fingers as I breathed her unique scent in. Her heart skipped a beat, her blush warmed the air and I felt myself smile.

"How much further?" she asked as she put down her drink.

"Five minutes."

She bit her lip and her expression turned anxious. "Can you hear them yet?"

I scanned the thoughts around me. "They're patiently waiting for us."

"What does your family think of me?"

"Mostly, they are grateful for your help."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Come on, Rosalie's never been grateful for anyone's help."

I smiled and had to agree. "I usually skip over Rosalie's thoughts. They are almost always not agreeable.

With genuine curiosity in her voice she asked, "What does Esme think?"

"Esme's over the moon that you are coming home with me." That was actually an understatement, and yet Esme wasn't nearly as ecstatic as I was that Jenny was with me.

"Good. At least _she_ will like me." Jenny seemed relieved, but I also heard the implication of Alice's dislike.

I wanted to reassure her. "Alice has come around Jenny. She does not feel the way she did before."

As we left the woods, Jenny's heartbeat accelerated and I gave her hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance. I wasn't sure if she was nervous about seeing my family, Bella or Victoria.

Jenny's eyes were wide as we pulled up to the front of the house. I could not resist asking what she was thinking.

"I can't believe I am here at the Cullen house. Just when I think things can't get any weirder for me, here we are. This is all surreal in a way that I can't even explain."

"Surreal good or surreal bad?"

"Just _surreal_, all of this is simply beyond my wildest dreams." Jenny took a deep breath and let go of my hand. "Let's not keep them waiting! I know how impatient you all are."

I could already hear the many thoughts from inside the house. Esme was excited, Carlisle was worried, Rosalie was annoyed, Emmett was just waiting to taunt us, Jasper was still strategizing and Alice was anxious. But Jenny was correct: all of their thoughts were laced with impatience. I was out of the car and opening her door before her seatbelt was off.

Jenny took my extended hand and we entered my home. They were all awaiting us in the living room, unnecessarily seated in an attempt to put Jenny at ease. Carlisle and Esme stood up right away when we entered the room.

Although it wasn't necessary, I wanted to formally introduce Jenny to Carlisle and Esme.

"Carlisle, Esme, this is my girlfriend Jenny Latham. She will be staying with us." We all heard Jenny's heartbeat accelerate and I felt the warmth of her blush.

I immediately heard Rosalie's internal groan, _"O__nly Edward would be idiotic enough to fall for a human."_

Emmett silently thought, _"__And I thought they were exaggerating, but he really is into her. This is going to be endless fun."_

Carlisle carefully approached Jenny. "You're very welcome here, Jenny. Think of our home as yours." He tentatively reached his hand out to her.

Jenny took his hand and responded, "Thank you, Mr. Cullen. That's very kind of you."

Esme could barely contain herself; she broke into a wide smile as she reached out her hand to Jenny. "Please call us Carlisle and Esme. We are so glad you came."

"Thank you Esme. Your home is lovely," Jenny replied, taking Esme's hand in hers.

I turned toward the others. "Jenny, this is Rosalie and Emmett, and you have already met Jasper and Alice."

Jenny gave a small hand wave. "Hello, everyone."

Under Esme's glare, Rosalie stood up, barely nodded her head and gave a small smile. Emmett jumped up to shake Jenny's hand, all the while smirking at me. I purposely ignored his thoughts.

Alice and Jasper stood up as well and nodded. Alice's thoughts were all over the place, but then she asked, "How are you feeling, Jenny? Would you like something to drink? Would you like to sit down?

"I'm better," Jenny replied and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "No to drinking, but yes to sitting, thank you."

The room was silent as I led her to the couch. Everyone but Esme was thinking we needed to get started. Esme was still happily gushing over the fact that Jenny was here, sitting beside me on the couch with her hand in mine. I decided we may as well get started.

"Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, why don't you all fill us in on what we have missed? Has anyone found out exactly what happened to James?"

Jasper answered, "No, we still don't know how he was killed, but it was definitely at the wolves hands. There is no other way he could have been destroyed. Right now, as far as we can tell, there are five wolves. It won't take Victoria long to figure out the only way to get to Bella is to take down the wolves. Victoria will need the newborn army for that."

"So, Carlisle needs to speak with the Quileutes to let them know what is going to happen." I felt uneasy as all the thoughts around me suddenly clouded.

Emmet spoke, but there was no humor in his voice. "Well, I don't think that will go over well right about now."

I heard Jasper's thoughts before he spoke them and I outwardly groaned.

"Alice had a vision of Victoria, so Emmett and I went out to capture her," Jasper explained. "But instead, we interfered with the wolves' attempt to destroy her. It turned into an altercation between Emmett and one of the wolves. As far as the wolves are concerned, it looked like we were helping Victoria elude them. I don't think they will take anything we say seriously right now."

**JPOV**

I gripped Edward's hand tighter. That confrontation had also happened in the book. Edward stole a quick glance at me before bombarding Jasper and Emmet with more questions.

I was too consumed with my own thoughts to pay attention. James was dead, Bella was alive, and Victoria was planning to kill Bella. The Cullens were back in Forks to stop Victoria, protect Bella and collaborate with the wolves against a newborn army. Even Emmett's confrontation over Victoria had happened. It definitely looked like some things were destined while some things could change. Edward hadn't killed James, Victoria didn't want revenge on the Cullens, and Edward hadn't fallen in love with Bella.

How could Jen2 be so right about some things and so wrong about others? And how did she know any of this?

"Jenny? Jenny?" Jasper was calling my name. I snapped out of my own thoughts.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"We are not sure if the notebooks are complete. It would help us greatly if you would be so kind as to fill in the blanks."

I immediately agreed. "Yes, of course. Let me see the notebooks."

Jasper handed me the Twilight notebook first. This was the first time I was really looking at it. I couldn't bring myself to do it before now. It started with Bella and Charlie just arriving at Charlie's house to unpack, but stopped when Edward was driving Bella to meet his family.

I took a deep breath. I had everyone's rapt attention, even Rosalie's. Here went nothing.

"As I know it, this book began with Bella leaving Phoenix and moving to Forks the day before Edward met her. I can't think of anything significant about that. Have you all read this notebook?"

Everyone nodded their heads, so I continued.

"Okay, Edward takes Bella to meet all of you. During the visit, Alice sees it's going to rain and you all decide to play baseball…" I continued to tell the Cullens about meeting Laurent, James and Victoria, and how James became determined that he would take Bella from Edward. The Cullens hung on my every word. Seven sets of amber eyes were transfixed on me. It was a bit unnerving.

I noticed subtle movements on Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme's parts. They were very aware of the human in the room. Edward, Alice and Jasper had all but given up that pretense with me and I found that comforting. Edward was particularly stoic during my tale.

Carlisle seemed especially surprised when I explained how Laurent and Irina hooked up, but I continued on, explaining the plan to keep Bella from James and how James figured out that Bella was in Phoenix with Alice and Jasper. They all listened wordlessly until I explained how Bella tricked them at the airport.

Jasper interrupted me, disbelief in his eyes, "How would _she_ possibly elude _us_?"

"She asks you Jasper instead of Alice to accompany her to get some food and then specifically manipulates you, Jasper, into taking her to the ladies room where you can't go with her. She also knows the airport better than you do and knows that the ladies room has a second exit."

I saw Emmett crack a small smile, but Jasper seemed unconvinced that he could be outsmarted by a human.

I continued with the story, explaining that James beat Bella up and bit her hand before Edward could rescue her. No one seemed too surprised that James bit Bella. I guess that was a pretty typical vampire thing to do.

So I finished the story, explaining how Edward killed James, and then found the strength to suck the venom out of Bella's blood without taking enough to kill her.

At this, Edward's stoic face cracked as he took a sharp intake of breath. Blatant disbelief was settling in on all their features. Well, it was their choice whether to believe me or not.

So, I finished the story, with how they explained Bella's injuries, how Edward told her that she should leave him in order to stay safe and how Bella refused. I explained how Edward loved Bella too much to let her become a vampire, but how Bella had no intention of giving up living forever with him, leaving them both at an impasse.

"And that's the end of the cliff note version," I concluded.

I took a deep breath and looked at the faces around me. They all seemed deep in thought, absorbing everything I had said. They were all so different and yet similar at the same time, all really astoundingly beautiful in their own ways. My eyes lingered on Edward, who was, of course, the most beautiful to me. But if Edward was Adonis, Rosalie was Aphrodite. I snapped out of it as I remembered something important.

"Alice, there's one more really important detail. When James had Bella he videotaped it to taunt and torture Edward. But he also admitted to playing this game with another vampire who had a human attachment. It was the 1920's, and she was a girl in an asylum. She was placed there because of her visions. The girl was almost completely destroyed by the asylum care and electric shock treatments. Except in an effort to save her from being a victim of James, her vampire protector turned her so she would forever be safe. That girl was you."

Shock dawned on all of their faces. Both Alice and Esme gasped, and Alice's mouth dropped open. Jasper wrapped his arms around his wife. Out of all the things I had said, this had received the biggest reaction by far.

After my story was done, I let out a big sigh. "May I have a glass of water?"

Esme recovered immediately. "Of course, dear. Give me a moment." She headed out to the kitchen in slow human steps. I wanted to tell her she didn't have to be slow on my account, but decided to just wait on my water.

Everyone was silent, too silent. I spoke to end the silence. "Does anyone have any questions?"

Rosalie was the last person I had expected to ask a question. "Does Bella eventually get her wish and become a vampire?"

"Yes, she does." I felt Edward tense at my side, while Rosalie glared at him. I could only imagine what she was thinking.

Esme was back with the water and I quickly thanked her and drank most of it.

Jasper was handing me the _New Moon_ notebook so fast I didn't see it coming and I dropped my glass. Jasper caught my glass and didn't spill a drop. Esme and Carlisle gave Jasper disapproving looks at his inhuman speed. I didn't mind it, though; the lack of pretense on his part felt almost like approval.

"Sorry, Jenny, I am just anxious to get all the information possible." There was worry on Jasper's face and apology in his eyes.

"I understand and I agree with you." I took the _New Moon_ notebook and quickly skimmed through it. This book was verbatim and completed. I was glad I wasn't going to have to go through another story so soon. "This one is complete. I assume you have all read this one. Any questions?"

Jasper took his place beside Alice, but he remained standing. Carlisle spoke first. "What do you see happening with the Volturi? Because this whole scene with Edward, Bella and Alice is not going to happen."

"Honestly, I can't say for certain. But even though that scene most likely won't happen, the Volturi is still interested in your family. Once you go to visit Aro and he reads your mind and finds out about Alice and Edward, Aro is still going to want them. When they don't accept nicely, he will eventually come after all of you."

"This is so difficult for me to accept. It goes against everything they stand for. Why?" Carlisle asked, still shocked.

I hated to have to tell him this, but he needed to know, "Because Aro collects vampires with special abilities. I know it's hard to believe, but call Eleazar. He has had his suspicions regarding Aro."

Carlisle shook his head in disbelief and sighed deeply at my words, Esme reached for his hand trying to comfort him.

Edward interjected, "Right now Aro is not aware of our abilities, and his interests lie mainly in the size of our coven and our life style. He wants to know how you convinced us all to follow our special diet. At least that is what I read in the guards' minds."

Jasper interrupted, "We don't have to respond to his invitation right away. Carlisle can put off his visit with excuses. It's in our best interest to keep the Volturi away from us, and from Forks, for as long as possible. Stopping Victoria and this newborn army is our first concern, because a newborn army will surely draw the Volturi guard here."

I had to agree, "Jasper is right. The newborn army attacks in Seattle draw the attention of the Volturi and lead them straight to your back yard."

There was a collective gasp in the room and everything happened at once. Jasper's stance had become lethal and calculating. I had never seen the southern gentlemen look so much like a predator. Esme's expression was full of concern for her family as she leaned into Carlisle for support. Carlisle's attention was immediately on his wife. Edward had closed his eyes, his jaw tight as he pinched the bridge of his nose, his other hand still carefully holding mine. Emmett jumped up looking excited and fierce at the same time. Rosalie's usually icy glare was replaced with either stress or terror, and Alice's face was clouded in worry. The tension in the room was heavy and I didn't know what more to say.

Jasper broke the silence, "Which book is that in?"

"That's in _Eclipse_. I guess you don't have the full version of that one." Can I see the _Eclipse_ notebook?"

In a flash, Jasper was handing me the Eclipse notebook. It started at the beginning and ended just as the fight with the Newborns began. That was good; I didn't really want to try to explain the tent scene and the whole love triangle. Jasper and Emmett took their seats besides their mates and everyone's eyes were on me.

"Jasper's plan worked pretty flawlessly and the newborns didn't know what hit them," I began. "But Victoria caught Edward's scent and figured Bella would be with Edward, so she and Riley found them." I continued through to the very end, right up to where Bella and Edward set a date for their wedding, even though I didn't know how relevant that part was.

Everyone was silent and deep in concentration. Vampire silence was way too silent, and I thought about asking for more water just to end the eerie silence, but thought better of it. They needed this time to think.

After what seemed like forever, Carlisle broke the silence. "According to what we have read and what you have told us, Bella and Edward were supposed to fall in love, and all of these things happened as a result of that. So, what happens now?

"I don't know. It seems like some things are destined to happen, like Edward almost attacking Bella that first day." At my words I felt Edward stiffen beside me, but I continued, "James still wanted to hunt Bella and still died in the process, Victoria still wants to avenge his death and still needs a Newborn Army to do it. The Volturi have still taken a dangerous interest in your coven at the worst possible time. Yet others things didn't happen..." Once again, everyone was silent.

"So, in the next notebook…?" Jasper asked as he gave me a meaningful look. I realized that although Carlisle was their leader, Jasper was his general, and they definitely deferred to him in these matters.

I took a deep breath; this was the book I had wanted to discuss the least. "_Here it comes_," I thought. "_Wait until they all hear this one_."

"It's called Breaking Dawn, and essentially, it's about Bella joining your family and her life as a vampire. It starts off with Bella and Edward getting married."

Edward abruptly stood up, his voice was surprisingly impatient, "Enough with the notebooks and what may or may not happen. We need to focus on stopping Victoria before she forms this newborn army. This is exactly the kind of thing the Volturi routinely wipe out. We don't need the Volturi coming to Forks."

Jasper quickly agreed. "Edward is right, if we want to avoid the Volturi's involvement, Victoria is our immediate problem, that and getting the Quileutes to believe us and the sooner the better."

Emmett's usual joking manner was all but gone. "So, what's the plan? We can't just walk up to them and tell them what's going on."

"Actually, that's a brilliant idea," I interjected.

Carlisle's voice was bleak but resolute. "That's our only option. Jasper and I will go to the border first thing in the morning. We'll wait for a scouting party to request a meeting."

I thought _that_ was a terrible idea. "No, not you Carlisle! _Me_. I should go." They all looked at me like I had lost my mind.

Edward's eyes narrowed in horror and he practically growled, "No! That's out of the question."

I knew he'd react that way. I stood up and turned to him pleadingly, "Listen, I'm human. They will trust me and they will listen to me."

Alice spoke up in a small concerned voice, "But you hardly even smell human."

She had a point, but still… "It doesn't matter. They will trust me better than any of you, especially after the Victoria incident. None of you will even be able to get near them, but I can."

Carlisle was grim but firm when he answered, "No, we cannot allow you to do this. We created this problem and we will handle it."

I should have expected this much resistance. After all, they didn't know the werewolves like I did. "Carlisle, be reasonable."

"I am not sure you understand," Carlisle replied, in his best bedside manner voice. "You are talking about walking into a den of new werewolves. New werewolves are dangerous and volatile, even when they don't mean to be. It's too perilous, and I don't think they will believe you.

"Oh really? That's exactly what I did with all of you, and look at us now," I answered him matter-of-factly. Everyone was quiet. They couldn't argue.

I took advantage of their silence. "Let me try. I know their legends and their stories. At the very least they will listen to me. As you all know, I can be quite persuasive."

I could already see I was winning Jasper and Emmett over with my logic, but Rosalie still thought I was crazy.

Edward's normally amber eyes were black and anger rolled off him in waves. "No! Walking into a werewolves den is too dangerous! I won't hear of it!"

I remember the last time I had seen his eyes that color. It took great effort not to step back, but I stood my ground. "No more dangerous than walking into a vampire's den, and I managed that just fine!" Again, the room was quiet.

Edward frowned, thwarted for the moment. "But you knew us. You knew it was safe."

"I know them as well. I know all of them just as well as I know all of you. I trust them just like I trust all of you. I know most of you don't know me, but this is the best way."

Edward regained his resolve and shook his head adamantly. "No, let Carlisle talk to them. He negotiated the treaty before and he can get them to work with us."

I shook my head. "Your treaty is a truce with a borderline, which by its very definition, means you're at war. Why would they trust their enemy? You're not being smart here. This is the best way."

Edward just kept shaking his head no.

"I promise I will be careful. I have too much to lose now." I grasped his hand meaningfully. "Edward, the werewolves' very purpose is to protect human lives. I will be completely safe. Trust me on this."

"I have to agree with Jenny," Jasper said ignoring Edward's icy glare. "It's our best bet to make them listen and understand. Jenny, you could tell them you get visions of the past and the future and that is how you know all of this."

I had not thought of what I would say, but quickly realized that might actually work. It had to work better than the truth. Eventually, everyone conceded to this plan - well, _almost _everyone. Edward stormed off.

It was decided I would go to Bella's house after school. Jacob always came to visit her then, and that was on neutral territory. I would talk to Jacob and ask him to call Sam and the elders. Edward would have never agreed for me to go to La Push where he could not protect me. Alice would create a police diversion to keep Charlie away from home, while the rest of the Cullens stayed as close as possible to unnecessarily protect me.

As I excused myself to go in search of Edward, I heard Alice tell everyone not to worry. "Jenny will convince Edward," Alice explained. "She has a way with him." Emmet laughed and Rosalie made a disgusted sound. Well, I had never expected Rosalieto like me but it did feel like Alice was coming around.

If all went well, later today I would be meeting Jacob Black, Bella Swan, Sam Uley and the elders. Hopefully I could make them listen, but suddenly I wasn't feeling so confident. No, I _had_ to make them listen. Right now, everyone's future depended on it.

This was the least I could do for them considering all that I had screwed up. Some of them may like me now, but how would they feel when they found out that Bella Swan was the only person who could save them from the Volturi, rendering me not just obsolete but actually in the way.

**Thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing, adding and/or emailing it all it has meant alot to me! It makes my day when I get a review, email, favorite story or story alert in my inbox!**

**As always thanks to my Beta Belladonnacullen who is an exceptional writer and who makes everything I write so much better, if you can check out her story "The Practice of Love," its complete and it's been nominated for 3 SHIMMER AWARDS - Climax Award (Best Drama), Tear Jerker Award (Best Tragedy) and Underdog Award (Best New Author) it's an enthralling story with drama, mystery, romance and lemons!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**THE CULLEN HOUSE**

I climbed the massive winding staircase in search of Edward. I had to make him understand. As I passed the large wooden cross above my head, I was again struck at how surreal it was to be in this house. I really didn't know where I was headed but I knew his room was upstairs somewhere. I reached the top of the second floor stairs. "Edward?" I called out to him, "Edward?"

He was beside me in a flash. "Why?" His eyes were black and his demeanor angry, "Why do you insist on putting yourself in harm's way and making me insane with worry about you?"

"I'm sorry that wasn't my intention, Edward let's not fight." I soothed.

I reached one hand out to grasp his and with the other I reached up to caress his cheek, "Please forgive me and in my defense it's only because I love you."

That disarmed him, "You don't fight fair," and his angel's face melted into a smile and the black faded from his eyes.

"Not when it comes to the people I care about, besides I can think of much better ways to work out that anger and stress," while biting my lip for emphasis.

"Your incorrigible," he gave me a devilish smile.

In seconds the air between us crackled. His eyes took on a hooded look and his smooth marble lips came down slightly hard on mine, his kiss demanding and possessive.

I returned his kiss with just as much feeling, savoring his hard cool mouth, the taste of him on my tongue, the scent of him in my head.

His arms tightened around me, a wave of desire engulfed me and I instinctively molded my body against his hard cool frame. He moaned against my lips and backed me up against the wall.

I wasn't aware of anything but this man's hands on me, his lips on mine, his cool perfectly sculpted body pressing mine against the wall and the exhilarating feelings flowing through me.

Edward froze and I open my confused eyes to see Edward's irritated expression. A loud chuckle assaulted my ears, before I heard Emmett's booming voice, "Edward I can't believe I'm saying this but get a room dude."

Edward's irritation faded, replaced by irony. "As if that would help, like you can't hear us from any room in this house. Why do you think I feel the need to leave so often?"

That was like a splash of cold water on me and I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. I had forgotten that the lack of privacy in the Cullen house was appalling. What were we doing at the top of the stairs anyway?

Edward's expression softened and his warm amber eyes looked down on me, his hand instinctively caressing my cheek, "I love that so much," he sighed and continued, "Why don't I show you my room?"

I nodded my agreement and he led me up another flight of stairs to his room. He opened the door and I stepped inside, my feet sank into the plush gold carpet beneath me as I looked around.

Although I knew what to expect, the glass wall with an incredible view of the Sol Duc River and the Olympic Mountain Range. The other wall covered in CD's, the heavy fabric draping the other walls and of course the lone black leather sofa. I wasn't prepared for the sudden feeling that I was an intruder, that I didn't belong here. It was an ominous feeling and I shivered as I try to shake it off.

Edward noticed, "Are you cold, we can raise thermostat, we don't pay too much attention to the temperature." He was still by the doorway, watching me take it all in.

"No its fine, it's actually perfect." Esme must have taken my human body temperature into account because it felt like a perfect seventy degrees in this house.

I continued to walk around staring at his things, still feeling strange about being in Edward Cullen's room. How different this situation was and how different Edward was, even his reaction to me in the hallway.

"What are you thinking just now?" he said with genuine curiosity.

I turned to face him and my breath caught in my throat; he was just so heart-stopping-ly beautiful. Instead of immediately answering all I could think was _how could anyone look so good in a white button shirt and blue jeans?_ I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

I answered with my own question, "You want to tell me what happened back there in the hallway? You are so mercurial. One minute you're mad at me, the next minute I'm up against the wall, not that I'm complaining but what's gotten into you?"

His golden eyes burned into mine with such intensity, such unbridled desire, that my whole body was suddenly in flames with every nerve ending deliciously on fire for him. I could barely keep my knees from buckling as my stomach did somersaults with anticipation.

He strode toward me and captured my face in both his hands. "You've gotten into me. You're under my skin; you're behind my eyes and having you _here with me_ in this house, in my room. Knowing that you love me and that your mine, you have no idea what it does to me."

His words, his touch, his scent, his eyes had me reeling with joy and desire. I had never felt so wanted, so desired and so loved, Edward was beyond my wildest dreams.

His lips claimed mine again hungrily and I melted into his kiss. I would never tire of this man, of his magnificent taste, of his cool delicious tongue possessing mine.

Modesty was all but forgotten, but as always, Edward put on the breaks before it went too far. I felt him pulling away and as tempted as I was, I did not resist. A small voice in my head reminded me that Esme was here. She could probably hear us and besides I had agreed to Edward's pace.

He gazed down at me, happiness and contentment etched on his beautiful face. Sometimes he was so beautiful he was hard to look at, he seemed so human, so carefree in this moment and I could feel the love between us. I knew the Cullen's future was uncertain but when we were like this I felt like we could conquer anything.

His beautiful smile buoyant, "Would you like a tour of the house?"

"Sure." I answered and he led me by the hand. It was pretty much like the tour in the _Twilight_ notebook but backwards since we started our tour in Edward's room. Most of what he was telling me I already knew from the _Twilight_ notebook. It was so strange how some things played out very similar to the _Twilight_ notebook and others didn't.

He pointed out his brothers and sisters rooms along the way. When we finally reached Carlisle's office and he explained the different paintings, my eyes couldn't help but linger on the Volturi painting. I felt myself shiver at what the Volturi would do once they knew about Edward and Alice.

At some point I had to tell Edward about "Breaking Dawn." He needed to know, they all needed to know what they were really up against.

But once I told Edward about Renesmee how would he feel about that? How would he still feel about me? How would he feel about Bella "the-would-be-mother" of Renesmee?

Once they knew that Bella would be a shield and that she could protect them from Jane and Alex, would the Cullen's want her to join their coven and be their shield? Would they still consider making her a vampire? Would she still want Edward? And if she did, could I compete?

At this point I was hoping that Jacob and Bella were a serious couple. It was ironic; I had originally wanted Edward and Bella to be together but now... now… I couldn't imagine my life without him. Giving him up, even for his own sake would be next to impossible.

I couldn't give him up. I wouldn't give him up, not without a fight, there had to be another way to protect the Cullen's from the Volturi.

"Where did you go just now?" he said in that velvety voice I loved so much, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I didn't want to lie, but I wasn't ready to face this conversation yet. I still had to get through the meeting with the Quileute's.

I sighed deeply and turned towards him, "No where good."

He was standing by Carlisle's desk a slight frown marring his perfect features, "I hate not being able to hear your thoughts."

I smiled, "Don't hate that, it's probably the reason why you fell for me."

His face melted into disappointment, "That's not why I love you."

I smiled back at him, "You were waiting Edward."

Disappointment turned into confusion, "Waiting? For what?"

I gently shook my head; although he was one hundred and eight years old he could be so naive, "For someone you could discover and for someone to discover you. With your ability there was no mystery, no fantasy. And with me or Bella you had a chance to discover someone without knowing their every thought good or bad."

His angel's face was thoughtful as he contemplated my words, so I continued. "It would be almost impossible to love someone if you knew all they were thinking all the time. Not being able to hear my thoughts allowed you to discover me, not to make judgments or assumptions on me based on random thoughts. Most of which by the way, people don't think to censor or control."

I shrugged my shoulders for emphasis, "No one is perfect, but when people fall in love, they fall in love with an ideal. You never had that chance, till now. Bella and I have nothing else in common, other than a mind that is closed to you, and you have every reason not to fall for either of us. Bella is your singer and me… well I'm just a disaster."

He was instantly pulling me into his arms and looking down at me like he was the luckiest man on the planet, "You're not a disaster. You are my angel, an angel come to save me from myself."

I warmed all over from his cool embrace and his words. I loved when he talked like that; Edward always made me feel beautiful, special and cherished. Edward made me feel as if I was the only woman in the world.

It made me wonder why Bella had always described feeling like less than him or that she didn't deserve him. I didn't understand how any woman did not feel beautiful and treasured in Edward's arms. His adoration was unmistakable; it was in his eyes, in his words and in his incomparable face.

One of the best things about being in love is seeing yourself through your love's eyes. If I had to guess, that was also the reason why he loved me. He was finally able to see himself through another's eyes. To see himself as the man, the lover and the hero I knew he would be.

What had he said, that I had an almost "knightly" concept of him. Yes, if I was his angel, then he was my knight, _my knight in sparkling armor_, and I definitely wasn't going to give him up without a fight.

Edward turned towards the door before I heard the knock. Still in his arms, Edward answered, "Come in."

Jasper and Alice entered. Alice practically danced her way into the room with Jasper smiling behind her. And for first time in a while, they both didn't look worried or upset. This house had an amazing effect on all of them, a soothing effect.

"Esme has prepared a breakfast for you downstairs." Alice stated in her singsong voice as she pirouetted around me and Edward. She gracefully made her way back to Jasper who grasped her hand and twirled her out the door.

"We will be right down." Edward turned from his exiting brother and sister, back to me. His hand leaving my waist to tuck the hair behind my ear as he gently kissed my nose. He was happily smiling down at me, the love in his eyes bright and shining, making me blissfully happy from head to toe.

But I still had to ask, "What's with the chaste kiss?"

He gave me a devilish smile, "I don't want to start something we can't stop, and Esme is waiting." With that he spun me out of his arms and led me out of Carlisle's office.

We went back downstairs to the kitchen, where Esme was happily finishing up breakfast. Of course there was enough to feed four people but I was grateful that she had tried at all. Alice and Jasper were already in the kitchen watching Esme with fascination as she set out my breakfast.

Esme was warm and vibrant, she was definitely the heart of this house and there was a joyful light in her that was like a gravitational pull on everyone around her. She was a joy to be around.

"You've given us an excuse to finally use the kitchen," Esme stated with a warm welcoming smile, she was almost beaming.

I couldn't help but smile back at her, first because of her genuine warmth and second because I realized that I'd be hearing a lot of conversations I had already knew, although this was from the movie.

That thought struck me as odd, if Jen2 wrote the books then the movies didn't exist. I should probably talk to Edward about this, or maybe I was making too much of a coincidence. After all I hadn't seen a wall of graduation caps yet and so far Edward hadn't called me 'Spider Monkey' once, thank God.

"Thank you Esme," I responded as I took my seat at the kitchen island counter and began to eat." I was feeling a little self conscious being the only one eating. As usual it was delicious, which was very surprising for people who didn't cook or eat human food. I guess vampires did everything well. As I finished my meal and pushed my plate away, Esme beamed at my progress.

Alice broke the contented silence and sullenly stated, "Carlisle has just spoken to Eleazar he will be filling us in, in a few minutes."

All at once the lighthearted mood in the kitchen seemed to disappear. As if on cue, Carlisle entered the kitchen "I have spoken with Eleazar." The look on his face and Edward's face plainly said the conversation wasn't good.

Carlisle stopped near the kitchen island and began, "I asked Eleazar why the Volturi is interested in my family. He said that any coven whose numbers become too large, becomes of interest to the Volturi. It is standard practice for that large coven to be watched and that we should not be concerned or worried."

Carlisle paused as he let that sink in, "He also mentioned that Aro has always been fascinated with our way of life. When Eleazar had chosen this lifestyle to be with Carmen, Aro could scarcely believe it and questioned him endlessly about it before he left."

Jasper leaned in, "Did you ask him about Aro seeking out vampires with special abilities?"

Carlisle shook his head, "No, Eleazar seemed to make light of everything I had been asking, and I didn't quite know how to bring up such betrayal. Questioning the Volturi's commitment to the law is not something to be done lightly even among friends."

My heart sunk, that was the most important piece of information they needed. Jasper seemed as upset as I was about not getting that information, his winsome smiling face back to a brooding pout again. It was easy to see why Jasper and Rosalie passed for brother and sister they both had that old Hollywood movie star beauty.

Carlisle continued, "There's more, he also told me that they had a visitor that Irina had become quite taken with. He had recently parted ways with the nomad clan he had been traveling with. A charming fellow named Laurant."

All eyes in the room turned towards me expectantly, but that statement had taken me by surprise as well. I shrugged my shoulders in response to their questioning eyes; I didn't have any answers either.

Edward spoke, "So Laurant left his coven and found Irina even though no one told him about the Denali Clan.

I answered without thinking, "It's like I said, something's have changed and yet others seemed destined to happen. I guess he was destined to meet Irina and she was destined to fall for him."

That gave me another sinking feeling and I turned my eyes away from Edward back to Carlisle, not wanting Edward to see my worry or my doubts. I took a calming breath to steady my voice before I spoke, "If Irina tells Laurant about all of your abilities, he will share this information with Victoria, you have to warn Irina."

Jasper's expression lifted again and he stated, "Not necessarily, we are not Victoria's enemies this time. The wolves are, and she has no reason to learn about us or even consider us a threat. As far as she knows we are just another coven in the area and we have to keep it that way. This time, we are going to be the element of surprise that brings down the newborn army not the wolves. We cannot let Victoria know we are her enemy."

Alice chimed in, "She's not hiding her plans right now, so she doesn't know she supposed to yet."

Jasper was right Victoria didn't know the Cullen's were her enemies and she wouldn't be expecting them to come to the aid of the wolves. Again I spoke without thinking, "It's the same storyline, just with the characters switched around."

This time Carlisle answered, "What do you mean by that?"

"In the notebooks Victoria wanted to avenge James by killing Bella and needed a newborn army to do it, she had to battle the Cullens for Bella; the only difference is that this time she thinks she's battling the wolves for her. Just look at James he still died while playing a hunting game against a powerful clan with Bella as his trophy, the only difference was the wolves instead of your family were protecting her. See same as in Jen2's notebook just with the characters switched around."

While everyone seemed to mull that over, I turned my attention to Alice. "Has Victoria thought of the new born army yet?"

"No, she hasn't. Right now her plans are about Bella and how to lure her away from the wolves. It hard to see all of her plans, because so much of it is centered around the wolves and their actions, and once they come into the picture, the picture gets fuzzy." Alice quicker than my eyes could follow, leaped onto the kitchen counter and took a seat. Her legs crossed gracefully at the knees and the disappointment on her face was apparent.

Jasper placed his arm around his wife's waist and instantly Alice's whole demeanor lightened up. The whole mood in the room seemed to lift; I assumed Jasper was working his magic.

Alice continued, "I agree with Jenny, as I told Edward before although the future is subjective to the choices people make, some things do seemed destined to happen. As though if you make the wrong choice circumstances will intervene and force your hand. Like in Jen2's notebook, Edward never wanted to end Bella's human life by making her a vampire and although he kept choosing against it, circumstances intervened like the Volturi decreeing Bella dies or becomes a vampire. So it seems like regardless of the choices we make, some things are destined to happen."

I felt the color drain from my face as Alice spoke my worst fears, even though Edward had chosen to leave Forks that day never to return. Here we were, back in Forks with Edward now forced to be Bella's protector, forced to be around her and maybe even fall in love with her.

Jasper interrupted my disturbing thoughts. "Well if that's the case then it's more important now than ever that we convince the Quileutes to work with us and if they are going to believe Jenny, she should have her own place in town. She also shouldn't be associated with us."

Esme glanced at me and looked chagrined at Jasper's callousness, she must have mistakenly thought my pale pallor was because of what Jasper said.

Jasper recognizing this as well, quickly continued, "You'll mostly stay here of course but there will be fewer questions if you and Edward aren't seen together. Forks is still a small town."

Edward immediately frowned at the idea, but it made sense. Jasper was as usual right on both the Quileutes and the gossip. Although in Europe because of his demeanor and confidence Edward had easily passed for twenty-one, twenty two, here in Forks he was supposed to be seventeen and I was in almost in my mid-twenties. I remembered Jessica and the gossiping about the Cullens from the _Twilight_ notebook, our age difference would certainly be cause for gossip in this town.

Jasper ignored Edward's scowl and continued. "And since we are going to be here for a while, we need to return to school and keep up appearances."

_School!_ My mind silently shouted, Edward had to return to school and be around Bella all day long, that's just fabulous. Damn Destiny! By the darkening look on Edward's face he wasn't happy about it either.

Carlisle turned his attention to his wife, "I will call the hospital to see if I can get my old position back and Esme dear will you make the school arrangements?"

"Of course dear," Momentarily forgetting her human pretense, Esme cleared away my plate and the remnants of the breakfast at super speed. She was obviously lost in her own thoughts and worries.

Carlisle headed back towards his office. Rosalie and Emmet passed him as they headed our way and into the kitchen, Rosalie's beautiful faced was marred with disdain, "High school again?" she complained.

Emmet responded, "Well at least we are seniors and you're a shoo-in for prom queen again."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Don't soft-soap me Emmet, its still high school.

_High school?_ I thought as I looked around at the supermodel vampires surrounding me, again wondering how any of these people passed for mere mortals. Then I remembered this was the least of my worries.

_School! Bella! Edward!_ Would soul-mates trump Edward's love for me? Why did Jen2 see Edward together with Bella in the first place unless they were destined to be together? So much of what Jen2 wrote was still happening, just in different ways. I had to wonder again _Just how badly had I messed things up? _

Edward's arm slipped around my waist and he gently pulled me from the chair to my feet. "Walk with me," he said in my favorite silken irresistible voice.

I gazed after my beautiful knight and silently thought to myself,_ I would follow you to the end of the universe and back, and I honestly don't know what I will do if I lose you now._

He led me out onto the back porch, off the kitchen. We stood side by side and I was met with a breathtaking view of the Olympic range's endless majestic mountains and I could see why they loved it here.

"I know what you're thinking?"

I tore my eyes away from the magnificent scenery and turned towards him with raised eyebrows and a mock half smile, "Really you can read my thoughts now?"

"No, but I am learning your expressions." He stated the words confidently but his beautiful golden eyes were full of concern.

"I don't want you to worry about Bella Swan or what Jen2 wrote, this is right," he emphasized his words by placing his cool strong arms around me, "This cannot be wrong, I have never been more sure of anything in my existence than you and I."

I immediately placed my arms around him as I looked into his warm amber eyes and I could see he meant every word. I could feel the love between us, it pulsed with a life all its own, encompassing us both.

Could this love be wrong? Whenever I was in his arms I believed as he did, that this had to be right. That it would all work out somehow.

I reached up and pulled him down to me, his kiss like all the ones before was exquisite. I wanted to lose myself in his kiss, stay in his arms and just forget about soul-mates and destiny. Edward pulled away sooner than was normal even for him and I finally heard someone clearing his throat.

I turned to see Carlisle, smiling happily if not embarrassingly for his son. "I'm sorry for interrupting but Edward we need to," Carlisle cleared his throat again unsure of his next word, "Hunt."

Edward sighed down at me and I answered, "Go. Go. The sooner you go, the sooner you return."

"I will return soon." He kissed my forehead and then went to join his father.

I tried to watch as father and son quickly disappeared into the thick green woods, but my human eyes simply could not keep up.

True to her word Esme quickly found me on the porch. She took me on her version of a tour of the house detailing all of her renovations. I appreciated her warm welcoming presence. Our tour was winding down and as I was thanking Esme, we ran into Alice. There was something I had to ask Alice, so I stopped her.

"Alice may I ask you a question about your visions?"

"Sure, follow me." I followed her as she glided into the living room area. She gracefully sat down on one of the white chairs and gestured for me to sit on the sofa.

I took my seat and asked, "Do you ever get random visions about people you don't know?"

She cocked her head to the side as she thought about how to explain. "Yes, say for example I had a vision of Carlisle helping a patient; if I focus on the patient I will usually get a vision of their future as well. Why do you ask?"

"I am trying to figure out why Jen2 had all these visions regarding Edward and Bella. Other than the fact Edward and Jen2 are both from Chicago. What's her connection to Edward or Bella?"

Alice shook her head, "Well it's not Chicago; we thought you might be descendent of a distant relative of his, but as far as we can tell that's not it. Alice hesitated before she continued, "I personally think you are the connection."

"Me?" That took me by surprise, "What do you mean?"

Her face was apologetic as she spoke, "You know all about us, maybe Jen2's subconscious was not as ready to die as she was. So it's possible that you might have stumbled across Edward somehow through Jen2's visions and focused on him as a means of saving yourself through immortality. Once you did, you saw this whole possible future with Bella. But when Edward didn't return to Forks right away, you stepped in."

Her words made me shiver with dread; if Alice was right then I may have deliberately put myself in Edward's path. I didn't like this possibility at all, the idea that my stepping in hadn't been altruistic, but self-serving was awful, but I had to admit it made sense.

"No wonder you didn't like me, I don't think I like me right now." I said aloud.

Alice gave me a reassuring smile, "That was before I knew you and how happy you would make Edward. Regardless of the reason you found us, I am glad you are here and I hope we can be friends."

I returned her smile, "I would really like that." I knew from the notebooks what a great friend Alice would be and I could really use someone other than Edward to talk to here. I got up to leave and paused as I had a second thought, "You know you and Bella were supposed to be great friends, I'm sorry about that."

Alice stood up and practically floated over to the glass wall as the sunlight shimmered off her skin, she stared out the window at the magnificent view and absentmindedly said, "That's not your fault, once Edward chose not to return to Forks that day, good or bad, he changed all our futures."

"Thanks again for everything Alice. I think I'll rest up while waiting for Edward," and I made my way back to Edwards's room. As I lay down on the comfortable black couch awaiting Edward's return my mind kept mulling over my conversation with Alice. I fell asleep again wondering if I truly was an interloper.

**EPOV**

Carlisle and I had made quick work of some local deer and although I wanted to return quickly. I knew he wanted to talk, so I sat upon a large boulder and I waited for him to ask.

We were surrounded by the thick green life that seemed to cover everything in this forest. So much so that it seemed to have its own pulse. We all loved it here for more than just its beauty. We had many homes around the world but Forks was perfect, its weather allowed us the freedom to come and go as we please that so many places didn't.

Carlisle took a seat beside me bringing me back to the matter at hand, "So tell me about you and Jenny."

I felt myself smile from the inside-out, as that vibrant alive feeling pulsed through my frozen veins warming me all over. "She's unlike any human I have ever known. I don't know how or when but somewhere along the way she became all I could think about and feelings I didn't even know I was capable of consumed me. It's as if all this time I merely existed and she has brought me back to life again. The pure joy I feel at her nearness, the indescribable pleasure of just touching her cheek. She is heaven on earth to me Carlisle. Mere words cannot do justice to the feelings I have for her.

The smile on his face grew wide and he silently thought to himself, _That certainly sounds like love_.

I answered his thoughts as was our habit, "Yes, I love her; I love her more than I thought was possible, the depth of my love for her astounds me. I can't measure my love, there's nothing to compare it to."

His happiness at my declaration was unmistakable and he silently added, _So you love her and she...?_

I continued his thought, "And she loves me. I want to marry her but," I paused and sighed deeply before my next words, "I have nothing to offer her, none of the things she truly wants." My thoughts turned to Rosalie and her resentment of not being able to have a child.

_Nothing?_ He answered again silently, _Edward, you can save her._

I answered him incredulously, "At the cost of her soul?"

Carlisle shook his head adamantly and he answered aloud and with certainty, "I don't believe that."

"You can't guarantee me that."

"Edward there are no guarantees in this world."

My frustration was palpable, "You don't think I haven't thought of it? Sometimes it's almost all I think about, the possibility of having her by my side forever, but I love her and love doesn't destroy."

Carlisle stared out into the thick green forest not really seeing it at all. Although he tried not to, Carlisle thoughts turned to making me a vampire and wondering if he made the right decision.

I was immediately contrite, "Carlisle, never think that, I have always been thankful for the incredible family you have given me and the love I bear all of you. And I have never been more grateful than I am now that you made me an immortal. Had you not, I would have died in nineteen-eighteen never having known the glory of first love, this magnificent in-love feeling and the exhilarating relationship that I share with Jenny. As I told Jenny just yesterday if I ceased to exist right now, it would have all been worth it because I have loved her. Without you that would not have been possible."

Carlisle smiled a world weary smile, "Thank you son, sometime's when I hear you talk, you sound so embittered. Almost like Rosalie and I have to wonder if I made the right decision with you, as I so often wonder regarding her."

"No Carlisle I have heard Rosalie's thoughts and although she would have loved to have grown old and had children and grandchildren. Royce took that choice from her, not you. She would have died never knowing the kind of love a real family shares or the true love that her and Emmett share. Although she's bitter at what Royce took from her, she may not say it often but she is thankful for our family and Emmett."

My words pleased him and Carlisle's thoughts returned to Jenny, _So what does Jenny want?_

"She wants to be with me, but she doesn't want to be a vampire."

He was so surprised by my answer he spoke aloud again, "She has said this to you?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "No but it was only after I told her I loved her that she asked me to turn her. Not because she wants to be a vampire, not even to save herself, more so because she's afraid of what I will do after she passes. That damned notebook, has her convinced I will do something stupid." I grabbed the nearest rock and pulverized it in my hand venting some of my frustration as rock dust fell silently to the forest floor.

Carlisle placed his hand upon my shoulder; that got my attention, so I turned to face him.

His eyes were solemn and I could tell by his thoughts he earnestly wanted me to understand what he was about to say.

"Son, if you lose her you will mourn her forever, imagine the incredible love, happiness and joy you have right now, turned into the deepest sorrow, pain and grief. You see how crazed Victoria is over the loss of her mate. She is as much on a suicide mission as she is on a revenge mission and her reaction is not uncommon for vampires who have lost their mate."

Only Carlisle with his endless compassion could see things through the eyes of Victoria. The rest of us saw as her as a villain who wanted to bring destruction and pain upon the Quileute's and Forks. He saw her for what she really was, a being suffering unendurable pain and grief, lashing out and probably looking for an end to her own pain. I didn't think it was possible but my esteem for my surrogate father rose even higher.

Carlisle then patted my shoulder and said, "Come, you don't have to be a mind-reader to know you are anxious to return to Jenny."

I was taken a back, "You don't want to talk about Bella Swan?" The mere mention of her name brought a surge of venom into my mouth and although I had just overfed, flames licked at the back of my throat. I swallowed hard.

"No, you wouldn't be here if you couldn't handle it, I have faith in you Edward and I told Jasper as much."

With those words, Carlisle rose and silently sprinted into the forest. So Jasper had already discussed his concerns regarding Bella Swan with Carlisle. I choked down the venom still pooling in my mouth. Carlisle couldn't feel what Jasper did. He didn't know how badly just the thought of Bella Swan made me struggle with an insatiable thirst. I wished I believed in myself the way Carlisle did, the way Jenny did.

Jenny... The thought of her helped as it always did. I took one last look around the forest leaving my worries and doubts here for the trees to ponder. For the moment I will just allow myself to be happy, happy to return to the woman I love. Happy that she is waiting for me at my home, I took off at a run and caught Carlisle in three strides.

**JPOV**

I awoke to find Esme and Rosalie standing above me. I brushed the sleep from my eyes and saw there was genuine concern on their faces. "Is something wrong? Is Edward okay?"

Esme quickly answered, "Edward is fine dear, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

There was compassion in Esme's voice, "You were shouting in your sleep calling out to Jennessa."

Hot tears sprang into my eyes as pain seared through me, for a moment I couldn't breathe. I just stared up at Esme as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I clutched at my chest, as the hole in my heart, the one I had been trying desperately to ignore burst wide open. A torrent of tears poured forth as fresh pain ripped through me.

"My daughter!" I choked out through sobs. Strong cool arms surrounded me, and although it was not Edward I could feel her genuine concern and compassion.

"I'm so sorry, so sorry for your loss." Esme's compassionate words reached my pain racked brain as she gently rocked me back and forth as a mother would a child.

I clung to her, to the comfort and solace she was offering, as the loss and agony tore through me. Wave after wave of grief washed over me drowning me in sorrow and pain. I'm not sure how long this went on, but exhaustion and numbness began to finally takeover, slowly beating back the pain with its black nothingness. But this was better, so much better than the pain; I reached for this escape and let myself go under.

"I am okay, I didn't faint again and I'm not going to the hospital." I got up off his black leather couch to prove my point.

Edward was over protective to a fault, since he'd come back from hunting, he was insisting we go to the hospital. Trying to appease him, I had even let Carlisle exam me and he said I was fine.

"Why are you so stubborn?" Edward asked, as he ran his fingers through his bronzed hair and paced back in forth like the mountains lions he so famously hunted.

"Why are you so overprotective and overbearing?" I responded and his face fell into a hurt frown.

I caved, "Edward this is grief, plain and simple, only time is going to make this better. There's nothing they can do for me at the hospital, there's nothing anyone can do for me. I am mourning people that don't even exist."

There was a trace of pain on his beautiful face. He couldn't fix this and couldn't protect me from this pain. Edward wasn't used to being rendered powerless.

My heart went out to him. I crossed the room and grasped his hand to stop his pacing. "I just have to go through this, but I don't have to do it alone. I have you and your love will see me through it."

He encircled me in his cool steely embrace. I let that languid warm feeling wash over me already feeling better. When I was in his arms I could think about all this, without all the suffering. I realized that sleeping in his arms had kept me together and kept away the dreams.

Mental note to self, no naps or sleep without Edward until most of this Victoria-Quileute-Newborn Army crisis is over. We can't afford me falling apart. Another part of me recognized I was just putting off the inevitable.

Due to Edwards overprotective nature regarding my health concerns we did not attempt to meet the Quileute's that day.

The next morning per Jasper's advice, we rented me a small blue one bedroom cottage. It was perfect. It was on the outskirts of Forks, so not a lot of nosey neighbors but also close enough to the Cullen house for Edwards's peace of mind. It had a cozy living room with a fireplace, a vintage kitchen and one bath. The bedroom was actually a loft overlooking the living room. It was a perfect cottage retreat, although I'd probably never be there if it is up to Edward.

I was almost surprised he let me see the apartment and sign the lease by myself, because he was so overprotective. But Edward heeded Jasper's advice, Forks was a small town. Too small for Edward to be at my lease signing, not that he wasn't just thirty yards away at all times in the woods watching.

Now that I had a new address, it was time to handle a few legal matters. I stopped at the post office to put in a temporary change of address for Jen2's mail. I called her building and had the building superintendent forward all the current mail and packages in her box. I also called the military to ask if they would ship Jen2's brother's things to the cottage. No matter what was in them, I still wanted Jen2's journals.

I spent the next seven days at the Cullen house. Every day we got ready to meet the Quileute's and every day after school, Bella went to La Push instead of Jacob coming to her house.

My days were spent getting to know each of the Cullen's better and my nights were filled with Edward and exhilarating practice, passionate practice and more exquisite practice. I didn't know what Edward was holding back for, and although it was driving me a little crazy I always looked forward to the night and more practice.

My most surprising day was my chat with Rosalie, the boys had gone hunting and Rosalie found me on the porch.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Her blond locks glowing as her magnificent skin sparkled in the setting sunlight.

"Yes its breathtaking, I can see why you love it here."

"Forks is one of our favorite homes."

I knew Rosalie wasn't one for small talk so I waited for her to speak her mind.

"Your notebooks are very interesting. I did not like the version of myself I read about in your notebooks. I wasn't always like this, vain, selfish and frivolous yes, but I wasn't bitter I was happy. Maybe that's why it's been so hard for me. I've been living in the past, holding on to all that I've lost instead of being happy and enjoying the life and love that I that I have now. The threat of the Volturi has made focus on what I could lose now, Emmett and my family. I realize I have to let go of what I cannot have, to embrace all that I do have. Thank you, not just for warning my family and making Edward finally happy, but for the notebooks, it's rare that we get to see ourselves so clearly."

That conversation took me by surprise I was expecting the whole "You don't want this life conversation" not a self revelation talk. Then again, Bella didn't have a terminal illness cutting her human life short. Either way I happy for her, she's right it's a rare gift to see ourselves as we truly are, not as we believe ourselves to be. After that conversation Rosalie actually seemed nicer and not just to me, but in general. Maybe she was just happier.

Today was Carlisle's first day back at the hospital. Edward had gone hunting with Emmett. Alice, Esme and Rosalie had gone to Seattle to shop, they had invited me but I declined. I had plenty of clothes between the things Alice bought me and the items I'd chosen at the boutique in Spain. I wasn't sure how or when, but Edward must have repurchased all the items I had returned for cash back in Spain, because when I unpacked they were all magically in my suitcase and all perfectly tailored.

Just one of the many amazing abilities of Edward, he was like magic, my wish was his command. Just like this bed, it was a replica of the one we shared in Spain. Edward had purchased and installed it on our second day. As I lay in the new pale blue and gold draped king-sized bed, still reveling in the passionate memories of all our practice. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in."

Jasper gingerly peeked his blonde head in the doorway, "Are you alright, I don't mean to bother you but I promised Edward that I would check up on you and it sounded like you might be upset."

My face flushed; of course my accelerated heartbeat had brought attention to itself again. Being human in this house was highly embarrassing on so many levels. Just yesterday, Emmett teased me that my heart had beat so hard and fast the previous night, he thought it was going to explode. I had turned a deep shade of red and Emmett was rewarded with a blow by Edward that took him off his feet and knocked him clean across the living room. Although the others found it funny, Edward and Esme didn't. Even though it was at my expense, I was glad Emmett thought he could tease me that meant he was comfortable around me.

I shook off those thoughts and quickly made-up another excuse, "I'm fine, just uh... worried about still not being able to talk to the Quileute's."

Jasper didn't look convinced but he let it go. "If you need anything just ask," he turned to leave.

"Jasper wait, I have been meaning to ask you a question?"

He turned back towards me, a winsome half smile on his face as he charmingly said, "Ask away, maam."

I liked Jasper and our relationship. It was the opposite of his and Bella's. Unlike Bella, I didn't make him thirsty and he seemed to be accepting of me from day one. Also outside of Edward, he was always himself around me. I was also sure Jasper had more than a little to do with Alice's change of heart towards me.

I sat up, "When you talk of the Volturi, I hear the same suspicion that I feel, but in the notebook you spoke of the Volturi with respect and reverence."

Understanding dawned on Jasper's handsome face. "It's always a good idea to have a healthy respect for your enemy and make no mistake they are our enemy."

Jasper entered the room; he moved with the same leonine grace of Edward and continued, "Before I saw the Volturi as a guard who beat back the chaos. But after reading the notebooks, I began to look at the Volturi with new eyes. I saw a very different picture of the Volturi, one where they weren't our saviors but dictators. One of the best ways to seize power and stay in power is to pretend to be the police, that way you make the rules and only you can break them."

He walked over to the wall of CD's and began quickly browsing through them, "Also during the southern wars I saw firsthand how greed and power corrupts and turns even the best of friend's into enemies."

He found what he was looking for, plucked out the CD and turned back towards me, "That is why Carlisle is struggling; he is having a difficult time seeing his old friends this way."

"I understand that." Betrayal was always hard to face and even harder to accept.

"Anything else?" He asked as he headed for the door.

"Yes, please help Edward tomorrow as much as you can with Bella; it's going to be very difficult for him seeing her again." A strange look flittered across Jasper's face at my words and it was quickly replaced with a reassuring smile.

It was the topic no one brought up, at least not in front of me but everyone was concerned with Edward having to be around Bella.

It was the reason he was hunting now so he would be overfed before he saw her in school. I knew from Midnight Sun just how difficult it was going to be for him.

"I'll do my best, maam," and he gave me a quick nod.

"And thanks for checking up on me."

He paused at the doorway and his handsome face turned serious as he solemnly answered, "No thank you Jenny. Without you, we would have never known the threat of the Volturi or Victoria and to be forewarned is to be forearmed."

I felt the guilt well up inside of me, as I realized the level of trust he had placed in me, "Well don't thank me just yet."

Jasper eyed me curiously, "What are you not saying?"

"A lot."_ Enough to fill a whole book,_ I thought silently. Despair now mixed with guilt and I felt my shoulders slump under the weight of it all.

Jasper's expression became concerned almost alarmed, "How bad is it?"

"Real bad."

"What are you waiting for?"

I shrugged my shoulders in a helpless gesture, "There are things I have to discuss with Edward first."

"I understand," he nodded and answered gravely, "How long do we have before it gets real bad?"

"As long as the timelines stay the same, then I guess December after Edwards's graduation."

"That gives us some time but don't wait too long."

"I won't."

Jasper quietly closed the door and left me to my thoughts. I was so concerned about meeting the Quileute's I'd let the other danger fall to the waist side. I was going to have to talk to Edward about Breaking Dawn and soon.

No sooner than Jasper shut the door, a commotion downstairs shook the whole house. I jumped out of the bed and ran downstairs towards the commotion.

Jasper, Emmett and Edward were in the large white living room and the tension in the room was palpable.

Edward was pacing back and forth and his eyes were black with fury, "She is not going anywhere near those deranged wolves."

Emmett was also pacing and he nodded his head in agreement, "I have to agree with Edward, these new young wolves are aggressive and have no sense of the treaty when it comes to us."

Jasper stance was on high alert, but he calmly asked, "Explain to me again what happened, this time from the beginning."

Edward took a deep breath more to calm himself then to speak and launched into his tale, "Alice had a vision of Victoria attacking Mike Newton and some friends on the trail. She called me so we could intercept Victoria. As we headed to stop Victoria we didn't know she was being trailed by the wolves. They were all headed straight for the hikers. We tried to cut all of them off before they reached Mike and his friends. I was going to chase Victoria and lead her away from the hikers while Emmett diverted the pack. Instead the pack turned on Emmett and me as soon as they saw us."

Edward momentarily paused his pacing as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "A fight ensued and Victoria got away clear, but when the hikers got too close Sam ordered the wolves to back off and protect the hikers because that was their number one priority."

Edward's rolled his eyes and his next words were laced with sarcasm, "As if the hikers were in danger from us. I signaled Emmett that we should leave, so the hikers would not see any of us."

"As we left I scanned the hikers thoughts, they didn't see us, but the wolves are such huge beasts they could not be missed and the whole group of hikers got an eyeful of them. Mike Newton is on his way to the station now to file a report on sighting the wolves. Of course the pack is blaming us for being sited."

"Why would the wolves attack you and Emmett?" Jasper asked, looking as confused by this turn of events as I was.

Edward again paused his pacing, his anger and contempt evident as he balled his fists and held them tightly to his sides, "I read the packs' mind; they already think we broke the treaty when Emmett accidentally crossed into La Push lands during their last altercation, so now it's open season on all vampires."

I gasped and tried to catch my breath momentarily focusing everyone's attention on me. Could it possibly get any worse?

Edward immediately started to make his way towards me but Jasper grabbed his arm to stop him and also I believe to calm him down because Edward visibly relaxed. I found my feet again and made my way to the sofa.

Jasper pressed on, "What else did you find out?"

Edward continued, "The pack is already seven strong and Sam is making sure that we only see the same three wolves so we would not be aware of their true numbers."

I was so surprised I spoke my thoughts out loud, "What? Seven already? That's way ahead of schedule? Why did they develop so early?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders and continued, "No matter what the council elders believed about us before, Sam believes an all out fight to the death with us is inevitable."

Another sharp intake of breath from me, no it couldn't come to that. I needed to talk to the Quileute's as soon as possible. Convincing the wolves to work with the Cullen's was going to be next to impossible, but not as impossible as re-convincing Edward that I still had to try.

"This is really bad," Jasper confirmed shaking his head.

I stood to my feet, "Well that settles it I need to talk to the Quileute's today before this gets any worse."

Edward growled in my direction, "There's no way in hell I am letting you anywhere near these werewolves. They are dangerous and looking for any excuse to fight."

Emmett quickly concurred, "I have to agree again with Edward on this, these wolves are not their predecessors they are way out of control."

Great I'd lost Emmett too. I looked at Jasper pleadingly but the expression on his face said I'd lost him as well.

Jasper pulled out his cell phone and immediately informed Carlisle of the latest turn of events.

Just then Rosalie, Esme and Alice arrived with packages in hand. As the boys informed them of the latest skirmish with the young aggressive wolves, I formulated a plan. The girls didn't take the news much better than the boys did. I knew there was no convincing any of them now, so I didn't try.

But I also knew what had to be done. Tomorrow they all had to return to school. So while they were all occupied with Edward not hurting Bella; I was going to go straight to La Push. I would tell Esme I was going into town to purchase some things I needed, this would buy me enough time to meet with the Quileute's tomorrow.

**I'm back I have actually been writing all this time so I could get ahead because my new son keeps me on my toes. I will finish this story and big thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing, adding and/or emailing it all it has meant so much to me! It makes my day and inspires me when I get a review, an email, a favorite story or story alert in my inbox! Thanks again for hanging in there with me!**


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